@Lana Mae I am glad you are finding happiness. It will sort out one way or the other, but I have a personal history that has caused me quite a serious and harsh distrust of therapists and/or counselors, so I am not sure that will ever be an option, but somehow it will work out! thanks *hug*
@Stephanie58 it was not much better in the 80's. When I was 10 in 1984 I made the mistake of trusting a therapist and telling him about this "girl inside me," and got locked into a mental hospital and force fed anti-psychotics for schizophrenia. They wold lock me in a room until I took the medicine, and constantly use every manipulative trick in the book to make me accept that I needed meds. I had to fight a years-long war to keep my agency and to keep this 'girl inside me' alive, and am still traumatized from it 36 years later.
@CharlotteCD. I didn't ever use faceapp until this week out of sheer curiosity. In my 'modeling' hobby, I have always had a strong ethic about never altering my photos or painting a false picture. Makeup only, lighting, angles, but never digital manipulation. In this instance, I wanted to see what would happen if I just stuck a very "male" looking pic in there with no makeup. I didn't expect it to break my heart.
@Nadine I am not going to let my bad history with therapists make me a douche too much, but that's kind of exactly what I would expect a gender therapist to do. I don't really want to re-edit the experiences of my past through a gender dysphoria lens to validate what I am experiencing in the present. I've had plenty of sad moments dealing with gender and desire all my life, but this new 'strong panic not to lose any more time' is a thing that only exists in the Now. It hit hard, and literally floored me.
