Perhaps we're going about this in the wrong way. Re: Finding CD friendly women.

[sometimes_miss]

my wife is a tomboy (an extremely feminine boho chic tomboy, but a tomboy,) and almost certainly bisexual. I think those two facts help tremendously.

My ex was a tomboy, too; never interested in girl things, dressed jeans and a T shirt most of the time. I had supposed that someone like that, MIGHT understand a man feeling the reverse. Oh, how wrong I was. Even today, most women understand and accept the use of feminine taunts towards men as insults, essentially devaluing themselves as well, in the process. Every bisexual woman I've known wanted very feminine women, and very masculine men. Not some combination of the two.

Here's the crux: my wife has talked time and time again about "owning it."

Oh yes. CONFIDENCE. This is a well known, obvious display of alpha male behavior.

I was afraid of people seeing my painted fingernails.... MAJOR turnoff.

The OPPOSITE of alpha male confidence. We're not surprised at all that this is is a turn off. Insecurity in a male is also a turn off for most women. Just ask them.

We discuss my gender expression needs. It takes the kink out of it. If I had told me wife that I like to dress up as a woman without telling her that there are deep seeded reasons why I HAVE to do it, she would have left me already.

The deep seated reasons, are often the worst part. Some can accept kinky. Few can accept a man actually being feminine permanently.

when it comes to admitting, at least to ourselves, WHY we do it. And if we can't even admit to ourselves WHY we do it, how are we supposed to have a mature, transparent and honest discussion befitting the dignity of an intimate relationship with our SOs?

Few know why they do it. Most just chalk it up to 'I was born this way', even though they didn't crossdress for most of their early life. I think that for most, it's because of being brought up in an environment where being feminine in any way, was the worst possible thing for a boy to be, so they can't even admit it to themselves; so they don't even try to figure it out, as it might mean finding something that they absolutely, positively, cannot accept.

Women are incredibly emotionally intelligent and empathetic

It hasn't been observed to be generally helpful in accepting male crossdressing now, though, has it?

My point is that it's a lot easier to have a mature conversation about gender identity than it is to have one about "dressing up."

Oh, I don't know about that. Telling your mate that you're not 'all man' can seriously destroy the sexual attraction a woman has for you.

Maybe u can find a gay woman who is attracted to u dressed? But then what? U don't have the rite parts!

There are lots of videos on youtube, hot young crossdressers with their GG dates/mates. The emphasis is on 'HOT YOUNG'. There aren't a whole lot of women out there who find great big Shrek type guys in size XL dresses attractive in any way, and that's a substantial portion of the crossdressing population.

I guess I am different , but I really absolutely. have
no interest or desire be become romantically involved with
an Unaccepting woman on a romantic level .

You might change your mind about living with short term relationships once you've been alone for 20 years.

There is someone out there for you if You look hard enough

Odds are greater than 100:1. So you have to date 100 women in order to find the ONE that MIGHT be okay with crossdressing, then you have to find out if they're okay with YOU being crossdressed. Women's general idea of a crossdresser is the female impersonators in shows, and the drag queens, while, obviously not perfect, are generally able to pull off a decent appealing female appearance. Only about 1% of us can do that.
Then you have to deal with all the other compatibility issues.

When it comes to new relationships, everyone has 'issues', and I think by working to improve myself to the point that CD-ing is just one 'issue' with the relationship, and there are very few others, then a GG would be more likely to accept it, assuming that went with honesty and consideration, and a clear understanding of what CD-ing means to both parties.

I'm among the (probably numerous) men here who are considered 'good catches' by women; I make good money, I dress well, I'm funny (or so I've been told), I'm polite, I'm considerate, I'm always more than willing to do everything a woman wants to sexually. I've been set up with numerous dates by women I know. And I'm betting there are a lot of other men like me as well. NONE OF THAT MATTERS. The 800 pound gorilla in the room is crossdressing. If a woman finds it a turn off, nothing else will matter, perhaps other than being rich (which will simply make her tolerate it, not like it).

For those who do not have an understanding spouse, meeting with a good gender counselor helped both my wife and I gain a lot of understanding.

It MIGHT help. But I caution you all, I think most of these therapists may suggest that your wife/mate joing support groups. And many of the more vocal women in those support groups just may make your mate thing that you're definitely transsexual. Once this thought is planted in her mind, you may not be able to get it out.

It’s not like there are identifiable pockets of them in certain geographical areas.
I’ve found several who have views ranging anywhere from tolerant to drag you home and come to momma.

Few and far between.

I found them by dressing up stylishly (women adore well put together outfits) and being out there.

There aren't a whole lot of stylish giant crossdressers. I'm about the same height as Gabby Reece; but you'd never mistake me, for her, no matter what I wear.

But there are available women out there who want confident, glamourous dressers. As one female friend told me “it’s kind of erotic”.

Great! Where do we find her?

I mean can one imagine how hard it would be to find a hetero crossdresser that understands precisely where they are on the tg spectrum, is comfortable and honest about that, AND has no other mental or emotional issues?!? Oh, and is otherwise an upstanding citizen?

We're out here. OUR problem, is that even when we advertise ourselves, close to zero women show interest.

The OP points about finding out precisely the feelings of ggs is spot on. CDing is by its very nature a selfish (for lack of a better word - or thesaurus) activity.

No more than wearing any other type of clothes, is. For example, you could also say that any woman dressing to the nines is also selfish, because she's doing it with the desired result to be either or both attractive to others, or to make herself feel better. We just do it for the latter most of the time.

The way this issue is framed is all wrong, I think. The question shouldn't be "what can GGs do for me?" Instead, ask yourself what is it that you bring to the table? What does she get out of you being a crossdresser? The most likely answer is - nothing. In fact, you being a CD is probably going to be a liability.

What do we get out of women wanting to talk endlessly about the same thing day after day? Nothing. The question becomes what are we willing to accept about each other. Outside of crossdressing, I bring plenty 'to the table'.

Sometimes, I think that if I had it all to do over, I would have GG friends to hang out with and do stuff with but I'd leave the sex out of it. I wouldn't get married or even cohabitate and I would have gotten a vasectomy as soon as I was able. I love my children but being a father in this world has just been one long heartbreak. I think for the young CD that has to be something they seriously consider. Don't waste your life looking for unicorns. Do something productive. If a unicorn happens to find you, great. But don't expect it.

^this is not what most of us are looking for. Once hope is gone, there isn't much left. But more and more, I think just getting a dog is the best companion I can look forward to having. Ooooooooh; maybe be a dog walker for single women. I'm not sure exactly how to limit it to the opposite sex, though.

I think sometimes we are not giving women credit for Their ability to understand and accept. It is all to easy to blame lack of success on CDing

It is the main problem that we face. Women worldwide tolerate being beaten, living with losers, drunks, drug addicts, even to the point of being killed, rather than be with a crossdresser as a mate. It's that antithitical to what they want in a man, that they'd truly want pretty much anyone else, before us.

The women are out there , if you want a relationship You have to get out there . Go to that bar Social Group etc.

There are NO crossdresser/straight girl bars, clubs, or websites. The lone 'date a crossdresser' website is virtually entirely inhabited by men, most of whom list themselves as female, so a search is pointless.

Many GG love to fix their girlfriends up with nice men

Nice men who aren't crossdressers. Check out the crossdresser threads on the plenty of fish forums.

This may veer slightly off subject, but I want to add something. Everybody wants their wife/SO to go out with them

Nope, not everyone. I have no desire to go out dressed up. I tried it, didn't find anything enjoyable about it, so, just no.

This is all not about challenging everyone's opinions. But it is about the problems we face.