So incredibly lost

[char GG]

As someone who is closeted to the wife here’s my take:
If he’s been doing this for a long time, or the whole time, he’s still the same person you’ve fallen in love with. He was just afraid of coming out to you, afraid to lose YOU. You haven’t failed as a woman, this is just who he is. It’s ok to have ground rules with him about it. I, for example, have no desire for my son to know I dress. I’d love to become my wife’s girl friend, someone she can talk about clothes, shoes, nails, etc.
I’m sorry this is hard but as someone that is terrified of coming out because of fear of losing everything, I can assure you this is just as hard on him as it is on you. Lean in on your love for each other.

I still don't want to become my husband's "girlfriend". I go out with him when he's dressed but he is still a guy in women's clothing. I also believe that it is a myth that women talk about "clothing, shoes & nails". I don't do that with my real girlfriends and my husband could care less about talking about what some on this forum consider "typical" girl talk. (Girls usually get over talking about that stuff in middle school, if they ever talked about it at all). You may find you talk about the same subjects that you always talk about with your husband.

From Jamie
A word of warning, the number one cause of a breakup (assuming the wife isn't anti-LGBT) is when the CD goes to fast. Our wives are often the first person we have shared our secret with; we've bottled it up for a long time and we tend to explode like a heavily-shaken carbonated soda once the cap is taken off. Make sure he knows to rein it in. It is possible to find a happy-medium. I wish both of you luck in working through this!

My husband started CDing out of the blue approximately six years ago. He did start slow because he was still working through this himself. The quote from Jamie is very true for CDers that have known all of their life and maybe feel that since you know, they may have free reign.