I honestly don't pay that much attention to the negativity Hon. Their problem, not mine.:)
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I honestly don't pay that much attention to the negativity Hon. Their problem, not mine.:)
Even less. For example, the Alpha Chapter (the mother chapter of the entire organization) is now just a mailing list with no planned events. Their web site is still there but hasn't been updated in years. Ironically, one of the 2010 news articles on the site talks about the Chicago "Chi Chapter" being decertified because they had decided to become more inclusive. The Chi chapter appears to be still going strong despite their ouster: http://www.chi-chapter.org/Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
Hear, hear, never have such truth been written on this forum!Quote:
Originally Posted by Badtranny
I had sort of a negative experience last night when someone "clocked" me and made an a** out of themselves. The thing is this person assumed I am gay, and that's what bothered me. I need to let go of it though and am trying to remember it doesn't matter what others think only what I think counts.
Paulette
RIGHT ON!
I'll just tell my family who could
a) Forever see me differently
b) See me as broken
c) Be disgusted
d) Shun me
For right now, they're all I have and you could say I owe them my life.
If I lose them I lose everything, but hey, if the internet says it's no big deal...
Yeap, you heard them.
No matter what your situation is, no matter how complicated, you must come out and risk it all to appease the internet.
When you're ready? What kind of BS is that?
This is what I"m talking about. As a man, I never had anyone laugh or make rude comments to me, not since I was in elementary school! Now I'm getting the rude comments, stares, looks, etc... and sometimes I think, "what am I doing this for?" I also am aware that we are hated more than any other social group including gays and lesbians. The "T" at the end of L.G.B.T. is IMO the most hated group amongst American males. Anyone disagree? Therefore; we have to be more careful than the average GG. Yes there are A-holes all over the place, but they seem to feel it's ok to be that way towards us TG Woman than any other group. That's what makes me angry and scared most of the time. But I don't let my fears overcome me and/or stop me from being "myself" and presenting as a woman out and about in the world.
Paulette
FurPus I have to disagree. Hate is a strong word when used in our situation. I think that most know nothing about us and if anything think that we are odd and maybe weird. I also believe that probably the ones that dislike us,l less than hate, are probably in the minority when compared to the ones who just don't know us. I know I may have different experiences than you do, but I definitely do not see the hate that you do and I have been out dressed in the Detroit suburbs a few times.
This is exactly what I'm talking about. I make a comment about not complaining unless you're working for the change and that is somehow interpreted as an attack. I would never suggest that anyone come out unless or until they are ready to do so, but if your are NOT prepared to stand proud then please do not complain about how un-accepting the world is. If the only CD's they see are the so called "bad examples" then show them something different. Show them a perfectly normal and well adjusted man who just happens to play dress up every now and then. Or a regular straight dude who just happens to be into feminine fashions. So many of you assert yourselves as manly men who "know how to handle themselves", well then stand up for yourself. Why is a femmy bottom girl like me not scared of other dudes, but the macho guys are acting like scared little girls, while they talk the big talk.Quote:
Originally Posted by whowhatwhen
Or you could stay in the closet and act horrified and persecuted when a loudmouth like me calls you out on your BS. P.S. I don't mean YOU specifically, but you and yours generally.
I don't think it's hate... I think it's misunderstanding and maybe a little of their own repression going on...Quote:
Originally Posted by AllieSF
When I was young, I would mock gays... while being with a guy myself. Look at all the politicians who are anti-gay and then you find out... wait a minute... they like the penis!
Honestly, I don't really care either way about anything but the closet shaming.Quote:
Originally Posted by Badtranny
There are legit reasons to be in there and in time they will be broken down when they are ready, not when their fears or situation is handwaved away.
Allow me to bow down to your bravery and fortitude, but everyone being so vastly different doesn't make it easy in every situation.
The last line of that earlier post wasn't meant as an attack though, so, eh.
Edit:
What BS specifically?
I never seen anyone claiming to be a closet CD claim descrimination here, unless I'm skipping those threads?
