And then the fall.......

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Originally Posted by Amanda22

You definitely handled everything correctly and admirably. If this had been me, I'd agree with her that being friends was OK, but I wouldn't pursue it. It hurts, right? It wouldn't work for me. Don't get stuck in a rut of being friends with you hoping for more. Smells like rejection. It's like a person saying they're all for halfway houses but not next door to them. So they're not in favor of them. If she supported you, this wouldn't be a deal breaker. It's easier for her to pretend her support if you're "just friends." Screw that. Move on. You WILL find what you're looking for, and it'll be better than this ever could have been.

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If I have one harsh trait about myself its that I have never given any GF a second chance. I haven't felt that the motivations of why they wanted me to give them a second chance were right. So I usually don't go back once its over. I'm not going to fall into the rut of hoping for more. I don't see that happening. Its just not me. I have been friends with my Ex's before, and its fine. I'm going to pursue the friendship. If she really didn't want to be friends I don't think it would have been an offer at all. I appreciate everyone's concern about this, but you have to remember I know her. I have my own opinion about her based on my interactions with her, and how she interacts with others. There are some women out there that would be shallow enough to use the "I'm going to be nice and dump him with the lets be friends routine". She really isn't one of those. Maybe its the lawyer in her, but she is usually very honest and direct about her intent.

Besides if she will be my friend, then I have another GG in my corner when I go out as Amy! I could always use another GG friend for Amy.

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Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn

I for one like that you were willing to put that out there. I agree with you! It is not the same. I was venting a bit. It really doesn't even have anything to do with why she broke up with me. It is more because she can't see herself being with a woman. But I still think there is a double standard here. Imagine a guy wearing a dress who wasn't trying to pass. It wouldn't go well for the poor fella. In fact it wouldn't be very safe either.

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This to me is the double standard. I would love to walk out the front door wearing a skirt, T-shirt, flip flops with painted toes and a three day old beard. It is comfortable wearing a skirt on a nice summer day with no thoughts of trying to "Be" a woman.
On the other hand my beautiful wife can walk out the front door all dressed to the nines or hair thrown back in a ponytail with a touch of make-up on, old shirt of mine and a pair of my shorts because we are working in the yard, to run up to the mini-mart to get milk and no one would look at her twice.
If you are trying to present yourself as a female that is a different story. I would never like it if she tried to pass as a guy, as I jokingly try to do as a girl. That is why she rarely ever see's me fully dressed, I don't think its fair to her unless she asks for Lee to come out. Which happens very rarely.

By the way it was the right thing to do Amy. Nothing worse than keeping it hidden. I told my wife way before we married that I do this and left it up to her to decide if she wanted to continue on. Lucky for me she did. You will find that right someone that loves all of you, it's not easy but it will be easier on you in the end. Having to hide this from someone you love has to be one of the hardest things to do.

Hi Amy,

Reading the others' comments, the correct course of action IMHO is the friend route, if it is genuinely available. She doesn't want to go on, whatever her reasons and you appear to have accepted this, no matter how painful this is initially. My heart goes out to you.

Rebecca x

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

It's over! And, she's just being nice! I know folks that have gone from being friends to lovers, but NEVER the other way around!

Here's something u MAY NOT KNOW! I'll bet your dressing WASN'T the deal breaker! Rather, it was the straw that broke the camel's back. As u so aptly stated! Meaning there were LOT'S of other issues that worried her BEFORE she found out about your CDing!

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so true Doc, so true

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Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn

And actually, she didn't tell any of her friends.

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:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
yeah right!

Hi there I just your post and even though I'm new out here I just wanted to say I was sorry. I was with my wife for 2 years before I told her. She told me she already knew and had been wondering when I would come right out and say it. Since then we have spent what little free time we have together turning me into the woman I want to be. There are women and men out there who are very supportive it just takes some time to find them.

While it won't change anything, I can understand why she took the position she did. She is a lawyer and if your dressing were to known in her professional circles it would be an embarassement for her. My wife is also an attorney and that was her major fear when I came out to her. Over time that fear has gone away as I've shown her that she has nothing to fear, but it is still there.

