Wow, Star!..I "get" DADT...I'm in that kind of a situation myself, but yours is at a whole different level. Not to be unkind, but is she your wife and partner or the prison warden? Sounds as if you gave full control of all aspects of your life to your wife years ago, and especially on the financial side. Does she at least give you an "allowance" since she seems to control the purse strings in all other areas, including having every bill that comes into your house pass through her hands for scrutiny and comment before payment?
Not sure that I can give you any advice that will be meaningful here. The pattern that you have set with your wife as to who gets to do (and control) what was established years ago, and is probably set in stone at this point. Short of a major upheaval with your wife with unknown consequences should you insist on a different status quo in all aspects of your relationship, I don't see any other way out of your predicament.
