I had a pretty similar experience in my childhood. When my Mom got pregnant with me she was really hoping for a girl. She said that when she found out I was going to be a boy, she was afraid that she wouldn't love me. Once I was born though, she said that she loved me immediately, but from what she has told me it sounds like she still really wanted a girl. When I was a baby my Mom dressed me up like a girl. She made a dress for me, did my makeup and everything. And she says that I absolutely loved it. My Dad was a Marine, when he found out she had dressed me up, he was furious. So it didn't happen again after that as far as I know. But when I was a toddler I used to sneak under the sink and get into my Mom's makeup to try it on. I don't remember any of that. But I do remember when I was about 11, suddenly one day getting the overwhelming urge to try on lipstick, and within a year or two after that I was trying on my Mom's shirts, skirts, dresses, and heels. I've tried to tell my Mom that I'm trans, unfortunately she doesn't want to believe it. Although I've been in denial about it for the last 10 years, so I haven't exactly brought it up. I'm starting to think I need to open up about it more, I'm getting past the point in my life where I'm afraid of being rejected for it. The way I'm starting to look at it is if someone doesn't want me in their life because my gender makes them uncomfortable then that's their loss.
