I can't take it any more

[Amber CD]

Katie, the only thing I can tell you right now is "tie a knot and hang on." Take care of yourself first, everything else will fall into place. Don't worry about the beard removal, just focus on the bare necessities.

And just because you could use one,

[Lori SC]

do PT job at Walmart?

What do you do for a living / what kind of job are you looking for?

Katie, my thoughts are with you too. Just hang in there. Just try to make a little change each day.

I was going to suggest just what Kate did. If unemployment ran out and there is no welfare, just go out and get a job - ANY job, even at Wal-Mart or MacDonalds.

It's not so much for the money (although that won't hurt), it for the self esteem. You would not believe how important it is to feel useful. And finding a job is easier if you already have one.

My :2c: is that a permanent job needs to be your first priority. Everything will be better after that.

Hugs, Lori

[Veronica 1]

Keep the faith, life can seem like it is not worth living at times but that is just not true. No matter how hard it gets, there is always a rose hidden in the thistles somewhere. I know this from experience as I felt the same only a few months ago and walked around with a 1inch cut on my breastbone for four months from leaning against my sword and trying to drink enough beer to make that final push. With no family and few friends only my unconscious faith in the good of the world and the seeking of the little gems of hope in life that come daily I managed to turn things around. You will to! We are here for you. Love and hugs

[lexiegirl619]

I am sleeping at my office with my GG and daughter- where I cant offer much help the daytime me works in home finance and mortgage and though I cry myself to sleep everynight I know there is HOPE...the one thing I havent lost- you girls know we are in a very different econmony and seeing our Leaders on TV doesnt stabalize my dream life of a home and kids- but I am willing to try and help- I dont want to see anyone lose their home, their hope or their faith... I am new so I might be braking the rules, but i will try and help, if I can... I dont have a lot to offer but I do work with home finance and loss mitigation so rather than lose it all- I will offer my email up for us to try and band together [email protected] - dont be shocked if a dude calls though - hope we can all get thru this together. No matter what you can email me and we will pull thru together- if u own a home I might help

[steffie39]

Everytime I face a problem I always try and remember to "give it to God." I the long run if you have faith, God will help you through it. Good things always come when you least expect; so never give up. You still have your family to help you through; that's better than being alone. My prayers are with you.

Steffie

[camera_laura]

My :2c:

1. Don't despair. As bad as things are, they'll get better
2. Even if you can't get to your therapist, talk to *someone*. That's what *we're* here for.
3. Life isn't fair, it is only slightly fairer than death.

As a 'survivor' of the ugly side of despair/depression, bad is better than nothing. I'll :D and call the s for you.

[lexiegirl619]

I know we are all facing alot of troubling times- but never ever give up- Hope is one of the last 3 things we have the other 2 are faith and love- with these 3 things we can make it thru--- I keep a sign around me "DON"T LOSE HOPE" - I cry myself to sleep but together we will all make it through the uncertainty

you are in my thoughts and prayers

[Tasha T]

I have a book called "Choosing to Live" that I read from time to time when I'm thinking about killing myself. It's a great resource to help you challenge your destructive thinking. One of the quotes relates directly to you, it says: "I can't stand it is an extremely dangerous idea for a person who has suicidal thoughts. One has to wonder, how many suicide victims would still be around today if, during that last, trying life experience, they had been aware of the truth: "I don't like it, but I most certainly can stand it!"

I believe that with God's help you can get through anything...even this. I encourage you to have faith and stand it even when you feel like giving up! You have people in your life who love you and are counting on you to stay alive and do the best you can.

[Oddlee]

Katie,

My life has not reached the depths it sounds like yours has, although there have been times...

I've never been accused of conventional thinking, so take these ideas with grains of salt...

First, concerning suidide (which does not really seem to be likely in your case), don't do it; run off and join the circus, or just drop off the grid and go follow a dream. Think about it; unless you have a big life insurance policy that would actually pay out, how much worse off would anyone be? Please don't think I'm ignoring wife and kids or any of those issues. I too have family. But where there is life, there is hope - if you're 6' under, you have no options.

Second, if you have a chance, with kids back to school and still no job, volunteer in a homeless shelter, or some other such place. You will see that there are sadder stories than yours (hard as that can be to believe), and you will be helping people who need it.

When I was in cancer therapy - chemo and radiation - I learned that there were some days that were better than others. All I could influence was my attitude toward them. I could basically do one household chore a day. The rest of my day was spent getting to and from therapy, or sleeping. I was lucky throughout the process, for several reasons. But I discovered (decided) that it was like the miners say, "Any day above ground is a good day." (I'm waiting for a response from Karen Hutton on that one).

