What it means to be passable.

[Mila]

Just wondering what people's take on what it means to be passable. To yourself or others? or both. Right now I'm new to embracing my CD side and don't really see myself as passable, but I'm not too bothered at present. I'm not sure if that will change as I'm sure feelings evolve over time. Just wondering what others thoughts or experiences are.

[alwayshave]

I can't pass, don't believe that I ever will because of my build, but I try. Passing is all about blending into your environment, so dress for the situation. In a mall, casual. In a restaurant, more formal.

[kristi98]

I think it is pretty simple. Passable means people think you are a woman. Not many men can pull that off

I am not passable. No way ever. Wish I could pull it off

I am not suggesting that you need to be passable to cross dress in public

[Lacyfem]

There are men that look like women and women who look like men. So what the heck, we can't all be beautiful models as dressing for me comes from the inside and I love the feeling of being a woman. At 6'6" in heels I do stand out and don't wish to be starred at so I usually go out at night and choose my spots as it's nice to get out and be seen as a woman. Some say I'm passable some say I'm close to passable. I have a decent body but not a hourglass figure but then neither do a lot of women. Walking for me in heels is a dead giveaway as if you can't walk properly in them you're a goner as a woman. So many pics I see of those that try to be cd's don't feel it from the inside as they stand there like men and women for sure have subtleties which show they are women and think a true CD has those too. So passable is really subjective isn't it?

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But Jamie you are definitely cute and even pretty!

[Karren H]

To me it is not drawing undue attention when I go out enfemme. I have about 70 percent success rate.

[Mila]

I have very feminine hands that's about it. I fully admire someone who can venture out fully aware that they consider themselves not passable, takes a level of confidence that seems unattainable to me.

[kristi98]

There is a gay bar 40 miles from where I live that has drag shows. Anyone could go there dressed and fit in. I would like to try it sometime but would want a woman to go with me (help me with makeup and support). My wife would never go for it.

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To me it is not drawing undue attention when I go out enfemme. I have about 70 percent success rate.

Karren, You look passable and cute in your avatar photo

[jessica33]

I am passable from 100feet away .��I tell myself I am passable to have the courage to go out in the public .

[DianeT]

Passable has as many definitions as there are members in this forum.
Pass as a woman? For how long? A second? An evening? For someone intently watching you? Or just a bypasser not paying particular attention?

If I ever wanted to "pass", I would aim for being treated by others as any female would be as long as the interaction doesn't rely on the specifics of my little "differences". If people treat me normally, whether they clock me or not doesn't matter.

[Teresa]

Mila,
Very difficult question to answer because we all have a different take on it and men and women may look for different aspects to acheieve it .

I would prefer to say it's a case of ticking enough boxes to tip the balance enough to be accepted or integrated into society . My avatar picture was taken by one of my artist friends at my art group , all I can say is I'm comfortably accepted by them . Do some of the newer members think I'm a woman ? I'd like to think so but at least I don't get any bad responses at all which is probably as good as it gets .

You are correct in saying confidence plays a big part but don't try and act the part just be you and try and tone down excessive male traits .

Going back to my first comment I found you really don't find the true answer until you've experienced it , up to that point it's mostly specualtion , " I don't pass because .......... " My main concern was having a correct foundation colour and makep applied lightly but well , the same applies to choosing the right wig , you can only get a true impression by going to a professional wig supplier . I knew what I basically wanted and after trying on well over a dozen the one in my avatar ticked most of the boxes . I had now established my identity , I don't swap wigs or apply excessive makeup for everyday so people now know and recognise me as Teresa .

[jenabrooks]

I'm am 60% passable it is easer to go where there is a crowd and everyone no paying attention to there surroundings. I look casual and relaxed that what I do and it gets easier the more you go out.

[Star01]

Passable is only a thing if we go out in public. My strict DADT and not being able to shop or safely store any clothes has moved going out in public so far down the road I cannot even see daylight.

In order to go out I would insist on a complete wardrobe and another experienced crossdresser to accompany me that first time. I would need to somehow siphon enough money out of our joint funds to discretely buy clothes worthy of venturing out as well as a place to store them. Somehow I would need to find an alibi for staying in a motel as I can?t dress or get past the gatekeeper here at home.

Passing does not matter to me as I am stuck in a situation along with an old van that looks like something a scrap dealer would haul junk in. My situation is pretty much full of impossible obstacles but the fog is secretly strong. Passing? For me my answer is why? Where would I go, I don?t drink or go clubbing and live in the country with no wing woman to guide me.

