Coming out to my friends is actually kind of the plan this year. A small gathering at my place with my closest friends and me in yet another obscure comic book character. Except this time, it's a female obscure comic book character.
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Coming out to my friends is actually kind of the plan this year. A small gathering at my place with my closest friends and me in yet another obscure comic book character. Except this time, it's a female obscure comic book character.
Good luck Msora. I know it will go great for you!
Many years ago, I used the night as a chance to sort of come out to family and close friends. The acceptance level and my courage were greatly enhanced IMHO, it really did help get the ball rolling in my case.
Totally disagree.....in my experience most men will dress in public as a woman at any oppurtunity....I think all men are actually closet CDers....ironically as a Cder I dont
I disagree all the way around. I refuse to believe this at all. Halloween is the perfect time for a closeted girl to test the waters. If nothing else, just to get out of the house for a bit. Personally I go out a few days before halloween and not much has ever been said but if it ever did, it's my crutch. On halloween I prefer a female costume as this year I hope to do batgirl. If we do anything at all this halloween , we should at least have some fun.
Hi Jenn, That's funny, That's probably the only night that I don't dress up because I give out the candy.
So, do you think my plans to go in drag to see Michelle Visage in Rocky Horror with a gay friend would raise any suspicions?
You know what, none of us (and I mean none) know what the neighbors might think, even if we go all out. Sure, some might talk, but most are probably going to forget about it by Nov. 3. Have fun, don't overdo it of course, but don't worry about it. If you're doing this on Thanksgiving, then people will talk. But Halloween is about having a good time, and if that's what you want to do, have no regrets.
I dressed publicly for the first time 3 years ago on Halloween night. I have now been out and about now many times in the public light. Taking the chance vs getting caught is worth the risk!!
If I ever get caught I won't be trying to make up some shitty excuse as why I'm dressed as a woman or try and blame it on a Halloween costume.....
Many CD's think this.Quote:
Originally Posted by Emma Leigh
It's not true. It's not even close to being true. As a former closet queen who's met a few guys in rather intimate situations, I can tell you for sure that none of them were under-dressed. In fact the overwhelming majority of gay men don't want to be associated with anything feminine at all.
Being a cross-dresser is probably about as common as being gay, so that means about 10-20% depending on who you ask.
I think 50 percent might wonder, when I have dressed well I used to get compliments as to how good I looked.
Next Halloween, they are all waiting to see what I am wearing.
Very little question of my polarized gender.
Ah! that is what's wrong with me.....
I suffer from polarized gender. :)
This is nonsense. It is all based on fear and inexperience. I can tell you from experience that dressing up 100% passable (in a female themed costume) does not imply anything and certainly does not 'out' you. I do not recommend any costume at work other than a boring conservative one. At parties, anything goes. The only time you will run in to problems is if you let your personal fears and insecurities out. You should not explain or tell people what you feel. Just say you watched ruPauls drag race and thought the whole world is doing it so why not?! You need to be confident and shrug off any negativity. Jokes are possible, but you just fight back with a few jokes of your own. The secret to pulling it off, is to have the attitude that it is a costume...you are not being you. The advantage Halloween gives you are a CDer is the ability to let people see you enfem so they get over any shock in a positive way. Then later on if you dress, its less likely a surprise, but its far from expected that you will just because you did Halloween. Another point is about self confidence and learning not to care what other people think. ...you don't know what people are thinking, so stop trying to read their minds. Just do it! Its just a costume... you are not really super man or clark kent so stop thinking people will believe you are!
Im with you on this Jennifer.
Not quite sure how to comment on this. For me dressing is more of an identity issue and not a "costume". So for those who think they can dress as a female and not be noticed, sorry. Unless you are going as a bearded hillbilly girl with your chest hair showing as a joke. Then most likely someone will notice and have questions that you may not be able to answer.
I have dressed up as Dracula many times for Halloween and nobody has ever accused me of being a vampire. I have dressed as a woman twice in 50 years, the first time when I was in my 30's, I just dressed up as a woman no real costume, I got lots of "looks". The second time was when I was 49, I wore a French maid uniform. I don't care what people think, if I did I wouldn't have worn the outfit.
