Is Support About Being Honest or Should We Just Lie Not To Upset Anyone?

[Stephanie47]

Over the years of my marriage I have gotten in 'trouble' with my wife. Many times she will say something. She says it as a "declarative" statement. No voice inflection (same on this site as we only read) to hint she is really looking for feedback. I would give her feedback if it was made as a question; an interrogatory statement. I was also counseled over the years, starting with my mother, if you don't have something nice to say, then don't say anything.

When someone posts a picture sometimes she is asking for feedback, sometimes not. I always view the picture posts with the knowledge the person is a man appearing as a woman. That alone puts the poster at a disadvantage. I don't have to guess as to the true sex of the person. This is not Jerry Springer or a site asking to guess if the person is man or woman. This site is also suppose to be supportive. At what point is the critique constructive or construed as denigrating? I have intentionally not critiqued someone because the person is firmly convinced her portrayal of a woman is spot on and nothing anyone will say will change that. It's no different in the real world of face to face meeting and conversation. There is no point in discussing something when the person is firmly entrenched in an opinion. Current politics anyone?

I also feel I have a duty to post contrary opinions when I read all these posts urging people to just don their pretties and get out there because "nobody cares." Or blissfully present yourself to family and friends without considering any potential downfall. There have been posts over the years of marriages blowing up because someone has followed bad advice.

If you're going to offer criticism or support be truthful, but, in a constructive and kind manner. If you're going to offer a difference of opinion support your position. Just don't tell the other person "you're dead wrong."