Keeping in mind our purpose was to try to have terminology that works for everyone, is intuitively understood correctly, and doesn't leave anyone out...

and that this is more or less impossible except for terms like pure black and pure white, and perhaps even those...and that maybe folks just like to argue ...!

I picked up MIAD and always used it tongue in cheek, but that suffered because people couldn't see the bulge in my cheek. It had going for it even then the poetic layers of meaning which include all of us who are deemed males by someone, but that suffered because a lot of us in that category do not like that fact. So I tried to clarify my meaning as 'not disguising maleness' while wearing a dress, which was meant to sidestep motivation and identity, and just make usage work on the obviousness of it all- but that suffered because many who do want to leave maleness behind are bedeviled by traces of it, and don't want to be seen as belonging through no fault or intention in a category called MIAD.

Aha, I thought, after Kas' offering- let's use NB- with the meaning of NB being generous, i.e. anyone who sees themselves as not exclusively identifying OR presenting on one side of the binary, such as genderfluid, asexual, or simply " 'male' personality and 'female' clothing" and not including reference to male. Darn, that fell apart fast. Yep, Becky- it was too broad and therefore difficult to be useful.

I'll jump to the side off those arguing that we should forget labelling, and celebrate individuality. That is really simple- "We don't argue about how or why you crossdress! If you crossdress, and we don't even argue about whether your idea of crossdressing qualifies, - just tell your story and post your pics, and our community will offer friendly support.

There is plenty of criticism reaching us in each of our worlds. This Forum's special value is for unconditional friendship- sharing experiences and friendship. It's not helpful, if you are on some track which experience will reveal to be unworkable, to be told your sense of yourself is wrong or misguided. It is much more likely to be useful to hear from members who have been down that road already. I have seen wonderful examples of this here.

As humans it is natural to want to belong to a successful group, so we are going to be tempted every day to sell our vision and gain support, and then to reinforce this by dinging others or challenging their world view. As long as we keep to the first goal- why not! We can enjoy the company of like-minded folks without reaching out to ruin someone else's day.

I started the MIAD pic sharing thread with that goal, bolstered by Salerba's term sounding very much modest and generous and showing we can make light of this fact. It has positive though limited participation. Is that because the term MIAD doesn't work, or because the thread purpose is unclear, or because MIADs fear the disdain of others, or because being a MIAD truly is difficult for most people to enjoy visually [the binary rightness model being so embedded in us], so hard to say anything meaninfully nice without feeling like a hypocrite - who knows.

Would it get more traffic as a NB sharing thread? I doubt it. Should I just share photos of myself as I like to see myself, like others do, and stand out like a sore thumb? Yes- I tried that and didn't like the result, but now I can see it in perspective. I'll try it again, and this time knowing it is for me, and I am not going to get enthusiastic wows from the group, and so it goes for the girls and boys in the world who don't look as others wish they would. I have come to accept myself and see the line more clearly between fantasy and reality as it applies to all of us. And I am still grateful for the opportunity to take part in this community and feel the diversity we present as creating an ocean that lifts all ships.