The fact is, many of the vanilla public think guys dressed up as women must be GAY PERVERTS!:doh: Which is patently unfair! Maybe I'm a perv, but MOST OF U ARENT!:)
I'm not gay, but that doesn't bother me. The way I look, I'll never get hit on!:heehee:
If u can PASS, MOST folks won't notice u if u dress to BLEND!:straightface:
But, if you're like me, I pass and blend like a horse in a china shop! So, I get FLACK when I'm out!:sad:
It's been said here, if u have CONFIDENCE it doesn't matter if you're made. :brolleyes:
Well, I'll NEVER be THAT CONFIDENT!
So, I have a choice. Either put up with the crap or stay at home.
Rite now, I'm working on changing MY ATTITUDE toward vanilla folks. Because I can't control or change theirs!
I'm going to say that everyone is correct that confidence is biggest part of being out. I have been going out more and more of late and I haven't had any problems. But I think there is another part that is almost the same size phase of being out. It is looking your best, as you must realize that you are representing a very special group. Women, GG's and/or girls, these beautiful beings are part of the public too. I admire them so much and want to represent as best I can I try to look good and so should everyone else who wants to emulate them. I don't think you'll have to much problem though Marleena in your avatar, just try smiling a lot while you are out.
Tess
What negativity? Have I been missing something? I probably have...come to think of it. I wonder why? Mabye it's because I step out the door with a smile on my face everyday and walk in wherever I want still wearing my smile. And people smile back. So I guess I am not seeing the negative part. Thank goodness!
Discrimination and Human Rights aside (which I am involved in as well, but that is another story), the negativity I see emanates from a lot of CDs (including a lot of my friends) that think the minute they step out in the world some kind of calamity will envelope them. If you go out and put your best food forward, you will slowly be instrumental in changing people's attitudes. It is a given. It will also change the way you view the world.
But the reality is most people out there are not out to get you. Yes, there are the Rush Limbaughs of the world and a few negative people out there, but they are not that many.
Please do not let the 1% out there rule your life and your perspective.
Thanks Tess! And everybody that replied.:) I have been out a couple times dressed with no reactions. I have booked 3 days enfemme in Vegas next month. I didn't really post this to get other girls out there though. It's a personal choice for everybody.Quote:
Originally Posted by Contessa
The big issue is some of the attitudes from the general public. You know the religious hate groups and anti TG websites. There are politicians blocking and speaking out against TG related bills. Then the nasty comments in TG news articles. I hope it's a minority. Fact is since we are TG we notice this stuff more than the general public would.
The pleasant surprise is that some of you girls aren't seeing this while out and about.:)
I'm not shaming those in the closet. I've said over and over that people have every right to be there and some even have good reasons. I'm specifically talking about negativity and the act of harvesting it. If you sow negative energy than that is what you will reap, and as far as I can tell, pretty much ALL of the CD's on this board are closeted except for a very tiny minority. The girls that are out and proud don't seem to complain much about the state of acceptance. They know what's going on because they get out and experience it. It hurts my heart to see that we scatter back into our holes like roaches when faced with exposure. Like we're doing something wrong or there is something wrong with us. I am proud to be a T-girl. I have earned my right to hold my head up and I will not be pushed back into the closet or try and pretend the closet is a desirable place to be.Quote:
Originally Posted by whowhatwhen
This thread is about experiencing negativity to TG folks in the world and on this board. I posted the idea that it's not so bad out there and maybe more people should work on being proud of who they are instead of dwelling on the possible or perceived negativity. In regard to this forum, there is some here as well, but again it mostly depends on what you're looking for because to some people MY posts would be considered negative. I obviously don't think so, but if you are in a place where you are offended by constructive criticism than there is not a whole lot I can do about that.
I still say that if everyone came out, Gay, CD, Bi, whatever, if EVERYONE stopped hiding, then we would experience another age of enlightenment.
Aye, seems I got a bit defensive...
*slinks out of thread*
Badtranny its a waste of time babe. See just like the TS girls the ones that are in the closet have 1000 excuses for being there. They totally ignore the fact that countless people have come before them and survived. They use this most amayzing excuse which is that they feel thier situation is so spectacularly unique. You know how many times I have sat in counseling a trans person and herd this one. Oh well its all cool with me.
