Sorry playing the passing game again !

[Lydianne]

I'm new here, and I know that other new members are also aware that passing is a volatile issue here. It's like politics-type volatile. I just wonder why passing needs to be so stiffly defended . And those defenders know who they are .

When a member reports on a situation that suggests the possibility that they might have passed in that isolated situation, there will be some here swooping in to shoot them down, stomp them into the ground, and make sure they know they did not pass . . even if there were no pictures posted .

Why such a vested interest in shooting them down? We weren't there; so how can we be that sure? .

If we don't want to support it, then couldn't we at least give an objective and balanced assessment to indicate neutrality as opposed to invariable total opposition, which indicates something a bit less than the supportive community that we should be?

- Lydianne.

[Helen_Highwater]

Lydianne,

The reason the passing issue is such a contentious one is so many here write of a desire to go out but know they don't pass hence stay in doors. The vast majority of those here who go out know they don't pass certainly close inspection. We may be convincing enough to be able to walk through a crowd and be largely un-noticed but that's as far as it goes. Close up, face to face, we get read.

Hence there are many who let the fear of being read and the perceived fallout from that dictate their reluctance to go out. The person who started this thread, Teresa, is/has found out that passing is not a prerequisite for being successfully out in public. Once you are able to overcome this fear there is so much waiting for someone to experience. It's the desire to spread the word that passing isn't the be all and end all of successfully going out in public. It's a dragon that needs to be slayed.

[SamanthaToday]

Lydianne,

The reason the passing issue is such a contentious one is so many here write of a desire to go out but know they don't pass hence stay in doors. The vast majority of those here who go out know they don't pass certainly close inspection. We may be convincing enough to be able to walk through a crowd and be largely un-noticed but that's as far as it goes. Close up, face to face, we get read.

Hence there are many who let the fear of being read and the perceived fallout from that dictate their reluctance to go out. The person who started this thread, Teresa, is/has found out that passing is not a prerequisite for being successfully out in public. Once you are able to overcome this fear there is so much waiting for someone to experience. It's the desire to spread the word that passing isn't the be all and end all of successfully going out in public. It's a dragon that needs to be slayed.

What She said ^^.....

I think if we can all go about our lives with out making passing the goal versus just looking our best, the stress and fear will melt away.

During xmas while standing outside a store waiting for my wife, I was watching the packed sidewalks full of holiday shoppers walking by, when my eyes caught a women strutting like She owned the sidewalk.

She had this impeccable outfit on, Matching shoes , Skirt and Jacket. Then I realized it wasn't a women at all, but rather one of our sisters.

I felt bad about it later because I stared, I didn't mean to but I was shocked about how confident She looked. I hope I didn't ruin her day.

That's who I want to be, just like her.

[Lydianne]

Thank you both for the replies .

Incidentally, I aim for: "hmm.. HE looks OK. I'd like to try that too!" . Obviously, if I were to pass in an isolated situation, it would be a welcome bonus, but being read and still thought of as looking nice would be very satisfying. However, if someone were to stop me with the intention of telling me I look OK, I'd probably faint before they have a chance to say it. But anyway . . .

I completely understand that the fear would be one of the reasons why the passing topic is a *recurrent* one. I mean, if I'm not happy with a transformation attempt, I wouldn't take it outside. So I get that. I just don't understand the heat.

If somebody with a heap of experience of going out, interacting and seeing plenty of reactions thinks they might have passed in one particular situation, I don't understand why the motivation to discredit it should be so high. It would be nice to see more of a balanced assessment of each situation on its own merits when it comes to passing. Maybe something of the form:

"A and B might indicate you might have passed, but X and Y make me think otherwise because . . . ".

I think it would be less of a heated issue with neutral approaches like that rather than the vigorously defensive and blanketing approaches which make one ( well, me ) question motives.

Now, if somebody insists they pass in every situation every day, then I would understand the challenge, and we would need more information from that person to be sure.

- Lydianne.

[DaisyLawrence]

Lydianne. Me thinks you suspect jealousy as the prime motivator for discrediting a claim of passing. If so, just say so. Humans are a jealous species and often act with jealousy without being conscious of it. I can see no other motivating force for discrediting claims of passing.

[Lydianne]

Honestly, I prefer to leave my question open the way I phrased it --and I thought carefully about how I phrased it-- because making emotive accusations could detract focus away and turn it into a messy fight, which then allows one to escape from having to answer a difficult question whose answer I am really interested in.

[Teresa]

Lydianne,
I hope my threads don't become boring , I know others are far more out and about than I am but I'll keep dropping these threads in hoping the people that read them will be given some encouragement , I can't help if some members see it as something different , some will comment out of boredom and some may be jealous but honestly why they should be is beyond me .

OK today I had to go to the tool store and but a new SDS drill, the SA has a served me before and seen me as both , all she said was that looks better ! It was really good to walk most of the High Street to pick up bits and pieces it felt unbelievably normal . If you don't look for a reaction you don't appear to receive one .

Helen,
So right I'm trying to spread the word .

[Tamsin Secret]

I was watching the packed sidewalks full of holiday shoppers walking by, when my eyes caught a women strutting like She owned the sidewalk.

She had this impeccable outfit on, Matching shoes , Skirt and Jacket. Then I realized it wasn't a women at all, but rather one of our sisters.

I felt bad about it later because I stared, I didn't mean to but I was shocked about how confident She looked. I hope I didn't ruin her day.

That's who I want to be, just like her.

I think that's who we all wish to be. And we can if we want. I have so quickly come around to working on accepting who I am and what I do rather than being a GG I will never be that confidence is a new commodity I didn't have in abundance before.

Everyone is on their own path so levels of passing will be more important to some than others.

In the end though we're all individuals choosing to express ourselves in a way that bucks a trend in most.