Ask-a-gg

[ReineD]

During 2010 and 2011 we had a thread series that involved the CDers asking the GGs a number of questions that weren't directly related to relationship issues (which would normally have been posted directly by the CDers in the Loved Ones section) about a variety of topics: makeup, clothing, the different aspects of being a GG, what GGs think of the CDing, if GGs ever have CDing fantasies themselves, questions about specific GG experiences, in short over 75 questions in all.

Here's the thread that is now closed, with links to every question that was asked of the GGs:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?131204-Ask-the-GG-s&highlight=

There has been some interest in reviving a question/answer thread. The mods got together and decided to create a sticky in the main M2F CD section where this time the GGs can answer directly. It's less complicated that way. We're keeping this thread as a sticky because the majority of our FABs do not pore over each and every thread in all of the M2F areas on a daily basis and so it will be easier for them to find the individual questions. And we're keeping it in the M2F since this seems as good a place as any, given the wide variety of subject matters.

So, have at it folks, I'll post an announcement in FAB asking the GGs to check this thread periodically in order to answer your questions.

Note to the CDers: this is a question/answer thread only. You may ask any question you wish within the forum rules, but please do not comment on individual answers so as to not cloud up the thread with potential "discussions". If you must respond to a particular GG about what she has said, please do so via PM. If any of the questions/answers strike you as being "discussion worthy", please start a separate thread for this in the M2F section with a link to the specific question or answer as a reference point, if necessary.

Enjoy! :)

[BRANDYJ]

I think this is a fantastic idea! Thank you Mods! I miss reading the questions and the answers from out GG members in the old format. Frankly, I enjoy reading anything from a GG then from other CD's. Hey, don't hate me for it, but I get so bored with some of the what are you wearing type threads. To get into the minds of our beloved GG members is educational and very interesting.

So now, feeling honored to ask the first question: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)

[crossdressersfriend GG]

I think this is a fantastic idea! Thank you Mods! I miss reading the questions and the answers from out GG members in the old format. Frankly, I enjoy reading anything from a GG then from other CD's. Hey, don't hate me for it, but I get so bored with some of the what are you wearing type threads. To get into the minds of our beloved GG members is educational and very interesting.

So now, feeling honored to ask the first question: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)

I actually like the MTF board the best, I come here to understand the CDing mind and who better to ask than the people who do it daily! :) I have learned SO much and everyone has been very supportive. I also check out the beauty club and the photo board, what GG doesn't like make up and clothes!

[LaurenB]

Here's a question then. I am a CD and TG. I feel a strong female presence in myself. But I'm not TS or thinking SRS or radical changes. My wife is on board and she has been just great through this slow emergence. I've now let my female side out (not really cding but, well, just being me - a woman in my world) to other women. I have interests that are more typically female (ie Gardening - I love gardening). So I am expanding those interests and consequently am now among groups of women (there is like 20% men). I feel very at-home in groups of girls. No pressure, not much competition - good conversations - we talk family, kids, food, life etc. It's so good. I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?

[Mimi]

Here's a question then. I am a CD and TG. I feel a strong female presence in myself. But I'm not TS or thinking SRS or radical changes. My wife is on board and she has been just great through this slow emergence. I've now let my female side out (not really cding but, well, just being me - a woman in my world) to other women. I have interests that are more typically female (ie Gardening - I love gardening). So I am expanding those interests and consequently am now among groups of women (there is like 20% men). I feel very at-home in groups of girls. No pressure, not much competition - good conversations - we talk family, kids, food, life etc. It's so good. I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?

It wouldn't bother me to have my spouse involved in different activities from me if we didn't share the same interests. There is nothing worse than a resentful spouse at an activity that bores them when they are attending the activity because it is expected that they have to do everything together. At the same time, it is important for the couple to also find things that they do enjoy doing together, so there is a balance--her activities she does without you, your activities you do without her, and the shared activities you both enjoy. It is also important that you both feel free to discuss what you did at your separate activities so there is no feeling of secrecy, or that one of you is hiding something from the other.


I think this is a fantastic idea! Thank you Mods! I miss reading the questions and the answers from out GG members in the old format. Frankly, I enjoy reading anything from a GG then from other CD's. Hey, don't hate me for it, but I get so bored with some of the what are you wearing type threads. To get into the minds of our beloved GG members is educational and very interesting.

So now, feeling honored to ask the first question: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)

I prefer the Loved Ones forum to the other sections because I feel that I can relate to more of the posts. Much of what is discussed in the MtF forums doesn't apply to me. That's fine--I'm not bothered by it, I just don't read many of the posts. As for support--I do get more support from FAB because that's the purpose of FAB--a place where we can vent or ask questions or be there for each other without fear of offending or upsetting the other members of this site.

[Sandra]

So now, feeling honored to ask the first question: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)

For me when I first joined and now I get more support from the FAB section. As for loved ones I don't read a lot in there unless something catches my eye, I do read the MtF a lot though as being a seasoned GG :lol: not much in that forum phases me.


Here's a question then. I am a CD and TG. I feel a strong female presence in myself. But I'm not TS or thinking SRS or radical changes. My wife is on board and she has been just great through this slow emergence. I've now let my female side out (not really cding but, well, just being me - a woman in my world) to other women. I have interests that are more typically female (ie Gardening - I love gardening). So I am expanding those interests and consequently am now among groups of women (there is like 20% men). I feel very at-home in groups of girls. No pressure, not much competition - good conversations - we talk family, kids, food, life etc. It's so good. I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?

I would be fine with it. I do agree with Mimi in that couples also need something that they enjoy doing together

[Di]

Posted by Brandy J
: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do) Just speaking for me:D . I feel in the loved ones and Fab we can interact more....listen to each others pov.
In times past.....in other sections...I felt like I was talking to a wall. ......when we GG's were trying to explain a different way of looking at things and having a talk between us all...we were ignored ( felt like anyways)....with the cders just saying you go girl ect to each other.
Disclaimer...not always but sometimes it happened...making you feel...why bother.




I would be fine with it because I get the why...you feel that way and I am not insecure whatsoever. But you know your wife best......if you think she might be a wee bit insecure...I would explain it just like you did to us.....and see what she feels about it.

[Roberta Lynn]

There have been many threads where some crossdressers state they are a different person when they are dressed.

How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?

My wife and I have been together over 45 years. She's know about my crossdressing for almost that long. I posed that question to her. Which opened up a real great conversation between us. She basically said that when I'm dressed she still sees her husband, just in a dress. I love my feminine side but honestly, for me, She 'sees' me just fine.

What do you 'see'?

[crossdressersfriend GG]

There have been many threads where some crossdressers state they are a different person when they are dressed.

How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?

My wife and I have been together over 45 years. She's know about my crossdressing for almost that long. I posed that question to her. Which opened up a real great conversation between us. She basically said that when I'm dressed she still sees her husband, just in a dress. I love my feminine side but honestly, for me, She 'sees' me just fine.

What do you 'see'?

I see my friend, but happier! :) He feels better and acts differently, it's great to see him get to let it out!

I think that's a good point though, you need to see past all of the glitter, makeup and heels and just see the person on the inside, man, woman and any combination of the 2.

[ReineD]

I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?

I've learned so much here from everyone, the GGs, the CDers, the TSs, the staff, and everyone in between, lol. I can't say there is a section that I prefer over the others, although in times past when I've poured out my heart, I did this in FAB and got amazing support from the ladies.

But, I've also gotten amazing support from the other ladies in this forum too! We have many, many remarkable people here. :)


So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you?

I would not feel threatened if the activities were with groups of people. I wouldn't feel threatened if the meetings were with just a single GG, provided they weren't arranged without my knowledge and if there was also an open invitation for me to join my SO and this GG (if I wished to do so). I would have an issue if my SO preferred to meet this other GG without me, or without wanting to tell me about it until after the fact, especially if I had met her and felt she was after my SO.

I'm not normally a jealous person, but if I ever got a bad vibe about a particular GG that my SO had befriended and I told my SO this, I would want my SO to respect my feelings and prioritize them over wanting to continue meeting this other GG. :p



How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?

My SO is always the same person to me. Always, no matter how he or she is dressed. I don't know how else to explain it other than I see all of my SO's gender expressions as being a fundamental part of him/her, just as much as basic personality traits. It's not about binary gender for my SO or me.

[WifeofWrenchette]

Here's a question then. I am a CD and TG. I feel a strong female presence in myself. But I'm not TS or thinking SRS or radical changes. My wife is on board and she has been just great through this slow emergence. I've now let my female side out (not really cding but, well, just being me - a woman in my world) to other women. I have interests that are more typically female (ie Gardening - I love gardening). So I am expanding those interests and consequently am now among groups of women (there is like 20% men). I feel very at-home in groups of girls. No pressure, not much competition - good conversations - we talk family, kids, food, life etc. It's so good. I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?I'd be jealous if it was just one GG, but not a group. My SO has many "online" female friends, but not IRL female friends. Which is fine with me. The online thing doesn't phase me at all. Most of those women are married and they talk about cars or music. Also, the male friends don't bother me when they are married, bu the single ones do. I get jealous easily.


There have been many threads where some crossdressers state they are a different person when they are dressed.

How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?

My wife and I have been together over 45 years. She's know about my crossdressing for almost that long. I posed that question to her. Which opened up a real great conversation between us. She basically said that when I'm dressed she still sees her husband, just in a dress. I love my feminine side but honestly, for me, She 'sees' me just fine.

What do you 'see'?I see "francesca", a beautiful, kind woman.

[Sandra]

How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?



I see my SO as the woman and person that she is.

[DCChris]

I can appreciate the fact there is a HUGE variation in how ggs look at CDs. And I genuinely understand most of the reasons in those variations. My question is really posed to any gg here who is actually attracted to someone who CDs. Why are you attracted? What is it about someone who CDs that draws you toward them, rather than just simple acceptance of someone who might be in your life? And if you don't mind, does your age make any difference; are you generally younger in age? Thanks so much in advance.

[ReineD]

I can appreciate the fact there is a HUGE variation in how ggs look at CDs. And I genuinely understand most of the reasons in those variations. My question is really posed to any gg here who is actually attracted to someone who CDs. Why are you attracted? What is it about someone who CDs that draws you toward them, rather than just simple acceptance of someone who might be in your life? And if you don't mind, does your age make any difference; are you generally younger in age? Thanks so much in advance.

Hmm. I hope the other ladies with forgive me for answering in a general sense, but I do want to share a general observation. We've had tons of (younger?) GGs post in the new GG intro section over the years who've given the impression they loved their bf's CDing, and this was a major attraction factor for them. The trouble is, these GGs join the forum, post a few times, and then disappear forever, which leads me to believe it is the excitement of "new love" that colors everything with rose-colored glasses ... and that for a variety of reasons (the new love effect wears off?) the relationships break up after a while, which is why they don't come back.

While there may be some GGs who are specifically sexually attracted to males who present as females (more than males who present as males or if they are bi, more than other females), it is my observation from reading tons of posts here that for the most part, hetero or bi GGs who enthusiastically support the CDing even in the bedroom do learn to love all aspects of their SOs.

[Silentpartner GG SO]

So now, feeling honored to ask the first question: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)

Brandy I tend to home in on posts that look interesting, the "what colour panties are you wearing today" kind of posts are of no interest to me at all - I call them "the pink fluff" . The Loved Ones and the MTF CD posts draw me in - sometimes they annoy the hell out of me though - when people make trite remarks to a serious question or get going on a GG/SO bashing session.

I find great support and empathy in the FAB forum and it is a great refuge for me when I'm in a black place. However, there are some really lovely people here, both CD's TS's, TG's & GG's - I've had some great PM chats with several people on here and they have been open, honest , helpful and very supportive. I've had more support than I had ever hoped for from so many lovely people.


There have been many threads where some crossdressers state they are a different person when they are dressed.

How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?

My wife and I have been together over 45 years. She's know about my crossdressing for almost that long. I posed that question to her. Which opened up a real great conversation between us. She basically said that when I'm dressed she still sees her husband, just in a dress. I love my feminine side but honestly, for me, She 'sees' me just fine.

What do you 'see'?

Roberta Lynne, I dont really get the "different person" thing - that kind of suggests split personality to me - with regard to my husband, I just see him, whatever he is wearing, he doesnt change his personality. I just see him as a guy who has this part of him that likes to be feminine some of the time, just like some of the time he is quiet and some of the time he is funny, or silly or unhappy - its just who he is.


Here's a question then. I am a CD and TG. I feel a strong female presence in myself. But I'm not TS or thinking SRS or radical changes. My wife is on board and she has been just great through this slow emergence. I've now let my female side out (not really cding but, well, just being me - a woman in my world) to other women. I have interests that are more typically female (ie Gardening - I love gardening). So I am expanding those interests and consequently am now among groups of women (there is like 20% men). I feel very at-home in groups of girls. No pressure, not much competition - good conversations - we talk family, kids, food, life etc. It's so good. I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?

LaurenB - I'd be ok with this as long as I didnt feel excluded or that my SO was hiding something. However, my SO doesnt really have any female friends as such or hobbies that would put him in that sort of situation so this doesnt really come up. On the other hand I have always had male friends, I see them at social events and things to do with my hobbies, I have on line male friends - my OH is quite ok with this as he trust me completely.

[crossdressersfriend GG]

I can appreciate the fact there is a HUGE variation in how ggs look at CDs. And I genuinely understand most of the reasons in those variations. My question is really posed to any gg here who is actually attracted to someone who CDs. Why are you attracted? What is it about someone who CDs that draws you toward them, rather than just simple acceptance of someone who might be in your life? And if you don't mind, does your age make any difference; are you generally younger in age? Thanks so much in advance.

I think younger GGs would more easliy accept a CDer, but I am 41, so not exactly young anymore. My mom is also accepting of it, she's 68 (?) but isn't in any sort of relationship, we've just talked about it because she's a psychologist. I think it's just how I was raised to be accepting of people in general and I teach my kids the same thing.

[RADER]

I would like to ask Reine, and the others this question.

What percent of the mail population ether CDs, or is in a Trans state, or has had SRS?
It just seems by all the people on this forum, that the numbers have to be great.
About how many members do we have?
Rader

[ReineD]

To Rader, no one knows the true percentage, since so many crossdressers are in the closet. And among the TSs, the only real numbers we have are people who seek medical attention for the gender dysphoria.

Estimates of the TG community at large range anywhere from one tenth of one percent, to one percent, to five percent, to ten percent, although this last number seems high to me, when I compare the number of TGs that I've come across in my life. The number of crossdressers is far greater than the number of transsexuals, but again, there are no real numbers.

The statistics for our forum membership are located at the bottom of our Index page. We have over 27,000 members and about 7,000 have posted in the last three months. If you wish to know what parts of the forum are most active (CD vs. TS), just look at the number of threads & posts: about 70,000 threads in the CD section vs. 5,000 threads in the TS section.

[WifeofWrenchette]

I can appreciate the fact there is a HUGE variation in how ggs look at CDs. And I genuinely understand most of the reasons in those variations. My question is really posed to any gg here who is actually attracted to someone who CDs. Why are you attracted? What is it about someone who CDs that draws you toward them, rather than just simple acceptance of someone who might be in your life? And if you don't mind, does your age make any difference; are you generally younger in age? Thanks so much in advance.I am 16 years older than him and am fifty. I was attracted to him as a male. I didn't find out he crossdressed until 6 months after meeting him. I stayed because I loved him. It's a weird coincidence because I told my boss some 15 years earlier that I wanted both a wife and a husband. Now I have both :)

[adrienner99]

GGs - Ever been a Belle of the Ball?

I don't know how, or if, such things are decided, but have you ever been to a formal event--a dance, a prom, a really ritzy party, etc., and felt like you were the best dressed woman there?

What did that feel like?

What did you wear?

[Babeba]

GGs - Ever been a Belle of the Ball?

I don't know how, or if, such things are decided, but have you ever been to a formal event--a dance, a prom, a really ritzy party, etc., and felt like you were the best dressed woman there?

What did that feel like?

What did you wear?

You know, it's funny... I have some very cute clothes, I have been to some very fun parties... But I really tend not to link the two in my mind. (I can think of times when I have totally judged someone else for what they were wearing... Like the woman at a ladies' formal Christmas Banquet in an old fashioned Club who wore a minidress about two feet shorter than the buildig's dress code, no underwear and tried to hang all over these offduty firemen who were there raising money for a children's burn unit... That's a little different sort of thing, however. I don't want to get into **** shaming, but it seemed rather odd and sad.)

I think if you're having an absolute blast, you've won. If you get a kick out of your outfit that adds to it, that's great too.

[Flent]

I do remember what I was wearing on one of the most memorable nights of my life. It seemed like everyone was drawn to me, and somehow I knew just how to connect with every person I met. In fact, I met a someone that I was romantically involved with for years after, who would always remind me of how beautiful I looked that evening. The outfit? A clingy skirt that made me look fat, and a top that had spaghetti straps. One of them broke and I had to pin it, but I only had a very fragile safety pin, the teensy gold kind you get at the cleaner's. I had planned on checking my wrap at the door, but had to wear it all night in fear that the strap would break, so I couldn't dance or move around much. Also, the clasp broke on my necklace and I lost it. I cannot think of any time in my life that I felt worse dressed, but all the same, that was my night.

The times I've been belle of the ball, it was about clicking with people. You know all the times you think of the perfect thing to say after the fact, or get caught off guard when you find yourself in the spotlight? Well the belle-of-the-ball feeling is when you think of all the witty comments at just the right moment, say them within earshot of all the right people and attract positive attention from those you want to meet, one after another. It's like being in a cloud of light, with every moment dancing into the next. Looking good is part of it, seeing appreciation or admiration in other people's eyes, but it's not the whole thing. It's an inner confidence and radiance that draws people to you. I don't really know where it comes from; it's certainly not something I have all the time. But I think every woman has it now and then.

[CloserthanthisGG]

I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)

I think actually that the only section I ever read is the M2F section. :) But I like looking at pictures too, although sometimes the pics make me jealous. It's a weird sort of jealousy though. I just realized today what was causing the jealousy. Before today, I thought it was because I was jealous of the way that every body looks, and I mean "body" literally... Like, for example, I am envious of a CDer's option to have different sized boobs every day if they want them. t I'm not jealous about hair anymore because we have so many wigs in the house and we share, so I get to change my hair a lot too. But boob size makes the difference in different outfits. Like to me it seems that a loose flowy bohemian top calls for big boobs, but a baby doll dress requires small ones. The best I can do is buy a minimizer bra and lose circulation in my my arms all day to the point of my fingers going numb by the end of the day and having a panic attack. :) I did that this week actually. But no, my jealousy of the pics is that I wish I had a nice friendly place to be sexy, post sexy pics, and not have 1) men hit on me or 2) women hate me and think of me as ****ty for posting them. I think that it is a wonderful thing to be able to express your sexuality here. And so those are my two favorites, M2F and the pictures.

[CloserthanthisGG]

I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?

The only reason I would feel jealous is if I was ever made to feel in any way unwelcome or uninvited to any events or 'spending time' with groups that involved other women. It's only the "unwelcome" feeling that would bother me. I have never understood 'boys night out' or 'girls night out' type things because I feel that there is nothing in the world that I would want to do where my SO should not be welcomed. and vice versa. He may not want to go to bellydancing class with me in particular, but he is absolutely welcome to go. I may not want to go to some particular movie with him and his friends or to some particular bar, but if I was told I could not go to a club with him, or didn't feel welcome by his friends, I would be suspicious. I wouldn't need to actually be invited in order to feel secure and welcomed, it's more like, if anything was said by him or anyone else that made it seem like they didn't want me around, then it would bother me deeply. If my SO was really into football, I would never go to any football events, for sure. Or Superbowl parties and the like. I hate football. Luckily he does too. :) But like, if I felt like... unwelcome... I would wonder what was going on to make them not want me there. In my experience, 'boys night out' is an excuse to 'escape' the SO and act single, and even pick up one night stands. I've had enough married men try to pick me up on their little boy's night out that I feel justified in feeling this way. I have had enough men confide in me that they have done the same to others, that I feel justified in feeling this way. If people feel the need to feel single then they probably shouldn't be in a relationship. But that doesn't mean you don't have different interests and still love each other though, not at all. Time apart with different hobbies can strengthen a relationship I think. Just as long as you are always welcomed, and she is also, then if she chooses not to attend because she is not interested, that's absolutely not a big deal. I hope that makes sense in some weird way. :D The only times I have ever been jealous or insecure in my life have been because of unwelcome feelings from previous SO's or the people they were hanging around...

