gender undefined

[Sheri 4242]

" . . . when the walls come down, the sun shines in, and it is a beautiful world.

It's not about the clothes (for me, your milage may vary) . . . I would like to wake up each day and open the closet to pick a style that fits my mood. pants skirt shirt or blouse, makeup or not. The ultimate unisex wardrobe. And then get on with life."

Carin,

How revealing and heartfelt! It is too bad we can't be in Vegas at the same time b/c it would be more than "simply nice" to have had the double wedding/commitment ceremony we talked about -- it would have been a great honor having it with you and Louise!!! You and Louise are special people -- and even when I see something minor we don't necessarily agree on, I know that we can disagree without being disagreeable. You and Louise are intelligent, articulate, open-minded, willing to share, and eager to continue to grow. I greatly respect that!!!

Another set-back (re Vegas) has hit us -- Val had to have a lumpectomy this past Friday. At pesent we await the pathologist, so I don't know what our travel schedule will be -- everything is up in the air (and I hate chaos and uncertainty). Of course, Val is a bundle of nerves, so my main job is to take care of her and try and keep her calm.

{I believe in the power of prayer, especially when many are united in prayer, so if I might interject here: all prayers would be most welcome!}

*MY fear was about ME.

Carin, whether in female or male mode, is a terrific all round person. S/he has a fabulous relationship with each of our children and is a superb father. as a wife I could not ask for better. She is my soulmate.

Louise,

I hope you don't mind it that I broke this paragraph in half, but I thought it was important to underscore that, first, the fear of CDing is on both sides of the street. True, we, the CD's have often lived with tremendous fear for many, many years. I think, though, that it should be emphatically noted that our SO's have to live with certain fears about CDing, too. Fears as real as ours -- and very significantly, all of you SO's have had much less time to process your own fears, concerns, and questions.

The second thing that really struck me in a most profound way was how you refer to Carin! It is like you are making it clear that Carin is your husband -- and yes, your wife, too, b/c you are split-aparts of each other. I hope that makes sense b/c I think it is absolutely beautiful! Maybe this, in part, is why it is so important to Carin and me to have a service where we are, respectively, the brides of you and Val. Read on . .

". . . the loneliness and not relating to either gender . . . "

Kerrianna,

Funny you mentioned this (and I only excerpted a small part of what you said since the whole post is just a few posts above this), but while Val was in surgery, I was reading a psyhchology article. It spoke of how more and more "mainstream marriages" (and not just partners where the man is a CDer) are seeing both partners display androgynous personalities that are expressing the positive qualities of being both feminine and masculine. The article called it the melding of marital roles. This seems to be what Rachel was also saying . . .

I totally identify with the concept of being "somewhere in the middle" when it comes to how I feel about myself. I know I am not a (TS) woman, but I also don't consider or identify myself as a man, that's to say not in the sense of what every other man seems to be like. I think I am "me" ,whatever that is, (genderqueer?) I have a wife very similar (it would seem) to yours in that she has helped me come to terms with my thoughts and feelings and accept myself for where I am on the gender continuum and in the process has helped steer me to happiness.

So, Rachel, maybe "genderqueer" isn't the right term -- maybe "Mr and Mrs Androgny" says it most accurately -- and with a whole lot more friendly sense of terminology?!! Whichever you decide to use, or Carin decides, or I decide, we are in the same boat! Male, yes -- but with a definite feminine dichotomy that is undeniable!!!

"for better or worse" so many people take that so lightly, it IS inspiring to see someone who doesnt . . . I cannot imagine making this journey without the love of my wife,or without the peace of mind that comes from knowing there are good people here who have walked the path that i must take.

How inspiring! Your grandparents were obviously special people -- and so are Louise and Carin, and you and your wife! I, too, cannot imagine making this journey without the love of my life -- my soulmate and split-apart -- Val!!!