Telling family and friends

Disclosed to my wife-to-be before marriage that I’d crossdressed and she was OK with it. We even went out to Halloween time parties a few times. But over the years she became less accepting, to the point she was throwing away items she found, sometimes even going through my drawers.

Been embroiled in a divorce for two years. She moved out and the kids stayed with me. Somewhere along the line became concerned that my ex-wife would use this as a bargaining chip, or just to be mean.

Until a few months ago the only person I’d confided in was a past girlfriend who is open-minded. She really encouraged me.

Decided to tell my family, friends, and kids over the last six months. This was not without risk, as I?d lost some friends in the past.

But so far, so good! And it?s a relief not to have to hide so much, as I want to start going out again in a limited way.

Blonde, I'm glad the kids stayed with you. My ex-wife was so mad when I left, not related to CDing, she poisoned my children against me. If she had known about my CDing, I would have had to disclose as well to family to prevent her trying to blackmail me.

Don't get me started on my ex wife. And that was 22 years ago.

I'm sorry for the rancor that you divorce wrought - however I prefer to see the positive in your post, and it's a big one. You took the risk of full disclosure to those around you that were important and you felt needed to know, and did not lose them. The relief that you feel now that you have nothing to hide from those close to you must be refreshing. Enjoy your new found freedom and openness!

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Originally Posted by Natalie5004

Don't get me started on my ex wife. And that was 22 years ago.

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My ex wife (divorced in 2005 - 17 years ago) poisoned my daughter against me as well. have not seen her in 4+ years and don't expect to anytime soon. Had nothing to do with CD'ing either.

I am glad that the revelation to family members went well. Being outed by an angry ex is an awful experience , but understandable during such emotionally charged episodes. I know?it happened to me. Time passed, wounds heal and no one speaks of it, but I suspect those accusations were never forgotten.

Had an angry ex gf out me to friends long ago. That’s what convinced me to always tell anyone I was seriously dating. That did not always go well.

When I first revealed my CDing to my 3 children it was "OK but don't do it around the kids". this made sense to me, so I didn't and don't.
That was about 7 years ago. Now my oldest daughter (age 56) is starting to get on my case with repeated "Why Daddy Why?" questions. I have told her many times. She thinks I like other men and am having some sort of relations with other males. I am NOT. I am a heterosexual male. I just need to let my strong female side out on occasion or I go wacko, or climb into my hermit stage. Even my councilor and GP DR understand and encourage me to dress. I have gone dressed to both of them (everyone in both offices accepts me for who I am). Still, she doesn't understand. I think it is her new fiancee, that is causing the trouble.

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Originally Posted by Blonde617

Decided to tell my family, friends, and kids over the last six months. This was not without risk, as I?d lost some friends in the past.

But so far, so good! And it?s a relief not to have to hide so much, as I want to start going out again in a limited way.

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The friends that you will lose were not ever really friends. If they can't accept you for who you really are, they were never friends. Coming out is a good way to determine who your real friends are.

I read posts like this and the responses way too many times and wonder why the heck tell a wife, before or after the "I do." The rarity of finding a partner who will embrace these little "quirks" are so few and far in between it makes concealing a viable alternative. It bad enough a woman will not embrace the totality of a husband, but to poison the well so others may not drink from it is going a little bit too far. I wonder what goes through a wife's mind as she searches and destroys her husband fem attire. What does she think she is accomplishing? Does it change who he is? Does it expunge that part of him from her mind? Sometimes I think when a woman does these things she is molding her "Prince Charming" into her view of the perfect husband. No rough edges for her.

@Stephanie47, well, in her defense once she wore my breast forms out on a date with me, which was fun.

The kids were still growing up so there was a long hiatus. But it is a relief not to feel like I’m hiding.

Sorry to hear about your divorce troubles but it seems that you are well on your way to having a much brighter future.

Sorry about your divorce. After having gone thru one myself (Nothing whatsoever to do with CDing as I wasn't doing so back then) I would never wish divorce on my worst enemy, yet, I'd go thru it again in a heartbeat given the same circumstances I had at the time. When all is said and done, you will move on and likely be happier for it.

Heather You and I are in some ways alike. Divoriced, late CD bloomers.

The kids are still living with me when not at school so telling them has been a relief.

UPDATE
Divorce finalized!

Sorry to hear the marriage didn't work out but glad the Divorce has been finalized. I too have been through the Divorce thing but was lucky in there were no children involved.

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Originally Posted by Blonde617

Had an angry ex gf out me to friends long ago. That’s what convinced me to always tell anyone I was seriously dating. That did not always go well.

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Always for the best even though it is difficult it ends up being easier for both in the long run.
Sorry about the divorce but here on out it has to be a relief not to hide and feel free.
Kudos on telling family and friends.
Best Wishes

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Originally Posted by Blonde617

Decided to tell my family, friends, and kids over the last six months. This was not without risk, as I?d lost some friends in the past.

But so far, so good! And it?s a relief not to have to hide so much, as I want to start going out again in a limited way.

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Good for you.

I think the telling bit of information is your kids chose you versus your ex. Says a lot about who the sane one is.

Telling diffuses a potential bomb or blackmail that she can throw at you.

