My real self is male, always has been, and has been an athletic, rough and tumble one at that. My real self is fundamentally embarrassed by wearing women's garments. At the same time, my real self really likes women's clothing and thoroughly enjoys wearing that clothing. I dress completely, including makeup and forms, not so much to emulate women, but to conceal the fact that my real self is the one wearing, and enjoying wearing, women's clothes. If I can satisfactorily escape detection that I am a male in female clothes, then I avoid the embarrassment of doing so. Convoluted, but close to the truth, I think.
