Body Image Issues

[Kelly DeWinter]

Someone at work said " At least you don't have to worry about how you look"
Little did they know that I do worry about how i look, I'm not obsessed with it, but
At times I find myself thinking "If only my ______ were larger or smaller or _____" and keep it to myself.

I know that women deal with this because advertising and social media make women question all aspects of their body.

Sometimes I feel our community puts too much emphasis for the same reasons.

Do you have body issues ?
How do you talk about your body issues without seeming needy,obsessed or lets face it (no offense intended) gay ?
Do you feel our community is too obsessed with looks ?
How do can we as a community encourage one another ?

[Patience]

Your coworker is wrong. Of course we have to worry about how we look. There are folks who get killed because of how they look.

In the end, it all comes down to the individual. Just like biological women, we have to take our lot in life and deal with it.

Me? I guess I’m lucky I’m tall and slim. Regular exercise and a healthy diet help keep me in shape, although like many others, I too need to lose weight.

I don’t think crossdressers are so much obsessed with looks as we’re obsessed with looking feminine. Yes, there is a so-called feminine ideal, but it’s as distant a goal to us as it is for some women. Like them, all we can do is make the best of what we have. Personally, I’d love to have more feminine hips. I expect hip pads will take care of that. Until then, I just work with what I have.

I’m not sure I get the concern about sounding gay when discussing body issues. The issue is not exclusively gay and being gay is not a bad thing anyway.

I don’t get the last question. Encourage who to do what, exactly?

[Raychel]

I have HUGE body issues.
I am so self conscious about how I look,

Unless I am dressed in my nice women's clothes.
Then all seems right. Doesn't make any sense I know.
But my mind is a very messed up place

[Robertacd]

I fee the same way Raychel, when DRAB I hate the way I look even when I look nice. I hate shopping for menswear as in my eyes nothing looks good on me

But it makes perfect sense to me as I am transgender.

Back to Kelly, your friend is wrong, very wrong men do worry about how they look.

[Raychel]

Pretty much just how I feel Roberta, I guess I am not alone,

[Stephanie47]

I think there are societal ideal looks for men and women. There's a lot of 'body shaming' happening, whether it is unintentional or intentional. When I just sit and wait somewhere I do people watch. Yes, there is an obesity epidemic happening. I am assuming your coworker is a woman. She is right. As a general statement society does push beauty over brains for any initial contact with guys. Just watch television and the parade of commercials directed at women is evident. I do not recall any similar commercials directed at men.

Men should care how they look. There is nothing much anyone can do about certain body types./structures. There is a lot that can be done about weight. For men that belly fat is a killer. Even slim guys can have dangerous amount of body fat strangling their organs. Yes, I have concern about my spare tire. There is a certain amount of fat I wish I could lose. Most people think my height to weight figure is fine, although my BMI does exceed 25, but, not by much. I wish I did not have that little spare tire because I would be able to wear a little bit more form fitting dress. My legs are fine. Not much that I can do about the loss of hair other than buy wigs.

Yes, I will mention my spare tire when it is appropriate. I don't obsess about it. At six foot my waist had been down to 38 inch. Now it crept to 40. I refuse to ditch my 38 inch waist jeans. It's my personal goal to get to 38 inches because I have four pairs of jeans with the tags still on them.

Yes, I think our community obsesses with looking like the ideal woman and perhaps that ideal woman is not achievable. I don't bother with makeup when I have the opportunity to be en femme. I do take a close shave. I've looked around and I see women without any makeup or very light makeup. Most women I see have fingernails that only slightly go over the tips of the fingers. No claws. Many women are accepting their bodies which goes along way for self esteem. There is nothing wrong with a woman with a "little meat on her bones." Frankly, I see some men trying to emulate women to the extent I feel it may injurious to their health. No fat reserve if hit by illness. Drawn faces that could use a little more fat under the skin. I wonder sometimes about the use of butt and thigh pads to complete an illusion. Is that obsession?

Not much an on-line community can do otherwise than encourage people to exercise and eat well. One tip I have heard many times is to weight yourself with greater frequency. Better to weight yourself every day than once a month or less. People become conscious of their weight with frequent weigh ins.

PS: I suppose it would be great if I could change my height (6') down to 5'7" when en femme. Otherwise, in male mode I find being six foot works well. Being six foot also worked well when riding the NYC subway in rush hour. It kept my head above other riders' armpits.

[Robertacd]

Thinking more about this...

Men do worry about how they look, but men don't have to "look pretty", they have to "look tough", "look strong", "look powerful", "look rich", "look successful", "look cool", "look hip", look like a"manly man"...

There are just as many social demands on men that can make them just as, if not more insecure about their appearance as women.

[Tracii G]

What you heard on weighing yourself everyday is not a good idea because your body weight changes every day just a pound or two. Weigh in the morning then at night and you will see a difference.
My Dr told me once a week is more than adequate.
Sure I have body issues like most anyone.
I don't obsess about being overweight to others but I do think about it every day and wish I wasn't so heavy.
I get my share of "fat shaming" comments and its really offensive so don't be that person.
Sure some people are just big and could lose weight and some of us have no choice in the matter due to medication or medical situation.
"fat or body shaming" is offensive and cruel because the person with issues already knows this and doesn't need you to remind them.
People saying "no offense" before obviously offending someone does not absolve them and make it OK to be a massive jerk.

