terrible weekend

[Tara D. Rose]

Oh counceling smounceling. Why does everyone say go to counceling? Been there done that several times, as well as thousands of others. They don't care, they just want your money. But hey, my wife is the same way. I read so many stories like this and it's the same old broken record. You have choices. You can do as she TELLS you to do, and that is to give up your crossdressing, which is a part of you. And then if you make the decision to quit crossdressing,( then live very unhappy), you get to keep her. Then life goes on. Then she learns from that ultimatum, then later on , she will demand that you quit something else, and it will never end. Then the jaws of freedom clamps down tighter and tighter until you cannot breathe. Look at all the marriages that split for all the other reasons, and that crossdressing is not one of those reasons. My wife was supposed to be one of these more open minded types, well she is now like all the others. She acts like she just found out about it yesterday.
Crossdressing and marriage can work out in some rare circumstances when boundaries are set at what she can feel comfortable with, and that both parties comply and abide by forthset boundaries and or rules, etc. Can you live without crossdressing, can you give it up for her? Can you stick to that for life???? Do you think you will tell her that you will give crossdressing up, with the intentions to do it behind her back???,,,,and then get caught doing it later on???? We and or I, cannot give you all the answers, for we/I need to know if you could and/or would give crossdressing up for life to please your wife? If the answer is yes, you could give it up for life, then give it up. But only you know how strong your desires are for crossdressing, if you know deep inside that crossdressing will always be a part of you and that you must dress or live in that other persona but finding somewhere in the future that you have to do it in secret behind her back,,,,,then,,, give her up and TRY to find happiness with crossdressing being a part of your life,,,and live a life of “HOPE” for happiness instead of “CERTAINTY” of misery and unhappiness and unfulfillment as I live, as well as so many other crossdressers.
It’s really more complicated than I or any on here can put into words. It’s a formula of how much your desire is to crossdress? Will it go as far as full transitioning? How much is your wife willing to accept? There are so many variables too numerous to mention.
I too am at the very same cross roads for which I speak of. I went to marriage counseling in my first marriage and then like a fool in my second marriage. Both first marriages failed. Both “so called” marriage counselors were big fat ugly women that hated men in general. Both marriage counselors that we saw had two divorces under their belt. And so the question arises, who are they do advise or council me on a successful marriage when they could not keep their own marriage afloat?? The same goes for these “so called” councelors of marriage where the husband is a crossdresser? Is the counselor a man? Crossdresser? Or is it a woman married to a non crossdresser husband and the marriage has been successful? So I speak from my own experience. I am unhappy in marriage. My desire to crossdress gets so overwhelming sometimes that I “MUST” dress no matter what. My supposedly understanding and supposedly 100% accepting wife, that promised me so many things by way of crossdressing pulled the plug on me many times. I don’t mean to carry on, but heed my words, there is no such thing as a 100% totally accepting wife to a husband that minimally crossdresses and abides to the boundaries for which they have both agreed upon. But to be straightforward in answering your question, take one or the other. You’re at a cross roads, take the corssdressing and leave her, or give up crossdressing and keep her. Marriage is already so complicated without all of the stigmatisms that are so wrongly attached to crossdressing by our so called , society, that we find ourselves,(crossdressers), that we cannot have it all. So Jillcutie,,,,,take one path or the other one. They do not go hand in hand. Should you stay married and crossdress, your wife will be very un happy for the sake of you being happy. She will always feel that you are not normal. I hope that I do not get attacked too much for giving you this heartfelt advice speaking from my own experience and from all the many reads that I have covered, but I do know, that a crossdresser cannot have it all. You must take one road or the other one…….love & respect……….Tara