That's the best reply yet ;) because it is nonsense. All I see is a bitter post from someone who probably doesn't go out on halloween and is just trying to make others feel bad for it...Quote:
Originally Posted by Chickhe
For those of us who really don't care if we "fool" anyone or not the issue is moot. In any case, whenever I dress en femme to go out to the club or whatever, I consider the whole thing a costume, right down to the makeup and the wig. I don't ever consider it a statement but like Cyndie Lauper my goal is just to have fin. "Nuff said. ;):battingeyelashes::)
I've always found that dressing for Halloween so effectively that you pass as a female to all but those who know you well is a hoot. That said, I've been out for years, so when people comment on my look, that it's a little "too good", I nod and smile and explain that I had to try to tone it down from what I was wearing Tuesday. ;)
Purim. Just say you're Jewish and dressing up as Queen Esther or Vashti. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Alice Torn
I've posted what amounts to a shorter version of Jennifer's original post in reply to several of the Halloween dressing posts over the years. Dress as a female around friends, neighbors, or co-workers and they will suspect you do this on a regular basis unless you do a really bad job of it. And what's the fun in that?
If you want to use Halloween as a crutch for dressing and want to do your best, go where people won't know you. A bar (not one you normally patronize as a male), a public event or party, another town, etc. There, people will either think you are a woman or think you're in costume but it won't matter because they don't know you.
Halloween is a great day to dress what you want to be no one really judges you on that day.
I did dress up for a Halloween party once. I went and had a professional makeover and was femme from the skin out, I mean the works. this was in 2007 with my wife to a small party with some family (brother and sisters in law and their friends) and I never heard a thing about it since. I do wish I didn't do it and I make sure to be all the man that I am since then (i.e. not shave, get dirty, do the manly stuff you imagine) so as not to make people think that I do this more than I do. I was ready to explode so I did what I did. It was awesome and I had a lot of fun. Unfortunately there are pics out there of that night so as I said...I gotta be the man as much as I can so if this does come out I can just play it down as it being a 1 time deal at a Halloween. The passage of time does help and I do not do things to arouse suspicions (i.e. shave my legs, under dress etc. severely closeted here)
One thing I've learned about web forums regardless of the subject is; Nobody ever convinces anybody that their position is right and the other person's position is wrong. If I say it's white and they say it's black, ten pages later nothing will have changed.
I suppose the discussion is good for those who haven't made up their minds but that's about it. I would like to see someone count the responses here, pro and con and post the results. :devil:
I think I get what Jennifer is saying in the OP, and she does have a point. Not everyone is going to go oh yeah, we know why they are dressing.... but some might, depending on how far one takes it. Some guys do it as a mockery of sorts, leaving the facial hair, not really trying to look fem, just putting on a dress etc etc. Be a little too good at it, it may raise a few eyebrows here and there if someone is closeted. Some may think hmmm, he's pretty good at that. So, I can see where if someone is using halloween as a cover to go out in public but stay closeted, they may be leaving the door open a bit here. Personally I do not think its going to be that big of an issue for most others. I have seen lots of guys dressed up as women for halloween, and I don't automatically assume they are cd'ers, unless they are really good at it, that is.
I can only comment on my own experience. My first "in public" dressing was on Halloween in 2004. My wife and I went as two female pop stars to a party thrown by some of our more liberal friends. Everyone was impressed with my costume and some still talk about it today. No one asked me if I was a crossdresser, and as far as I know, no rumors have circulated. In three of the last four years, my wife and I have performed in a charity drag show, the most recent time I went all out with a professional makeover and shaving. Some of the friends who were at the Halloween party attended the shows to cheer us on. Still, no awkward questions or swirling rumors. It's quite possible that this couple suspects, but it hasn't changed our relationship with them.
I think the vanilla world believes so strongly that crossdressers must be gay, that if you date regularly or are in a serious relationship with a GG, they can't imagine that you would be CD. If your GG does your makeup and helps pick out an outfit (or claims to), that also provides you with suitable cover for looking too good. As long as you don't do it too often and you always have a good excuse, people will just see it as clowning around. Now, of course if you have a reputation as a no-nonsense kind of guy who never wears a costume.... well then maybe you have some explaining to do.
