i don't know where else to ask this...am i really a transsexual?

[jasmine1995]

Besides the good advice to seek professional help I would like to add my experience. It seems quite common among transsexuals to sexualize "cross dressing" in puberty. I did. I eventually out grew it. I never outgrew my being transsexual, it only was confirmed as my sex drive lessened as I grew older.

this is exactly the type of personal experience response i came here for, sort of a trans "big sister" type experience. i did not know it was common among transsexuals to sexualize "cross dressing" in puberty!!!! i thought i was weird or something because i never hear about this from other transsexuals. like i said, i always knew i was this way and that i probably would grow up to be a woman and possibly have surgery. i don't have a crazy sex drive or anything like when i was in puberty. i think t-blockers and estrogen over the years i had something to do with that as i never really had a male puberty. however, i was boy crazy as most girls around that age are. i don't ever see myself outgrowing being transsexual if that's what i am either. all through my childhood i was always told 'you might outgrow this' but that never happened.

Jasmine, I will relate about another who is a (trans)woman! She was given such a hard time by her parents that she became an emancipated minor at 16 and had the surgeries! She is a successful business woman and I believe she is happy with her decision! What I am saying is, it is totally up to you where you go with this! Just go into it with your eyes wide open! Best wishes with your decision! Hugs Lana Mae

thank you for this! i also like how you put trans in parenthesis () because like i bet she thinks of herself as a woman first.
so do i, i'm only trans to people who know me from childhood or close friends or boyfriends i became very close to. for most of the world i'm just a woman like any other cisgender woman. i love my life mostly and am happy mostly except that question of whether to have surgery or not went from a small one to being one i'm thinking a lot about. i am certainly going to see someone and i know that i will have no trouble getting a letter recommending me for surgery given my life's experience up to this point.

I only have two observations, first is my agreement with the others that a therapist would be a great asset in your life. Second is sexuality is so strong during that part of life it shouldn't be mistaken for anything other than a very healthy and active libido.

thank you Sarah.

Jasmine,
Jeri Ann makes a very vaid point but my concern is did you self medicate at such an early age or was it under professional guidance ?

a little of both.

i had professional guidance for the t-blockers but i started estrogen earlier and at a smaller prescribed dose than originally intended. they wanted me to wait until i was 14 or even 15 to start estrogen sooner. i *really* wanted to start sooner so the compromise and recommendation was that i start at 13 and a half but at a lower, half the dosage than what my endocrinologist would give me if i was 14 or 15. so i did some googling and found an online pharmacy that no questions asked sent me the other half of the dosage. i get my doctor was being overly cautious, just as how my child psych was when she told my parents i could always grow out of this until it became clear i wasn't not growing out of it but growing into who i am now. i just didn't want my development to be years behind other girls my age. yes, my doctor found out about 2 months later what i had done but i was not in any health danger and clearly i was determined so everyone, my parents, doctor and i got me on the normal dose .

The age period you talk about really is a melting pot for most individuals let alone TG ones , so much goes on and we make so many assumptions often totally misguided . At times sexual satisfaction can be at odds with true gender feelings but hormones are at their peak so it's not surprising people can be utterly confused .

i just want to clarify, i was never confused about whether i was a girl. i was confused about whether i was transsexual if i kept that sexual stuff quiet in therapy sessions. i was embarrassed to admit i got turned on by wearing certain things because i associated that just with crossdressing and i didn't think of myself as a crossdresser as i had been wearing girl clothes for years. it only became sexual in that time period.

Often it can be read into threads like this that some people feel they are doing something wrong , their behavior is unacceptable , at times like this the only course is seek professional help , and let them sort out the correct labels .

i understand. like i said, i was embarrassed and afraid to admit the sexual stuff because i thought it would jeopardize me being able to be myself. like i thought, "if my parents or therapist think i'm a crossdresser maybe i won't be allowed to go to school as a girl anymore and they'll take away my t-blockers and hormones". i know that probably sounds strange but that's how my mind worked back then. now as an adult, with 13 years of living publicly as a girl/young woman and living away from home i no longer have the fear that my progress will be taken away from me so i can talk about it with a therapist.