Thanks Dianne.

For the record, I started out as a CD and loved every moment of it, and I did it because I liked it. I just took each step along my path and eventually got to the point where I knew what I was and needed to inform those that needed to know, family, friends, neighbors and acquaintances all over the place. When I came out to my kids, and later everyone else, I came out as Transgender and Trans, because even though those words mean the umbrella term for all of us and does not specifically narrow it down to Transsexual, which I am, these words are easier to digest by the general public. I did that about five years ago and have been full time for about 3 years now. Also, when I came out I came out verbally and only went full time much later. I wanted them to have time to digest it all before presenting fully as a woman, the woman that I am.

So, when I use NIMBY I also sometimes use "head buried in the sand." My daughter accepts gays, lesbians and trans people as existing and having every right to be themselves. However, now that it is in here yard, her Dad that is a woman, she has refused to talk about it no matter how much I tried. We have lost that close connection that I loved and now miss so much.

Also, I am a very late starter at everything, just getting interested in crossdressing at age 60 in 2007. So, I really had no long past secrets about this. I was and still am, single, retired, living alone, so my secrets were about what I did in my own free time, and was nobody's business because it in no way affected them, until it could because of my new identity and intended full time presentation.

I have been on this site since 2007 and have seen so many of these conversations over the years. They are good to have because they help a lot of people understand the situation from many different points of view. This thread is a very good one because we have some GG points of view, which were generally lacking in the past. My main concern when I read these threads is that we tend to focus on the reaction of the spouse and get opinions both ways stating one is lying and the other is being intolerant and unreasonable. I always wonder why that after the initial shock, a couple of weeks or months, the uninformed SO then refuses to talk with his/her partner to discuss what needs to be done, what is the path forward, do we need professional and qualified third party support and so on.

So, based on my 13 years on this site I always wonder why not! I would guess that there are more DADT or worse situations than those where both parties work for a successful future for both whether together or not. So, in the case of the MtF spouse refusing to talk about it all, at that point who is not working to make things better and why not? That is my daughter. If we can't discuss her feelings, and me mine, we can be together but not be at the same time.

Since the divorce rate in the USA is around 50%, I would guess that percent of good versus not so good marriages for members of this site is similar. I also believe that communication is the key for any successful relationship and maybe these figures also indicate the about 50% of the members here who are in a relationship are either good or not so good communicators. To communicate in a relationship means that both parties talk about a lot of things including issues in their lives, together or when away at work, etc. If one cannot talk about the small issues they probably cannot deal with larger ones. That was basically one of the major issues in my failed marriage of 21 years, way before I started CDing.

So, if it is NIMBY, Head in the Sand, or something else, what happens if you cannot talk about the issues involved and reach some sort of plan for the future because one party refuses? Who is the guilty, uncooperative paty? I think that is what a lot of these threads are trying to say, I am trying but not getting any cooperation and what can I do.