Wow, ain't you empathic.
Am I the man of the house? That's not really a thing anymore, is it? I'm comfortable in my masculinity, but that doesn't mean I live in a house where the attitude where "do as I say, woman" doesn't actually happen. How should I "act like a man" in this sense? Slap her about a bit and tell her to get me a scotch?
I've said in other threads, a marriage is a partnership where crossdressers can (and often are) selfish to the point of only caring about their own wants and needs, and often ignore their wives' wants and needs in the process.
Which is why I'm currently fuming.
I've spent our marriage specializing in compromise and finding the happy medium with this. She's know about it since before I popped the question - she said yes anyways. She had ample opportunity to decide that she didn't want to hitch her wagon to a guy who crossdresses, she chose to anyways. She's bought me lingerie, she's bought me heels. She's offered me hand-me-downs from stuff she's outgrown or doesn't wear much. In return I don't shove it down our throat (my decision) and don't wear around our child (my decision). For that to now turn into it disgusting her and deciding that apparently its only a matter of time before I come out of the closet or begin MTF transition frustrates the hell out of me.
An I martyring myself? Possibly? My motivation to wear is dealing with stress and escapism. Last night I went to bed (angry) and got my PJs on. Instead of feeling comfortable, they filled me with the old feelings of shame, frustration, and a modicum of self-loathing - I stripped them off and threw them in the trash. I tossed and turned all night struggling with it. I went into my closet and the sight of my shoes made me angry. I picked one up, and once again a flood of self loathing. She didn't order me to purge, but I think she knew what to say/do to trigger me. It no longer feels like they will do their "job" since the feelings they trigger aren't positive ones. It might be down to it being fresh and raw, but... it doesn't feel the same now.
It does make me wonder... she went away for a girls' weekend with two of her friends, and came back with this. I wonder if she had a chat with her friends about the fact that I'm now buying clothing, and she got some advice. Not sure. Due for a chat tonight - she's avoiding me like the plague though.