Amy

Good luck finding that woman who will accept Amy. I have the added issue that I am married with kids and my wife has told me she does not want to have anything to do with Regan. So I so not know where are marraige is going to end up but I am with a therapist and dealing with the fact that I cannot give up dressing. So sorry about the GF and take care.

Regan

Well, it's best that you got it out of the way early in the relationship. Imagine if you had waited untill you were engagaged and she called it a deal breaker,, of what if you had gotten married? Had kids... Yes, the earlier the better.

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Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn

Its not that she isn't accepting,

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thats exactly what not accepting means

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She said that she still would like to be friends with me,

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good luck with that.

I had a similar experience with my ex. Things were great and I told her about myself early on because I didn't want things to get serious without her really knowing me. She acted like it was fine and then a week or so later, it was over. She said we were better as friends.

It's been over a year now, and I've come to think she was right about that. She's my best friend and my roommate. Things don't have to turn out badly just because two people aren't right for one another.

I've also been testing the waters on online dating sites (being completely up-front about my crossdressing) and found a bunch of girls who accept people like us. There's still hope for you to find someone who really accepts and loves you for who you are.

On a related note, the thing that hurt most about my breakup was that she hid how she felt. When she finally burst, it probably hurt so much more than if she'd just told me right away. I tend to think that it works the same way with crossdressing. If you find someone you're interested in, let her know as soon as possible. If it won't work, at least you'll know right away and things won't be as bad as if you surprise her late in the relationship. On the other hand, if she's fine with it then you've strengthened your bond with her by opening up and trusting her.

Sorry to hear about this, try not to beat yourself up too much over how it happened or why, you used your best judgment on how to react and it just didn't work out the way you wanted. Finding a SO who truly accepts CD is like winning the lottery, it isn't impossible but it's awfully hard to do.

Thanks for the wordsof support everyone! I know this was the right thing to do. It had to be done. Hurt? Yes! But not hurt a bad as it would have been had I hid this for a long time and then found out that this ended my relationship with her. Much better now than later!

I plan on trying the friend route! I'm sincere about it. And if that doesn't work out, then at least I tried.

To be honest I don't really care if her friends know that I have a womanly side to me. I figure this is something that I'll have to deal with sooner or later anyway. People will find out, and not everyone will understand. Its just another step in the life that we have been given. I plan on making the best of it! Life is to short to wallow in self pitty or hate. I won't dwell on the past, that only tells me how I got to where I am. Its up to me where I go from there.

I'm sure I'll meet someone that will accept all of me. I'm not in any hurry to find them.

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Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn

I for one like that you were willing to put that out there. I agree with you! It is not the same. I was venting a bit. It really doesn't even have anything to do with why she broke up with me. It is more because she can't see herself being with a woman. But I still think there is a double standard here. Imagine a guy wearing a dress who wasn't trying to pass. It wouldn't go well for the poor fella. In fact it wouldn't be very safe either.

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I have to disagree strongly. I am a guy with a beard, wearing skirts for the last 10+ years. This is much safer than trying to look like a woman and then being "read". I am up front and don't try to deceive anybody. This has been working VERY well for me, never had a problem. I regularly get compliments from women. I now talk with women MUCH more than I ever did in drab, and have much better connections with them. I am definitely not a "poor fella", believe me, I am very happy how this works out for me.

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Originally Posted by RedBaron

I have to disagree strongly. I am a guy with a beard, wearing skirts for the last 10+ years. This is much safer than trying to look like a woman and then being "read". I am up front and don't try to deceive anybody. This has been working VERY well for me, never had a problem. I regularly get compliments from women. I now talk with women MUCH more than I ever did in drab, and have much better connections with them. I am definitely not a "poor fella", believe me, I am very happy how this works out for me.

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I stand corrected! I think that is very courageous. And from your avatar pic, you look great!

All is not lost... just be friends. Nothing says you can't be really close friends and maybe she will decide that your CDing is not that much of an issue later on... at least you have the chance to show her.

