Hi everyone - what a great thread!

This is my first post outside of the welcoming introductions - and what a gem to add my penny-worth to!

The difficulties facing cross-dressers involved in a relationship are huge - and for the wives and partners equally so.

One of the problems is that many cross-dressers have things in common, but the way the urge is actually expressed or is sought to be expressed varies so much that almost every instance is to some extent individual.

In my case, when I met the person who was to become my wife I told her that cross-dressing had been a feature in my life - genuinely confident that 'the demon' had finally left me in peace after 30-or-so years.

Almost ten years on I am back in a situation I hoped never to revisit - wearing underwear in secret and loving it - but feeling awful that there is something unspoken and unexpressed between my wife and I when we had started off so openly.

On the whole I am a conformist, to a fault according to my wife. However, in this one area I cannot entirely conform and the range of pleasure I get from it is proportionate to it being so out of the character I generally present.

One of the issues, then, is how much is the cross-dressing a threat. I believed that one of the reasons I had stopped needing it was that the relationship was more complete than any other I had experienced. To admit that I have gone back to that need might imply that the strength of the relationship has lessened, when in truth I don't think that is so. However, another need is clearly re-asserting itself and it is a powerful threat to the equilibrium we have enjoyed for so long.

One of the issues with a long-standing relationship is that each partner takes from it what they want, or need, and the aspects that are not so great are either simply tolerated or dismissed with a 'blind eye'. Compulsive behaviour is by its nature, however, sufficiently outside the norm that it is difficult to deal with in either of these ways.

Both my wife and I are very sceptical about compulsive or overtly selfish behaviour. We always agree before going out who will drive - and it can literally be either of us on any given occasion. On the other hand, if we are going somewhere that I know she especially likes to relax with a drink, I will always drive.

We have a friend whose partner is very keen on golf - to the extent that it is quite destructive to them as a couple. We often talk about it amongst the four of us.

However, to share with them, let alone my wife, that I have a compulsion to wear women's underwear is in most respects in a different league altogether and should be recognised as such.

It is early days - both in terms of my membership of this forum and in my consideration of how I deal with this situation, so I will let you know how and when things develop.

At least my step-daughter has now left home and her protection is not such an important additional issue - but one thing is certain. Something will need to be done to avoid the damage of the secret eating away at me - but just how to broach the subject before I am 'discovered' needs careful consideration.

I have already had a 'near-miss', and one that speaks volumes about boundaries and perceptions. I bought some micro fibre knickers (panties) and took out the labels 'just in case.' They are so anonymous - without any lace frills or anything - that I actually found them particularly practical to wear when going to the gym.

When I accidentally left a pair in my gym bag and my wife found them, I told her that I had bought them from a web-site that sold nylon underwear for men. I was so relieved that this was accepted as an explanation that I no longer keep them hidden - but wear them regularly. However, only I know know completely what they are - a fact that makes them great to wear because I have that knowledge, but also acceptable because my wife doesn't. We have even had sex with me wearing them, my wife recognising that their 'slinky feel' is something that enhances things for me - just as her wearing sexy lingerie does. How differently she would feel if I left the label on and they were identifiably female is difficult to judge.

To take this just one step further and to present myself in the slip that I routinely wear under my male clothes, however, would be a huge matter. There is no room for doubt what a slip is. I also have male underwear that is very similar in its tactile feel and does not offend my wife in any way, but it does not give me the same buzz either!

So at one level it comes down to the fact that the straps of the slip are the things that I am conscious of during the day - and remind me that I am wearing it - and the one thing I cannot reveal to anyone else!

If I could also find female 'tank top' style slips I would have the best of both worlds. Perhaps.

This thread deserves to run and run (no pun intended.)

Love to all

Lesley