In short, going out on Halloween was the second best crossdressing decision I ever made (the first was coming out to my wife). It was a chance for me to be dressed around friends, and to be accepted that way. Although I knew dressing like that was only temporary, it went a long way towards removing the fear and self-loathing I experienced for a long time before. Some people might dress once in public and decide they never want to do it again. The good thing about Halloween is you can do this, tell people you don't understand how women do it, and go back to your regular drab presentation, with no real cost to your reputation.
Just responding to your post Jen, you are correct. Part of me feels that way. People assume the worst and I'm afraid of it. I can't find a outfit without mixing it within my cding. Probably why I resist wearing make up even now.
@Stevie - Its halloween! Free pass day. Some people might suspect, but unlikely they would assume the worst, and even if they did don't let it stop you if you want to do it. And what is the worst anyway?
Last year the mayor of the town I live in did drag, I ran into him at the grocery store and everyone was getting a good giggle our of it. But he is still mayor, no one cared the next day.
Wow, what a fuddy duddy. Party Pooper. :pQuote:
Originally Posted by dawn03
Arbon that wouldn't be Mayor West would it? who looked at himself in the mirror and said "my God, I am a woman" (referencing to family guy btw)
Hey, it's what I grew up with! :) There are plenty of other ways to have fun.Quote:
Originally Posted by MysticLady
Indeed, in my earlier post about it depending where in the world it is done, I had in mind England, and even more specifically, the once famous professor and novelist Kingsley Amis, crashing an Oxbridge faculty party with a friend, both cross-dressed. He annoyed the up-tight, had a lot to drink, and enjoyed it as an outrageous prank. Maybe he was trying to get even for his disappointment that his fellow professors were not serious enough about English literature to engage in enough well-thought out conversation on academic subjects. Or maybe the man who called Jane Austen's genre as amounting to the "pornography of money" was just a rebel.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tamara Croft
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bifrost
Of course it can arouse suspicions if you do it too well, or"just happen" to have a full outfit of women's clothes when you are a man, so you can cross-dress really well as a woman. I got asked at a costume party before I transitioned, where I got the clothes. I sort of fibbed a little and said, "from here and there." But i could point to the fact that some items were men's clothing, that just could look like women's. The theme was a beach holiday in the south, and the few other guys who dressed contented themselves with a men's Hawaian shirt and sunglasses, or something like that, though the women who dressed, got into more elaborate costumes, (but not cross-dressing).
. . It was the first time I had dressed really in public I think, at least in front of people I knew, and my nerves ran riot the whole week before, and I was going to call it off, but eventually went anyway. I huddled in the car outside for a few minutes before going in, watching others arrive first, and when I did go in, I was wearing plain beige women's slacks, which, when I saw nobody seemed hostile, I took off in the bathroom and revealed a shortish white skort. During the party I was really amazed at how I sat with some male acquaintances, dressed like that and straightening out my skirt once in a while, and talking completely normally with them about such things as cable tv, etc., and nobody in that church choir seemed to think anything was amiss! The minister who had poor eyesight, seeing me across the room, did not recognize me, asking who the woman was. It was a hoot!
I think the UK is more progressive than your more puritanical cousins, the US. You certainly have much better insurance support for transition than we do (and I'm guessing your anti gender discrimination laws are better too), and I'm wondering if this makes a difference in how people in the UK generally see TSs, which then extends to CDs.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tamara Croft
Also, the guys you speak of who get a good laugh at the Halloween parties ... are they dressing for real like the CDers here would be, or are they doing it on a lark with big inflated boobs, platinum wigs with beard showing, etc? Men in the US do this too and they also get laughs if it is obvious to others that they are making a parody of CDers.
I think that we all go through similar experiences. At first we are scared to death that some random person might twig to our secret passion of CDing. We're so focused on it that we think that everyone is similarly focused. Later on we figure out that not everyone is playing "spot the CDer." and relax a bit.
I don't dress on Halloween simply because I don't want to do a "drag" portrayal. I prefer to dress normally and that doesn't make a good costume.
Wear a dress for Halloween and somebody is likely to say "Getting a little girly there, sport! Sure you aren't liking it too much?" If you respond with vehement denials you come off as insecure and suspect. Brush such questions off with humor and confidence "You're just jealous of me looking fabulous!" and you'll be fine.
