Laura,
I am so sad to hear you are going through this. I was there ten years ago. The funny thing for me was I hadn't dressed for over ten years until my marriage went bad.
I won't write a missive, but I will suggest you take the porn and your crossdressing out of the equation and look back on your marriage with those eyes.
In my case, my ex had a long history of psychological, emotional, and physical abuse, and that's why we got divorced.
Just a few months ago, my ex actually came to me with a heartfelt question about why people are transgender, a friends son is facing this, which ws a huge step for her coming from where she was ten years ago.
Back to you, If you can look at your marriage honestly and not see a path forward without your dressing and the porn in the picture, then you know your answer.
If, however, you see a chance, I'd suggest that with time and therapy, and education, there may be hope.
Best of luck. Feel free to reach out if you need someone to chat with.