I do have to ask you a question. Did you say earlier that the guys that hit on you tend to be CDs? If so I am interested because outside of trans related events I am not aware of a CD having hit on me in the normal world. If I were to use the though process some here use I would say to myself since it has not happened to me your experiences can be discounted and I will suggest your experiences are an exaduration.
Ok well I was joking because I know exactly what your talking about because I have herd the same thing from other TS girls.
I wanted to ask you if you could expand on why you think CDs hit on TS girls. Could you tell us the conversations you had with them?
As I said in real life this has not happened to me but in trans events ohhhhh yes many times.
I have some ideas what the conversations are about but I will wait for you to respond to see if I am accurate.
Katie
PS I have been saying the same thing about the fact that many sit and complain about the perception of CDs in the real world but then are unwilling to do anything to effect change.
Please, tell me more about how no one has lost everything coming out :daydreaming:Quote:
Originally Posted by Katesback
It's also going to be different for a CD since we don't need to come out either.
Ahh damnit, I have no willpower to keep away from these...
*Sigh* Sometimes I feel like I'm going back to grade school again lately. There is this one bully that goes around poking everybody. But the bully is really sneaky and smart and the teachers can't catch them in the act. She stalks this one person especially, for fun.
So the mods being the teachers here have to lock the thread because they can't prove the bully is doing anything wrong.:)
No don't close it, I literally have nothing better to do.
Same here. I have encountered virtually no negativity in RL, and a fair amount of positive feedback (I generally count the horn-beeps when people drive by as being at least intended as positive :) ) I also get some people who are simply curious about why I dress as I do. If I would complain at all, it would be that nobody seems to care! (Boo hoo! I get all dressed up and nobody notices!)Quote:
Originally Posted by Miranda-E
The only places I have encountered any significant amount of negativity have been here, and (to a lesser extent) in a previous "non-standard fashion" board. My own theory about this (for what theories are worth) is that it's due to internalized misogyny. (There's an awful lot of sexism and some obvious misogyny floating around in both places.)
Melissa, I disagree with you. This is not true for most people. First, there are not enough CDers in terms of the total population to have it be mainstream. Even if everyone came out all at once, their numbers would still be too few to make any difference. And as much progress as the gay community has achieved since the 70s, there are still many pockets of our society that keep their distance from gay men, to put it mildly. It is even worse for TGs since transgenders are still pathologized in the DSM. Yes, it would be helpful if more identity CDers went out in the next town over but they are still taking chances. AND ... they need the cooperation of their wives else doing this adds yet another layer of complexity.Quote:
Originally Posted by Badtranny
More importantly, I think we need to approach this on several fronts, two of which are activism and also through early and continuous education in schools about gender and sexual non-conformity. We need to demystify it, or rather remove the negative religious and sexual connotations. Also, you live in the San Francisco area and you are gay, so I'm guessing that your backyard is not typical of most other members here. My SO and I live in a small town in the midwest. We do go out in neighboring towns and we do our bit to be out and proud among people who do not know us, but there would be consequences for her (and me) privately and also professionally should everyone in our lives know that she also has a feminine gender identity. It is easier for strangers who will never see us again to be tolerant (at least at face value) than employers, close family members, or some friends. I can well imagine a CDer being reluctant to come out to his little daughter's school-friends' parents.
In other words, until society is "there" in terms of understanding and acceptance, how is the average CDer to deal with the fallout in his personal life should he/she come out to everyone the way a TS must in order to maintain her sanity?
Waste of time? 1,000 excuses? Spectacularly unique? Your arrogance is spectacularly unique.Quote:
Originally Posted by Katesback
I believe you must have put me on "ignore" since you never respond to my comments to you, but I'll type them anyway. LOL
You do acknowledge, don't you, that it is possible to have a bona-fide feminine gender identity that is not a sexual fetish and without being a TS in denial, and that care must be taken when venturing forth in the real world because there are still real consequences for such TGs to come out to all and sundry in their personal lives?
Reine I dont respond to a lot of people.
Do I acknowledge that it is possible to have a feminie gender identity that is not a sexual fetish and without being a TS in denial?
Well sure, I have said many times that my comments, observations, ect. are not all encompassing. They refer to a lot of the CDs and other trans people.
