Dannie,
I'm going to pose the question that isn't the case that your SO has no reason not to change. Now at this point I have to admit to a certain amount of hypocrisy as I'm totally in the closet. I put my hands up, I lack the fortitude to come clean. However now that you're out why is it your SO feels that acceptance is such a game changer?
You are the person she married. When you revealed yourself firstly she didn't walk out the door so it's not a line that can't be crossed. You're still together so it can't be that bad.
I have a strategy. If someone says that's not acceptable I ask "Why"? This makes that person think about their real reasons for rejecting something and often it's nothing more than a knee jerk reaction based upon the prejudices society has bred into us since birth. Okay you found out I CD. Did the pound fall against the dollar? Did the price of crude oil rise? Has the price of food gone up? In truth that knowledge effects nothing of real significance in our lives. The sun shines (hopefully soon), life goes on.
I acknowledge that if someone then goes on to say I'm going to Trans, hormones, surgery, the full nine yards then that's requires a different approach but at the moment you seem a long way off that. Would it be such a big thing if you announced you were becoming a goth, a skin head, a druid, would any of those provoke a similar reaction? Yet any of those has the potential to impact way more upon both your lives.
Don't rush, take it steady. It's a genie out of it's bottle. If you say you'll never dress again the doubt will remain for both of you. The key is of course quiet conversation. I would suggest asking what it is that trulyI bothers her about your dressing. If she can articulate fully ideas then there's a case to answer. However they need to be valid, not based in out dated prejudices.
Yours,
hypocrite yet to out themselves!