[Teresa]

Star,
Do you enjoy walking ? Have you considered taking basic items suitable to look femme enough , little makeup and a suitable wig and head off in your van for a day out walking . Very few people will see you and possibly only at a distance if they do all the conversation will consist of is a quick " Hello " . At least some of your needs might be met , the only problem is it can become addictive but at least you're building your confidence up gradually . It's a wonderfull feeling saying , " Heck , I can do this !!"

[Mila]

My wife is itching to do a full make over on me as I've never had make up done yet, my life as a CD is still very much in it's infancy. I'll ask the 'passable' question to myself at a later date. Nice to hear all the varied responses. Its funny as I feel like I'm communicating with women on here despite the subject matter, which is nice and not something I was expecting. Thanks Ladies.

[Lana Mae]

I know I do not "pass"! I am out every day as I am a transwoman and not a CD! Be aware that "passable" is only about 10% of CDs! I was once a CD and shortly sought "passable" but realized that that is an ideal not a reality! Women come in all shapes and sizes! Some of the tells that out us are even on some women: big hands or big feet, etc! Dress for the venue and do your best to act as feminine as you can, especially walk and gestures! You will then "blend in" which is much more obtainable than "passing"! Just a note, the only person arrested under NC bathroom bill was a genetic woman!!!! Do you and get out there! Best wishes on your journey! Hugs Lana Mae

[Stephanie47]

I am six foot and 200 lbs. As a man I am still fit at my age (73). As a woman I am not passable. I see family photos of me in a family group. I tower over everyone with the exception of my son who is 6 foot 3 and about 230 pounds. I only wear dresses. I don't own any garments remotely akin to men's pants. My comfort zone is my house and backyard. When the opportunity arises I do take an evening drive which ends up with a stroll in a safe residential neighborhood that has lots of shops and stores. Not too many women seem to wear dresses these days, so in order to not stick out on my strolls I carry a tote with the logo of the local grocery store. If I am observed I think it looks as if I am returning from the neighborhood store. At least it gives the impression I am not aimlessly walking around. The best time for my strolling is during light rain so I can use an umbrella. An open umbrella to some extent does obscure my height.

[Aunt Kelly]

Passing is, largely, a myth. Yes, some of us are blessed with bodies that, when suitably disguised (hair, makeup, clothing, etc.), will escape detection of their assigned at birth gender. Most of those few, will be made the instant they open their mouth and speak. That male voice will almost instantly draw attention to all of the other, sometimes much more subtle, cues to the individual's sex. One would more accurately call that "blending". Whatever you call it, it does not matter. As a crossdresser where what you like. If blending is your goal, do that. If looking like a hooker is what does it for you, do that. Just don't expect to "pass" and then consider it a failure when you don't. For a crossdresser, it's all about the clothes, so own it and enjoy it. For others, like me, who usually consider clothing to be the thing that keeps us from getting arrested when we go outside, it's all about comfort and/or style that expresses who we are, rather than a "disguise". Either way, your choices are yours and are invalidated not by your motivation nor by your ability to "pass".

[kristi98]

There was a comedian cross dresser on-line that had me totally fooled. She plays Betty Bowers on youtube. It's political but funny. Her real name is Deven Green. I watched many of her videos and thought she was a woman

[ellbee]

Passing? I think to know the true answer, you need to be in the other person's mind.


I say that, because maybe they're simply being nice & "playing along." Or, maybe they're a "chaser." Or, perhaps they're legit trying to figure you out & are on the fence.

Of course, if asked about any of that, they could always lie.


So, impossible to definitively know, really, if one actually passed.



Also, waaaay too many variables with any given situation, as DianeT mentioned.


I will say this: Passing with GG's, in-person? Yeah, good luck with that.

Best odds with that, IMO, are for those who transitioned young, like when teenagers or in their early-20's. Then again, we are talking about CD'ers, sooo...


Much better shot at passing with half-drunk men in a dimly-lit club/bar. As a whole, men aren't exactly the more perceptive lot, as it pertains to this.



Anyway, I could give personal examples from a younger, prettier & more femmy past while at the top of my game. But coming full-circle? Who knows what was truly going on in their minds at the time. Only they do. At best, one could only surmise, given all the nitty-gritty of the event, and hopefully come to the right conclusion with only a small margin of error.


Oddly enough? Someone once passed with *me*!

I legit thought it was an attractive GG, sitting at the bar, talking one-on-one with a guy, maybe 10 feet away from me? Heck, I was dolled-up, myself, at the time. And part of me hated her when I learned from someone who turned out to be a mutual friend, that she was "just a CD'er."
At the same time? Total props to her! If anyone should have caught that, it should have been me. She got me.