Except a warning. You say "Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else." The warning is this. I've thought similar things many times before. And then I learned that I was wrong. I started imagining. And then it happened. So I keep myself closed off from that kind of opportunity and sometimes, it can be really hard... The world is full of magical, amazing, wonderful, attractive, and willing people who have many common interests with you. In my entire life before now, I know that what I wanted was connections with all of those people, and it inevitably led to sex. I didn't want a marriage, I wanted to hang out with men that I had lots in common with, share wonderful intense bonds, and then part ways with lots of memories and learning. Now I want a marriage. And a marriage to me, means that my husband is always welcome, no matter what I am doing. I am always welcome, no matter what he is doing. But we do not always have to be together. I should know all of my husbands female friends, and I should know their history. And vice versa. And I should be allowed to speak openly about what I feel the other women's motives are, and I should be believed by my husband if I say that they are not just gardening. Call it a woman's intuition. It's not insecurity, it's intuition. And if I tell my husband that a certain woman that I think that another woman's motives in particular are not just those surface ones that you think you share, and my husband does not believe me, then I am right to also question his motives.

This coming from a woman who has abandonment issues. :) So take it with that grain of salt.

[CloserthanthisGG]

How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?



I just lost my original response to this and I have no idea what happened, the screen flashed and it was gone. *POOF*. I will try this again, but it may not come out as well as the first time because it was reeally hard to answer. :( The best questions usually are. :)

I knew when I first met my SO in like 1993 that he was special. And I knew that it had to do with gender. But I didn't know any more than that.

When my SO is feeling masculine, I know it. Sure, he's unshaven and has long nose hairs. That's easy for anyone to see. But if there was no such thing as facial hair, I'd still know. It's in his eyes. When he's feeling feminine, his eyes are softer, they're shaped differently, and I'm not talking about makeup. It's in his stance, and not because of the skirt. It's in the way his feet pat the floor instead of pound. Even if he's wearing the same shoes as he was the day before. I know. It's in his voice too, even though he doesn't change his voice ever. It's just softer, more intimate. Less edgy. His sense of humor is different too, but he'd never know it.

But that doesn't answer your question.

Hindu mythology has many examples of deities changing gender, manifesting as different genders at different times, and this idea has always completely fascinated me. The gods are the same, no matter if they are male or female, they represent the same thing, but to me, the idea that they are both masculine and feminine symbolized completeness to me. Subtract time from the equation of the god and what you have is a picture of the complete.

So without the paragraph above, if I had just answered that when I see my SO as a woman, I see him as complete, it would have given the wrong impression. It's not that he, as a person, is completed because he is wearing women's clothes. He is not made a complete person by this in my mind. What I see, is a symbol of the complete.

And I know that I am in love with a superb being.

[CloserthanthisGG]

I can appreciate the fact there is a HUGE variation in how ggs look at CDs. And I genuinely understand most of the reasons in those variations. My question is really posed to any gg here who is actually attracted to someone who CDs. Why are you attracted? What is it about someone who CDs that draws you toward them, rather than just simple acceptance of someone who might be in your life? And if you don't mind, does your age make any difference; are you generally younger in age? Thanks so much in advance.

I am 35 and my SO is 39. We met when I was 17 and he was 21. I am attracted to men who CD. I always have been. I have tried to convince anyone I've ever been with to wear my clothes and there have been successes and failures in that area in my past. :) But this is the first time I've actually been with a CDer. And what's weird is that we've been together twice before and he never told me. But I'm very glad he did. It's not that I am "okay with CDing". I am attracted to it.

Lisia lives with me now, but is travelling a lot for work right now, and this weekend and I really rather sad and disappointed by this. It's pouring down rain, and the only reason I didn't drive to Dallas to be with my SO this weekend is because we have to sick pets. :(:( And the rain just makes me more lonely, so I thought I would come on here because I haven't in forever...

But my point was, for a while there, I was coming home from work, and Lisia would have been looking for a job all day, but when I got home, he would be all dressed up for me. My closet is entirely open for the pickin's and Lisia would try to keep me guessing... and it made me feel very special. I'd walk in and there would be my 'lady' with a glass of wine in hand for me after a long day, just standing there wearing heels, and stockings and long hair and a miniskirt with an open mouth full of wine flavoured kisses. I've said things like this before on here and people have thought that this was something that I was making him do or that there was something twisted about our relationship because I liked it so much , because I have openly voiced that I LOVE seeing him dress like this, but no, this was all just a fun thing he was coming up with to do for me. Ohhhhhh he was just always sooo pleased to see my reactions. :) :)

Here is the direct answer to the question though, that was indirectly answered in my previous paragraph. It's because of the effort. It's because of the interest in BEING attractive. It's because of the vulnerability. It's because of the hips and the softness, and the hair, and the lips and the taste. It's because of the things I say sometimes casually about something feminine like how I put on mascara or something and then get an honest and interested response like "Oooohhhh, that's why you do this first" or something. It's the interest.

But also, I think maybe it's because my father is also a crossdresser.

:)

[Tara D. Rose]

I’d love to ask a question to the GG’s. This question goes to the GG’s who’s CD SO, dresses all the way completely with make up, wig, bra, forms, panties, hosiery, garters, perfume, skirts, blouses, heels, jewelry, etc. How many of you will make love to her when she is dressed to the nines, and which of you would not make love to her if she is full en femme, and why??

For those that do, does it add some excitement to it, or do you comply for her sake?
L&R……Tara

[Sandra]

Hope I can answer even though Nigella is TS


How many of you will make love to her when she is dressed to the nines,

Me



For those that do, does it add some excitement to it,
Yes


or do you comply for her sake?
No

Well you didn't expect me to go into detail :D

[Babeba]

Tara,

Everyone is an individual and will have their own reasons for doing things. I won't get into specific details, but I am very much attracted to Crystal no matter what she (or he) is wearing. I just love every fiber of that whole person so much -'warts and all,' just like Cromwell - that it transcends gender and outward expression of gender has become in and of itself another activity we share that is all the more special because we do it together. We took our time together and talked about every last little thing so we completely agreed on everything we have done and are all the more close together because of it.

[ReineD]

I do. :)

I don't see her or him as two "separate" people, s/he is the same person with different facets, different moods, just like everyone else. Would I only make love to my SO if she was only in one mood? No. lol

Edit - No one wants to be made love to out of their partner's sense of "having to comply". Ick.

[CloserthanthisGG]

I do, and it adds excitement, yes. But I can't get into it if I'm not 'dressed to the nines' as well. If he's just hanging around in like some purple velvet Juicy Couture looking sweatpants and forms/bra and slippers and maybe some light makeup, and I'm in the same, then sure. But if we're talking 'to the nines', then I would feel outclassed if i hadn't shaved my legs and wearing something nice to start off with. I wouldn't feel as sexy. I have to feel sexy too. Very important.

[Rebecca Star]

WTG Mods and Admin.

*********

Question if I may?

All of my long term partners have all been cool with my CDing. One in particular when I was 24, she was 21, really got into not only buying me clothes but a similar situation to what CloserThanThisGG expressed. She also enjoyed the sex too, which, was always better when dressed - Lisa was a very openminded girl.

My SO now, while she's supportive and all that jazz, and yes we have done it with me en femme, it's not exactly her cuppa tea. Like many stockings, lingerie and heels flick my buttons. The actual act of intercourse, well that's not specially a deal breaker for me. I do however really enjoy the feel of my nylons legs etc...etc rubbing up against her's... I wont go into details, I think that's enough to draw a picture.

I'd never want her doing it with me for the sake of it. But this need to fill that void is become increasingly addictive. I don't know if there is something I haven't said or something I could say that maybe blocking this from happening. Maybe it's just not going to ever happen again.

However just asking the question as to how I could possibly proach the subject and in turn see if it's a possibilty or a definite 'no go zone', is something I think I need to do.

While I respect her views and feelings, I just feel unfulfilled

So I would appreciate any feedback from the GG's here to ways in which I could approach things for this issue?

[WifeofWrenchette]

I’d love to ask a question to the GG’s. This question goes to the GG’s who’s CD SO, dresses all the way completely with make up, wig, bra, forms, panties, hosiery, garters, perfume, skirts, blouses, heels, jewelry, etc. How many of you will make love to her when she is dressed to the nines, and which of you would not make love to her if she is full en
femme, and why??

For those that do, does it add some excitement to it, or do you comply for her sake?
L&R……TaraYes we do make love while she's enfemme.

For me it doesn't add excitement, but I'm not doing to "comply" either. I simply see it as something that turns her on and then in turn that makes me happy, if that makes any sense?

[ReineD]

However just asking the question as to how I could possibly broach the subject and in turn see if it's a possibilty or a definite 'no go zone', is something I think I need to do.

While I respect her views and feelings, I just feel unfulfilled

So I would appreciate any feedback from the GG's here to ways in which I could approach things for this issue?

First, I want to say that earlier in your post, you mentioned a past girlfriend who was open minded. I just want to mention there is a difference in sexual attitudes between someone who is young and not in a committed relationship with a boyfriend (she sees the CDing as a fun "kink"), and someone in a long term relationship who understands more about it even if only at the subconscious level. This is why so many wives go for it in the beginning but then after some years get "turned off". They come to believe (through perhaps a lack of communication with their husbands ... added to the difficulty for any CDer to communicate how a cross-gender identity affects his sexuality), that their role as the women in their relationships is threatened. Not everyone feels this way, but it is common. Also, there are some women who do get turned off from having sex with someone who is feminine.

So ... I'm afraid your only recourse with your wife is to ask her what specifically turns her off about the idea of you wearing feminine apparel to bed. If any of her objections have to do with not liking her man to be feminine, there's not much else you can do other than to say you are not feminine, you do identify solidly as a male, and this to you is just a kink (if indeed you do feel this way. Don't lie if you don't). Still, if she is genuinely turned off by this there is not much you can do to change her own sexual preferences. Some women simply don't like to take on a man's role in bed (referring to the part of your post that was edited). This simply does not fit into their own definitions of themselves.

[Babeba]

Sexuality is definitely something different from gender, yet related... I for one am not too comfortable with the sort of role play that I think you were getting at that was edited out, but many people are. I think you have to remember that there is a reason your ex, Lisa, is an ex... And that there is also a reason you are with your current SO. A relationship isn't all about sex. Pressuring your partner to do things she is clearly not into isn't respect.

As for filling the void, what 'need' exactly is it that is not being filled? Is it purely physical, or is there a mental component? Is there a way other than with sex that you can fulfill that mental need?

[susiepaul]

to all GG's

have you ever thought that your SO was better dressed than you were and what did you feel about it?

regards Paulie

[WifeofWrenchette]

to all GG's

have you ever thought that your SO was better dressed than you were and what did you feel about it?

regards Paulieshe definitely dresses better than me enfemme. Actually, even in drab he dresses better. I just don't care about clothes. I have 1/10th of the closet and he/she has 9/10th. I have two pair of shoes. he/she has dozens.

To me clothes just aren't that important. They are to cover my body and that's it. they are very important to him/her though so I respect that.

[ReineD]

have you ever thought that your SO was better dressed than you were and what did you feel about it?

My SO consistently is better dressed and has nicer jewelry & shoes than I do. Also, my SO has the appearance of having a curvier figure than I do with the breast forms, waist cincher, and hip/bottom pads. How do I feel about this? It's a question of financial resources, I just don't have the same resources, and so it becomes a question of priorities for me. I don't buy much, but what I buy is nice ... I just wear the things a lot. :) I've read multiple posts in this forum from CDers who feel their wives are jealous of them because they are so pretty. I don't think that having more money to buy nice things, or making this a priority, makes anyone prettier or more feminine.

As to the breast forms and the hip pads, I suppose if I wanted a curvier figure, I could get my own. :)

[Silentpartner GG SO]

to all GG's

have you ever thought that your SO was better dressed than you were and what did you feel about it?

regards Paulie

not really, my SO doesnt have the body for female clothes - and she doesnt have any clothes that I would be likely to wear. We have different tastes.
I would echo Wrenchette's answer - I am not really into clothes in a big way - we dont really have a social life as such so smart 'going out' clothes would be a total waste of money for me. The only time I get to dress up is when we go on holiday - then I enjoy gettingdolled up for dinner/bar.

[Sandra]

to all GG's

have you ever thought that your SO was better dressed than you were and what did you feel about it?

regards Paulie

No I have never thought that. There have been times when we have been going out for the night and I have commented on how nice she looked, but not once have I thought she was better dressed than me.

[Babeba]

I think that Crystal looks super duper pretty all dolled up! If I think that I am not dressed to the level she is - well, rhat's what my closet (or my overnight bag) is for! It's not a competition, it's about having fun.

If I felt like crystal was spending money she did not have on femme stuff, or money that should be better spent on things to build our life together - we may have had to have a couple of talks about it to get me to see what her plans are. However, she is realistic about what she wants to Spend money on, and has her finances quite well in hand so it is none of my business to worry about her financial well being.

[Stitch]

So now, feeling honored to ask the first question: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)

I do love the FAB forum, as the ladies in there really helped me wrap my head round some stuff really early on in my relationship. :hugs:
As for the other forums. I'm a lurker, so I read many different areas of the forum. I actually quite like the young person forum, although I haven't posted much and I've only a few months left. It's nice to hear from people from my generation.


. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?

I encourage my boyfriend to indulge in group meetings with people who share his interests. He regularly meets a book club and loves discussing things with them. It's a mix gender group. I'm completely happy with him joining a group because he wanted to chat about his interest with people who share it, but if it was just to hang out with women, even in just a "friends" setting I then would be jealous. Now I tend to get on with men better than women, in the same way you get on better with women rather than men, and a lot of my hobbies are quite male orientated. Like Computer games and such. If I said to my boyfriend I'm joining this gaming group because I want to talk to men as I get on better with them even as friends, I think he'd be a bit jealous too. If I said that I was joining because of the subject matter I doubt he'd batter an eyelid.

Two outcomes to the same situation and it all steams from the motive behind the wanting to go to the group.


How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?


I see him as a man with a need to express a certain part of himself. I totally get that as I can draw parallels in my own mind and body which feel the need and want to do things even though its is outside the social norm.


My question is really posed to any gg here who is actually attracted to someone who CDs. Why are you attracted? What is it about someone who CDs that draws you toward them, rather than just simple acceptance of someone who might be in your life? And if you don't mind, does your age make any difference; are you generally younger in age? Thanks so much in advance.

I’m a “Younger GG” age 25 and he is in his 30s. I’m attracted to my boyfriend as he is pretty much the whole package (albeit with extras lol!) He is attractive, sweet, kind and generous. I could go on but all my sappiness will end up making someone sick. Haha. Basically I love him, because he is him.
I’ve realised over the years I’m pretty indifferent to his CDing, granted it has taken awhile and if he was “out” in our community it would be completely different story. However crossdressing is just a part of who he is. I help him pick outfits when he goes away to dress, and I tidy his wigs and stuff, (and maybe sneak them on a dance in front of the mirror) but in reality I don’t really care either way. If he wasn’t or was a CDer, it doesn’t matter to me. If he dressed in public closer to home and was “out” admittedly I would find that very hard.


I'm breaking this up into chunks as I'm a tad late to this thread.


GGs - Ever been a Belle of the Ball?

I missed all my “Proms” and stuff because I housebound with illness for several years. So I’ve never had the chance to dress up. It’s a little sad, but not the end of the world.


For those that do, does it add some excitement to it, or do you comply for her sake?

I’m a GG who doesn’t. I won’t when he is dressed up as his “femme side” we tried it a few times and even though I know he is the same person no matter what, all the clothes and stuff really throw me, especially the wig as it's cold and it doesn’t smell like him. I like to run my hands through his hair and kiss his face, so the wig just really gets in the way for me. The whole femme dress thing me feel like I’m cheating on him and makes me feel really uncomfortable.

I like to touch him as a man, and feel and see him react like a man. I don’t mind the odd piece of femme clothing, as it can really add to it. But I want him. I want to see him and smell him.
We have a lot of fun, and are very varied but I do draw the line at full dress. Thankfully I think he is on the same page as me as sexy time is naked time.


to all GG's have you ever thought that your SO was better dressed than you were and what did you feel about it? regards Paulie

I have never thought that, not enfemme anyway. He looks amazing in a suit though, and as a man looks gorgeous!
But his femme side, no so much. I’m very lucky as I look cute even in scruffy clothes, and have really nice skin so I can go without makeup. When I do bother to dress up, I look pretty damn good. :battingeyelashes:

[Nigella]

When the pink fog becomes a pea souper, where is your happy place that you go to?

[CloserthanthisGG]

When the pink fog becomes a pea souper, where is your happy place that you go to?

Right there in the thick of it. Or going shopping together find pretty accessories to add to the fog like hair clips or nail polish. :D Especially now that Lisia is waaay more comfortable with me knowing than at first. I think it may have even wierded out my SO how not bothered and not weirded out I was to know. And how natural it was.

[Sandra]

When the pink fog becomes a pea souper, where is your happy place that you go to?

You didn't have much of the pink fog so it never became a pea souper...but if it did happen then I'd just turn myself off, but if it got really out of control then you would know about it. :D

[ReineD]

Here.

.........................

[Stitch]

When the pink fog becomes a pea souper, where is your happy place that you go to?

I don't think my partner really pink fogs at all. He is fairly grounded in reality, so much so he actually helps keeping me grounded me when I'm about to fly off in my own little world of what ifs. I have the more obsessive personality out of us.

I would think that while Pink Fog is pretty much a term that goes with Crossdressing, it could be applied to other things too right? I tend to get obsessed with my own hobbies to the point I don't stop talking about them for weeks at a time. Any spare time I get will go towards that hobby until I burn myself out or find something new to fixate over instead. It may be a project I'm working on, a computer game I've been playing, a new gadget I want to buy or a series on the TV.

My poor boyfriend just smiles and nodds. He really is a saint lol. I think I'll go find him and give him a hug.

[KarenNY]

Here's a question if I may ask the married GG's on the forum... and I don't know how many of you are married, but it has to do with weddings. How many of you would have been (or would be) OK with your SO wanting to be the bride in your wedding, or *a* bride if you were to do a "double-bride" wedding? Would you feel your SO is competing with you or intruding in an area that should not be encroached upon, would you be OK with it as an expression of your mutual love and understanding, or would you be more comfortable with a separate wedding ceremony where your SO can enjoy the thrill of being the bride?
I had a GG girlfriend back in college who was thrilled about my CDing and enjoyed helping me dress and going out and about with me. We talked marriage, although we never did discuss our wedding in terms of my CDing, and sadly she broke up with me after more than a year of dating (and partly because I was CDing more and more often; for her, the novelty had apparently worn off). My own mock wedding was just after college and a couple of years before I met my wife, but was with a male groom.

[ReineD]

The issue with double brides is that some couples aren't out to absolutely everyone in their lives. Transsexuals are out by need, but not CDers. So if we were to get married with all and sundry invited, neither one of us would want a double bride wedding.

I would, however, think it would be great fun to have such a ceremony privately. I would not feel as if my SO was encroaching on my turf at all. :)

[CloserthanthisGG]

How many of you would have been (or would be) OK with your SO wanting to be the bride in your wedding, or *a* bride if you were to do a "double-bride" wedding? Would you feel your SO is competing with you or intruding in an area that should not be encroached upon, would you be OK with it as an expression of your mutual love and understanding, or would you be more comfortable with a separate wedding ceremony where your SO can enjoy the thrill of being the bride?


This is such a... what's the word I am looking for...? whatever the word that means "time appropriate question" for me because I was just looking at wedding dresses today.

I want to post separately with pics of what we have agreed to do because I want to know what everyone thinks, if it is something that anyone else would do, etc. Feedback.

But to answer your question, so long as we weren't wearing the same dress, and we both looked gorgeous, I would be cool with it. But I would never wear a tux. :) But that's not what we're going to do exactly, but we're both going to be wearing what I would consider beautiful and ornate. :)

[MandyGG]

I would absolutely have not be okay with my husband in a wedding dress at our wedding! 1st and foremost, my children with a different man were at my wedding. They are to never know about Audrey under any circumstances.

Had this been discussed, meaning if he had any interest in it at all, and my children were non-existent then it is a minor possibility. He would have had to have shown me that it was something important to him. If the kids were part of the equation, and it were something equally important to him, then it could be discussed to have a private ceremony between us.

[candicd]

To the GGs,

How do you show support to your SO? What are the things you do or say? Some of us are just insecure little girls sometimes :o).

-Candi

[MandyGG]

To the GGs,

How do you show support to your SO? What are the things you do or say? Some of us are just insecure little girls sometimes :o).

-Candi

How do I show support?

I allow him to stay married to an awesome woman like me!! ;)

Just kidding!!!

I don't really know HOW I do it, maybe he is the better one to say what it is. But, from what I TRY to make sure that I do is 1) Listen when he talks. 2) Remind him how much I love and treasure him. 3) Remind him that no matter what life throws at us, we will get through it.