[Robertacd]

Shaming for any reason is never constructive.

Shaming is a punishment, how it ever got twisted into an acceptable meathod of encouragement is beyond me.

[Cheryl T]

Of course I have body issues.
I'm too tall.
I'm too old.
I'm too bald.

I'd better stop now, you get the idea.

[Sarah Doepner]

Generally, there are two, maybe three reasons for a person to say something like that. One is because they are frustrated and want to vent because of the pressure they feel to conform to the nearly unreachable standards out there. In that case a response of support is appropriate. The second is to criticize you in an off-handed way, suggesting you aren't trying to conform and it shows. None of their business unless it has something to do with an employment requirement or it's your doctor. I guess a third option would be a general complaint about trends in society and how gender works to shape our world. Responding to that one could open a whole can of worms or begin a dialog that could improve understanding.

Personally, I was just fine until a couple years ago when I broke my foot. That put me on the sidelines and I've gained about 25-30 pounds, which in my upper 60's, becomes very difficult to shed. Since I'm over 6', it was a challenge to put on a good, stylish feminine look before. Now I'm chasing a look that I could achieve in the past but is currently out of reach. I also don't fit in a few of my favorite things that gave me confidence, but that's a money thing and can be addressed more easily than overcoming the seemingly permanent weight gain and the added years. The answer is adapt. The need to wear clothes isn't going away regardless of gender and the desire to be seen as feminine is just about as strong, so I'll just have to add more tools to my kit and overcome biology with skills and technology. Onward!

[Crissy 107]

Interesting thread, I feel body image issues cuts across all parts of society. Everyone should try their best to look and feel as good as they can. Exercise helps but is not for everyone diet is also a part and we need to be aware of what we eat and drink. Genetics is another part and one that we must really be aware of as family history is important.
My thought is to just do as good as we can. Never put your head in the sand over health issues and hope it goes away. I lost a very good friend who I believe did just that.
Ok, I’ll get off the soap box now.

[ReneeTD]

Folks say lots of dumb things trying to make conversation. I don't talk much for that reason.

[docrobbysherry]

I've always been attracted to shapely women. They weren't always slim. Some had fem, hourglass shapes.

When my ex put on a lot of weight, I lost interest in sex with her.

It is important to me that Sherry present a figure I find attractive. If I see anything that looks male in my mirror it turns me off! I don't like that I'm that way, but I am.

I try to be complimentary when I see a trans who has worked hard on her presentation, Kelly. "Nice makeup!" "Great outfit/dress!" "U r the bling girl!" "Legs to the moon!" "U got such sexy boobs!"

Need less to write, I rarely ever say, "Great fem figure", to a trans!

[Teresa]

Kelly,
I'm beginning to develop a body issue because I want the see my male side less and less . I'm happy with my body shape so I'm not obsessed . Dealing with body hair is the biggest issue but I just accept it's a part I have to live with .

I feel some become obsessed with the paraphenalia of CDing and looks . The forum is great encouragement .

[Tina Davis]

When I'm in drab I feel extremely drab. I've been trying to get more color and flash in my female wardrobe to make up for it. The only thing I don't like about my male body is the hair on my chest and the lack of it on my head. I did lose 10 pounds over the past two months due to my broken leg, so I'll be working to keep it off.

[Robertacd]

What you heard on weighing yourself everyday is not a good idea because your body weight changes every day just a pound or two. Weigh in the morning then at night and you will see a difference.
My Dr told me once a week is more than adequate.

When I was on Weight Watchers back in the day, they were very adamant about NOT weighing you're self during the week between meetings because your weight fluxuates.

I remember when I was running, I could loose two pounds by going for a 20 minute run in the summer.

But that was just water weight, and it came back once I was hydrated.

A pint weighs a pound all the world 'round.

[Tracii G]

Body weight fluctuates all the time thru out a 24 hour period so getting a solid accurate reading is a 50/50 chance.

[Allison Chaynes]

I am most self conscious of the scar on my chest from heart surgery. Whether in drab or girl mode, I keep it hidden at the beach. Out in public, I don't care, but then I don't really go out en femme.

I get what you're saying, Kelly. The other day I thought I looked bad in a dress because I put on weight. I hate having body hair and a masculine frame.

[candice.aihara]

Sometimes I feel our community puts too much emphasis for the same reasons.

Within any community there will always differing opinions and perceptions. What we, as a community, can do to encourage one another is to do just that: give support and advice to (someone) so that they will do or continue to do something.

[Beverley Sims]

No and I don't have real body issues as I am 5'7" and weigh 140 lbs.

12 is my dress size and 36b is my bra size.

I am blonde as well.

[prene]

Yes of course.
I wish I was shorter (I am 5'11").
Love to have smaller thighs (I ran to much) YUCK.
Smaller waist and yes breasts (getting there I hope)

[Maid_Marion]

No, not even when I look at myself naked in the mirror.

[alwayshave]

Kelly, I worry about my weight every day. I have been to the dermatologist 3 times in the last two months. Yes I worry.

[Diane Taylor]

I worried about the way I looked when I was young. I wanted to be better looking than I perceived myself to be because being a teenager at the time meant being "cool" and attractive to the opposite sex. As I grew older I gradually overcame the need to be worried about how I looked. That's not the same as trying to look presentable. When I started coming out and dressing I was concerned about my image as to how the general public saw me. That was more about my "style" than anything about my face or body.