I'm glad to hear this, thanks! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Katesback
It's just that sometimes your posts seem arrogantly biased the other way. Maybe it's the way you choose to word things. And so it is easy for people to believe you are either bullying them or you persist in looking at the TG community through your own lens only.
What? I find that to be incredibly insulting and offensive. ;-)Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
You are right of course that there are SOME people who really have justifiable reasons for not coming out. I would be a fool to argue otherwise BUT since I have crossed the rainbow and seen the world from this side I can say that I know something that the closeted do not. It is no where near as bad as anyone imagines it. It does take guts and it takes an incredible amount of self possession but the truth is life is so much more wonderful on this side that I want ALL of my sisters and brothers to experience it.
I know that as a TS my coming out was not optional and I know that a CD does not need to, but there are some spectacular people that CD that I would love to see come out and own their identity. These people are strong enough and charismatic enough to pull off the "impossible", if they could just get past the idea that the world will end if they do it. I totally understand the idea that people will see you differently but that's really part of the problem that CD's create for themselves. The total compartmentalizing of two separate personae is not anywhere near self acceptance. If you act like a macho douchebag most of the time, than people will be understandably surprised and chatty if they find out you're in fact a bit of a dandy.
Many CD's are so embarrassed about who they are that they can't help but be kind of secretive and creepy about it. You know, there's a lot of space between being closeted and being OUT. How about speaking out in defense of trans people and trans issues? If you don't want to openly CD, then support the local arts community by going to shows and developing friendships with people who are outwardly different. I know these closeted types try very hard to suppress any interest that might "give them away". Stop doing that. The first step to self acceptance is to stop being ashamed of your interests. Only when you are comfortable admitting to your guy friends that you like something that might be perceived as girly are you on the road to accepting yourself for who you are.
If you spend some time on that road you will find that it always leads right out of the closet. I've never said coming out is easy, I've only said it was worthwhile.
Yes you have, but with all due respect, most people have a hard time seeing what your saying through the tone of your posts.Quote:
Originally Posted by Katesback
One thing I do like about your posts is how kind and gentle I look in comparison. ;-)
Melissa, I'll use my SO as an example of identity CDers (or bigenders, or dualgenders, or TGs, or whatever other noun we choose to use). She is not embarrassed, nor is she secretive to the point of paranoia about it. We do leave her home fully dressed, although if the neighbor is in the front yard she'll wait for him to go inside. Nor is she a macho douchebag when she dresses. lol
Rather, she is all too aware of the fallout at work (and her parents who are in their 70s, and my sons) should this be known and so she has needed to balance (not compartmentalize) her dualgender nature carefully. She also acknowledges her male self and she knows the world experiences angst when confronted with feminine men, let alone men who like to take it one step further and present fully as a woman, because their nature is a combination of both. I rather think most of the world is more ready to accept a woman who is totally a woman (who used to be a man), once transition has been accomplished. There's no conflict there. Or maybe not. There must be a reason why many TSs seek FFS and go stealth.
But, this is not my SO's path. She needs to deal with a blended gender and this is what society simply does not understand. They still very much see it as a perversion and insist that gender is binary. Not everyone, but enough people in our personal lives to cause negative consequences. We don't care what people outside our personal lives think. This is why we go out in the next towns over.
Edit
I would so welcome living in a society that truly accepted men who chose to present a feminine version of themselves. Can you imagine living in a world where a man could be sensitive and pretty, feel sensitive and pretty, could easily incorporate traditional female ornament since his/her exterior would then be a truer reflection of who she/he is inside, and not be looked down upon?
But, this is difficult for many traditional people to take in, just as difficult as it is for them to personally and professionally know a man who dresses, whom they define as male (vs. female since most people have no concept of a blend), and accept the blend without assigning any preconceived notion of what this is.
Yes, there are totally liberal people (I am one of them) who do not discriminate from the heart and not just at face value. But I rather believe this is rare, at least this is my conclusion based on conversations I've had with friends and family.