I don't look at being a supportive wife to a CD as any different from being a supportive wife to a NON-CD. I show love and respect to him either way. What I can say about how I treat him regarding the CDing (Now. Not in the past...) is that I try to not take things personally, and try to accept it for what it is. If I do have a problem, that is just in my own head and not a genuine problem that needs working out, then I usually deal with it on my own and get over it quickly. I don't want to upset him or make him want to hide things from me by fighting over nonsense. If is a genuine problem that needs discussing, then I try to keep as level of a head as possible, remember the things that I have learned here, and keep calm. Thankfully, we haven't had any large problems since we laid out our ground rules and boundaries.

[BRANDYJ]

To the GG's,

!. We talk about boundaries that a husband and wife agree upon. Would you to share some, if not all the boundaries you have in place?

2. Has your husband or CD placed any boundaries on himself without you asking for it to be a boundary?

3. Since setting those initial boundaries, have you and your partner expanded them? That is say something that once was a boundaries
no longer is a boundary?

4. I feel like I am a better man, a better person because of my dual gender status. Do you feel that your partner might also be a better
man/person because he is a CD?

[Stitch]

Here's a question if I may ask the married GG's on the forum... and I don't know how many of you are married, but it has to do with weddings. How many of you would have been (or would be) OK with your SO wanting to be the bride in your wedding, or *a* bride if you were to do a "double-bride" wedding?

I wouldn't be okay with this. Maybe its selfish but I would feel its encroaching on my space. I rarely ever have an excuse to dress up, especially in the terms you do when your a bride. My partner is a CDer, and isn't out. I'm completely happy for him to have dress up time privately, but I would want him there on our big day as a man, dressed to the nines in his best suit. I'd want to be able to look at him on our special day looking at his most attractive to me. He looks AMAZING in a suit (which I think I've mentioned in this thread already) That way we could get some lovely photos, to look back with fondness of how good we looked in our youth, and I could make eyes at him all day ready for the honey moon. Thankfully, my partner is very happy as a man. His motives for dressing are more about a piece of mind rather than what he looks like, so we never really "compete" as it were.



To the GGs,

How do you show support to your SO? What are the things you do or say? Some of us are just insecure little girls sometimes :o).

-Candi

For us its not all about dressing. My partner is very soft and quiet person, he isn't a strong macho man at all. So we'll quite often sit together snuggled up and I'll play with his hair and whisper sweet things to him. He's a big worrier in general, so I'll help him try and address those things. I'll cheer him up when he is sad by being silly. I'm not saying he isn't strong at all, because he is and definitely has his own strength, but he knows we can just be his soft self around me.

As for the CDing side, I bought him a necklace for Christmas one year to wear. I help him pick out outfits for when he goes away. I've helped brush his wigs and gave them a general tidy up. We have had a picnic dressed. That being said, it's not a huge part of who he is. He only occasionally dresses.



To the GG's,

!. We talk about boundaries that a husband and wife agree upon. Would you to share some, if not all the boundaries you have in place?

2. Has your husband or CD placed any boundaries on himself without you asking for it to be a boundary?

3. Since setting those initial boundaries, have you and your partner expanded them? That is say something that once was a boundaries
no longer is a boundary?

4. I feel like I am a better man, a better person because of my dual gender status. Do you feel that your partner might also be a better
man/person because he is a CD?

Haven't really had to put up any boundaries. His Crossdressing was in the picture long before I was, so he already knew lots about himself and made plans to dress away from home. I missed his "growing pains"
We tend to treat each other how we'd like to be treated, so we are always aware about each others comfort zones and stuff.

As for him being a better person because of his Crossdressing needs. I don't think that at all. I think he is an amazing person anyway, you take away the girl clothes and he'd be the same person but with more wardrobe space.

[MandyGG]

1. We talk about boundaries that a husband and wife agree upon. Would you to share some, if not all the boundaries you have in place?

Our boundaries are: Under no circumstances are the children EVER to know. No Transition. No hormones.


2. Has your husband or CD placed any boundaries on himself without you asking for it to be a boundary?

He will not go out dressed.


3. Since setting those initial boundaries, have you and your partner expanded them? That is say something that once was a boundaries no longer is a boundary?

They are hard boundaries, and I don't see myself yielding on them.


4. I feel like I am a better man, a better person because of my dual gender status. Do you feel that your partner might also be a better man/person because he is a CD?

He is the most gentle, sweetest, kindest, and down right patient man I have EVER known. I think those traits have A LOT to do with being a CD.

[ReineD]

CDers, do you think you could space out your questions a bit? There's no way to measure this and I hate to impose rules, but maybe no more than one question every 2-3 days to give some space for all the answers? :)



How do you show support to your SO? What are the things you do or say?

By living our lives in concert with one another. Her switching back and forth is just so ordinary for us it doesn't merit any "special" comments. It's just the same as my SO not making a big deal when I change from wearing a pair of blue jeans to a summer skirt.

That said, in the beginning when I was learning about all of this we had the usual "special girlie time" (painting finger nails, etc), but we don't any more. How many women in their 50s do you know who paint each other's finger nails? :p I also want to add, it is mostly the accepting GGs who seem to be responding to this thread so far. For a wife just having learned about this after some years together and who is struggling with the concept, blocking out some time so that her husband is free to dress even if alone without having to hide anything, is a huge way to support him.


We talk about boundaries that a husband and wife agree upon. Would you to share some, if not all the boundaries you have in place?

There are no boundaries simply because we both agree on the degree of "outedness". Also my SO has a rich life with many other things in it than the CDing, and so she dresses when the need arises and as her schedule permits, which I find entirely reasonable. Admittedly there was an expansion in the beginning from dressing just at home to learning how to go out in the mainstream, which brought with it a wardrobe overhaul and some minor changes to her physical presentation in order to make it easier and quicker for her to get ready. And during these times I convinced myself she was on her way to transition despite her assuring me of the contrary. Still even then, I had no wish to limit my SO's self-expression. I don't want to be with a partner who stifles himself to be with me, this is a recipe for future relationship disaster. If however she were to want to live full time or transition, this is beyond my comfort level for a romantic partner and we would need to reexamine the direction of our relationship at that time.

Is she a better person because she is dualgender? Honestly I don't know, I've never known her otherwise and so I've nothing to compare. She is a fine person though, and this is why we're together. :)


Would you blame your CD husband if this secret came out to the kids …

If the kids found out on their own then we'd just need to deal with it as best we can. We'd do our best to educate them about all the different facets of being trans, and how this fits in with my SO. We would also respect their individual preferences as to exposure. One of my sons might not be bothered by seeing my SO dressed, but the other two might and my SO would not feel comfortable dressing in front of them in that case. But, I would not want my SO to tell my sons without my permission, just as I wouldn't tell her boss or her parents without her permission.

However, when the kids share the same parents, it is just as important for both parents to be exactly on the same page with this, so as not to confuse the kids. It would be awful if dad gave the impression he was all gung-ho about the CDing while mom was sitting in the corner with white knuckles. The kids would be forced to choose sides, despite the parents' best intentions to not have this happen.

[Mimi]

To the GGs,

How do you show support to your SO? What are the things you do or say? Some of us are just insecure little girls sometimes :o).

-Candi

I compliment Eryn on her look when she dresses (and she always truly looks lovely). I suggest little outings for us such as shopping, and help her pick out her outfit and accessories. When she tries on clothes, I give a constructive opinion as to the way it looks. I have no problem with the underdressing, nightie and androgynous jeans/capris/shoes.


To the GG's,

!. We talk about boundaries that a husband and wife agree upon. Would you to share some, if not all the boundaries you have in place?

2. Has your husband or CD placed any boundaries on himself without you asking for it to be a boundary?

3. Since setting those initial boundaries, have you and your partner expanded them? That is say something that once was a boundaries
no longer is a boundary?

4. I feel like I am a better man, a better person because of my dual gender status. Do you feel that your partner might also be a better
man/person because he is a CD?

We have not set any formal boundaries, because Eryn is respectful of my feelings, and I will speak up if something is making me uncomfortable. When I first found out about Eryn, and Eryn first started dressing, she asked my permission or at least discussed with me beforehand things like shaving body hair and purchasing shoes. I stretched to go along with it, and it was difficult for me at first, and when I explained my feelings, Eryn slowed down.

I believe Eryn is much happier now than she was before she told me about the CDing and started exploring it. I think it has made her a better, more tolerant person.

[MandyGG]

My two questions to all you GG's is more in tune with children specifically. I'm very happily married, my wife is fully 100% supportive of me, and my daughter knows, accepts, and loves me, my son knows (I think or at least suspects), and it's not an issue for him...why? Because kids are sharper than tacks. My wife nor I revealed I CD'd, but it came out in the mix. I sense some of you women would not want, under any circumstances, to have the children know this about their father.

I must clarify something. Yes I am completely against it because of the children. But, it is because the 2 children that I am concerned about are not Audrey's biological children. They are from my previous marriage and he is their step-dad. I am constantly at war with my ex-husband, and he is always looking for a reason to try to gain custody of them. He WOULD use the CDing as a reason, and I have no doubts about it. I honestly wouldn't blame him, due to society being uneducated on the issue. That is my reason that they are NEVER to know.... well, at least until custody is no longer an issue.

We do have a son together. He is almost 17 months old. I don't see this being a problem for a few more years in his case. I guess I will deal with it then.


1. Would you blame your CD husband if this secret came out to the kids, through their own efforts, not from either of you; would it diminish your husband in any way in your eyes, or otherwise raise doubts or concerns about why you married a CDer, although these were not huge concerns initially, believing this secret could be kept from the kids, and how would you deal with it?

I would hope that this never comes up. If they found out on their own later in their lives, I will deal with it then. Nothing would change the way I see him. If nothing has yet, nothing ever will.


2. Has this been a real life issue with any of you and how was it dealt with?

Thankfully, No.

[Sandra]

Here's a question if I may ask the married GG's on the forum... and I don't know how many of you are married, but it has to do with weddings. How many of you would have been (or would be) OK with your SO wanting to be the bride in your wedding, or *a* bride if you were to do a "double-bride" wedding?

No I wouldn't have been happy, a wedding day is the brides day.

What I would like to do when Nigella has had her surgery, is have a civil ceremony.


To the GGs,

How do you show support to your SO? What are the things you do or say? Some of us are just insecure little girls sometimes :o).

-Candi

Nigella says I do nothing :lol: I am here with her, I have been to all the appointments at the gender clinic with her and I'm annoyed that the next one I can't get to, but I'll be there for the next one. When she wants to sit and talk I listen and offer advice and she knows that I am here for her.


BRANDYJ

We don't have any boundaries now. In the past we did when we had a big hicup and that was I decided when she could dress, and that boundary went out of the window about 4 months after it was agreed.
As for Nigella putting some in place by herself, no she didn't, we discussed everything and decided things together.

Is Nigella a better person? no she is who she is no better no worse.

[Babeba]

When the pink fog becomes a pea souper, where is your happy place that you go to?

It doesn't happen very often/at all... But some of the times I have been most unsure have been the times I hugged her the most. FAB helps too.


Here's a question if I may ask the married GG's on the forum... and I don't know how many of you are married, but it has to do with weddings. How many of you would have been (or would be) OK with your SO wanting to be the bride in your wedding, or *a* bride if you were to do a "double-bride" wedding? Would you feel your SO is competing with you or intruding in an area that should not be encroached upon, would you be OK with it as an expression of your mutual love and understanding, or would you be more comfortable with a separate wedding ceremony where your SO can enjoy the thrill of being the bride?
I had a GG girlfriend back in college who was thrilled about my CDing and enjoyed helping me dress and going out and about with me. We talked marriage, although we never did discuss our wedding in terms of my CDing, and sadly she broke up with me after more than a year of dating (and partly because I was CDing more and more often; for her, the novelty had apparently worn off). My own mock wedding was just after college and a couple of years before I met my wife, but was with a male groom.

If we ever get married, two dresses probably won't come up... Crystal is not out to her family and friends, other than me. (if we were to bave fun in thrift store outfits and take pictures just the two of us, that is totally different!) However, I strongly believe that a wedding is a symbol of celebrating the things you want to take forward in the future, so I would make sure that Crystal had full input on everything, and that things which are important to both of us were involved... Like roaring dinosaurs, Paddington Bear, and yummy food - Things that show our individual selves and how we are happy and strong as a couple.


To the GGs,

How do you show support to your SO? What are the things you do or say? Some of us are just insecure little girls sometimes :o).

-Candi
I call her when I miss her, I always keep my eye out for shoes she'd like when I am thrifting, I smile big when I see her. All the things that I do because I love my partner lots. I don't hide or put on an act when we are together, and I think that helps show my sincerity when I say I love her. I try to acknowledge and match the little things she does for me, although she usually is more awesome at it than I am. She always remembers to get soy milk for me, and I barely remember to pick up regular milk for her!

Brandi, your question 4 (the other three don't really apply, we don't live together yet and we have things pretty well talked over and agreed without boundaries): this is a toughie. Crystal is my favourite man I have ever met because of who she is (and who he is). I cannot point to specific traits and say, 'if he did not have TG parts, this would not be here.' i could list a lot of the reasons why I like him, yes, some of them have to do with empathy, emotional availability and other stereotypically female traits. Does that mean if he did not have the urge to dress, he would be less in those things? Who knows? They are certainly not universal TG traits. All I can say is that to my mind, I have the best boyfriend ever, bar none.

[Sandra]

After 25 years of marriage and knowing all but 6 months of that 25 years about Nigella, nope I don't have any fear of that.

[ReineD]

I very much had that fear in the beginning. We had pressures on our relationship from sources outside the CDing and my SO was going through a lot of changes while coming out of her closet, so yes I did feel sometimes as if I might not be a priority for her. This did cause me to step back. But, I don't feel this way any more.

[Stitch]

I don't have that fear at all. My boyfriend has always made me his main priority, and sex for him seems to fall more into "love making" and an emotional need rather than physical. Although the physical side is good too. :) I don't see him considering me as a replaceable component.

[Babeba]

Do any of you GG's have the fear that a relationship with a CDer will result in him replacing you in his sexual motivations and or actions as the relationship progresses?

I think you're asking, am I worried that he is going to get more into himself or playing at being the woman in a sexual fantasy than he is in me?

No, I'm not worried about that. I know he thinks I'm fantastic! :-)

[MandyGG]

Do any of you GG's have the fear that a relationship with a CDer will result in him replacing you in his sexual motivations and or actions as the relationship progresses?

I did at first. Every so often the fear comes back in, but it goes away quickly. I don't really worry about it much now because he has proven that he is content with us.

[BRANDYJ]

Here's a question for our GG's that I would love to ask every GG SA that sell women's wear. Since I am not brave enough to do that, I am asking our GG members what their thoughts are.

I realize it can be skewed since all of you have a good knowledge about us CD's. So I'll ask you to think back before any CD issues entered your life. Before you found out about your SO/husband. Maybe some of you have actually been a SA selling ladies wear. So if you can, respond with how you felt or might have felt before you personally had to deal with a CD in your life.

If a man came in and was looking at lingerie or dresses and such, would you right off have suspected he was a CD?
Would you have thought he must be gay?
Would you have been either embarrassed or uncomfortable if he said he was looking for himself?
Would you have thought he was into a sexual fetish thing since he wants to wear women's clothes?
Lastly, how do you think the average SA presented with the above really feels about dealing with a man that happens to be a CD but is shopping dressed as a male?
Same question, but dressed fem?

[ReineD]

It depends on the SA, Brandy. Some of them genuinely don't care. They have a "whatever" attitude. Others are grateful for the sale. Only once was I an invisible fly on the wall. My SO and I walked into an Ann Taylor shop together, but she went to one side of the store while I went to the other. The two SAs at the counter did not realize we were together. While my SO's back was turned, I saw one elbow the other and nod towards my SO with a snicker. The other one smiled. Then they noticed me staring at them and I gave them a good, long, hard glare. They turned away in embarrassment. What went through their minds? Likely everything that you said.

I was not embarrassed, not any more although I used to be in the beginning. I was angry. And sad. And I didn't feel it necessary to share the incident with my SO, since we can do nothing about people's attitudes over the CDing.

[Babeba]

I can't speak for the average SA, and I don't want for anyone to get mad at me if they go out and get a more-predjudiced-than-most SA, so I'm not going to try! This is all from my (hypothetical) perspective.

Umm, I probably would have not suspected it. It was definitely NOT on my radar before Crystal. I probably would have thought he was shopping for a present for someone else. I probably would have been surprised at him saying it was for him, but I also try not to judge people at first glance (especially if I haven't had time to think about things) so my outward demeanor would not have changed. Actually some times of year I would probably not have even been surprised, the city I grew up in had an annual fun race called 'the underwear affair' raising money for cancers below the waist and there were usually some hilariously great getups put together by both guys and girls crossdressing for the run. There was another one raising money for the women's shelter that was "walk a mile in her shoes" (literally). Looking back on it, some of those participants had REALLY gone all out with getting women's shoes that fit them and were cute... hmm...

I probably wouldn't have thought sexual fetish (because those are things you don't indulge in public, right? That'd be like having a flogging session on your front lawn..) I would have thought, "individual." There was one fellow who I used to chat with when I worked at a bookstore who was always very nicely (androgynously) dressed. I thought he was awesomesauce.

Also, a LOT of clothing stores work on commission (or sales factor into bonuses, which are the main source of pay anyway). So unless someone was acting super pervy, I probably wouldn't have reacted negatively. I mean, getting paid would have been more important to me than getting on a high horse.

[Shananigans]

If a man came in and was looking at lingerie or dresses and such, would you right off have suspected he was a CD?
Would you have thought he must be gay?
Would you have been either embarrassed or uncomfortable if he said he was looking for himself?
Would you have thought he was into a sexual fetish thing since he wants to wear women's clothes?
Lastly, how do you think the average SA presented with the above really feels about dealing with a man that happens to be a CD but is shopping dressed as a male?
Same question, but dressed fem?

I used to work in retail (unfortunately). I would not assume that a man looking for lingerie or dresses is a CD or gay. Sometimes selling underwear to guys can be a little awkward...just because some guys are awkward/I can be awkward too. For example, some guys have come in looking for lingerie for their SO...but, then, ask me questions about what I would wear, or if I thought I would look hot in a certain item. I'm not sure why this skeeves me out...but, it does. I usually answer very concisely (avoiding the answer), then tell the guy where I will be if he has further questions. So, THAT'S usually how I get uncomfortable/embarrassed. If he was looking for underwear for himself, I wouldn't really be embarrassed or uncomfortable. I'd probably only think it was really "fetishy" if he was spending WAAAAAAY too much time in the underwear section. Some guys do this...they will post up looking at a couple of tables of panties for 15 minutes. Most people get their underwear they think they want and go. The average SA probably does not care that much...but, we do talk about "interesting" customers once they leave. A guy SA would probably care even less...but, a lot of girls talk smack. If you came in dressed en femme, I would help you out and it would not be awkward unless there was a lot of time spent staring at panties or if you asked what I like wearing. However, I most definitely would end up in a conversation with another SA about the fact that a CD just came in the store. Why? Because, girls talk and retail is boring. I wouldn't think much about it.

[Roberta Lynn]

First I'd like to thank all the GG members here that are taking part in this thread.
These types of threads are always helpful and informative.

Now I have another question.
A while back in the Loved Ones section One of the GG members here wrote.

"I feel massively alone. My best girlfriends in the world that I have known for 20 plus years are in the dark about this huge revelation in my life. Many people have been commenting to me that are in my innermost circle that something seems wrong, asking what's up. I just keep saying nothing. How will I ever be close to these people again now?"

Did you feel this way when you found out about your SO? Do you still?

Have you been able to balance the need for secrecy about your SO with your need for support from your families and friends? If so how?

What would you want me, As your transgender SO, do to help?

[Silentpartner GG SO]

I havent really taken part much in this thread to date - not because it hasnt interested me, far from it, rather that I would only have been reiterating what the other GG's have said so far.

I can very much relate to the statement:

"I feel massively alone. My best girlfriends in the world that I have known for 20 plus years are in the dark about this huge revelation in my life. Many people have been commenting to me that are in my innermost circle that something seems wrong, asking what's up. I just keep saying nothing. How will I ever be close to these people again now?"



I felt very much like this - I really wanted to tell my best friend who I have known for over 25 years - not that she needs to know, just that I needed someone to be able to talk honestly and openly to, and vent occasionally if the need arose, without fear or judgment or adverse reaction.
One of my sisters is in a long term relationship with a crossdresser and she is quite open about it but I havent even told her. She's a lovely person but I just know she wouldnt be able to keep it to herself, something would be blurted out by mistake and that would be it, the cat would be out of the bag.
My other sister, I'm sure, would be fine about it but then I think I would feel bad about trusting one sister and not the other.

