Interesting experiences and state of mind Sara Jessica. Some things have resonated with me. I started HRT in 2017 and almost immediately my interest in on line shopping disappeared, and I loved shopping online for great used clothing deals or go to thrift stores. It was the thrill of the hunt and celebration of the great find. That all just stopped, and I was buying a couple of things or more per month. At that time I was also going out a couple of times a week into San Francisco for wine, dinner and more wine after dinner. I have a great group of trans friends, a CD and some fully transitioned ones, plus a lot of cis friends at all the places that we visit. Over the last two years my desire to go out has diminished significantly. I still get out a couple of times a month and nothing is holding me back to go out more. I have enough friends now that going solo is the trip into and out of SF. I know bar and restaurant waiters, owners and some regulars. I guess in a way I have lost my drive to go out.

Now I am full time, just had BA and FFS is in 2 weeks. I do understand I am probably just settling into my new role, position in life, routine or whatever is a good descriptor. I will give it all another 6 months before I re-evaluate myself. Actually, I do not need a re-evaluation, I am just curious if my mind is catching up with my age, or is it just a new life. I know I am changing mentally and emotionally, and this feeling is all part of it. I am completely free and nothing is holding me back except me.

In your case, maybe you have resigned yourself to your new life, job, traveling, hard work and traveling and the fact that as much as you want to, further steps down the path are out of the picture for some undetermined time period and you have accepted that, thus letting the drive to go out as you has weakened to the point where you are now. Whatever it is, my questions to you are you satisfied for now and are you happy? That in the end is all that really matters. Some reach super happiness with life and most others are somewhere further away from that, and they still live and prosper and enjoy the life that they live.

Anyway, your comments above resonated deeply with me. Thanks for sharing. I would love to discuss this in person in whatever mode if you ever make it up here and have time for a deep conversation. Good luck and keep your story coming. It is a very good read.

Allie