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Stephanie47
I read posts like this and the responses way too many times and wonder why the heck tell a wife, before or after the "I do." The rarity of finding a partner who will embrace these little "quirks" are so few and far in between it makes concealing a viable alternative. It bad enough a woman will not embrace the totality of a husband, but to poison the well so others may not drink from it is going a little bit too far. I wonder what goes through a wife's mind as she searches and destroys her husband fem attire. What does she think she is accomplishing? Does it change who he is? Does it expunge that part of him from her mind? Sometimes I think when a woman does these things she is molding her "Prince Charming" into her view of the perfect husband. No rough edges for her.

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Why disclose?
1. It's the right thing to do.
2. The potential spouse might be extremely or moderately accepting, especially these days when younger folks have a lot more tolerance.
3. It makes it easier than always having to hide. My wife is reasonably tolerant, would prefer I not go out, or only go out when out of town, but I can tell her I am going out and my clothes are hanging in our walk-in closet.

There is always a bit of anti-selection in these types of posts. Those who have issues with spouses are far more likely to post and rant than those with tolerant spouses, IMO.

Other than my wife, Some sales associates and possibly my gullible siblings, (come on who practices their Halloween costume for 6 years!?), no one knows!

Haha, well my practice is longer than that!

Hoping for an outing down at Provincetown this fall.

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Originally Posted by TheHiddenMe

Why disclose?
1. It's the right thing to do.
2. The potential spouse might be extremely or moderately accepting, especially these days when younger folks have a lot more tolerance.
3. It makes it easier than always having to hide. My wife is reasonably tolerant, would prefer I not go out, or only go out when out of town, but I can tell her I am going out and my clothes are hanging in our walk-in closet.

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I would agree 100%. I cannot imagine trying to hide all my clothing from my wife and only being able to dress on rare occasion. As many may recall from my other posts, I didn't start CDing until after 36 years of marriage. It took me about 5 months to tell my wife. It has been a slow journey in some ways and fast in others. Rather than hide things, the past 18 hours has been a good example of what freedom is so far as CDing goes. Last night, about 9 p.m. I put on thigh highs, bra, forms, and a dress (panties are a given 24/7 for me). About 1 a.m. I put on a nightie and hung the dress up in my closet. When I woke up this morning, I sat around in my nightie and matching wrap. My wife left for a dentist appointment. When she returned home, I was wearing one of my dresses. I finally took it off about 1 p.m. as I had some outside work to do. You decide if I changed into male shorts because:
1) I don't have any yard work femme clothing.
or
2) We don't think the neighbors need to see Heather.

If you chose # 2, you'd be correct. Anyway, because we had some outside stuff to do, my wife simply said, "Before we go out, you need to put on some shorts." I LOVE this woman and how far she has come in her level of acceptance. Yep, 16 of the past 18 hours I have been dressed en femme (minus wig and makeup.

That is why one should disclose as soon as is reasonably possible.

The only thing I would like to add is to try to be completely honest about yourself as possible. In my case I acknowledged being a cross dresser, but I hesitated from admitting that I wanted to dress completely as a woman. In my partial defense, at that time, before engagement, I only dreamed of dressing completely. I had never done so and was convinced I would look absurd.

Needless to day, as time went on, I began to realize that this was more than simply a curiousity.

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Originally Posted by Stephanie47

I read posts like this and the responses way too many times and wonder why the heck tell a wife, before or after the "I do." The rarity of finding a partner who will embrace these little "quirks" are so few and far in between it makes concealing a viable alternative. It bad enough a woman will not embrace the totality of a husband, but to poison the well so others may not drink from it is going a little bit too far. I wonder what goes through a wife's mind as she searches and destroys her husband fem attire. What does she think she is accomplishing? Does it change who he is? Does it expunge that part of him from her mind? Sometimes I think when a woman does these things she is molding her "Prince Charming" into her view of the perfect husband. No rough edges for her.

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I understand the frustration you feel in saying this given your long history of DADT with your wife, Stephanie, which you have documented on numerous occasions here. Problem is - as many other posts here have attested to as well - any attempts at concealment are ultimately futile. Sooner or later we will trip up despite our best attempts to cover our tracks. It might take weeks, months, years, or even decades to happen, but ultimately it will. It can be as simple as Alexa on an Amazon Dot or Echo device suddenly shouting out for all the world to hear that one's order of breast forms or padded panties from Amazon has just been delivered despite our having used a separate account, secondary credit card, email address, and off-site delivery option. Totally out of the blue, and leaving us "gob-smacked" as our Brit sisters here would put it. And don't discount the power of that legendary "female intuition". We may be in denial about it at times, but it is definitely a "thing". Somehow, they always seem to "know", and often well before they discover the supporting evidence or before we ourselves come clean.

It all comes down to a "no win" situation with regards to the concealment option, and it usually boils down to the old adage that it is better to ask for forgiveness after the fact than to request permission beforehand, especially when that is unlikely to be forthcoming. That, and setting negotiated boundaries that both partners can accept and live with once the dust has settled.

To this day I have never revealed it to anyone and I don't think anyone knows.
I was and am afraid of harming myself in case anyone knows.
I prefer it that way. If one day I have a girlfriend and I realize that crossdressing doesn't suit her, I'll decide if it's her or crossdressing for the best.