There were times when I would be alone in the house and things started playing on my mind, then I would end up crying and feeling totally alone - I had been dragged into the closet with my husband - this was especially bad when he went into pink fog soon after he told me. He has said that I can trell whoever I feel I need to, its up to me, but I dont want anyone to look at him differently or feel differently towards him so I've kept it to myself.

I am glad to say that I dont feel like this much nowadays - this site has helped a great deal, to be aable to actually 'talk' to others, both CD's, TS's and GG's about it openly and honestly. Plus I have now realised that my husband doesnt want to transition, is happy to keep it in the house and to be fair, he doesnt dress very often, only a couple of times a month at the moment. It really doesnt affect our life very much at all.

If there is one single thing that my hubby could do to make my life easier, not just about the CD'ing but about everyday life really, it would be to talk to me - he's never been a talker and some days he says barely 10 words to me! I often feel like I'm living with as mute and I feel shut out of his world .

[WifeofWrenchette]

We don't keep secrets well. Everyone we know, including both of our families know about it. Pretty much everyone had questions and judgments, but ultimately because I was accepting that made them accept it. His mother was a surprise, she took it the best out of everyone. It turns out that her brother (his uncle) was also a crossdresser so his mom was pretty used to the idea. Since everyone knows and has known from the beginning it isn't an issue for us.

[Wildaboutheels]

Is it a safe bet that at least some of the GGs here have SO [CDers] that don't read or participate in these Forums?

[Babeba]

@Roberta: I feel stilted and awkward sometimes when I want to say something about cross dressing and have to edit myself. I am usually a tell everyone-everything-sort of person when it comes to my own life and experiences, so it is distinctly odd to have climbed into the closet with my partner. I think I would have a harder time of it if it wasn't for the way I found out (by being trusted with this information at the start of my relationship) and the fact this site exists: I joined here as soon as I had started to process things, and came here for a source of information and support. The people on here have really been my support network, and a lot of people on here are friends now so I feel like I can talk with my friends about it when I need to - just not the face to face ones.

@ wild: my SO, Crystal Alberta is on this site. She reads more than she posts, but I know she still checks out a few things on here. We talk about threads sometimes, which I think is nice, but I usually am the one bringing it up (which is also fine!) she is the one who told me about this site, actually. When I figured out you could read a person's back posts, I went and read hers and found a post she made when she told me about being a cross dresser and it still gives me a huge grin to go find that old thread and look at it!

Sometimes I wonder if she would post more if I were not there to read it, but she doesn't seem to mind. I am really lucky that way.

[ReineD]

balance the need for secrecy about your SO with your need for support

I knew a CD and his wife years before I met my SO, therefore the concept was not entirely foreign. But, I did appreciate having an understanding GG to talk to in the beginning, even though our experiences weren't the same. And yes, it is difficult to keep this part of my life from my kids for two reasons: I don't want them to know about my SO (neither does she), and also they don't know about my involvement in here, which is considerable. I feel sometimes as if they have no clue about a significant part of my life and this is difficult for me. I also feel a degree of stress when we go out, at the prospect of running into someone whom we don't wish to tell.

And no, there is nothing that my SO can do to make any of this better. Societal bias against the CDing is what it is and we just deal with it the best way we can.


Is it a safe bet that at least some of the GGs here have SO [CDers] that don't read or participate in these Forums?

I found this forum and told my SO about it. She joined immediately and I joined a week later. She participated for about 6 months while I spent most of my time reading (and getting spooked). When I began to participate, she stopped. I think she just got bored with the place. She's been going out in the mainstream for years, she knows how to present in a believable manner, she knows who she is, and so there isn't anything she needs to work through. Also I don't think she's a big fan of some of the fantasy element in here. Anyway, she told me recently that she has forgotten her password for this place, it's been so long since she logged in. :p

[WifeofWrenchette]

My husband is a member of this forum, but he doesn't participate very much. I don't know if he's really bored of it as he says or if he wants to keep his posts secret from me. He probably is really just bored of it as we are pretty much tell all people.

[Stitch]

F
Did you feel this way when you found out about your SO? Do you still?

Have you been able to balance the need for secrecy about your SO with your need for support from your families and friends? If so how?

What would you want me, As your transgender SO, do to help?

I don't really have a close circle of friends. No one really knows me well enough to turn around and ask me if there is something wrong. So I've never really felt the need to tell anyone. That being said I have told my mother and she is completely find with it, so that is all I really need. As far as I'm concerned its no one else's business. The fact he occasionally cross dresses isn't a huge part of our life, so I don't really need a support network.



Is it a safe bet that at least some of the GGs here have SO [CDers] that don't read or participate in these Forums?

It's a safe bet. My partner isn't on this forum. He is a member of another smaller UK Crossdressing forum, which I initially joined too but I found the SO's support forum to be lacking so I jumped ship so to speak. So I found my way here. He is a quiet man and rarely posts on forums anyway and I don't think he'd enjoy the dynamic of a forum this large.

[Wildaboutheels]

I have to wonder if there are GGs here who have split [for whatever reason] from their CD SOs but still participate here to help others figure this "stuff" out?

And for all of you ladies, any of you have mates that have absolutely no desire to ever leave the house? If that is the case, is it because they could never in a million years, even begin to "pass"?

[Silentpartner GG SO]

My husband is very much like yours Stitch - he isnt a member here but he does read some of the posts here - he is a private person and doesnt really relate to opening up his personal stuff on a forum.

I've not actually seen my husband fully dressed with wig & makeup but I dont think he would pass. I dont think thats the reason he doesnt want to go out, I think its just that we are not really 'social' people as in going out to bars etc.

[docrobbysherry]

If so, why? If not, why not? :brolleyes:

I've heard it said MANY TIMES; "Women dress for women", even if they're straight!:eek: Is THAT tru?

So many CD/TS posts here refer to blending. Personally, I prefer a trip to the dentist over going out and trying to blend!:doh:

But, maybe understanding "blending" from a woman's point of view would change my perception?:straightface:

[Stitch]

I pretty much dress how I want to dress. I don't think I blend at all, one of my most prized possessions is long fitted coat I customised. I dyed a cream coat really vivid pink and appliquéd wings on the back and made my own buttons. I didn't do it to stand out, I just really love vivid colours so I though, hey I'll just roll with this.

I don't really follow the same fashion treads of most women where I live, and I don't really care if they don't like the way I dress. I customise a lot of my clothes, make most of my own jewellery and hairclips. If I get complimented that's cool, if not... eh. What's important is it makes me feel good about myself.

Blending is subjective though, put me in a coastal town and I stand out a great deal. Put me in a town or city near Universities and colleges and blink and you'll miss me.

[ReineD]

I dress for the occasion. I would feel terribly under-dressed wearing baggy jeans and a sweatshirt at a restaurant where jackets for men are required. And I would feel awkwardly over-dressed if I wore a cocktail dress to a blues nightclub for example, where I knew most people would be wearing (dressier) jeans and fashionable tops.

If I went to a cocktail party I would feel awkward wearing an ordinary business suit and low heels. But, I would not wear a body fitting cocktail suit with plunging neckline and tight skirt for business appointments. I don't like to wear short shorts, a Tshirt, and sneakers if I am downtown in a major city doing some shopping, just as I would not wear glittery club wear with stiletto heels at the beach.

[Billiebluenose1878 GG]

Nahhh ..i dress to impress me ...never to blend in ... i am me and as we say over here ...i rather be an individual and not a sheep and copy others .... xxxxx

[Flent]

I don't wear clothes that blend in... probably the key point is that I'm aware of this. I know I might get some weird looks and am comfortable with that. My clothes aren't terribly outlandish, but I'm used to getting a few second glances and the occasional comment.

But I know full well what I'm expected to wear and it's a conscious decision whether or not I go along with that. For me it's an almost instinctive knowledge based on a lifetime's experience with these expectations, which crossdressers may not have. It's important to know what's expected of you even if you choose to challenge it. Some crossdressers seem to have an attitude of, "I'll wear stripper heels to Walmart if I want to, and if you don't like it you can kiss my leather mini-skirted butt." More power to them! But others seem to have unfortunate misconceptions about what constitutes daywear, and sometimes I feel a little embarrassed for them. Two people can wear the same thing, and one carry it off while the other doesn't; attitude has everything to do with it.

[2B Natasha]

For the GG only to answer.

My SO thinks that we, as Crossdressers et al. Should, like nature did to you. NOT get to choose our breast size. She likes to say to me.

" Nature gave every GG what it gave us. Be it big or small or droopy or perky. We had to learn to work with it and live with it. It's not fair you get to decide how big they are and they never sag. "

She feels that we should just send away to the Breast store with our vital stats. and whatever comes in the mail is what we get. No returns or exchanges.

What do you GG think. Should we just send away and get what we get. If we really want the " Real " woman experience wouldn't that be the ticket.

( Yes we know breast augmentation is available but let's leave that alone for now. How bout. )

Cheers!

[Flent]

The unfair part is being able to choose a different size of forms to suit one's mood/outfit on a whim, because that's impossible for most women. Ordering a random pair does have a kind of realism about it. I can't just wake up and say, "I think I'll be tall today, maybe mid-20s, C cup." Sometimes it seems like crossdressers get frustrated that they can't look how they want, but that's reality for GGs too. It seems like most crossdressers don't want reality though, so get whatever makes you happy.

[rufus rabbit]

I'd say go with what makes you happy, if I could change mine i wouldn't and they are far from Perky Perfect, We are never happy with what we've got, Bit off here a bit off there, dress them well and you will feel amazing, I can wear my comfty bra and feel like a busy mum, running a business and then i can put on my best stuff and feel like a goddess. :D just be sensible and don't get watermelons unless you've got the back and shoulders to carry them :D xx

In answer to the question about SO's being on here, my SO is she posts sometimes but not very much, She has her own circle of friends who she chats to about girly things and I have found this forum is much more helpful for me and I really like the fact that i can talk freely on here and i will get both sides of the coin for answers and not have to keep things in till i burst.

[ReineD]

Natasha, I can't imagine any site that would choose your breast size for you. GGs who have had single breast mastectomies need to order a breast size that matches the other. We come in all shapes and sizes. That said, maybe your wife feels that you should choose a more average size for your frame, if you were thinking of looking like Dolly Parton. This is by no means scientific, but according to this site, the average cup size for women is B: http://www.breastoptions.com/average.html. I've noticed that in department stores there are more Bs and Cs than other sizes.

[Mimi]

Natasha--I think you should be able to select the size you want. I think your wife is being passive aggressive towards you buying forms by saying that if you were a "real woman" you'd have to take what you could get, and is trying to diminish your happiness. Maybe that's a little harsh of me, but it just strikes me as though she's saying "go ahead, but you'll never really be one of us". I think you already know that...and there are enough issues you have to deal with concerning CDing without being reminded yet again that you aren't a GG. I also agree with Reine that it's best to choose a size that goes with your frame--you will pass much more easily if your overall body structure looks like a typical female, but perhaps that's what you had in mind all along.

[Stitch]

Natasha - I think you should be able to choose the size you want. Yeah, we all have to live with whatever we were "given" but it doesn't mean we have to stick with it. Going by that logic, no one would ever be able to dye their hair, get tattoos or even breast reductions.

I'd consider ordering yourself some decent sized one for your body frame, nothing too huge or for lack of a better term "in your face"

[Wildaboutheels]

Any of you have any idea how many GGs participate at this site on a regular basis?

[ReineD]

Only a minute fraction of the CDers. You only need to go to the GG Intro thread to see how many new GGs have joined here in the last 3 months.

[kimdl93]

Here's a question that's been on my mind a lot lately. My wife is very kind, sympathetic, understanding and supportive of me...and BTW she's not reading over my shoulder. I dress nearly full-time at home, although I tend to go to drab mode for weekends and always go drab when we go out together. Thus far, she has been reluctant to accompany me when I go out en femme. I think I understand her reasons....concern about being recognized, concern about safety, and as she has said, "I want to be the girl sometimes".

I'm really OK with this, generally, but there are times when I'd love to go out and do things with her. I don't think I "pass", but I do a reasonably good job of blending in and I have really never had a problem in almost a year of being very much out in public en femme.

So...after that long intro...the question: What changed for you as a GG that made it possible for you to go out with your SO while she was en femme?

[Sandra]

Hmmm for me it was Nigella's confidence that rubbed off on me. Yes in the beginning I was scared that we might run into trouble but the most we got was a few comments. Now I don't think twice about going out with Nigella, just an everyday thing we do.

[Silentpartner GG SO]

I'm with the others on that Natasha - get forms that suit your body size and frame - I cant really see where your wife is coming from on that one? unless she has really littluns or saggy ones and feels its unfair you get to choose yours when she had no say in hers? :brolleyes:

Cant answer your question Kim as my OH doesnt go out dressed - but if he did I would likely be ok going with him -

Docrobbysherry - I dont think I make a conscious decision to dress to blend and I would hazard a guess that most GG's dont either , I just wear clothes that I like, that are comfortable and practical for whatever I intend to do that day. I wouldnt feel comfortable wearing jeans to a dress do or a fancy frock to a picnic -

[Di]

How many of you will make love to her when she is dressed to the nines, and which of you would not make love to her if she is full en femme, and why??

For those that do, does it add some excitement to it, or do you comply for her sake?
L&R……Tara

We met as Sher and Di.....it feels and is natural to us.


to all GG's

have you ever thought that your SO was better dressed than you were and what did you feel about it?

regards Paulie

Never felt that way. Although Sher has much nicer legs than I do and I feel blah wearing short skirts.....she makes me feel pretty the way I am AND I always have a good sense of self.


When the pink fog becomes a pea souper, where is your happy place that you go to?
I never felt over whelmed with the pink fog with Sher.


How many of you would have been (or would be) OK with your SO wanting to be the bride in your wedding, or *a* bride if you were to do a "double-bride"
We had two- one for family and one for us......loved the two brides the best. We are still newly weds :o




How do you show support to your SO? What are the things you do or say? Some of us are just insecure little girls sometimes ).


I just say BE HAPPY...BE YOURSELF

I will answer more questions later...I have been remiss in answering:sad:

[Mimi]

So...after that long intro...the question: What changed for you as a GG that made it possible for you to go out with your SO while she was en femme?

Time spent talking and reading the forum helped. Also, we met a wonderful couple through this forum who go out dressed all the time--that really helped me to see that nobody stared or made comments. I saw how much it meant to Eryn, and once we did start going out, both by ourselves and with our CD friends, I realized that most people are so preoccupied with their own lives that they don't really notice the people around them.

[ReineD]

I don't think I "pass", but I do a reasonably good job of blending in and I have really never had a problem in almost a year of being very much out in public en femme.

Years ago when we still had polls, we conducted a survey among the GGs to ask what bothered them most about the CDing. Was it general turn-off over the idea of their husbands expressing femininity? Fear of transition? Fear of ridicule from strangers or of being ostracized by family and friends?

Fear of ridicule and ostracism won out and this is not inconsistent with the reasons it takes CDs/TGs/MPs (new acronym ... "middlepathers" :p) so long to go out in the mainstream as well. The difference though, is that TGs receive the personal benefit of experiencing the freedom of self-expression, which overrides any negative outcomes such as stares or smirks. The wives don't have this particular benefit, even when they know that going out makes their husbands happy.

So basically, until a wife develops a thicker skin, she feels embarrassed if her husband doesn't pass. She's afraid of being judged, of having people say things behind their backs. If we lived in a world that accepted gender non-conformity this would not be an issue.

My own SO passes/blends well to most people, unless of course we're interacting with someone at length and then they do know that she's not a GG. But I've gotten around the fear that she will be read & judged by telling myself (whether it is true or not) that if anything, people just are expressing a mild curiosity if and when they stare at us and read her. Still, neither of us is ready to be out to the people in our own backyard (who know or chance to know my SO in guy mode) other than our friends who are open to the LGBT community. We live in a small town.

[kimdl93]

There's a question here...please bear with me.

First, thanks for those who've responded to my previous question. Over time, my wife has gotten more comfortable with my dressing, and even introduced me to one of our neighbors, which I thought was a huge step. Maybe my increasing confidence rubbed off on her to some extent...or maybe I just was getting better at presenting, I don't know.

I think one of the ongoing challenges for me, as a TG person, is to remain mindful that the positives I gain from being out are not directly benefitting my SO. I do think that her primary concern remains a fear of ridicule. Of course, she hasn't been out with me, so she only has her apprehensions to go by. Also, a few times when we've gone out, she's asked me to wear more masculine attire, because "be the girl sometimes", when we go out. I fully understand - cause I want to be the girl too! ;)

I really won't complain. We have a good marriage, a great home and I am able to be myself to a much greater extent than I ever imagined.

OK, so here's the follow up question. How long did it take before you felt comfortable going out with your SO (when she was en femme)?

[ReineD]

OK, so here's the follow up question. How long did it take before you felt comfortable going out with your SO (when she was en femme)?

It took somewhere between 6 - 12 months before I stopped caring about, or even projecting about what strangers might think. And then eventually when I encountereded a snicker or a smile that I judged to not be friendly, my return gaze with these people was downright confrontational as if to say, "What the f*ck are YOU staring at". lol. And the rest of the time as I said earlier, I choose to assume they just have a mild curiosity, if I notice their gaze upon us for any length of time. (I also want to add that some people are friendly towards us).

But, these are strangers in the next towns over. We don't hang out in places where there are people who might know someone who knows either my sons, or someone who is closely connected to my or my SO's circle of acquaintances. There are people whom I just don't want to divulge this to, and my SO feels the same way.

If my SO were to be preparing to live full time, then I imagine that she'd be ready to come out to everyone and slowly abandon any vestige of her male presence. She would then be known as the transwoman who used to be a guy. We'd need to reexamine where our relationship is going if this were the case since at this point in my life I am not prepared to deal with the stigma attached not to two women who are together (I think lesbian or gay relationships are fairly well tolerated), but to couples one of whom has transitioned. Also, I don't define myself as a lesbian. It's complicated and I haven't spent a lot of time going there in my head, since my SO at this point is happy with the way that things are.

[Lady Panda]

I am a GG and my So is a CD....One of the things I do is I buy Lovely things for my SO to wear ....Pretty COrsets and lovely Hose all the Pretty things "she" likes.... Another thing I do for "Her" is when we are intimate I refer and touch "her" as I woman would be touched and use the terminology that would be used for a Woman. i accept My So for who He is. I guess I played a part in My So finally releasing Himself from the pain of denying Himself of his Duality. I am totally comfortable with who He is. Both the Femme and the Man.....

I think as a GG that you should pick what you would like....having you send out for random Breast size is kinda like having someone pick out a Great pair of shoes .....they might think they are wonderful sexy shoes and you would look at those "beautiful " shoes and say they are neither beautiful nor suited for you. I suggest that you go Bra shopping in padded bra section and give them a test run to get a ball park idea of what you like and what looks "beautiful" on you. According to YOUR opinion. Good Luck in your decision.

I do not dress to blend ...I dress according to how I feel that day... If I want to wear a SEXY low cut blouse to just be a sexy Vixen I do It. I don't dress for other women. I guess I have always marched to beat of my own drum tho. I always told my Daughter don't be like the HEARD....be the leader of the heard! I like to express my individuality!

This coming from an Red Headed, Green Eyed, artistically Tattooed Hairdresser!

[Brittany CD]

Hello friends, I have two questions regarding being in a relationship with a crossdresser

The first question; why do you think many women leave their SO upon finding out he crossdresses and what obstacles (if any) did you have to overcome?

Second question; many crossdressers on this forum have said that their SO is okay with them dressing, but not in front of them. Why do some women not like to see their SO dressed up and is truly odd to see the man you love appearing as a woman?

Thank you

[WifeofWrenchette]

Hello friends, I have two questions regarding being in a relationship with a crossdresser

The first question; why do you think many women leave their SO upon finding out he crossdresses and what obstacles (if any) did you have to overcome?

Second question; many crossdressers on this forum have said that their SO is okay with them dressing, but not in front of them. Why do some women not like to see their SO dressed up and is truly odd to see the man you love appearing as a woman?

Thank youTo your first question: Some women leave because they didn't marry for total acceptance of the person. My understanding is that marriage is for keeps, no matter what, warts and all. Some people don't feel that way.

Also, some leave because of their religious or societal upbringing prevents them from accepting their spouse.

Then there are the women that leave because they don't take the time to find out what crossdressing is all about. They look upon it as "perverted" and that somehow the man is betraying their trust, etc.

Personally, the only obstacle I have had to overcome with his crossdressing is that one of my grown sons is not accepting of it. We really haven't "overcome" that one because he refuses to budge. We haven't seen him in eight months.

For some women though they have many obstacles; telling their religious or non-accepting family members, their small children together, the workplace, friends, etc. There can be all kinds of serious obstacles.

