It sounds like you are getting to a point where the conversation just has to be had, Helen, or at least a point where things has to change to where you are allowed to dress female at home at a minimum part of the time. She obviously already knows you are doing it, and based on the situations you have described, she likely has an idea that it happens frequently.
The question is, are you prepared to live with the situation if it is not acceptable to her? If you pose the question as "Does it bother you", then it is very possible she will say Yes! Even if she is somewhat ok with it, but it still bothers her even a tiny bit, the simple answer will still be Yes, and then what do you do?
I would not ask it like that, but rather word it such that a simple one word response is not going to put you in a difficult negotiation position. A different phrasing which will require her to think about it a little and reply with more of a detailed explanation, would be better.

I suppose to me the real question is, are you prepared to live with the consequence of her saying no to any dressing? If you are, then fine, but my guess is that would put you in a very difficult position.
I have not posted about it yet, but I recently found myself in a similar situation. I came to the realization that things had to change, or something within me would break. I did not ask if it bothered her, or if it was OK, or anything like that, I told her that "We have to talk about something".
My hope was to get to a livable DADT situation where I no longer had to sneak around and lie by omission. I would never directly lie to her, but I have certainly avoided telling her what I was doing at times, and she has avoided asking.
It is important for me to also say that I had made up my mind that if that conversation went bad enough, I was going to have to consider ending the marriage! This was hard!
Well, we are still here, we are still married, I am still dressing, and I am no longer omitting to tell her what I am doing. Much more about this at a later time, but I could not have been happier with the very surprising outcome.

A good court attorney will never ask a witness a question unless they already know what the answer will be. If that answer does not support their case, they will avoid the question.
Be careful how you ask her, and be prepared to face the consequences.