Quote Originally Posted by confused_cathreen View Post
.... as not changing my mind but having time to process what my mind was saying. And it was saying "wtf just happened??" ..... Pictures are not processed in the same way as real life.
I wholeheartedly concur with Cathreen's wisdom. I know because I made all the mistakes. I came out involuntarily. Got caught. I had a error in personal security where a couple photos got out and let another family member know. It understandably surprised and embarrassed my wife who was already reeling from my recent outing.

One key mistake I made was calculating how difficult it would be for my loved ones to (as Cathreen says) process what the hell is going on, and what it all means especially to an existing long term relationship. I knew there was risk is opening my entire CD/TG box. Somewhere in the back of my silly mind I thought that "Oh, these people already love me. They will readily and unconditionally embrace my life change." Wrong. I had no idea of how deep and the kinds of effects it would have on my marriage and life. Processing the radical change is easy for us because we adore our changed selves. Not so easy for our loved ones who see us in their mind's eye much differently. For people who never have these kind of "gender issues" swirling in their heads and don't understand, the idea of a man wanting to be a woman freaks them out.

Case in point. Even after months of knowing about my crossdressing, after showing her all my clothes, and my wife seeing photos of me dressed, a day came where I dressed in full. Dress, makeup, wig , forms.... the works. When she saw me she literally fled the room sobbing. It was powerful. Apparently it wasn't the clothes. It was the body shaping image that knocked her over. I crossed the threshold past dressing into Being A Woman. I came to learn there's a bit of "resentment' about assuming that womanly shape; as though I had not properly earned my Boobs. They were fake boobs (and hips) and it all was fake, and to presume I could sport breasts simply by inserting falsies was taken as a personal affront to her womanhood.

So.... be very, very careful when it comes to the self-esteem and sense of womanhood your wife has. Respect it.

It's been a 3 yr battle for me, but thankfully with the help and advice of this forum and a little research and education, my wife and I are still together (41 yrs); still in love and working it out. My gender issues haven't been fully resolved but I believe we've come to a basic acceptance and understanding as we BOTH proceed.