This thread has morphed from Marleena's original thought regarding the negativity she perceives as being the lot of TG people to the pros and cons of coming out of the closet. Katesback has expressed the view here and elsewhere that many, if not most CDs are actually TSs who are afraid to come out of the closet. Further, she has also suggested that many CDs are, in effect, also closeted bisexuals who would and will hit on other CDs or TSs for sexual gratification. This has raised a storm of protest from CDs who reject the notion. Others are concerned that such "information" being put out on this thread and others could cause families to break up when GG SOs, who are in a very delicate relationship with their CD spouses or SOs should read this stuff on the threads. It will only intensify the stress and anxiety in those families. Probably most CDs on this site would find climbing into bed with a guy to be such a stomach-churning event that they would never do it...dressed or not.
I recently posted a thread on this site that Nigella moved to the TS site for policy reasons. It asked TSs to tell us how transition has affected their lives and what advice they would give young people at the crossroad of their lives, whether to go down the transition road or not.
So far, 121 have viewed it but not ONE of our brave TSs have shared their life's experiences. I would think many of the 121 viewers are CDs or SOs looking for this information. Of course it's not scientific, it's anecdotal, but it is the best real information that could be available to any of us. I hope that Katesback and Badtranny might take up the challenge and give us some of the benefit of their experience.
I'll make your invitation official by posting the link here:Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeninus
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ion&highlight=
I'd like to remind members who identify strictly as CD and who have not transitioned to not respond, in order to comply with our Specific Posting Requests rule:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...spec_post_poll
However, since it is impossible to establish a hard and fast division between TS and CD (in many cases it is a process), I rather believe that many people who straddle the two can respond, even if they've transitioned partially (at least in exterior appearances) by presenting feminine to family, friends, and/or at work.
... and now, back to our regular programming. Please do not respond to Jeninus' thread here.
Administrator Posting
I get sick and tired of the TS v's CD's on this very board, even in this very thread you can see it and to be quite honest, I'm bloody fed up with it. So I'll tell you what I think shall I? If I see anymore arguing or bloody bickering, he said/she said :BS: between the two groups, then there is going to be concequences. If you value your membership here, then I suggest you play nice, because quite frankly this us v's them mentality is getting old!
Only superficially because I believe the root of the negativity begins in our own community. RD's well stated points notwithstanding, I think there are many things a CD can do to get the wheels of change rolling without actually coming out to the public. Coming out to select friends is a good start. Being an openly supportive friend to a TG person who HAS come out. Defending TG or gay people when your neanderthal friends make rude comments. Even these things though are anathema to those that have yet to accept who they are. Listen the negativity starts in your own heart. What you see in the rest of the world is largely based on your own perspective. If you are ashamed, then people will be ashamed of you. A timid and fearful person is almost inviting aggression from the ignorant among us. It is entirely possible to be proud of who you are without announcing that to the world. Imagine if you won the lottery but you were unable to say anything for a year. You would be happy, excited, content, and looking forward to your future and you wouldn't have to say a thing for people to notice the difference in your attitude. This is what it's like when you have accepted yourself for who you are. For me, it's like winning the lotto every time I don't have to pretend I like girls. I'm thrilled every time I can openly flirt with a cute bartender, or when a hot guy walks by and I watch him the whole way right in front of the straight friends that I was trying to fool just a few months ago. There is no amount of money that would be worth not being proud of who I am.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeninus
The negativity you find is the same that you were seeking.
One thing keeps coming up though, where specifically Kate mentioned seeing 'TS Issues' in the CD forum?
The thread was modded a bit but the examples were hormones and dating men but I've not seen any examples here.
Note: I'm not trying to start a war here, I'm purely curious about what others are seeing.
Posting mood: Lighthearted, honestly!
Honestly though, I do greatly respect and admire those of you brave enough to live your lives and not care what others think.
You're more inspirational than you think, and that others will let on.
They'll find their way out of the closet eventually.
:P
Thank you, and all my blabbing is just me trying to BE the change. It's one thing to be a good example to the "normal" people out there but the other part is to come to the choir and preach about what I've seen. I promise you that those of us who have seen the other side are not looking for props or kudos. I don't need the approval of the "community" and I guarantee you the same goes for Kait, or Bree, or April, or Melody, or any of my outspoken sisters. We are here to share what we've learned and to give back some of what we got when we were still on the edge ourselves. I mean come on, I only began this journey in 2010! I'm a babe in the woods compared to some of the girls on this board, not to mention so much younger and more delicate. (couldn't resist).Quote:
Originally Posted by whowhatwhen
I can only hope that my words can inspire someone to find themselves the way others inspired me. There is nothing more glorious than living an authentic life. Nothing.
