You know, I really don't know!!Originally Posted by geri
I think I am. But it changes everyday.
Recently, my inclination has been toward complete male...but I cannot shake the feeling that I was born the way I was for a reason.
Your question raises so many issues for me.
1- Is there life after death?
Many believe so. Many Christians believe in Heaven and Hell. Many Hindus believe in reincarnation. Are they one? For me, heaven would be being re-born as a female, or at least a male without duality. Sometimes I wonder if I was female in a former life and that I cannot let go of it. Other times I think I am simply crazy!!! Who knows...not me.
2- Would I become female...damn the consequences??
No. I couldn't now...but there was a time that I would have. Many times in my life, I have found myself wanting exactly that. I am married now, and I cannot even imagine what my wife would think if I told her I want to be a woman. How do you deal with that?? More importantly...why should she have too? It is not possible...it is only my imagination...so why put her through it? Perhaps I can one day tell her that I like to dress as a female...but not now.
3- Am I a Transexual?
I have always thought that someone that was actually Transexual was someone that not only felt they were born in the wrong body (TG), but did something about it (hormones at least, possibly SRS).
I know this...
I am me...and me is two people...my male self and Morgan. I live every day in a constant struggle over who gets control. Most days it is me, unfortunately, because I feel she has more worth than I do. But I cannot deny that I like my life as a whole. What does this make me??? A freak? Certainly. A liar...almost certainly. Insane...perhaps. Dual personality? Maybe. I have no idea. I just wake up when the clock goes off. If it is a work day, I put on a suit, a male suit...and I go. If it isn't, and my wife is not home, I put on a dress and makeup. What more is there to say?? There is little I can do about any of it. I am torn down the middle. I am Morgan, I am my male self...I am both.
But I am okay with it.
And it is all I can do right now.
Morgan <----and her male self.