To your second question: Some women prefer the DADT method in order to put it out of their minds. They don't want to "deal" with it. Some think that maybe if they don't see it then it will "go away", even though it won't.

No, it is not odd at all for me to see him dressed. Sometimes (it comes in spurts) he will dress every day and every night so I'm used to it. We've been together for six years now so it is "old hat" by now.

[Silentpartner GG SO]

Hello friends, I have two questions regarding being in a relationship with a crossdresser

The first question; why do you think many women leave their SO upon finding out he crossdresses and what obstacles (if any) did you have to overcome?

Second question; many crossdressers on this forum have said that their SO is okay with them dressing, but not in front of them. Why do some women not like to see their SO dressed up and is truly odd to see the man you love appearing as a woman?

Thank you

I think its possible some women just cannot accept that the 'man' in their life has this whole other side of him that they never knew about. It could also be that the CD'er husband has a severe attack of pink fog and the wife just cant cope with it and some women it could well be a religious belief - the marriage vows do say "do you take this man...." not "do you take this man who is occasionally a woman....." . I also think that it could be to do with the degree to which the husband expects or needs to dress - for some it is an occasional thing, for others they want, expect,need to dress 24/7. I have to say that if my husband felt he needed to dress 24/7 I dont know if I would be able to stay in the marriage.

As to you second question - yes, its weird as hell - well at least it was to start with but its really not a big deal now.

As for the "its ok but not in front of me" thing - I wonder if this is partly because the wife feels that if they dont see it they dont have a picture in their head. Maybe they worry that if they actually see their husband dressed as a woman they will lose respect for him as a man. Some woman really need a full on macho image man and to see that man in women's clothes could just destroy that image for her.

[WifeofWrenchette]

There's a question here...please bear with me.

First, thanks for those who've responded to my previous question. Over time, my wife has gotten more comfortable with my dressing, and even introduced me to one of our neighbors, which I thought was a huge step. Maybe my increasing confidence rubbed off on her to some extent...or maybe I just was getting better at presenting, I don't know.

I think one of the ongoing challenges for me, as a TG person, is to remain mindful that the positives I gain from being out are not directly benefitting my SO. I do think that her primary concern remains a fear of ridicule. Of course, she hasn't been out with me, so she only has her apprehensions to go by. Also, a few times when we've gone out, she's asked me to wear more masculine attire, because "be the girl sometimes", when we go out. I fully understand - cause I want to be the girl too! ;)

I really won't complain. We have a good marriage, a great home and I am able to be myself to a much greater extent than I ever imagined.

OK, so here's the follow up question. How long did it take before you felt comfortable going out with your SO (when she was en femme)?

I was comfortable right away. My SO doesn't go out much, but when she does I am comfortable with it. If anyone has anything negative to say I am VERY protective though and the mama bear comes out in me. :)

[UNDERDRESSER]

Hope the title is clear enough.

You are a GG who's husband or SO dresses, and he's "out" to some degree.

Do you have conversations with other GGs about your SO and his dressing? What's their attitude?

How many of them say, "couldn't handle that" or the flip side, "I like your guy, he's much easier to get on with than my BF"

You get the drift here?

[Silentpartner GG SO]

I havent told any of my friends about my husband's CD'ing.

[Di]

The first question; why do you think many women leave their SO upon finding out he crossdresses and what obstacles (if any) did you have to overcome?

Second question; many crossdressers on this forum have said that their SO is okay with them dressing, but not in front of them. Why do some women not like to see their SO dressed up and is truly odd to see the man you love appearing as a woman?

Thank you

I knew from the get go.....so thisa is from from GG's I know personally.....some cannot get over the feeling of being lied to....that a big part of a partners life was kept from them....they just do not get the trust back or some have said they cannot believe anything the partner says ever again ( meaning that some cders keep hiding things because they see how upset the dressing makes the S O ...and it is an enldess circle of lies to them

another reason just some...
only want a MAN...do not understand it...will not try to understand it
My hope with forums like this and the internet that cders will see...there is nothing WRONG with you....and see it will take years of heartache away on both parts to be up front from the beginning...if it turns out they will not open theirself to understand why get married and be with someone that will not love all of a person. and that s o will not go through the heartache as well.


You are a GG who's husband or SO dresses, and he's "out" to some degree.

Do you have conversations with other GGs about your SO and his dressing? What's their attitude?

How many of them say, "couldn't handle that" or the flip side, "I like your guy, he's much easier to get on with than my BF"


I only talk to like -wise wives of tg or cders or our Sher and Di friends
We as Di and Sher have Di and Sher friends...and seperate friends for guy side and Di....mostly because Sher wants it seperate from work mates and family WE DO HAVE AN OPEN Di and Sher life but with seperate friends AND WE AGREED each has to agree on who knows...so since Sher wants it seperate...thats what we do.

[Lady Panda]

Hello friends, I have two questions regarding being in a relationship with a crossdresser

The first question; why do you think many women leave their SO upon finding out he crossdresses and what obstacles (if any) did you have to overcome?

Second question; many crossdressers on this forum have said that their SO is okay with them dressing, but not in front of them. Why do some women not like to see their SO dressed up and is truly odd to see the man you love appearing as a woman?

Thank you


Well here it goes ...from a GG point of view..
I think that a GG leaves because she can't handle the situation ...it brings up her insecurities ....she forgets that its not about her and her feelings but about how he feels inside. She doubts herself ..she thinks what did I do to make him that way ...am I not woman enough to make him want to be a woman or what did I do to make him gay/Bi. A woman can put all the responsibility upon herself for everything that happens... It is the nature of a GG to be that way ..It is how we GG's are RAISED.

As for me I know i was afraid after,when my SO dressed the first time and we were intimate, of what was to come. i was afraid is he could still function as a man and still want to be with me or would he want to be with another man. I thought long and hard about it , worried some tooo. I also did alot of research and Joined here. I felt the best way to understand my OWN feelings were to be totally informed and MOST important to talk to him. I totally support him .

My main concern is that he is not in pain of denial any more.

I guess I played a part in My So finally releasing Himself from the pain of denying Himself of his Duality. I am totally comfortable with who He is. Both the Femme and the Man.....

I totally support and encourage him to dress when he feel like being Femme. Its kinda a turn on. but some of that applies to my duality. One of the things I do is I buy Lovely things for my SO to wear ....Pretty COrsets and lovely Hose all the Pretty things "she" likes....

[Wildaboutheels]

Do any of you ladies engage in any activities that your SO is not a part of? Like maybe bridge with the office gals once a week or you bowl in a league or watching comedy and your SO hates comedy? Go to "chic flicks" with your gal friends etc.?

[Delila]

I am at a progressively growing stage with my wife. This stage has gone on for several years which I am absolutely ok with. My Wife is aware of my posting here and has recently expressed concern that I may find someone here that is perhaps more accepting than she is to my needs. I have tried to convince her that I love her completely and my conversations on here are largely for my mental health more than anything. She has expressed interest in visiting this forum and learning from the rest of the GGs about how they have learned to accept their SOs and how they handle it. My question is do any of you have any advice about how to make her understand that not only are her posts in the GG only forum safe from me reading them but that she will find information here that might make her more comfortable with the whole situation? She has a degree in psychology so she is pretty well informed she knows that what I am will not go away but I think she has a hard time dealing with it sometimes. I really feel that she could use the support offered here but she just needs that little push to get there. Any info is welcome thank you.

[ReineD]

My question is do any of you have any advice about how to make her understand that not only are her posts in the GG only forum safe from me reading them but that she will find information here that might make her more comfortable with the whole situation?

She can read the following link. It's on the main forum Index page next to the FAB forum, under *announcements*. But first she needs to become a member, not share the password with you, and post 10 times in the general forums:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=pf#faq_gg_forum

@Wildaboutheels, I do many things on my own with friends or family, and so does my SO. And we do lots of things together either alone or with friends or family. My SO knows everyone that I associate with, and I know all his friends/acquaintances too. If ever he wanted to join me in any of my activities he'd be welcomed, and vice-versa.

@UNDERDRESSER, two of my girlfriends know about my SO. One is married to a CDer and she's OK with it obviously, but she nearly divorced her husband when she found out about it 20 years ago. Their marriage survived though. My other girlfriend knows about my SO (they dated many years ago, in fact), and she's OK with the concept but I get the impression she would not enjoy it if her own SO was a CDer. I don't tell my other friends because I know they are biased.

[Babeba]

Do any of you ladies engage in any activities that your SO is not a part of? Like maybe bridge with the office gals once a week or you bowl in a league or watching comedy and your SO hates comedy? Go to "chic flicks" with your gal friends etc.?

Yep! We live in different towns and don't get to see each other all the time, but even once we are able to move in together we will still do our own things. One in particular: Crystal likes eating mammals, and I don't. I like eating sushi, and she doesn't. So, sometimes we will most likely end up doing our own thing for dinner, like I will go out with friends for sushi while she makes beef stew or something. It is healthy to have a few separate activities.


My question is do any of you have any advice about how to make her understand that not only are her posts in the GG only forum safe from me reading them but that she will find information here that might make her more comfortable with the whole situation? She has a degree in psychology so she is pretty well informed she knows that what I am will not go away but I think she has a hard time dealing with it sometimes. I really feel that she could use the support offered here but she just needs that little push to get there. Any info is welcome thank you.

Well, the section is difficult to get into to make sure it is as secure as possible. We have four moderators plus a very active administrator at any given time to keep an eye on a sub forum which has about fifty active members. Any funny business and it gets sorted, sooner than later. I found joining FAB to be helpful, and I have heard the same from others.

[Di]

Do any of you ladies engage in any activities that your SO is not a part of? Like maybe bridge with the office gals once a week or you bowl in a league or watching comedy and your SO hates comedy? Go to "chic flicks" with your gal friends etc.?


We pretty much do everything together....Sher and Di stuff and guy mode and Di stuff.
Not saying in the future...I might do some things BUT I am in a new country and really do not know many peeps yet.


My question is do any of you have any advice about how to make her understand that not only are her posts in the GG only forum safe from me reading them but that she will find information here that might make her more comfortable with the whole situation? She has a degree in psychology so she is pretty well informed she knows that what I am will not go away but I think she has a hard time dealing with it sometimes. I really feel that she could use the support offered here but she just needs that little push to get there. Any info is welcome thank you.

Tell her the Fab section is safe and no one can see it but we Fab members
About the...her thinking you will find someone here more accepting.....we are for the most part all wives and girlfriends of our cd/tg partners.
Have her read the loved ones section...hope she decides to join us.

[Lucy Long Legs]

A ROLE FOR HER.

My wife has always been supportive of my dressing and for a time was positively encouraging and bought me various items of clothing and helped with my make-up. I have never been a masculine kind of man and, until I met her, there were always bedroom issues for me to cope with.
However, over the last couple of years, she has become upset when I dress and has asked me to only do it when she is not there. She does not wish to be intimate with me when I am en femme any more.
Her reason is this: when I am a woman (very convincing, she says), there is no role for her to play. She does not have lesbian or bi feelings and, when I am en femme, she can only think of me as a woman.
Is there a gg who can help me with this predicament?

[ReineD]

Lucy, sadly I don't think there is much that you can do. Some CDers can dress and still be comfortable enough with their male sides to appear/act/be a male a significant amount of time with their wives, and this is not difficult for them. Other CDers increasingly feel more feminine and this is what can potentially turn a wife off (if in the beginning she sees the CDing as something that is engaged in off and on, like a light switch). Also, not all GGs are built of the same cloth; some of us are more flexible than others with the idea that our mates are feminine. I for one remove gender out of the equation when I think of my SO (I see him/her as being his/her own gender) since if I saw her strictly as a woman I would not be attracted ... while other GGs cannot do this. If your wife is turned off sexually by your feminine expression (I've no idea how feminine you are the rest of the time even when you are not dressed), it's just the way that she is wired. I would honor her request to keep her not involved. Just as she can't make you stop, you can't make her be into you as a woman.

You say that you have never been a masculine man, but there may be a difference between how you perceive yourself and how she perceived you, especially if you portrayed yourself as being more masculine than you felt, even if you did this subconsciously. If you and your wife are allowing time for you to express Lucy and you do not need to go behind her back, this might be as good as this will get between the two of you. If this is difficult for you and you want her to see you as Lucy all the time even if you are not dressed full-on as Lucy, she may not be able to do this, and the two of you may need to talk about the future of your relationship.

Also, the bedroom issues you mention ... it could be that your wife was hoping that by encouraging your feminine expression, this would help your male self be more, um frisky. But if she came to the conclusion that you feel most comfortable sexually as a female, and if your wife is not into other women, then this would explain why she no longer wishes to be involved and again, the two of you need to get to the bottom of all of this so that you can make decisions about your future together.

[Patti Remick]

Hello all,
I wanted to ask a question concerning 'lacy' clothing. I am a life long CDr and as far back as I can remember Ive been VERY attracted to female clothing that had lace adornment, trim, etc. This would be both for under and outer wear although clearly most lacy items are for under. In trying to understand myself as a CDr I am trying to understang this attraction.

To help me I thought I would try to understand why lacy and/or lace trimmed clothes appeal (or dont) to women. Not all but a significant percentage of womens clothing have lace on them. So my questions are: what is it about 'lacy' clothing (under or outer) that appeals (or doesnt) to you? What does wearing 'lacy' things mean to you. Do you wear or avoid lacy clothing? Any other thoughts/insights on this subject are appreciated.

Thank you so much in advance
Luv and hugs
Patti Remick

[ReineD]

In trying to understand myself as a CDr I am trying to understang this attraction.

I don't have just one thing about an item that I find appealing or that influences my choice to buy. For any item of clothing (including panties), it is the overall fit, the quality of construction/fabric for the price, whether or not I think it will withstand multiple washings without losing shape, the overall design (shape, cut, and how it suits my body, colors, patterns, etc). If a pair of panties has lace (or not) and the overall look/fit/feel/design appeals to my sensibilities, I'll buy them.

If you are attracted to just the lace, I'm suggesting this is because boys in our culture don't wear lace and you've equated lace to femininity. If you lived in the 18th century where wealthy men wore lace at the cuffs, you likely wouldn't make the same association, but instead would be attracted to something that women wore then, but men didn't.

Or, it may be that the very first panties you put on had lace on them and the feeling of wearing panties had such a great impact on you that you're now associating a pleasurable feeling to the dressing with the presence of lace. Or, maybe the first pair of panties you saw even if in a catalog that stirred sexual feelings in you had lace.

[Di]

To help me I thought I would try to understand why lacy and/or lace trimmed clothes appeal (or dont) to women. Not all but a significant percentage of womens clothing have lace on them. So my questions are: what is it about 'lacy' clothing (under or outer) that appeals (or doesnt) to you? What does wearing 'lacy' things mean to you. Do you wear or avoid lacy clothing? Any other thoughts/insights on this subject are appreciated.

Quality,design,comfort are the most important things when it comes to buying lingerie to me. Have some lace but do not have feelings about lace either way.
Most likely the lace reminds you of your first time dressing or seeing someone with it on.Enjoy

[Mimi]

So my questions are: what is it about 'lacy' clothing (under or outer) that appeals (or doesnt) to you?

I like a small amount of lace. I find it aesthetically pleasing, although I don't think about it during the day. I also like a small amount of lace to dress up an otherwise plain t-shirt. For some reason, I find it pretty--especially a more vintage style of lace.

[Stacy Myrdin]

I actually find lace a bother, give me satin or silk any day, lace is itchy and grabs on to anything ...

[Babeba]

I'm a lace fan! I like a little lace on camisoles, because it helps make them a little more modest and adds a good texture. I don't like garments which are totally nothing but lace, I find them impractical, but it's a nice trim in the right outfit.

[darylinb]

Hi All,

I'm not sure if this has come up before but here it goes. How, as GG's, would you feel if you were in the ladies room and one of us came in dressed to use the facility? I know we've been told to use the one we present as and I do and understand that since walking into the mens room, dressed would be scary. I go in and straight to a stall, do my thing, and wash hands and maybe check makeup and leave. If I'm in a stall and happen to here young girls come in, I always wait until either they are in their stall and leave quickly or if I don't think I can make it out, I wait until they leave. I don't want to be made in the ladies room by a young girl. That's not a good thing to happen. Anyway, would you just leave or not really care as long as we are in there for the same thing you are? Just curious... Thanks for helping us on different issues.

[ReineD]

I'm not sure if this has come up before but here it goes. How, as GG's, would you feel if you were in the ladies room and one of us came in dressed to use the facility?

I wouldn't bat an eye, but then I'm entrenched in this community. Also, my SO and I have used public ladies rooms on occasion.

I'm trying to imagine how I would feel if I didn't know or understand anything about this (if I'd never met my SO), and likely, seeing a man dressed as a woman in the ladies room would make me feel slightly uncomfortable, because I would think it was odd, even though I know there are men who do crossdress. I'd likely acknowledge his presence politely and then go on with my day without giving it a second thought.

[Babeba]

If you were behavimg like any normal person does in a bathroom - closing the stall door and locking it, staying in there long enough to do your thing, and then washing your hands and leaving - I wouldn't bat an eye at you being there.

I do think that the idea a bathroom (as a secluded place) is a dangerous one for females is well entrenched in our collective psyche. It's pretty much the parent of a girl child's worst nightmare that someone who is a pedophile/sex obsessed so-and-so will get their jollies off by being in the washroom or the locker room with their daughters, or will escalate from 'being there' to 'doing something'. But, a crossdresser is NOT automatically a pedophile or a sex-obsessed so-and-so; most people get this and move on.

If you want an example of what bathroom/locker room behaviour makes people uncomfortable, there are some threads from the TS forum about a pre-op transwoman who spent some naked time hanging out in a women's locker room/sauna being used by minors, and how that situation was responded to by our members:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?183778-Misunderstanding-Transsexualism/page3&highlight=colleen+brenna
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?183872-Back-in-that-ladies-locker-room
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?183834-Pre-Op-but-still-legal

[ClosetED]

The best group of GGs to finally ask - what can I do to convince my loving wife to be accepting? She is aware and had allowed me in small amounts to CD, but then gave an ultimatum to not dress at all without telling her and for 9 months so far I have been good. We have a great marriage, we are physically and mentally affectionate, I earn enough to be the target of Obama, I help around the house, I am handy, we don't argue over almost anything but this. I tried to get her to talk about it and to read about CDing online. I tried to suggest a therapist. She has read a bit, but still is not accepting. What made this group of GGs accept what is outside the norm? I know the subset of GGs here do not include those are completely against it, but may have some who came to tolerate it. And some that embrace it. I can certainly understand not wanting to have sex while dressed as that may confuse her sense of orientation. I don't want to go out and risk her public reputation. And I certainly don't want to transition or be involved with other men. What can I do?

[ReineD]

Does this mean that you can dress, just as long as she knows about it? This seems reasonable to me. I would not like it if my SO preferred to keep this part of himself separate from our relationship. I would feel as if he was trying to hide something from me.

If, on the other hand, she does not want you to dress at all, you can reach down into yourself and tell her exactly why you need to do this, and what it does to you when you don't. You can also educate yourself about gender and gender non-conformity, so that you can answer her questions. You can ask her to tell you, specifically, what she doesn't like about the CDing. Has she seen a light in your eyes when you CD that she feels isn't there for her? Is she afraid that eventually the CDing will take over your life? Does she hold on to well-defined gender roles that she feels must not be crossed? Does she believe the CDing for you is a fetish? Is she afraid of the negative impact if others find out? Does she believe that it is morally wrong? Is she turned off with men who dress as women? Hopefully as you talk together, some of the misconceptions she may have will clear.

As to what made me, for one, accept what is outside the norm, there are several reasons: I've always thought outside the box and I do not believe in rigid gender and sexual roles. I came out of a traditional marriage with a man who did not respect basic boundaries and in contrast, my SO was a breath of fresh air. I do not believe that I have the power to mold others into someone they're not, in order to suit my agenda. I knew a couple whose husband is a CDer before I met my SO, and I knew their marriage worked. My SO told me at the very beginning so I didn't feel lied to.

[ClosetED]

No, I would be OK with dressing when she knows. She is trying to find alternatives to CDing and wants first dibs on any time I claim I can't do without it. I am nearing my limit. I also don't really like DADT (which she set up for 3 months if you ready my Intro). I would rather not feel like sneaking, but OK if she doesn't want to see it. Of course, part of acceptance is being seen by someone else and liked. She really has a hard time even talking about it. She knows my heart goes fast when she talks about me CDing and her being part of it. She knows it makes me the happiest I have ever been and that I am unhappy without it. She may be afraid of what may happen if freely allowed, but I seem to sense that forbidding it leads to worse explosions of actions. I do think she has very well defined gender roles, but has commented that sometimes we have gender reversal as I like to clean and shop and she would feel more comfortable with tools. I do think she feels it is morally wrong. She is turned off by men who dress and only allowed me to do it under duress. Now that last kid is a high school senior, her life role as a mother is ending as well as menopause and she no longer felt as strong an obligation to allow it. She admits that she could not live well without me. I did tell her a year ago that I couldn't live without CDing.
There are more details if you need them. I am secure in who I am and comfortable that I am a good person. Thank you for all you do for this group and your advice to so many seems right to me.