Final word of advice? Try not to make passing the be-all, end-all. It's not exactly the healthiest or even enjoyable path to take, over the long run.

[docrobbysherry]

"Passing" to me means people see u as female without a second thot!

Most here have no clue what that is like. Because u r treated very differently when folks think u r a woman, without a doubt.

I know, because it has happened to me a handful of times when I was dressed in female's costumes during vanilla masked party events. Mostly around Halloween.
However, whenever I was forced to speak? The charade was over!

[AllieSF]

All of the above! True passing to me as a woman, a full time trans woman, means that no one thinks that I am a trans woman during and after interacting with them, which also means voice and mannerisms and of course presentation of clothes and accessories. My voice in my weakest point. However, just the other day, a very cute woman with whom I have interacted over 2-3 years at Starbucks when we encounter each other in the store or outside and chat a little about whatever, just said to me the other day when I was explaining something that was incongruent with me being a MtF trans woman, I think it was about me working and having and raising 2 kids at the same time, I added that I was transgender. She replied that she never suspected that! I was so delighted.

So, sometimes I truly do pass according to that strict definition.

I believe that the word most of us should be using, CD or TS, is blending in or fitting in. Most of us just do not want to be noticed, stared at or commented about while out doing our own thing when out. I personally do not care if I am read or not. I would prefer the not read side, but eh, I am OK as I am. I am fortunate to blend in very well. But being an extrovert and a proud trans person I am good either way. I do know that people who are so sensitive to blending in may never get up the necessary courage to go out and truly enjoy being themselves out in the real world. They create their own prison!

Allie

[oh to be rachel]

A couple of thoughts.

I think a lot of us are too hard on ourselves and if you really studied women around you, quite a few of them are questionably female.
For some of us, a picture might be passable, but once we started to move, nope.
For others, maybe we master the movements of a woman, yet as soon as we open our mouths, nope.

So, going back to my first thought, not all women are as feminine as we think we need to be. Maybe, we need to stress a little less.

[Teresa]

Many of the replies contain misconceptions about being out in the RW , after being full time for three years I don't have any misconceptions I'm just getting on with life . My voice could possibly be better as as could other male traits but they really aren't the obstacles some assume they are . Lana gets it right and I agree , no matter how we come over we will fit in with society and we do .

The only way to prove it at the end of the day is get out there and live it and lose some of those misconceptions because they only act as a false barrier .

[Star01]

Star,
Do you enjoy walking ? Have you considered taking basic items suitable to look femme enough , little makeup and a suitable wig and head off in your van for a day out walking . Very few people will see you and possibly only at a distance if they do all the conversation will consist of is a quick " Hello " . At least some of your needs might be met , the only problem is it can become addictive but at least you're building your confidence up gradually . It's a wonderfull feeling saying , " Heck , I can do this !!"

I appreciate your concern but the challenges to even dress right now are insurmountable. We bought a treadmill that I walk on for an hour every day. There is a walking trail across the road that goes into town or south past the corn fields. The paved path was bothering my knees so I stopped using it. This is a rural area, everyone knows everyone and my van is due to be junked. I had planned on buying a new vehicle as a retirement gift to myself but put it off a year and the darn thing got much worse during that time. It just worked out that way due to the lockdown.

Don?t worry about me, I will hang in there until things come around again. I appreciate your concern but some peoples circumstances are very difficult to overcome.

[Helen_Highwater]

It seems up to now everyone has avoided the "B" word but I'll say it. For the vast bulk of us it's not about passing, it's about blending.

If you can walk through a crowd shop dressed in such way that you look like most of the GG's in there with you then it's possible to spend time out in the real world without any drama's. There's a phrase used here that goes, "If it looks like a duck, walks, like a duck and sounds like a duck then it's a duck". That's the trick, looking sufficiently like those females around you so as not to attract attention.

next time you're in the car try to count the number of times you look at other drivers. We tend not to, we're just wanting to get on with our journey. It's the same while out shopping. Most folks are too engrossed in their day to really notice those around them. Sure if you wear killer heels, a micro skirt, plastered on makeup and a terrible wig you'll attract attention.

I can tell you that the first time you go out you'll be scared witless but that passes remarkably quickly as you begin to realise no-one is paying you much attention. The hard part is learning to relax, to be confident in yourself, that way you're not looking round like you're a shop lifter expecting security to rock up any moment.