Melissa, I think you're making some good points here. You're trying to be upbeat and encouraging, and I don't want to discourage you from doing that. I appreciate people trying to encourage me, because quite frankly I'm a chronic worrier.Quote:
Originally Posted by Badtranny
However, I don't think we can ignore the fact that there is some real negativity out there. It's not in my heart, it's not just my perspective, and it's certainly not something that I would go seeking.
Just recently, e.g., there was a story on the net about a five-year-old boy who was identified as TG and who now, with her parents approval, is living as a girl. Some of the comments below that story were absolutely vicious. My favorite one was the woman who said, "My dog thinks he's human". That was her reply to the question, "How could a boy think he's a girl?" When people are comparing us to dogs, that's a sort of negativity that's objective, not just my perception.
Now I personally am still in the early days of trying to figure out where I want to go. I'm very happy to listen to you and learn from your experience, because you've got worlds of it, and I've got none. But I do think it makes sense to note that there is some very real negativity and hostility out there. I do need to be realistic about what I'm facing. Basically, for the first time in my life probably I'd like to do something smart, so I do plan to look before I leap.
Best wishes, Annabelle.
I know the reason, and I will say it; loss of male privilege. The other reason is fear of the unknown, in other words what will we (I'm still wrestling with this myself) lose if we come out? I am out to my wife, my therapist and one old friend from high school. Another reason I'm not out is that my wife fears the same things I do, and fears losing respect "as a woman" for having married a man who wants to be a woman. I sincerely want to come further out in the future, but with a wife and children involved, it is not entirely my choice because it effects them as well as me. If I had accepted what I was before getting married... That is my great regret with regard to this.Quote:
Originally Posted by Badtranny
All that said, you are absolutely right. It is like the Gay Rights movement, homosexuals didn't start getting respect until they stopped hiding. CD/TG/TS people won't gain respect until we stop hiding, which means pulling on our Big Girl panties and telling the world that we want to play or even be a girl.
Anna
Yes, yes, and yes. :) I might even add joining a TG support group even if it means changing on the premises the night of the meeting. My SO began by doing this until she was confident enough to be out and about in the mainstream everywhere (in the next towns over). There are ways for CDers to express themselves without having to be out to parents, bosses, their church communities, their children's friends parents, etc.Quote:
Originally Posted by Badtranny
The trouble with an expression like "coming out of the closet" is, unless someone is specific as Melissa above, it is too easy for closeted members to misconstrue it as meaning they should be as "out" to their communities as transitioning or transitioned TSs. :)
That wouldn't be my reason, Anna.Quote:
Originally Posted by Anna Lorree
Annabelle
I do see a direct analogy with gay rights. As long as we're fully in the closet then the stereotyping continues unchallenged and people assume it's OK. I agree that "out" cantbe the same, at least initially, for each of us. But thoseof us who begin to come out help overcome the prejudices we all face...one person at a time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Anna Lorree
I'm also going to disagree with male priviledge, all I have to do is look how much my mom gave up to know just how coddled men really are. And the nerve of some of them to say THEY are the ones who are under attack! RAAAAAGE!
You need LOTS of trust to come out to someone, some of us may not have anyone we trust enough to confide in.
Personally it makes me quite sad that IRL I deal with this all within myself, but judging from the few experiments I did I cannot guarantee finding any family support.
One day though, I know I'll figure it out and be able to be out and pass on the same things you all are doing now.