[ReineD]

Then my best advice is to tell her that you would like to find a way to be on the same page with her about this, which for now might be somewhere in the middle between "being seen by someone else [her] and liked" as you suggest, and not wanting to see it at all which she indicates. Each one of you will need to retract a bit on your positions. You might explain to her that it is important for you that she genuinely understands why you need to do this and not judge you for it (allow you time to dress without trying to circumvent your plans each time) and in return you will not push past her comfort zone in terms of her participation. However the two of you decide to do this is up to you. This solution does not need to stand in stone, but it is certainly a good middle ground to reach, and then you can go from there.

You might also suggest that she join this forum to talk to other GGs. It might help. Do tell her that not every GG here is accepting, so it's not like they'll try to talk her into a way of thinking that she is not comfortable with. But, they may be able to answer some of her questions from a GG point of view.

[Mimi]

Hi All,

I'm not sure if this has come up before but here it goes. How, as GG's, would you feel if you were in the ladies room and one of us came in dressed to use the facility?

As long as the person was in there simply doing his/her business it wouldn't bother me a bit. I've been out with other CDs and in the bathroom with them, and it's really no big deal to me. To be honest, I don't think the public is out there trying to identify CDs, and if you are clearly trying to blend in with the other women, they might not even notice (other than a passing thought that the woman washing her hands looked kind of like a man).

I think it would be extremely unfair to expect a fully presenting CDer to use the men's restroom, not to mention very dangerous for him.

[juliemshaw]

A rather silly question, perhaps, but one that has been much on my mind. (and with winter coming on {Nov 29} possibly a question that is moot, for a season) I notice women don't seem to be wearing any type of hosiery any more. Peep toe heels with bare, brightly painted toenails sticking out, seem to be the norm. Is this a fashion trend I can ignore (because I love how my legs look in stockings) or is this something I will have to be mindful of to present as a woman these days? (as I said, with winter coming I plan to live in tights, but come spring - - - )

Thanks for your assistance, ladies!

[cdtraveler]

I just recently began shaving my legs for the first time and have a strong yearning to feel them against my spouse's but she seems reluctant. She doesn't have a thing for a hairy men so know that's not it and wonder if she's reluctant for fear she may like it or may feel any positive response would on encourage me which I don't think she wants to do for fear of where I ultimately may wish to take my dressing. I'd welcome another gg perspective here and some direction on how the proceed

[ReineD]

To Julie, I don't wear hose in the summer with casual skirts and sandals, nor do I wear them in the evening if the weather is warm and I am wearing a cooler, more casual summer dress in light colors. But, if it is a dressier evening and my dress is more elaborate I will wear sheer hose. Black is a favorite color for dressier evenings with strappy, black high heels, and I will sometimes wear the sheerest black hose to accessorize my outfit. And I always wear hose in the wintertime when I wear dresses. My legs would get too cold without them.

To CDtraveler, you should ask your SO how she feels. No one can say whether her reluctance is caused by an aversion to a SO with shaved legs, or if she is afraid that her acceptance would encourage you to go further. But, whatever she says, I hope you are prepared to respect her boundaries and that the two of you will be willing to find some sort of compromise. For example if she is adamant that you should never shave, and if you feel you need to shave in order to go out in public, then maybe you could shave for an outing but grow out your leg hair the rest of the time? If your reason for shaving has nothing to do with not being read in public, but has more to do with your own sense of what makes you feel good about yourself, I strongly recommend you discuss this with your SO in depth. There is not a "one solution fits all" about this. Each couple needs to find whatever works for them.

The body shaving can be a big issue with many GGs sexually, because it is tactile, for the same reason that many GGs are not OK with their husbands dressing fully as women in bed even if they are OK with the CDing outside the bedroom.

[Moxie]

Hi All,

I'm not sure if this has come up before but here it goes. How, as GG's, would you feel if you were in the ladies room and one of us came in dressed to use the facility? I know we've been told to use the one we present as and I do and understand that since walking into the mens room, dressed would be scary. I go in and straight to a stall, do my thing, and wash hands and maybe check makeup and leave. If I'm in a stall and happen to here young girls come in, I always wait until either they are in their stall and leave quickly or if I don't think I can make it out, I wait until they leave. I don't want to be made in the ladies room by a young girl. That's not a good thing to happen. Anyway, would you just leave or not really care as long as we are in there for the same thing you are? Just curious... Thanks for helping us on different issues.

Coming from a GG who isn't quite as comfortable with all this (and relatively knew to experiencing it) I'd probably feel a little awkward if you came in while I was in there. Especially if I were alone. And honestly, five years ago when I knew NOTHING about crossdressing, I'd probably have freaked completely out and yelled for the police!

Sorry to be honest, but I guess that is what this thread is for? I think also it would depend on how female you looked? An obvious man in a dress would be a huge scare factor as we are taught as little girls to be VERY scared of strange men, especially those who follow you into the ladies toilets! A TS would be different though, for me at least, as there is a lovely transexual lady at our post office and she is just one of 'the gals'. I wouldn't care if she were in the public toilets with me as she is every bit like a woman, including her voice and mannerisms. I wouldn't even have known she was TS if someone hadn't told me!

So maybe when everyone here keeps banging on about 'passing', this is why? So as not to scare us in public toilets??

Wow, I just had one of those "Aha" moments!

[noeleena]

Hi,

Since this is for women ill ask a different ? that is inline with toilets, i know the ? was directed for dressers in womens toilets,

you all know i dont come under being a dresser or crossdresser, & im not a trans or transsexual. that leaves me in no mans or womans land, because im intersexed, plus a female brain, i can not use the mens toilets, so i use the womens. & have done where there have been children & many young women never had a problem & i do talk with other women as well in the toilets . or rest rooms ,

Now i know many hard line women ( lesbain ) wont accept intersexed women. though I do have some who are my friends & do accept me for who i am as a normal woman. as normal as i ever can be,

Now how would you feel about myself all you can base any thing on is my avitra, = pic, that is of cause of myself & how im seen day to day, I do have many women friends who will give me a hug when we met. & they have no issues at all fact is as far as they are concerned im another woman just a bit different thats all . if you read my other posts youll soon see what i say about myself as to looks, so nothing is hidden concerning my self,

All i ever asked for was that people accept my difference & accept who i am, & i cant ask more than that, in the main i am accepted, being intersexed does bring with it issues & other details that can be misconscrewed .

So as a woman would you accept i am & not have any issues with me in our own place ( toilets ) or rest rooms, i know trust is a part of my ? as it should be,.

Thanks.

...noeleena...

[GG7irish]

There have been many threads where some crossdressers state they are a different person when they are dressed.

How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?

My wife and I have been together over 45 years. She's know about my crossdressing for almost that long. I posed that question to her. Which opened up a real great conversation between us. She basically said that when I'm dressed she still sees her husband, just in a dress. I love my feminine side but honestly, for me, She 'sees' me just fine.

What do you 'see'?

I see my SO as happier version of himself in a dress if that makes sense.

[Jenniferathome]

Coming from a GG who isn't quite as comfortable with all this (and relatively knew to experiencing it) I'd probably feel a little awkward if you came in while I was in there. Especially if I were alone. And honestly, five years ago when I knew NOTHING about crossdressing, I'd probably have freaked completely out and yelled for the police!

Hi Moxie, this is exactly what I would expect from a woman who is not "in the know." Thanks for the honesty. But let me ask you this: would the passability of the cross dresser make a difference? For example, person 1 is clearly a guy in a dress. 6 ft +, 250 lbs., beard shadow, wide shoulders, bad wig, etc. person 2 is 5'7", 150 pounds, mannish face but no beard shadow, clothing appropriate for the location, hair and accessories "normal." You suspect it's a man, but you are only 65% sure. Does this make a difference?

[Missygirl]

Is it common for a wife to shop with her cd husband? I guess I would have to come out to her first.

[Billiebluenose1878 GG]

To Missygirl ..

That can vary from SO to SO . It depends on how comfortable she is going out and being seen with her CD Hubby .... hope this helps?? Xxx

[ReineD]

Is it common for a wife to shop with her cd husband? I guess I would have to come out to her first.

I guess so. LOL.

There are two hundred and fifty three thousand, eight hundred and sixty seven answers to your question, which are all the possible mathematical combinations of a CDer's needs on the CDing scale (anywhere from almost no need to dress to such a dire need to be out that he'll explode if he doesn't), and a wife's spectrum of acceptance of those needs (from non acceptance, to reluctant tolerance, to neutral tolerance, to acceptance with reservations, to neutral acceptance, to full acceptance ... plus a lot of states of acceptance in between these). :D

Seriously, you should figure out what this means to you, tell your wife, answer her questions, give her time to take it all in, and then ask her what her comfort levels are.

[Moxie]

Hi Moxie, this is exactly what I would expect from a woman who is not "in the know." Thanks for the honesty. But let me ask you this: would the passability of the cross dresser make a difference? For example, person 1 is clearly a guy in a dress. 6 ft +, 250 lbs., beard shadow, wide shoulders, bad wig, etc. person 2 is 5'7", 150 pounds, mannish face but no beard shadow, clothing appropriate for the location, hair and accessories "normal." You suspect it's a man, but you are only 65% sure. Does this make a difference?

It does!! The reality is, us girls can be a little preoccupied in the ladies, mostly grooming ourselves! I don't recall ever doing much more than glancing at another woman sharing the room with me. So an obvious 6 foot plus man in a dress would make me look twice for certain (and then yell for the police!) whereas the second version I honestly doubt I'd notice if they didn't do anything to attract attention to themselves.

So yes, it makes a difference and I've probably shared the ladies with the second guy and not noticed. The first guy, though equally within rights to be there would honestly scare me as this goes back to all the warnings little girls get from the moment they can walk - avoid men in the ladies room as they might want to rape and kill you!

[Moxie]

That said, I have a GG friend who is amazonian in size, very beautiful, and she scares everyone in the ladies too. Mostly with jealousy as there is NO liking your own reflection after seeing hers. Seriously, she's the stuff of supermodels.

So the ladies room can be treacherous for many! lol

[cdtraveler]

What finally made you ok or desire to see your loved one fully dressed
What was their reaction?

[ReineD]

What finally made you ok or desire to see your loved one fully dressed
What was their reaction?

I fell in love with him and determined to accept all his/her facets. He was pleasantly surprised. :)

[ClosetED]

I have been patient. I am sure she feels threatened, but hasn't been able to say exactly what about. I would love for her to join here and ask questions. There are some who would scare her, so she needs to understand there are some who are strictly hetero and monogamous and some who are not. I think she is worried about how far i would go, despite my reassurances. I have always tried to stay within the limitations she gave, even if she was not fully understanding of what she allowed. For example, she told me 1 year ago, to do what I wanted but she didn't want to know about it. So I bought 3 pairs of inexpensive shoes, 2 inexpensive outfits, lots of hosiery, and a waist cincher. When they arrived at different times, they were left outside the house and I brought them in without showing her, so she did not realize what I had bought. I had little time to every try them. I only let her see one pair of hosiery before moving it to a locked cabinet. Months later, when it opened when still locked, she was upset and felt deceived. But to my mind, I did exactly what she asked.

[Bo-peep]

As to what made me, for one, accept what is outside the norm, there are several reasons: I've always thought outside the box and I do not believe in rigid gender and sexual roles. I came out of a traditional marriage with a man who did not respect basic boundaries and in contrast, my SO was a breath of fresh air. I do not believe that I have the power to mold others into someone they're not, in order to suit my agenda. I knew a couple whose husband is a CDer before I met my SO, and I knew their marriage worked. My SO told me at the very beginning so I didn't feel lied to.

This is exactly why I feel I accept what is outside the norm; my man is open, honest, loving and supportive ... I am simply being the same towards him.

I can understand your wife being worried... I have anxieties too. But I am trying to learn as much about this as I can. I feel there are two people inside him .... hard to explain but he is both very masculine but incredibly feminine too .... that is why i think he is such a breath of fresh air ... he has empathy and understanding and a great deal of gentleness and tenderness as well.

[Patti Remick]

Hello,
I was wondering how you feel about the tem 'GG' as you are referred to on this forum? Ive read various places that it is an acronym for:
Genetic Girl
Genuine Girl
Girly Girl
Gray hair and Glasses (just kidding)

Personally Ive always felt the 'girl' part is detrimental - and so typical of how WOMEN are referred to by males in general. On this forum Ive used the term as well, but as a kind of 'when in Rome...' thing, perhaps many others do as well. But Ive never been comfortable reading or using it. Im sorry, I guess Im too much of a feminist.

Luv and Hugs
Patti Remick

[ClosetED]

My wife did not want to look at this site and is very upset I even brought up talking about crossdressing. She printed out the Founder''s story from crossdresserswives.com. They only let GGs join. Any thoughts on that site?

[ReineD]

My wife did not want to look at this site and is very upset I even brought up talking about crossdressing. She printed out the Founder''s story from crossdresserswives.com. They only let GGs join. Any thoughts on that site?

In my opinion, it is biased. Anyone can read their forum, you do not need to be a member, but apparently it attracts the wives of severely fetishistic, abusive, and perhaps alcoholic crossdressers, at least according to the posts that I have read. At any rate, the accounts that I've read there of husbands' actions do not match what we read in this forum or my own experience with my SO or any other CDer that I know. I did read the founder's story (http://crossdresserswives.com/revision/foundersstory.html) many years ago. You can read it for yourself. She paints a bleak, somewhat tunnel-visioned and stereotypical picture.

To Patti Remick, I do not mind "GG". It's just convenient shorthand used on a discussion board, that I take to mean "genetic female" even if someone decided a long time ago to refer to us as "genetic girls", and it stuck.

[Bo-peep]

I don't mind being called GG .... only just learning all the different abbreviations but getting there slowly but surely :)

I haven't seen the site you mention ClosetEd ... I have only ever been here. I am sorry to hear your wife was so upset.

[Bo-peep]

Hmmmm .... just read The Founder.

how come this woman, at the beginning, states that she was so blissfully happy that New Years Eve, yet as soon as her husband reveals he likes wearing womens clothing he becomes a cocaine addict and a pervert??

Sorry ... not at all fair or reasonable :sad:

[ReineD]

Sorry ... not at all fair or reasonable :sad:

Exactly.
.......

[whowhatwhen]

Can you tell me about boobs?
I'm curious about body image issues that women would have growing up and how you felt about them.

Only recently I learned how I was affected by the stereotypical idealized bust and was worried that mine weren't correct before a member PMed me and gave me a link where I read how vastly different boobs can be and that it's normal.
(Sorry if that's not totally clear, aside from my own I have 0 experience with them.)

Are/were you affected by the idealized bust put forth by the media?

[ReineD]

Are/were you affected by the idealized bust put forth by the media?

I was a late bloomer and also tall and athletic. I did not have the curvy figure of my shorter friends. :p I remember noticing that boys liked big boobs and vaguely wanting to also have big boobs, but it didn't keep me awake at night since I also noticed that some boys noticed ME. :) On the other hand, my best friend developed early and had huge boobs. She tried as best she could to minimize them because she didn't like looking different than the other girls. Keep in mind, this was during our teenage years.

The media influenced mostly my feelings about body weight and not boobs, since most models are skinny and small breasted. I put on about 20-25 lbs in my early 20s and I felt AWFUL about myself, despite some of the weight having gone to my boobs.

So to answer your question, no I was never inordinately displeased with my breasts.

[Amelia_Barry76]

I wanted to ask about coming out to female friends & even mum's. What would be considered the better way to let them know or re-know, especially if they have any idea

[Billiebluenose1878 GG]

Just be honest and be ready and willing to answer any questions asked .... and dont be defensive either ok xxxx

[Amelia_Barry76]

Just be honest and be ready and willing to answer any questions asked .... and dont be defensive either ok xxxx

Ok, thanks for our response

[ReineD]

I wanted to ask about coming out to female friends & even mum's. What would be considered the better way to let them know or re-know, especially if they have any idea

Click on the link for good advice. It is entitled "How To Tell Your Partner", but the same principles apply no matter who you tell:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner

[Amelia_Barry76]

being that I'm just a casual/off & on, still in the closet dresser, what would some of the main items of clothes & lingerie should I have in my wardrobe?

[ReineD]

Amelia, you can have what suits your fancy in your closet - whatever you see around you that you like: skirts, dresses, underwear, shoes, pantyhose. For more detailed answers, I'm directing you to our "Clothing, Accessories, & Shopping Talk" section:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?52-Clothing-Accessories-amp-Shopping-Talk

[Maria S]

Dear GGs

Hello this is my first question to a GG. Where would a woman in a new area with no friends go out? Sounds a weird question but I'm stir crazy in Maria mode.

Maria

[ReineD]

If I lived in a new area, I'd go to local restaurants, I'd poke around in local shops, galleries, and bookstores. I don't do the bar scene, so if there was a coffee shop with wi-fi I'd bring my laptop and become a regular there. Presumably I'd have moved there for work, and so I'd also try to befriend people at work and ask if they wanted to do something after work. I'd also join a local gym and start exercising regularly (it's a good place to meet guys :)). In the summer time, I might join a golf club and sign up for foursomes. And I'd be on the phone or on Skype with my friends a lot.

[cdtraveler]

I'm writing with a request toshare a thought or two with my Spouse. I came out to her last March. (she found this site still up on our computer). And since then she's been wonderful but feels isolated. She does speak with my gender therapist and her own counselor but I think might feel better having a place to come to where she can speak with other spouses. So was wondering if you all might share a comment or two about what this site's, what it's meant to you and how you think it might help her feel less isolated?


Thank you! AMANDA

[ReineD]

Amanda, it would take 5 minutes for your wife to set up an account here. She could introduce herself in the GG thread that's in our Intro section, and after 10 posts she could join the FAB (female at birth) private support section. And before having posted 10 times, she could ask any question that she wants in our Loved Ones section. If she does this, she will feel less isolated.

[Bo-peep]

I'm writing with a request toshare a thought or two with my Spouse. I came out to her last March. (she found this site still up on our computer). And since then she's been wonderful but feels isolated. She does speak with my gender therapist and her own counselor but I think might feel better having a place to come to where she can speak with other spouses. So was wondering if you all might share a comment or two about what this site's, what it's meant to you and how you think it might help her feel less isolated?

Hi ... I think your wife would find a great deal of support here. There are so many lovely people who are honest and who really care. I have had some lovely personal messages from people to reassure me and to give helpful advice ... your wife will be welcomed and will certainly not feel isolated anymore :)

[Mimi]

I'm writing with a request toshare a thought or two with my Spouse. I came out to her last March. (she found this site still up on our computer). And since then she's been wonderful but feels isolated. She does speak with my gender therapist and her own counselor but I think might feel better having a place to come to where she can speak with other spouses. So was wondering if you all might share a comment or two about what this site's, what it's meant to you and how you think it might help her feel less isolated?
Thank you! AMANDA

Eryn showed me this site shortly after she came out to me with her discovery that she wanted and needed to dress. It's been enormously helpful to me in many ways. As I read different posts, the members of this forum became real to me, with genuine worries, concerns, and love for their spouses. Some posts became jumping-off points where Eryn and I could discuss different issues. And it's always helpful for me to read what other GGs have to say, and get their many different views. I would definitely encourage your wife to set up an account and read and post so that she doesn't feel alone.

[kittypw GG]

I'm writing with a request toshare a thought or two with my Spouse. I came out to her last March. (she found this site still up on our computer). And since then she's been wonderful but feels isolated. She does speak with my gender therapist and her own counselor but I think might feel better having a place to come to where she can speak with other spouses. So was wondering if you all might share a comment or two about what this site's, what it's meant to you and how you think it might help her feel less isolated?


Thank you! AMANDA

I felt isolated also. It's not a topic you can openly discuss with people in your life. My husband (now ex) introduced me to this site. I was in the FAB for a while but I found the most help from the CD's themselves. This place has been an eye opener and helped shape my feelings about cd/tg/ts people. She will certainly feel less isolated and will make freinds. I have a few good freinds that I communicate with in real life that I met through here.

[Jenniferathome]

I have a practical question. Let's say you are wearing this dress. You are still at home. Your forget to paint your nails or some other thing that usually means you sit for several minutes. Do you sit on the chiffon skirt and wrinkle it or, do you sort of hike it up so there is no weight on the material. I hiked it up but I'm a guy.

