Nicole: "acting like a woman on a date" is no different than acting like a man on a date. Of course, it might seem strange if you've been acting out the same script (on the same show, episode after episode) in male mode. But the question hangs in the air: is it all an act? And, if so, are not the scripts we read from simply behavioral stereotypes? I think Patience was hinting at the same thing in her post above. Think of the question(s) you asked. It sounds to me as if you might actually be feeling as many women do; after all, don't many women on dates ask the very same questions of themselves? Should I do this/that? How should I behave? What will my date/onlookers think of my behavior? In the end, you will have to do what they have to do: commit to a line of action and let the chips fall where they may.
Cheryl: You really hit the proverbial nail on the head. At least for me, relaxing into that female role as fully as possible is the most exciting part of being en femme. We crossdressers are so enamored of the physical mirror because it often validates our craft as well as our vanity; but the mirror rarely makes us "feel" anything and, even when it does, it does so all too briefly, necessitating further repeated visits to it. To feel anything, you have to look within, be completely honest with yourself and ask the deepest existential question: who am I? If you can accept -- without reservation and without judgment -- who you are in that moment (e.g., I am a woman right now), then you can really start to enjoy yourself by moving beyond self-doubt, self-criticism, self-sabotage. "I feel, therefore I am" is so much more rewarding than "I dress, therefore I am."
