Definitely been there. Married for five years, had dated for two before that. Wife discovered my crossdressing; initially confused, we went to a therapist for three years, during which she appeared to initially try to accept it, even buying me some girl clothes and taking pictures of me dressed as a girl. Over time, she was directed towards crossdresser wife support groups as well as Al-anon (her mom was an alcoholic), and both gave her information which put me in a very bad light; that she was repeating her enabling behavior that started with her mom, to now with my crossdressing. She was told at these meetings that she should go to meetings as often as she felt she needed to, and she did; almost every day. She would later blame me for that, saying that I was distant and unwilling to discuss things with her (I was working full time and going to school full time, so, no time for much else), then accusing me of trying to get her to stop going to meetings, when all I had said, was that perhaps every day was a bit much; she responded, 'So, you're telling me not to go to my meetings; they said you would try that'. When I told the therapist, she agreed that my wife was isolating herself from me, her friends and family; that backfired; now she saw the therapist as an enemy, too. As more of the people in her groups told her that what I was doing was abusive, her anger grew, to the point where she hated me. Then the 'bomb' dropped; she wanted a divorce, and threatened to tell my family, friends, co-workers about my crossdressing, and provide pictures as well as proof. OR..... I could pay for the divorce, give her the house, and all of our assets, as well as take on all the debt.
I just gave up and gave her what she wanted. AFAIK, she kept her end of the bargain and never told anyone about me. But it was always in the back of my mind that she track me down, and try to blackmail me for more money.
As I'm now retired in another state, and have been careful to avoid any contact, I 'sort of' feel safe. But I know it's still possible that a felon will repeat her crimes, once they have done so before.
Be careful. Prepare for the worst. You could one day come home to all your girl things on the front lawn, the door locks changed, your bank accounts drained, her having a restraining order drawn up by simply accusing you of physical abuse, credit cards all cancelled, even your car towed away if she reports it stolen. A woman disappointed, can be a very cruel thing. If you have some place to stow away a change of clothes, somewhere to put away some emergency cash, I would do that.
She is in full control now; you're just along for the ride.
