Hi Kitty,
If you don't mind, I'll stick my half-TS gender-queer nose into this to give you my thoughts.
IMNSHO, you have been and continue to be taken advantage of by your husband - words I'm sure he's not keen on hearing. His actions are not those of a loving and caring partner.
You and I have discussed this at length in the past and there is nothing unreasonable about your position. Relationships require 100% participation from both parties in order to be successful and you are not getting that. That he reacts as he does would seem to indicate that there is much more going on here than 'garden variety' CDing (assuming here is such a thing at all.) Couple's therapy is a good idea here - provided that both parties are genuinely interested in it working. Half-hearted attempts will only serve to waste money with no ROI.
The bottom line here is really simple: your husband has a good thing going with respect to your participation and he is oblivious to that fact. That he expects more from you while giving less only serves to underscore this fact. I see no reason to reward bad behavior and under the circumstances, a commitment of once a month on your part is more than generous.
Your husband needs to open his eyes and see what he has. Until he can do that, there will be no forward movement.
My wife and I have been living with this for over 20 years - much more so for the last nine. As you know, mine is a different - more 'out' - situation. It's not been easy and it continues to present challenges but the one constant is that we both are committed to our relationship and continuing to make it work. That means give and take on not just her part, but on mine as well.
Love & Stuff,
Donna