[lynnd]

As a GG I smooth the fabric under me and sit, not hike it up.

[ReineD]

I would sit on it. I'll have to sit sometime during the evening anyway. Clothes do get wrinkled. :)

... I also need to add that some fabrics wrinkle more than others, as you know. If my tolerance for wrinkles is not high, I do a wrinkle test when I buy the outfit. I grab a handful of fabric in my hand in the changing room and squeeze tight for a few seconds. If the wrinkles are pronounced and don't immediately fall out (for example, some linen), I personally would not buy the outfit. But, some people don't worry about the wrinkles.

[Tibby]

Hiking it up can wrinkle it more than smoothing it out and sitting on it. I'd always go for the smooth it out and sit on it never for the hike it up. If I was going out but first had to do my nails or something like that then I wouldn't put the skirt on until afterwards. Some wrinkles are expected from natural movement and sitting.

[Maria S]

How do GGs keep high heel shoes on? I can try on ones that fit but as soon as I walk they slip like mad. I thought about heel grips but I'm doubtful that their would be enough room for them and the foot. Also when you are in a shop you can't very well say can I try them with my heel grips in.

Maria

[Tibby]

Hi Maria,

Funny you should ask this as this is actually a problem I have too and would be interested to see how other GG's resolve this :) I have very narrow feet so trying to find the right size shoe is fine but the width is nearly always too wide. I tried heel grips and adding gel pads (the party feet style pads) to the inside of the shoe but this didn't help much as the problem was with the width of the shoe. I now tend to go for heels with an ankle strap, the ones with a nice dainty strap that looks very much like an ankle bracelet. At least then when I walk the shoe always remains in place.

[Tamara Croft]

I'm a GG Maria, I have the same problem, I'm a size 5 1/2 (UK) and it's very rare shops sell these sizes. I did however go to tesco and get some of those clear heel grips and the ones you put inside for the heel to sit on, problem solved :) I didn't think they'd work that well, but they did.

[Maria S]

Another question please. I know a lot of GGs are very concious of keeping their weight under control. Last year I went from 16 stone 12 pounds to 13 stone 7 pounds but I still had a belly. I lost the weight everywhere else, fingers, wrists, bottom, ankles. I have since put on 1 stone 8 pounds and have restarted Weight Watchers with a goal of 12 stone 7 pounds. I just know I will still have a belly not complimentary of the way I would like my girl side to look.

There must be women who have had big bellys. How do women get and maintain a shapely figure.

Maria

[Tibby]

Hi Maria

If you lose a large amount of weight too quickly, especially if you have been a larger size for a long time, the skin will be stretched and won't have the elasticity to shrink in the same time as the fat loss. So losing a large amount too quickly will leave saggy skin which can be a common problem for anyone losing weight.

As well as dieting you need to make sure you are exercising the whole body, paying attention to core muscles in the abdomen, thighs, bum areas. You need to be concentrating on aerobic fat burning work outs combined with toning exercises to increase the core muscle in the abdomen.

To maintain my figure and size I tend to be able to eat what I want, though I do favour low fat meals, plenty of fresh fruit and vegetable, I do drink about 1.5 litres of bottled water a day and I also excercise. Plenty of walking, dance, gardening, riding a bike and running round after children. When I do housework I have music on and I dance while doing it. I am also into hula hooping at the moment as it's fantastic for keeping the waist trim and toned.

[Danielle tights]

Hi gg's
I really want to tell my so about my cd needs but feel unable to do so for fear of rejection also do you think she would feel shortchanged on the husband front, she hasn't had the most privileged upbringing and I fear telling her would compound this

[Tibby]

Hi Danielle

There is a thread here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?149851-I-told-my-wife!&p=2428087&highlight=#post2428087) with an excellent word by word way to tell your SO about this. I think the main points are to keep on stating that you love her and this does not change the person you are. Be prepared to answer any questions hse may have and to be totally honest. Yes there is a possibility of rejection as this is a subject which can take a bit of getting your head round, she may also surprise you and be accepting and supportive. Just be honest about your feelings.

Only you can help her feel that she is not "shortchanged" on the husband front by making sure you are still a loving and supportive husband to her.

[ReineD]

Maria S, on maintaining a good body with a minimum of belly fat: proper nutrition with portion control (there are lots of websites for your height and weight, just google them) and adequate excercise.

Danielle, on telling your wife - this thread is also helpful: How To Tell Your Partner (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner). Whether she feels shortchanged or not depends on her background and her values. Does she have traditional or liberal views? Is she socially prominent in your community? Is she an 'outside-the-box' thinker? Is she at child bearing age or are the children grown? Some younger women who are entering motherhood prefer a father figure for their children and are concerned that the crossdressing may go overboard. Other women simply do not want to live with the stigma, should their friends and community members find out. Some women are sexually turned off the prospect of husbands who want to feminize themselves, while other women are OK with it.

[Di]

Danelle The ladies gave you great advice and threads to read.
Working with GGs for alot of them it is the keeping it from them that many seem to have the hardest time to get over.
I used to say TELL TELL TELL but now I say you know your wife the best.....reasons Reine had said.
Best Wishes on what you decide. And if you do make sure you explain it fully, do not say you will quit, do not make promises you can not keep be honest and answer any questions and repeatly tell her you are the same person she loves, you love her, you were afraid you would lose her but need to tell her and need her to understand. Be prepared and do it when you are alone.
Here is a link from yrs back where GGs tell how they felt from the not knowing and most finding out by accident.
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?90231-Not-telling-lies-and-hiding-things-from-a-GG-s-POV

[Stevie]

When wearing pants or yoga pants are they suspose to go up and over your belly. What I want to know is do they go to your natural waist line or below that.

[ReineD]

Mine just sit on my hips, just below my waistline.

[Amie Marie]

I talked to my SO about my cding and she is almost ok with it. She knows now and says she ok but isn't sure she ever wants to see anypart because she is afraid to lose that masculine manly veiw of me. I don't push the issue at all but wonder if this is common to start or if there is something I can do to show her I'm still the same person? Thank you.

[ReineD]

This is common. However, some wives feel more comfortable with the idea of CDing in time, but others do not. A lot depends on how much their husbands overstep the boundaries (if they do things behind their wives' backs), and also the GG's background (how old is she, is she open minded, does she adhere to traditional and religious values, etc). The importance is to have lots of open and honest communication about this.

[adrienner99]

GGs: Would any of you mind telling me what the word "man" means to you? I know what it means to me...it's more of a goal than a characteristic...but since I was born male and am obsessed with women's clothes, it makes my identity agonizingly elusive...but maybe what the word means to me isn't at all what it means to a woman...

[ReineD]

It used to mean, to me, someone with courage and integrity. But women have these qualities too. So I guess that fundamentally it means someone with a male anatomy who is comfortable in his own skin. :)

[sliplover]

New Topic and apologize if this has been asked already.

Do GG's prefer nylon panties or cotton? Most CD/TG would say nylon, like me, a VF nylon brief or Olga nylon brief lover. They are so comfy and soft. Feel great with a slip or nylon nightgown on. Do tell...

[NurseSamGG]

Sliplover personally I like Nylon or silky panties just cuz they feel great and your clothes slip over them nicely. However being a GG if I'm workin out or gonna get sweaty I wear cotton simply because they breathe better and you are at a lower risk for developing complications such as a yeast infection but for CDers luckily that is a problem. So if I had the choice with no side effects I'd go with the nylon silky panties everytime.

[sliplover]

Some of my favs,
http://www.jcpenney.com/dotcom/vanity-fair-panties-lace-nouveau-nylon-3-pack-13001/prod.jump?ppId=1e04e7f&catId=cat100240041&subcatId=cat100240035&deptId=dept20000013&N=4294966940&topDim=Item+Type&topDimvalue=brief&dimCombo=Item+Type%7C&dimComboVal=brief%7C&currentDim=Item+Type&currentDimVal=brief
http://www.jcpenney.com/dotcom/lingerie-pajamas/olga-secret-hug-fashion-scoops-brief/prod.jump?ppId=pp5002111984&catId=cat100240041&subcatId=cat100240035&deptId=dept20000013&N=4294966940&topDim=Item+Type&topDimvalue=brief&dimCombo=Item+Type%7C&dimComboVal=brief%7C&currentDim=Item+Type&currentDimVal=brief

What are some of your favorites and styles?

[WifeofWrenchette]

cotton because I get bladder infections if I wear nylon.

[Flent]

Cotton, for the reasons given, but just going by style, I think these (http://www.jcpenney.com/dotcom/women/categories/lingerie-pajamas/lingerie-pajamas/panties/5-for-%252422/flirtitude-mesh-hipster/prod.jump?ppId=pp5002370029&cmvc=JCP%7Cdept20000013%7Ccat100240035%7Ccat100240 041%7CRICHREL&grView=&eventRootCatId=&currentTabCatId=&regId=) are cute. I think of the high-waisted ones as "granny panties" but still have some.

[Maria S]

Today I tried on new ear ring hoops following having my ears pierced a couple of months ago. I found it really hard to do because my eyesight is not as young as it used to be. There must be GGs who wear ear rings whose eyesight could be better. All I ended up doing was making my ear bleed.

Any help appreciated.

Maria

[ReineD]

Hi Maria, get a 10x or 12x magnifying mirror: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Danielle-Black-Vanity-Mirror-Magnified/dp/B008V5UQQ4/ref=sr_1_1?s=beauty&ie=UTF8&qid=1363567660&sr=1-1

This will help until you're so used to putting on earrings and taking them off, that you will be able to do it by feel, without looking into a mirror at all. Your hand will know where your ear piercing is, it's just a matter of building up "muscle memory". :)

[Amanda M]

I was just browsing this thread, and came across the reference to crossdresserswives.com so I had to visit. Wish I had not though - it is pure vitriol! Any of you real ladies had a look at it, and if so, what do you think - I already know what Reine (bless you) thinks!

[jamiemarion]

To GG's: I have always been a feminist, and, whatever the reasons I began wearing women's clothes as a boy and young man, as I grow older the reasons I continue to wear only feminine things has more and more to do with making a personal statement regarding my admiration for and appreciation of women. Every day I make a conscious decision to diminish my masculinity and accentuate my inward femininity by dressing, thinking, feeling, and acting as much like a woman as I can. I am not transsexual, so this is really a conscious, voluntary choice and an expression of my "feminism". My question to you genuine ladies is why do women look down on cross dressing, inwardly feminine heterosexual (not "effeminate" gay) men as "sissies" and only respect "normal" hyper masculine men? I am proud to be a "sissy" if that means a man who looks up to women as the "superior" gender and strives to be as much like a woman as he can be out of admiration for women. What can you say to me about this? Can you respect me for my special way of acting out my "feminism"?

[Di]

I was just browsing this thread, and came across the reference to crossdresserswives.com so I had to visit. Wish I had not though - it is pure vitriol! Any of you real ladies had a look at it, and if so, what do you think - I already know what Reine (bless you) thinks!

I have did check it out once and wish I had not....tunnel vision and narrow minded is what I remember.


To GG's: I have always been a feminist, and, whatever the reasons I began wearing women's clothes as a boy and young man, as I grow older the reasons I continue to wear only feminine things has more and more to do with making a personal statement regarding my admiration for and appreciation of women. Every day I make a conscious decision to diminish my masculinity and accentuate my inward femininity by dressing, thinking, feeling, and acting as much like a woman as I can. I am not transsexual, so this is really a conscious, voluntary choice and an expression of my "feminism". My question to you genuine ladies is why do women look down on cross dressing, inwardly feminine heterosexual (not "effeminate" gay) men as "sissies" and only respect "normal" hyper masculine men?

I think only some woman want a NORMAL masculine man. ...not I......
Be yourself and be proud of who you are.

[Ellanore G.G.]

yes i was on that site.
didnt know this site existed.
most of my troubles were caused by this tunnell vision.
:(

[ReineD]

To JamieMarion, I do not look down on men who express femininity, nor do I look down on transsexuals. How can anyone look down on someone for the way they were born?

I dislike the term sissy though. It implies helplessness and weakness and I see neither of these qualities in all the crossdressers and the transsexuals that I know.

But, when a crossdresser willingly describes himself as a "sissy", he gives me the impression that he enjoys being weak and helpless. I wonder if this is how he sees women, and if he does, then he surely is not a feminist.

[Jenniferathome]

OK Ladies, I have a new question. Can you put on 100% of your clothing and jewelry by yourself? For the life of me, I can not attach the hook and eye closures on any dress I have. And jewelry...? I can barely operate the little latch let alone hook it up. Really, is it me?

[ReineD]

Practice, Jennifer. Practice, practice, practice. In time you'll be able to do it with your eyes closed. :D

Start attaching the hooks and latches when the items are not on you. After you can manipulate them easily, repeat the process, but with your eyes closed. And when you get good at that, you shouldn't have any issues when you put them on.

[LelaK]

Reine said: But, when a crossdresser willingly describes himself as a "sissy", he gives me the impression that he enjoys being weak and helpless. I wonder if this is how he sees women, and if he does, then he surely is not a feminist.
My family called my sister "Sissy" for a long time. I still call her "Sis". Of course, it means "sister", or "Sissy" means "little sister". So I've never thought of sissies as weak or helpless, but simply sister-like. Sis was never weak or helpless to speak of.

[ReineD]

Lela, have a look at this thread:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?192452-How-do-you-feel-about-being-considered-a-quot-sissy-quot-by-both-men-and-women

Most people, at least in this community where JamieMarion asked the question, consider "sissy" to be predominately a fetish term. It's like the term "gay". Most people take it to mean "homosexual", although I'm sure there are some people who take it as meaning strictly "happy". :p

[DawnD]

Amanda M:

I didn't get past the intro page on crossdresserswives.com. I have issues when someone refers to crossdressing as a "condition". Like it's an illness. Ugh!

sliplover: I'm a GG, and I default to a cotton blend. Non-natural fabrics can create an odor if you sweat while you wear them, so I tend to wear cotton most of the time. I do have my own share of Satin though. I am sort of an addict when it comes to panties...blame that on being married to a CD!!! OK OK, so it's my fault too. We bond when we shop. ;)

[RuthM]

I was just browsing this thread, and came across the reference to crossdresserswives.com so I had to visit. Wish I had not though - it is pure vitriol! Any of you real ladies had a look at it, and if so, what do you think - I already know what Reine (bless you) thinks!

This was my first experience with online CDing forums and frankly did our relationship more harm than good. I began to really question and doubt myself for being as accepting as I was when I first found out. I had people on the site call me a freak for trying to understand. I didn't stay for very long, but it is definately a damaging site.

[Greenie]

Sami... I agree with guiseppina.. she might no but she might not. If I saw those behaviors I would be curious. But if she is in denial she might be thinking, well he is just reall metro sexual. I don't think a letter is a bad way to go to tell you the truth. I wrote my SO a letter about how much I was struggling. A well written letter (maybe having someone look over it first if your comfortable) will let you get all your feelings out without her interjecting and interrupting the process. We tried to talk about the CDing 100 times and how it made me feel. But while talking about it he got defensive and it became unproductive. I wrote him a letter about how much I loved him and how much him hiding things from me was tearing me apart.

When I gave it to him I said. "This is to start a conversation." The letter is not the be all end all. That's important. I sat there while he read the letter. Afterwards there was like a half an hour of silence. And then we started to calmly talk about it.

As an SO who recentlyish found out. And didn't find out in the BEST way. I have some advice on what to do and what not to do. You can PM me anytime. :)

[ReineD]

my life is in such turmoil at the moment I just don't know what's best I would love to hear some advice from a GG as you girls can be quite hard to read or understand at times.

The best possible advice I have is to place yourself in a proper mindset in order to talk to your wife. You DO NOT want to try to control how she will feel, or what she will think, or how much she may or may not agree to this. Every GG, every relationship, and every CDer is different in the level of his need to dress. An explanation or attitude that might have worked well between one CD and wife, might not work in your situation.

SO you can ONLY trust in her love for you and then speak from your heart in great detail. Pretend that you are describing yourself to all of us here, and just talk to her about your journey with the CDing ... how and when you started, the times that you tried to stop, the bad feelings you've had about it over the years, how many times you've purged, your fear that you will lose your wife or that she will think you less than a man. Tell her about any shame you might have felt or still feel and tell her why you feel the shame. In short, be excruciatingly honest even if you feel embarrassed about it. This is not the time to be stoic or defensive. Let her see the very human side of the CDing in that you also have been a victim of an non-accepting world, and all the pain this has caused you over the years. Let your wife know that this is not an option, it's not fluff, you've tried to make it go away, you've struggled, it's not going away, and it's time to deal with it.

And then tell her that you cannot go behind her back anymore and ask her how the two of you can navigate this in a way that will minimize pain for your wife. Does she need to not see you? Does she need to have your female clothes out of sight? But then tell her again that you refuse to hide and even if she does not see you or your clothes, you do want to coordinate with her times and places when you will dress with her knowledge.

You might invite her to join here, and you might first prepare by having some informative resources ready to give her. Also be sure to reassure her. Tell her there is a lot to learn about this and it's not about what most people think. Do tell her that you are still very much her husband, you still love her to pieces, and this will never change.

[VAWyman]

Hello everyone. I love it that we can ask a GG things like some of the threads I've read here. But I had to join in yhe discussion on how to tell SO. I accidentally outed myself to my wife about 6 months ago. I was working on a letter, organizing my thoughts, and she found my notes on the computer. BIG Bummer. I had to purge to keep peace in the relationship, but she is slowly coming around, I think. She is old school Chriatian and think I am thumbing my nose at God. Any ideas from the GGs here on how to work with this situation?

[Di]

Sami and VAWyman since being found out and you purged... they THINK it went away or it was a phase
I think it is important they understand it is a part of you....it is not something that will go away....you are the same person they love and you only hid it because you were afraid of losing them. Best wishes on what you decide.

[jsunic_1978]

May I ask a question? Isn't honesty just the best policy? 90 percent of the time I present as my real self, which is JEFF I am a lot happier now still single, but I was always SO ANGRAY Im 35 and have a long way to go still. I hope its ok to ask a question on replies to this thread. ? Thanks.

[VAWyman]

Di, thanks for the encouragement. It just so happens that my wife and I had a short talk tonight about this very thing. My wife admitted that she had been very angry since she first found out, and tho she loved me (and I love her dearly) she just didn't like me very much. I can live with that. She admitted that she was wrong to be so angry, but still could not, would not condone my crossdressing. Oh well, baby steps. We are making progress. I'm thinking of asking her to buy me some nail polish to see what she will do. Just a thought. Any other suggestions?

[Lucy_Bella]

Hi GG's, 2. questions please :)
All of you seem like reasonable ladies ,very down to earth and intelligent . I let my now ex wife know about me long before we married and before we had children together..For the first 10 years she didn't have any issues with my cding other than as long as she didn't have to be around or see it or the kids know whats the harm?

She never wanted to talk about cding even though she knew it made me happier to relieve the stress from the months of suppression's I went through to keep her happy..Now during my marriage I never went past the undies although I desired more that was enough to satisfy the the for ever nagging urge..

My family was always first and never did I indulge in selfish satisfactions ..But the last 15 years my wife had this habit of blaming everything that went bad in our marriage on my cding( which compared to today was nothing)..My question is ( sorry for the long intro most of you already know my story) Do you think that in time you may have your fill of your S.O.'s cding ? Just wake up one morning and say I can't handle this anymore.

There are many threads that hit the main forum about wives who just will not accept this behavior I can relate to those threads. But 90 percent of me feels that my marriage issues were not about my behavior I feel that my ex wife used that as a crutch..

Question number 2.. From reading a lot of these threads yourselves ..What did your S.O.'s do that may have been the difference from those who are un accepting that made you say ..Okay so he likes to wear female clothing big deal?

[Greenie]

Do you think that in time you may have your fill of your S.O.'s cding ? Just wake up one morning and say I can't handle this anymore.


Question number 2.. From reading a lot of these threads yourselves ..What did your S.O.'s do that may have been the difference from those who are un accepting that made you say ..Okay so he likes to wear female clothing big deal?

So number one: To tell you the truth this is one of my biggest worries. I worry that one day he will need something I cannot provide, or want to push a boundary I don't want to cross. But you cant live your life today due to something that maybe/possibly could or could not happen in the future. Communication is something that is key.

Number two: this one is hard for me because it started with dishonesty. He told me that it was basically a fetish. Being sexually open minded I was okay with the panties and whatever. But he then kept HIDING it. Even after I bought him stuff. He kept sneaking and being dishonest. It came to the point where we almost broke up... not because of CDing but because of his behavior that surrounded it. but NOW... He works really hard to make sure I know that I am loved. He makes sure my needs are met and I his. We talk all the time and we are honest. That's the only reason it is working now.

