Louise
I agree wholeheartedly. The central issue around crossdressing is shame and guilt and that is true of both the crossdresser and the SO. Everything else about crossdressing is secondary and really nothing more than normal quibbles between couples about time, money, shared interests etc.
If you can ditch the shame then crossdressing becomes a big NON-ISSUE and the idea that it can break apart relationships seems utterly stupid. If anything it is an opportunity to move closer together.
I hope you can keep repeating your message wherever you go as it is inspirational and insightful. Too many make excuses and avoid the central issue by blaming others. Change must come from within but first you have to recognize it for what it is before you can tackle your own internal issues.