Lee

[Katie Ashe]

Thank everyone, I really though no one would care. The response all over whelming. I went to sleep last night very sad and depressed, today I managed to regroup a bit to get me through the day. I do need to look on the bright side of things, yes there are sader stories than mine, but that is just it, this is my nightmare. I'm only 32, and being a vet has harden me a bit, but I have to reconize I'm still human. I didn't get the job yest, and have another interview today at 1300 my time. It is a 2 week temp job. not good pay of type of job but it is something. I need to go. Hugs to all whom care enough to write in, your thoughts really do help

[Zee]

My heart bleeds for your situation. Life can be a real downer at times. A trick I have learned sometime ago was to think of how it could be worse, then think to yourself that at least its not. It helps, some.

It also helps to think of the things you have, "Well, at least I have my computer", "At least I have a home", "At least I have food"... I know it is VERY hard to stay positive, but when you master it, it helps a lot.

One other thing. I try to thank at least 3 people a day for having a positive impact on my life. It is hard for me since I do not have many friends, and my family doesn't live near by so often I thank the same people repeatedly . It can go a long way.

I sincerely hope that your issues are resolved quickly. Take time for yourself and your family regularly. Don't think about life during that time; try to enjoy your self. Hang in there, its funny how things seem to work out in the end, even if you can't see the solution your self.

[rachael devry]

hi katie, i was curious to see how things were going today. hopefully today is brighter than yesterday.take care rachael

[Rosaliy Lynne]

Thank everyone, I really though no one would care. The response all over whelming. I went to sleep last night very sad and depressed, today I managed to regroup a bit to get me through the day. I do need to look on the bright side of things, yes there are sader stories than mine, but that is just it, this is my nightmare. I'm only 32, and being a vet has harden me a bit, but I have to reconize I'm still human. I didn't get the job yest, and have another interview today at 1300 my time. It is a 2 week temp job. not good pay of type of job but it is something. I need to go. Hugs to all whom care enough to write in, your thoughts really do help

Sit down. Take a few deep calming breathes. Then list your blessings. The first being ... you woke up today.

[chatnat GG]

sounds like u have depression which can be cured. U could go to your doctor and get anti depressents and chat to see who u could go and see. remember suicide is a permanent solution to a temparely problem.

[Katie Ashe]

Hi everyone, I damn near tossed in the towel yesterday. Interview was an ass chewing of everything I am doing wrong. I have always been the center of destruction in my life. For those whom don't know me, I have 2 kids, married for 13, with wife for 17. She has her own set of problems. I did 10 years in the USAF, got out cause they didn't ask, I couldn't tell, Honorable DD214. I'm still depressed, but hanging in there. My depression stems from all of the many bad things going on right now. 80% of my family turned on me when I came out at thanksgiving a few years ago. All, my 3 friends walked away and haven't looked back. I'm not to come out to the out of town family cause something bad might happen :Angry3:, which mean don't ever call me again type thing. I have to say I have more people that don't understand, but accept me. My Mom has said on Easter, that I was born boy, always will be boy and will never call me Katie, and never daughter. My dad says stop skrewing around and be the man you need to be to get a job, then be Katie at home. I told him I can't leave my P3nis on the counter, dummy. I'd rather be dead then go back to my old life, I'm not affaid to die, the only thing is my family, I don't want to hurt them, everyday I fight with myself on why not to do it. About HRT it cost me about $4 a month for all meds, and it is what I really want. So No, I'm not dropping it, I need this change more than I can tell you. SRS will never happen simply cause it is too dam expensive, when medical changes I'll go hunting. I have gotten a few PM from you ladies, thank you, it is really good to know, someone cares. I am trying to regroup and pull my self together, the a hole from yest said he'd give me another chance next week to start over, it's going to take alot to not slap him, he won't stop calling me MAN. Anyway I need to get on cleaning this house. I'll check back after lunch.

I realize there is more support here than in my real life, and I need to feed on that right now, Thank You for not giving up on me

[Suzy Harrison]

You have many, many friends here. The so called friends you 'lost' were never real anyway - otherwise they would be with you when you really need them. True friends are there to help in the worse times - and we're all here for you.

[Zee]

Hey Katie,

Hang in there, life is too short to be troubled by what others may or may not think of you. YOU need to be happy. I am very sorry that your family isn't with you on this. I know how it can make you feel. Your family means a lot to you, I can tell. So did mine, until I realized that if they didn't care enough to see things from my perspective, then I stopped trying to see things from theirs. My thought was that if they can not accept me for who I am, then it is not my problem, it is theirs.