I'm not going to dwell on hope, but..... that would be fantastic if it worked out that way. Only time will tell, and I totaly plan on taking her up on being friends.

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

It's over! And, she's just being nice! I know folks that have gone from being friends to lovers, but NEVER the other way around!

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Really? I'm good friends with my ex wife.

I'm also sorry that it didn't work out.

I'm glad you will take her up on her offer for friendship and I would also suggest that she may be a cautious sort of person. If you do end up seeing her as a friend and the two of you should go out to say, a nightclub while you're dressed, and if you still feel the sparks, I wouldn't write it off totally. But, you'll just have to see how it goes.

I hope you will keep us up to date with the developments!

I'm also curious, why would she feel as if being with you means that she would be in a relationship with a woman? I've just posted in your other thread about a dating profile and you are quite clear that you enjoy your guy side. Maybe she just doesn't understand what the CDing is about for you? Please know that many if not most GGs who've had no exposure to this community, do not really understand the difference between CDs, TGs, and TSs.

:hugs:

Okay - I see a lot of support for being friends - go to it! And yOu do say that you're not te type to look back. So just be her friend, she might see how cool you are, presenting either way, and have her regrets. Just do what's healthy for yourself, and if you still have feelings for her, know that you should give yourself distance if you need it. But if you can truly be her friend, you never know, there could be a connection through her and her friends that might be the ONE. And I'm not talking about her gay friends. Friends talk, and a "yeah- he's super cool, I just don't dig the dressing" could be the mating call of some hot frond of hers. Most dates I've ever gone on were "referrals". Be cool, be true and the right thing will happen.

Darling, it's better you were upfront with her, even though its a dealbreaker, it's better than the alternative---having to sneak around to dress behind her back.

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Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn

Or a year down the road.

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How about 28 years down the road?

I think it is very hard to commit to a person, thinking you know that person. I'm not sure we know ourselves. And we change as we grow. I think we commit because we like what we see and see potential long-term. It's not like buying a car where you know all the basic and optional item...people are a bit more complicated.

You will find someone.

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Originally Posted by ReineD

I'm also sorry that it didn't work out.

I'm glad you will take her up on her offer for friendship and I would also suggest that she may be a cautious sort of person. If you do end up seeing her as a friend and the two of you should go out to say, a nightclub while you're dressed, and if you still feel the sparks, I wouldn't write it off totally. But, you'll just have to see how it goes.

I hope you will keep us up to date with the developments!

I'm also curious, why would she feel as if being with you means that she would be in a relationship with a woman? I've just posted in your other thread about a dating profile and you are quite clear that you enjoy your guy side. Maybe she just doesn't understand what the CDing is about for you? Please know that many if not most GGs who've had no exposure to this community, do not really understand the difference between CDs, TGs, and TSs.

:hugs:

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I don't think that it was she thought she would be in a relationship with a woman. They way she put it, it was more the fact that she isn't attracted to women. She isn't attracted to that part of me. I suspect that this was only one part (granted a big part) of why she broke things off with me.

I agree that she is a cautious type of person. She says that she has had friends that were CD's, but I don't know that she really understood what it was all about for me. I'm hopeul that eventually she may come to understand it. However, if she doesn't then at least I have gained a friend. I plan on seeing where it goes. And you know I'll certainly keep the community posted here.

While I do tend to jump to the doom and gloom when I get dumped, I know that eventually I will find someone. I just tend to get impatient. I am a very honest person. The last thing that I would want is to hide this part of me. Especially now that I have come to a level of acceptance. This is me. Its not something that I just decided to be. It is me. Always has been. It has taken me until this year to finally realize that. I don't plan on putting Amy back in hiding. That would be dishonest.

I know I'll find someone. Its just going to take time. In the mean time I just need to learn how to have fun with this. That part is still growing. I plan on leaving the house sometime soon to findout how much fun this can be. So all in good time my friends! Thank you so much for all of your support! You are a wonderful community! So grateful I found this forum.