Hi Cece,
Thanks for starting a MIAD thread! THere are so many parts to your post- so...
1. Hearing more experiences
I was just like you totally -closeted until I retired and realized that I really needed to feel free. before I die, to put it bluntly! So I go to museums or other art venues like art classes at a community college, I go to the hardware store or whatever, or shopping - and the really good news is that in any civilized place, people are tolerant and it is kind of a non event. It is true that some will avert their eyes, or comment to someone else, or just be a little stiff in conversation, and that is just minority stress experieced by any minority where people are not purposefully inclusive. I have a trimmed beard and mustache, shave my legs and don't wear makeup, but I do have necklaces and bracelets. I am not embarrassed or reticent or waiting for anyone to give me permission or approval, I just appear and participate as if I am a normal person. That seems to work really well.

Kids sometimes rush to mom and say that man is in a dress, and mom shushes them or gives them a little lesson on their point of view. Some kids are very watchful and thinking hard, but never afraid or upset. Teens laugh and I sometimes go over to them to ask directions or something and they become embarrassed and or respectful, for a moment.

Lessons learned- everyoine should get out of the closet when and where they can! it is wonderful to finally be able to enjoy the good things of women's clothing, among other people. It confirms our dreams and it does feel good,and we can see ourselves in the world we dreamed of. It is not to be missed. I think for me the big thing was losing the stress of secretiveness. I also lost the special emotional edge of successful transgression.

But there is a burden.I found that clothing is a huge messaging medium and that people are all reacting. Some just see me as a poor deluded guy who somehow thinks he looks good in a dress, or maybe I am an artistic social provocateur to be reacted to . Sometimes people, usually young women- are VERY enthusiastic and positive about that - which is nice. But, in any case I am harmless, that is obvious and it has been a huge relief to just take my place as a gender non conforming person in society.

I also have a fundamental trans identification as a woman- which I think is rooted in embryonic development, but leaves me kind of a hybrid, and the body mapping part of it is also at play. I love fitted bodices and flares that provide me with hips I dont have and gathering around my breasts. I have come to accept and feel my body as a male type woman's body. No one else can understand this, but I realized that it is not really different from any other particularity about someone that others dont' find familiar or in a recognizable category, [except MIAD].

But, I also find that clothing can only absorb your attention for so long, and it becomes background to the other things we are doing. So it didn't take long for me to feel what so many women appear to also feel, that many items of women's clothes are decorative and not practical or even comfortable, AND that their choice of clothes will cause various reactions amongst the people they will encounter, so they choose accordingly. I totally get why women rarely wear dresses or heels except where the others are sure to be doing it or they have a social position where a big banner saying 'woman agreeing to wear a dress despite its drawbacks' or 'woman feeling safe to enjoy traditional symbolic presentation' is hanging around their necks. You can see when women are enjoying 'dressing up' and I find that friendly women will see me as reaching for that pleasure, and are happy to accept me in that view- while retaining awareness of all the other aspects of being female that are part of what being a woman means to most people, that I do not and never will share.

2. Enjoying our wardrobe
One big thing I did was concentrate on my wardrobe and I learned to sew so I could create ever better fit and flair since part of my desire was for artistic styling and not just anything that could be considered a dress. There are lots of patterns that do fit easily and attractively many body shapes, so go for it. In general, every woman has a big closet of clothes she wants to wear but the opptys are few. And being able to just dress and ENJOY it liberates lots of feelings and the longer we do it the more natural it becomes.

3. Girlfriends/SOs
Major problem is that gender is a big part of relationship, and while we feel we have our core being that is us and our gender is kind of a forced act, for others that gender expression is part of who we are to them. It is simple- if we are masculine, they can be feminine in a different way than they can be with someone expressing feminine to them. So it is a big leap and I'd say that few women can make the transition.Bedroom fantasy kink once in a while, yes, but daily grind no and being seen as the partner of a weirdo, no. THat is discouraging, but the good news part is that if you crave dressing you have to find a partner who is interested and supportive. Otherwise it really, as in my case- is a constant hard spot and distortion of the relationship. I was sure that the amount I worked hard to make my partner happy would pave the way for her to do the same for me, but ...no. It does happen but really, these things are clear the first day. Either she is yes or not.

4. Dressing with other MIADs
Very hard to accomplish. Here is the best place, or zoom calls. I set up a little album of short videos with the idea of encouraging guys to just enjoy dressing, but the irony is that no one really likes to see MIADs, even MIADs! We all want to feel we look more feminine, but the traces of manliness are deeply programmed in us to read 'male alert' ,as an evolutionary survival priority. Here on the site I tried a few times, and we are nice to each other. Posting pics is just static though compared to being with real people.

If your city as a PRIDE center the staff are usually pretty good about accepting people where they are with gender. THey may have events and such and you can be you with the motley crew of GNC folks - again- we are all indiividuals so finding a group exactly where we are is impossible I now think. It is fun to be fully accepted, and our defense hormones canturn off for an hour or so, which is great. On the other hand, it is not life.

I would say just go out and experience being with the world - hardly anyone these days has not been exposed to trans people or crossdressers, and the best thing we can do is not be embarrassed, just be who we are, at peace, and participating. That makes it easy for everyone to live and let live. We aren't uncomfortable to others if we are not looking uncomfortable in ourselves.

5. Bottom line- crossdressers are a minority, so trying to ceate a thriviong social life is not going to be easy, unless there is an active and inclusive LGBTQ scene you can access.

On the other hand, the critical factor I found was accepting our desires and our pleasure at face value and eliminating all internalized fears and criticisms. Once that is done, we feel normal, and we don't need to proclaim or prove or get permission or any of those things. We can just enjoy being ourselves in our private time, and make the best of the social opportunities we find. We are not alone in that- so many minorities of all kinds make their way.

BTW I am happy to message with anyone who is struggling with this and talk it through!