It hurts when the people who you care about do not reciprocate. I understand that. Just remember that you need to be happy.

It can't rain all the time.

Z

[Dawn D.]

Katie, I have yet to experience a sadder state affairs of another human being. Your troubles are something that no one should have to go through. I can't tell you that I know how you feel, yet I can tell you that I do feel for you. As one though, that has seen the results of the 'ultimate solution', please know that it is without a dought the worst thing loved ones can experience. Please keep that option out of your choices. Please keep a positive approach to life, as you really seem to be attempting to do. Don't let go of that. Even if the smallest of things that happen in your day go right when everything else may turn out wrong, cherrish that! If your are a person of faith, please keep it. I believe YOU will make things better. It is only a matter of time. I know it sounds cliche, however, I know it to be true. Remember this you will eventually come out of this on top and those that turned their backs to you will be the ones with the most lost.

May the best happen for you!



Dawn

[Katie Ashe]

Yes family does mean a lot to me, I was raised to believe when the tough get going, all you have is family. Many other things like that were always preached. As an adult, I realized my family is nothing but full of it. They bailed on me so fast, and I cried, still am cring. I have been around death in the military, so death is something I'm just not afraid of, that kinda worries me. I have classmate in tech school died, my commander killed himself full dress and on base, 45 to the head. My family has had many deaths in the last 8 years, I'm kinda numbing to it. Look to be honest your the only family I've got left. I do feel better talking to you and with your support there many be a light at the end of the tunnel, what I can't see is my tunnel has curves. I have vented here so much, I'm feeling better, and now am starting to feel ashamed and guilty. My Best friend is a 14 year old girl whom gives me lots of hugs evey day. Thanks Tana. And hugs to all you. I agree we need to support each other, I would be so much worse off without this forum. Thanks everyone. Write soon

[rachael devry]

katie its good to hear that today isnt that bad. the old one day at a time applies here. there was a time i didnt think life wouldnt get any better. gradually the sun did come out. i spent a lot of the time worrying about things i had no control over. like yesterday and tomorrow. two days i have no control over. so i live for today. i can do much more if i dont include yesterday and tomorrow. friends like yours are a dime a dozen.i know we all knew people like this. you find at times like this you only have yourself. reading from the replies it looks like you have plenty of friends who care about you. time to reach out and touch one of us. take care rachael

[RachelB.]

Hi Katie

I know when you are so far down it's hard to look up. I always rely on my faith in Christ. He promised he would never put more on us than we could bear. Keep the faith and look to christ for answers. I'll be praying for you.

Rachel

[Jamie001]

Hi Katie,

I understand what you are going through because I had some very difficult times several years ago. There were times that I didn't know if I was going to make it, or if I even cared enough to help myself. Now that it is two years later all that I can think is that I am so glad that I didn't give up. Life is so much better now and everything seems to have worked itself out. Please hang in there and take life on a day-by-day basis. There are folks in your life and on this message board that care about you.

Jamie

[27th Jennifer]

I have had problems myself, maybe not to the extent that you might be experiencing, but I had a class last semester about religion, and I came across Taoism, and the Tao-Te-Ching. Try reading it, it has brought much peace to my soul. But get some help. There are so many resources out there, as someone stated earlier, you're looking at a long term solution to short term problems.

[Rita B]

Katie,

I get into situations like that, and we all do. One thing that works for me some time is to try and slow everything down. . .like stopping the world from spinning out of control. Take it one hour at a time, 15 minutes at a time if that works for you. Keep busy. Go for walks in the fresh air. Don't lose sight of your dreams. . .just put them on the back burner for a while. Before you know it, you have made it through the day. Talk to your guardian angel,. .. they exist and they are non-denominational.

Rita B

[Cara Allen]

I don't know your situation, but it sounds like life really sucks, at this point?
It also sounds like you bit off more than you can chew, hon. Maybe it;'s time to take a step back, regroup things like finances and family, save up some money, and give it another go when things have come together better. You don't have to give up your dreams, but your are being crushed under the weight of it all. At this point, you need to go back to being the male for a while. Let him get what you need from society, then when things are improved, have another go at it, dear.
it might take years, but at this point, you are stuck. However, never think you have no options. You have options, but they might not be the options you want to accept.
You can, and will, get through it. Patience is a truly feminine virtue. Lifew will get you where you want to go, but you need courage. This is the hardest thing you will likely ever do.