[RuthM]

Do you think that in time you may have your fill of your S.O.'s cding ? Just wake up one morning and say I can't handle this anymore.


Question number 2.. From reading a lot of these threads yourselves ..What did your S.O.'s do that may have been the difference from those who are un accepting that made you say ..Okay so he likes to wear female clothing big deal?

1) My SO and I have had very open communication about where the CDing is and how far he wants it to go. He is willing to progress along my comfort level and he respects my boundaries, with the understanding that I will continually reassess my boundaries/comfort level and make sure it is still accurate. This communication and attitude that we are a team even throughout this is why I don't think I will ever have my fill and wake up one morning and say I can't handle this anymore.

2) I don't think my SO did anything different than what other people have done. He told me, willing answered my questions and if he didn't know the answer he thought about it. Sometimes I really had to stress to him how important a question was before I really got a completely honest answer. If we are struggling to communicate about a CDing issue, I do sometimes have to remind myself that it must be difficult after years of hiding and keeping secrets to be completely open and honest. The main thing for me that has helped my acceptance is who he is. No matter what he's wearing he always strives to be thoughtful, kind and loving.

[VAWyman]

RuthM, maybe that's part of the problem I'm having with my wife rightnow. Am I being as thoughtful, loving, considerate as I should be towards her? I will have to think about that. Thanks for the input.

[ReineD]

But he then kept HIDING it. Even after I bought him stuff. He kept sneaking and being dishonest. It came to the point where we almost broke up...

Greenie, this is classic and it happened to me, but it was more about non-disclosure, or disclosure after the fact. To Lucy-Bella, the lying and hiding or even the minimizing, even if a SO is OK with the crossdressing is by far the largest sticking point for the majority of GGs; it tells us that the CDing is more important than we are. It's as if there is a greater loyalty to the crossdressing or the activities surrounding the crossdressing than there is to the wife/girlfriend, even if the minimizing or the non-disclosure is done under the guise of a person exercising his right to privacy. I cannot think of anything that warrants being private in a committed romantic relationship, not unless the relationship is arms length and not all that intimate.


..But the last 15 years my wife had this habit of blaming everything that went bad in our marriage on my cding( which compared to today was nothing)..

There are many threads that hit the main forum about wives who just will not accept this behavior I can relate to those threads. But 90 percent of me feels that my marriage issues were not about my behavior I feel that my ex wife used that as a crutch..

I don't think it's a crutch. There is very little about the crossdressing, or rather the motives to crossdress, that most wives understand. And if you combine the lack of understanding with the observation that a husband loves to (or can't wait to) get into a type of femininity that is not the wife's, it is easy for a wife to feel hugely threatened by the crossdressing. Not that she feels that her own femininity is threatened (this is silly), but she feels that her husband's affectionate focus lies elsewhere than on the wife.

If you've ramped up considerably in recent years and your wife still feels as if you prefer to crossdress over being with her, then I can understand why she feels the way she does. :sad:

If I were you, I would run, not walk to the nearest self-help section of a bookstore and choose a book that you can work through with your wife in order to improve the all-around health of your marriage. Here are two good ones:

http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Love-You-Want-Anniversary/dp/0805087001

http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797

If you work through all the steps in these books, the crossdressing will be addressed along with all the other things that both you and your wife need to work through. It's a good first step before seeing a marital counselor. If fact, many counselors recommend going through these books.


Do you think that in time you may have your fill of your S.O.'s cding ? Just wake up one morning and say I can't handle this anymore.

Question number 2.. From reading a lot of these threads yourselves ..What did your S.O.'s do that may have been the difference from those who are un accepting that made you say ..Okay so he likes to wear female clothing big deal?

Question #1 is difficult to answer, because many other things happen over time in a relationship that cause feelings between partners to change ... not lessen, necessarily, but move from the first phases of any relationship to subsequent, less exciting perhaps phases. There really is no more mystery in a marriage and if there are any issues that are not dealt with over time and lie dormant, slowly building resentments even if subconsciously, then it may seem as if a wife one day just wakes up and "is tired of it all". The root of this is her lack of understanding over your motive to crossdress. Most of the members here even do not understand why they crossdress.

Question #2: Nothing really. My SO was just able to communicate about him/herself and his/her past effectively, in more detail than just "I crossdress because I enjoy it or I need to". This was combined with the space that I was in when we met. My long-term marriage had ended, and my priorities were perhaps different than they were when I was younger. Have a look at post #212 in this thread for the kinds of things that are good to tell a wife.

[Lucy_Bella]

Thank you all..

Reine, my Ex and I have been living apart for over 5 years.. Yes since I moved out the dressing did ramp up , the dressing while with her never changed it was nothing as I said ..

[ReineD]

Oops, I guess I knew that but forgot. Sorry. Blame it on the mind becoming like a sieve after a certain stage of life. :p

Still, I would say the same thing to anyone who was still married. :)

[Ayame]

What is the point of this thread when everyone is different? Asking two GGs a question can result in different answers, just as asking two CDs, two plumbers, or two anything for that matter. Like if you ask a gg if they like high heels they might like them or they might not, this thread gives the illusion that there is a uniform way people think which is not the case. This is not an attack, this is a serious question. I think that it is great to see supporting partners, family, friends, admirers etc in the community, but just this thread is something that has me confused on why it is needed when lots of GG's have conflicting opinions.

[Mimi]

What is the point of this thread when everyone is different? Asking two GGs a question can result in different answers,

The point of this thread is not to get the single one correct answer, but to get a variety of answers, and to get answers from a GG point of view. It is natural that there would be a variety of viewpoints.

[Ina Girdle]

Hi Ladies, it is great to be able to get your viewpoints, thank you! I recently told my wife about my CD'ing. She is very accepting and is working on her comfort level with my "hobby". I do not want to push it at her and she has been OK with me wearing panties to bed occasionally. I will never be out to the public (I feel) as I have spent 45 years in the closet. I am a big burley, hairy ex-rugby player on the outside who happens to have a softer feminine compassionate core, although I go by Ina, it is more of a pen-name than an alter ego for me. I know I would make for an ugly woman, but I really do love and revere femininity!

Sorry for the long winded prelude, so here is my question. Do your SO's spend allot of their free time dressed (at what-ever level of dress they enjoy? ie; undies at home?, fully dressed at home or dressed to the hilt with makeup, wigs etc and out and about). Is it occasional when they feel the need or is it a majority of the time? Did you ladies have a tough learning curve? coping with your SO's hidden passion?

Thanks for your time!
Ina Girdle

[ReineD]

My SO began like you and also playing around in the bedroom with his ex partner. He had not evolved into a feminine persona yet. They eventually split up (nothing to do with the CDing) and a few years later when my SO was freer with his time and resources, he began to develop herself. Over the course of about 10 years while living alone and not having anyone setting down "rules", my SO was able to catch up her feminine side to his masculine side. It took a long time to have developed the skills, the confidence, and the appropriate wardrobe to go out in public (the mainstream and not just the fun TG clubs), but this is where she is at and I fully support her. My SO rarely dresses at home just to stay home now. But she goes out on average twice weekly to do errands, shop, eat out, bring a laptop to a Starbucks and do work, etc. She has gotten to know people who do not know her in male mode. All of this is balanced with a happy male life. My SO is greatly invested in his career and there is no wish to let his peers at work know that he is dual gender. My SO has reached the point of feeling the same person internally no matter how dressed, which is a gendered being that is not fully male nor is she fully female, since she has no wish or need to fully transition.

Hope this answers your question. I often wonder how far along my SO would have developed herself had he been married to a non-understanding wife.

In terms of appearance, my SO has mid-back hair that he keeps tied at the nape in guy mode (this is acceptable in his field), pierced ears (no earrings in guy mode), he keeps his body fully shaved, eyebrows trimmed in a way that is acceptable in both female and male mode, has had laser beard removal so there is no longer any dark shadow, and keeps his nails long and shaped. Few people who know him just as a male have said or maybe even have noticed anything. When dressed, she wears breast forms that are sold to women who've had mastectomies (they're more realistic than the forms sold to CDers), a waist cincher, and hip and butt pads. My SO does not keep his arm muscles well developed in male mode so she does not appear to have bulky male arms when dressed. My SO also has rather small hands and feet for a male, so she does blend in well when she is out in female mode.

[Di]

here is my question. Do your SO's spend allot of their free time dressed (at what-ever level of dress they enjoy? ie; undies at home?, fully dressed at home or dressed to the hilt with makeup, wigs etc and out and about). Is it occasional when they feel the need or is it a majority of the time? Did you ladies have a tough learning curve? coping with your SO's hidden passion?


My SO now spends alot ( most)of free time dressed. But our kids are grown and do not live nearby and we just are free to be.
Sher never does the panty thing it is the full thing or nothing for her. We do go out and about most weekends.
And as far as coping and learning curve....I never had that as we met here and it was Di and Sher before it was Di and guy side.

[Julie Bender]

I have been married 29 yrs I now know he has been using my things from time to time. But was oblivious prior. However,we have been adventurous all along he has known for most of our yrs that I am bi.
All this said now I will say what made it easier (it's hard regardless ) was our love. We have always seen to each other's fantasies and needs. There is a real need to be totally open with your s/o getting there is the challenge. I say take baby steps.
Start by shopping to buy HER some pretty things and make open conversation about fem garments.
Bring up the topic of cd when you are comfortable. Ease it out into the open. I truely hope you and yours stay happy *hugs*

To add to this. I point out that you are correct mostly . But it's not inaine to have more than one reply. Because they will be different. That gives you a better chance of getting an answer closer to suit what you are asking variety is good

Hehe cute! No I cannot. But I can put on jewelry that has the push and clip clasps. Zippers.long zippers I can scrunch it all they way up my back until I can reach OVER my shoulder and grasp the zipper tongue then use other hand to pull dress/blouse down thus drawing the tongue up the zip

[Jenny Green]

Hi, GGs -

If you have ever bought your CD SO anything feminine when (s)he wasn't with you, then I'd like to ask you two questions about the first time you did that.

What did you buy, and how did you feel? Excited, trepid? Joyful, nervous? Mischievous, resigned? I imagine that, for most, it would be a time of very mixed emotions, but I would appreciate hearing from some who gave been there.

Thanks very much. I am grateful that you are here.

-J

[Amanda M]

Question for the genetic girls, prompted by another topic on the form.. I´d like to ask if any of you still wear slips, either half or full? What seems to be the current thinking on this.

Thanks in advance, Amanda.

PS. Mods, if this is in the wrong place, please let me know!

[IleneK]

Jenny,

I knew about my spouse's gender issues but I imposed a DADT policy for almost 19 years. But, when I would go out of town, I would sometimes go to VS and buy a little something and leave it on the bed for her to find when she got home. She would call and say thank you, and we would never discuss it again.

I never gave it too much thought about why I did it or how I felt, so you ask a good question for reflection.

I think I felt guilty because of the DADT policy, and that's why I bought things for her. I always thought she dressed en femme when I was gone. I recently found out she never did, she only underdressed.

Also, I was a little bit sad that I could not support her when I was there, but would recognize her when I wasn't. Plus, I remember being a little bit conflicted on spending the money because the stuff I bought for her was never on sale, but I only bought stuff for me when it was on sale. And a little bit of anger, that I felt guilty and sad and conflicted.

Maybe because of the DADT policy, I never had good feelings associated with what I was doing. But I still did it. Again, another reason why the DADT policy does not work

I.

Amanda,

I only wear skirts below my knees, and when I do, I still wear half slips. I probably wear slips because I have always done so, or more likely because I don't like my skirts clinging to me

I.

[ErinSassyPants]

Jenny,

I felt happy about making him happy and showing acceptance.


Amanda,

I haven't worn a slip or even owned a slip since I was a kid. I didn't know women still wore them.

[ReineD]

Jenny - Shortly after I met my SO I bought her the Venus triple-blade razor and Aveeno shaving gel for women. I wanted to give her a small token to show her my support. I did not experience any strong feelings in any direction, other than the normal feelings that one experiences when giving someone a gift we know they will appreciate.

Amanda - I have a long printed summer skirt that is on the sheer side, under which I wear a light slip for modesty purposes. I also have several winter light wool dresses that are not lined, and so must wear a small slip in order to avoid cling. So my use of slips is strictly functional and I don't wear one when I don't need one.

[Di]

If you have ever bought your CD SO anything feminine when (s)he wasn't with you, then I'd like to ask you two questions about the first time you did that.
What did you buy, and how did you feel?

When we first met we only saw each other every few months and I bought Sherlyn tons of things from dresses to nighties to jewlery.But she did the same buying me new makeup,shoes are some cute clothing items she thought I might like. Everytime we got together was like xmas. ( we lived in different countrys then)
I just felt and feel the same as buying for any loved one...hope she likes it as much as I do.
Now days we mostly shop together:D


Amanda,
I have one sheer summer skirt I need to wear a slip other than that I never do.Did as a young girl but prob have very rarely wore one since then.

[Flent]

Question for the genetic girls, prompted by another topic on the form.. I´d like to ask if any of you still wear slips, either half or full? What seems to be the current thinking on this.

I have a slip to wear under long sheer skirts. (Seems we all have the same problem with those!) I could probably count all the slips I've ever owned on one hand.

[Amanda M]

Thank you ladies for your answers.

[Georgina]

I have a question for those GGs who are mothers or those who can think of themselves as mothers. All those years ago , when I was becoming acquainted with female clothes, (in short my mothers) I lived in fear of being discovered. I wondered if there was a difference in being caught with just one clothing item, such as panties or a slip, as opposed to the entire ensemble. Remember in those days (50s-60s) underwear was more complicated than today. Or if I was just wearing a dress over my boy underwear would that have been a lesser crime?

[ReineD]

It wouldn't have been a crime to me, but I would have been concerned about you just as much whether you wore one of my items or 5, no matter how complicated they were to put on.

I say that I would have been concerned under the premise that we are living decades ago and I knew nothing about being a crossdresser or a transsexual. I would have worried about you fitting in with the rest of the boys, and I would have wondered if you were gay.

Of course, I know better since I am involved with the community.

[Di]

It would not have been a crime....any of that. And way back when my kids were young.....I would have not known about cding but I would have looked for answers.
But like Reine has said I would have been worried inside till I knew what I know now. But I never would think it was a crime or even wrong.

[Jenny Green]

Thank you, GGs, for answering my question about buying something for your SO. It's probably meaningless to draw conclusions from 4 responses, but I was surprised by your answers. I expected more responses like Ilene's and fewer "I did it just because he'd like it."

Perhaps because I have a very complex mix of emotions related to CDing, I expected everyone else to.

Thanks for your enlightenment. :-)

-J

[Shae Baby]

well, i'm not sure that I could answer the first question to it's fullest with out knowing more in depth about your relationship, but I will give a one sided opinion. I think that ( in some ways) it can be a bit stressful on a woman to be married to a CDer just for the simple fact that it makes you ask a lot of questions about yourself that might make them feel a bit uncomfortable. it can make a girl question her femininity, her sexuality, and even her position in her marriage. that being said, there are plenty of reasons why your wife decided that she didn't want to do it any more and I think that a lot of them may have had to do with her not being too honest with herself, and that's on her, not you. your relationship cant have just fallen apart JUST because of your CDing. that just seems a bit far fetched to me.

as for question 2. I was raised to be accepting of everyone, and that was a HUGE stepping stone. another reason is that I happen to like it when a man knows how to dress himself and apply makeup. just so long as my husband dresses as a man when I let him know that I'm missing that side of him then I see no reason to keep him from dressing most of the time. it makes him comfortable, and when he feels good, I feel good.

[Jenniferathome]

I have a sort of fashion question. My wife has answered to me already but I was hoping for a consensus of sorts. Here it is in a few parts:
1) do you wear strapless or spaghetti stap or halter tops/dresses?

if not, why?

If you do, (and related to the "nots" I am sure) what do you do about a bra?

[Di]

1) do you wear strapless or spaghetti stap or halter tops/dresses?



If you do, (and related to the "nots" I am sure) what do you do about a bra?

I do wear strapless and spahetti straps....I think my shoulders are a good feature:o

I do have areas I do not like and cover:o:o

I wear a strapless bra

[MatildaJ.]

I don't wear strapless at all. They don't stay up (I have B cups). If I wear a spaghetti strap dress or top, I'll wear a bra with thin straps, and I'll consider the color of the bra straps as part of the outfit (or sometimes I'll wear a skin-tone bra, and pretend no one can see the straps).

[ReineD]

1) do you wear strapless or spaghetti stap or halter tops/dresses?

if not, why?

If you do, (and related to the "nots" I am sure) what do you do about a bra?

It depends on the venue. I don't really see any strapless tops, unless either at the beach (tube tops or strapless bathing suits for the younger women), or in evening and club wear.

I do have a fabulous halter top (like the top of this bathing suit, but longer (http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/island-escape-swimsuit-printed-halter-tankini-top-solid-brief-bottom?ID=758739&CategoryID=8699&LinkType=#fn=sp%3D1%26spc%3D178%26kws%3Dhalter%20t ops%26slotId%3D79)) that I wear for going out to nightclubs ... but not in my day-to-day outings. I wear a strapless bra underneath tight enough at the band that it stays up without any issues. I asked my SO if she would wear a top like this and she can't, because of the weight of the breast forms. I do wear plain camis with thin straps, but usually under a very light shirt even if the shirt is see-through. Bottom line, I am conscious of my age. At under 40, I did not give wearing tops like this or short minis (in the heat of the summer) a second thought.

FYI, not all halters are the same, some have enough coverage:

http://favefashions.com/fashionimages/bebe-pleated-halter.jpg
http://www3.assets-gap.com/webcontent/0006/558/568/cn6558568.jpg

[Catie2013]

I don't wear strapless or spaghetti strap tops. I feel self conscious about my upper arms and shoulders. Not a good look for me personally. If I did, I would buy one of those adjustable bras that adapt from halter to strapless

[chatbuddy1987]

hi there!

so i am a cd too.

my question is - what do GG exactly like in the cds? Is it the appearance, confidence or feminine appearance? Because as far as I have heard, most women prefer masculine men.

[Di]

For me has nothing to do with appearance, confidence or feminine appearance.

Iit has to do with who I can be honest with, and they are honest with me. Who is as real as I am, and who is free to be themselves as I am.. Add good humor, alot of fun and LOVE. Thats what I like and need in my relationship with my cd.

[MatildaJ.]

I love my crossdressing husband, but I don't like his crossdressing. I like his masculine appearance when he's not dressed, and I like his overall confidence in himself, and I like his sexy laugh, and his particular outlook on life.

The only positive from my perspective to the crossdressing is that sometimes it makes him interested in talking about gender issues in our society. That's a topic I like to think about, so now he's a little more interested in that.

[Mistress Roxy]

Add good humor, alot of fun and LOVE. Thats what I like and need in my relationship with my cd.

I totally agree with this. I believe crossdressing is an excelent two - ways road for a couple.

[Bethy]

hi there!

so i am a cd too.

my question is - what do GG exactly like in the cds? Is it the appearance, confidence or feminine appearance? Because as far as I have heard, most women prefer masculine men.

With me I just like that he can trust me with it and be open with me about it and its a whole new level of closeness and trust, plus I have a boyfriend that actually has a decent opinion on what im wearing :P

[Silentpartner GG SO]

hi there!

so i am a cd too.

my question is - what do GG exactly like in the cds? Is it the appearance, confidence or feminine appearance? Because as far as I have heard, most women prefer masculine men.

To me, it isnt a question of what I like in the CD's.
I'd rather my OH wasnt a CD'er but he is and I love him 'in spite' of it not 'because' of it.

I like a masculine man, not a man in wig, dress & make-up - simple as that but I cant change him so no choice really

[ReineD]

my question is - what do GG exactly like in the cds? Is it the appearance, confidence or feminine appearance? Because as far as I have heard, most women prefer masculine men.

By "masculine men" if you mean "ultra macho" this is a stereotype. Most guys are, well, just guys. They don't dress as girls but this does not make them any more masculine than a CDer who is presenting in guy mode.

That said, I love my SO for all of who my SO is, no matter how my SO presents. I am ultra accepting and supportive but this does not mean that I have a general preference for CDers or Gender Non-Conforming people.

[TheMissus]

hi there!

so i am a cd too.

my question is - what do GG exactly like in the cds? Is it the appearance, confidence or feminine appearance? Because as far as I have heard, most women prefer masculine men.


As SilentPartner wrote, the wigs, make up, femininity etc are definitely not what I like about my H. I find it curious that anyone would think a GG would prefer this stuff. I assume some do but I haven't met one yet, lol. And I'd be annoyed if my H was only confident when dressed - that would also be curious in my mind, like a split personality or something. Thankfully my H is confident no matter what he's wearing.

But ultimately it's the man underneath that I notice and the less of the other stuff the better :)