...but Annabelle you're making my point. What you see on the internet is only what you IMAGINE is outside your front door. There are indeed some awful people out there (Santorum anyone?) but only a select few miscreants will actually say anything to you in person. The internet is chock full of cowards and blowhards, and fakes and just because some hag compares a 5 year old little girl to a dog does not mean that she or anyone would confront you. The truth is she would likely be polite to you and then yak up a storm about it with her old biddy girlfriends later that night.Quote:
Originally Posted by Annabelle Larousse
Also, I am not suggesting that people come out and ruin their lives. I know it may seem that way but alas I can only wish I was still that naive. I am suggesting however that every CD take a good hard look at themselves and how they live their life. Self acceptance just rolls off of my tongue but I know for a fact that it is one of the most difficult things we will ever do. It is near impossible in fact but a good start is to begin openly accepting others. I don't mean in private with your inner circle only. I mean standing up for the TG person when you hear old biddy bidderton say something to her pal. Or speaking up when your buddies are bagging on the gay brother of one of their wives. There are a million opportunities for us to change the world without letting on our true nature. The problem is so many closeted CD's are too willing to stay quiet or even join in so they can maintain their cloak of invisibility. Did it ever occur to anyone that the wigs and dresses and makeup might be the disguise we use to hide from ourselves? How many CD's would rather stay home than be seen in drab by their CD friends?
Be strong enough to at least accept others and soon you will be able to accept yourself. When you truly accept yourself you will begin looking for ways to come out instead of looking for excuses not to.
BadTranny: "Imagine if you won the lottery but you were unable to say anything for a year. You would be happy, excited, content, and looking forward to your future and you wouldn't have to say a thing for people to notice the difference in your attitude."
Those words ring very true to me. As a very late starter I went from zero to out in the real world in a very short few months. My main obstacle to not going out sooner was the lack of a good sidekick who could ride shotgun during my first steps. I really knew nothing about this trip when I was first embarking on it 5 years ago. I can say now, my main advantages over most other CD's still struggling to leave the house include my age and hopefully corresponding maturity, a successful bout with cancer that helped me better appreciate that old saying "Live each day as if it is your last", living in a very diversity accepting and tolerating location, and probably my ability to look at things pragmatically (thanks Mom) and logically (thanks engineering education). I have learned through life experiences good and bad to only really worry about that which I can do something about.
Now, back to Melissa's words. Ever since I started this unquestionably and accepted that this was part of my life whether I wanted it or not, I live those words almost every time I go out when I pause for a moment of wonder to wonder in amazement that I am a man dressed as a woman, trying to act like one, am out in the real world talking to complete strangers and really having one of the best repeatable times of my life. Repeatable in the sense that some things are fantastic but will probably not be experienced very often, while me dressing up and out happens 1 - 2 times a week.
I know that a lot of society may have a negative view of what we are doing, but as Melissa said, the true chances for most of us to run into and experience that negativity is truly pretty small. The same can be said for the dangers of being out dressed a woman. Shit happens when we least expect it. With proper precautions and street smarts, it really comes down to that rare coincidence when all things, including some bad luck, come together at the same time, like the Perfect Storm.
When a lot of people here talk about coming out, I think in the context of this thread, it really means going out of the house into the real world. I am out in that sense, way out. However, I still have my safe "no Allie" zone and situations that I respect. None of my friends, family nor ex-work mates know, nor, more importantly, need to know at this time.
All this being said, my message here is that yes, there is negativity out in the real world, but, and it is a big but, you will probably never experience it on any large scale nor with potential dangerous consequences if those that never have gone out decide to experience the freedom of being yourself in front of complete strangers. My recommendation is that if you want to go out, plan for it, toughen up your emotional sensitive skin some, find a partner in crime and try it. You will definitely like it.
This is brilliant, Melissa. I agreeQuote:
Originally Posted by Badtranny
... even though you and I might assign different meanings to that statement. :)
And thank you too, Allie, for being specific. It helps.Quote:
Originally Posted by AllieSF
I've seen too many raging battles in this forum over "out" vs. "in", when each side didn't even bother defining what "out" means. CDs would take it they were being told they should out themselves to everyone they know, while the people encouraging going out meant just going out in the mainstream even if it was far enough away from home.
I agree with this point, Melissa, and recently made it myself: the anti-TG crowd probably aren't as brave in face-to-face encounters as when they're safely anonymous on the net. So I'm not saying that I don't ever plan to get out. I'm just not pushing things, but rather looking at how to do it in my own way when I think the time is right.Quote:
Originally Posted by Badtranny
Best wishes, Annabelle