Thanks for your reply Beckii,Originally Posted by Beckii_aCDInOz
Dear kittypw,
I get the feeling that there is a strong underlaying current of guilt within your posts. Please forgive me if I'm got the wrong impression, but, reading your post, especially your last post...
I get the feeling that you equate your SO's CD'ing to him not loving you or respecting you; does this not make you feel like his wife?
I'm trying to be as tactful as possible kittypw, however, the feeling I get thru your posts is your still very much angry towards your husbands CD'ing
hugs
x
beckii
PS I tend to dress more & more often when I'm really stressed out or life in guy mode is not going smoothly. I'm thankful that I can step out of my guy mode into my fem mode, it's definately better than throwing 1/2 a bottle of scotch down my throat & a lot more personally rewarding too.
First let me say that I don't really feel guilt and I am not sure what it is exactly you are refering to. Maybe you could elaborate?
Secondly I do not have much anger towards my hubby's cding. I have a great deal of anger towards his lack of comprimise, and frankly his lack of participation in general in our marriage. He would say that he thinks that it should be a two way street but his actions prove otherwise. I don't equate his cding to his not loving me. Oh no no no. I equate the way he ignores me and gives me one word answers to my attempts at conversation and maybe because he can go for a week or more without even touching me. (I mean not even a touch on the shoulder or a pat on the head.:mad: ) I equate that with not loving me. It makes me angry that he forces me to crossdress just to get a loving touch or a kind word. He has told me that he would be so much happier if I would just participate. :mad: I said that I would be happier if he would stop using emotional blackmail and step up to the plate and build a foundation for our relationship. I need to know that he has my best interest at heart not his own. I need to know that he wants to please me as much as I want to please him. Our marriage is in serious trouble indirectly because of the crossdressing because he acts like the only important thing is for him to relieve HIS stress and I should just go along with it. Let me tell you this is not how I relieve stress. Quite frankly I dont' think he can see past what he wants to even know or care about how much stress I am under. He is out of work on a work injury which has perpetuated for a year and a half. Our income has been seriously comprimised and I am the main bread winner. I perform miracles each pay day in order to keep us afloat. I have never had so much debt in my life and let me tell you if anyone needs stress relief it is me.
I have bought him all of his womenly things and he does wear them when I am not home. He is just pitching a fit that I don't participate more than once a month. Quit frankly, with our current situation, I find his wineing about my participation kind of lame. I think that I am comprimising very nicely. At least I don't say forget it all together.
As far as being black and white about it???? I will forgive you on that one because you don't know me but if anyone is black and white it is my hubby.
He told me today that he has read the posts and will try things MY WAY.
Now this should make me happy right? Well some how it really doesn't make me feel good for him to say it like that. When will it ever be OUR way??? When will he ever feel like he has responsibility for developing a great love and friendship?? Sometimes I feel Like I am talking a foreign language.
Kitty