At first I was going to wholeheartedly disagree with the OP based on my own experience going out fully in DRAG for Halloween. I went with a large group of friends to a public place. These friends have seen me go all out on my various wacky costumes in previous Halloweens. I guess I would have caught some suspicious eyes had I done this by myself out of the blue. I guess if one wants to go out but keep their closet secure establish a pattern of off the wall costumes for 2 or 3 Halloweens prior to going as a girl.
I dressed as a girl 3 years in a row. I have since told a number of people who saw me dressed up. Some of the people were surprised. They never would have guessed I was a crossdresser, even after seeing me in a skirt on more than one occasion. The one person who said they had already suspected, saw me dressed on a non halloween day outing. They saw me dressed in January, and they only suspected. You never know what goes through somebody else's minds. Just relax and get out if you want to and don't worry about it.
I am not going to agree or disagree, I am going to say that when I went out as a girl everything went just fine. I dressed as a bar wench (in a long dress not the short ones). My sister-in-law did my make-up. We went out to a party that was mostly people that my wife worked with, but I still knew alot of them. I have had a couple of comments over the years but nothing bad. This outing gave me the confidence to go out a few years later when it wasn't Halloween. I had a guy I didn't know come up to me and look really close, he didn't make up his mind I was a guy until I spoke to him. And prior to the party we stopped at a store to get drinks and I passed there too. It took me a while to put it together but now I can go out and pass pretty well, my confidence came from that Halloween.
I have to disagree with the assumption that "normal" guys do not dress up at all. We have gone to a number of parties with males in female costumes. No one questioned if they were a CD. Boys in my school dressed up for plays. Many of us dressed for Greek week skits. And entertainers have done it forever! It's pretty common for boys and men to be interested in women's clothing and the whole "I wonder" thing. If you want to go out on Halloween, don't go as a female........go as a female character. Wonder Woman, Fairy Princess, Scarlett O'hara.........
And have fun!!
I think the first time you go out dressed on Halloween, no one will think you'e a crossdresser.
But, they will always remember the time you wore a girl costume, and if you dress as a girl a second time Anytime in Your lifetime, you'll be made.
You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.
Okay first of all. Whether it was meant to or not the original post came off rather strong. Secondly. I agree and disagree. If you dress fem once, or even occasionally then you may be alright. If you do it year after year like I do then you have 99% likely been made. Also, if you wear a feminine costume you have a good chance of someone catching on. My friends are not dumb, and this will be year 7 of nothing but female costumes for me. You know what, they are still my friends. No one has ever come out and asked if I was a CD, and I do not offer the info. As I see it I (publicly) do what I like to do once or twice per year at Halloween. It is no one else's business but that of my wife and mine. And as an example of how my friends think, both face to face and on FaceBook, I get messages through much of the year stating that they are anxiously waiting to see what I come up with next.
Well, you have to start somewhere.... ;)
My SO also lost the taste for dressing on Halloween. She felt that she was dishonoring herself in the sense that her feminine self is not a costume nor does she want to turn herself into a costume ... her feminine self is part of who she is internally.Quote:
Originally Posted by Eryn
I do not understand this thinking at all...Di and I look forward to having a fun night out ...We are going as a Gatsby girl and a Flapper..I do not feel like I'm dishonouring myself by turning into a Flapper for a one night yearly celebration ..nor does Di ...:D..its just fun ...sometimes I swear some of you just get to deep down in the serious side of life over nothing ..wearing a costume on Halloween should just be fun ..Sher is Sher.... even on Halloween..... in a costume...no dishonour to myself ..:D !!!Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
I have to agree with Sherlyn and other on this one. If I am guy and I dress up like Superman/Batman/Zombie or whatever I am not dishonouring my "male side" I am still me costume or not. If I am Isha and I am dressing up as Supergirl / Catwoman / Female Zombie or whatever, I am not dishonoring my femme side any more than I am dishonouring my male side. I am still me costume or not.
If a GG dresses up in a female costume . . . is she dishonouring her female side/spirit . . . not likely . . . she is having fun and enjoying herself.
In the end, it is Halloween and it is supposed to be fun. What's next? I can't wear my sexy Female Elf outfit on Christmas because I am dishonouring the "female elf" side of me? :)
My two cents. :2c:
Hugs
Isha
I don't get this thinking. I am a male internally. I don't see how dressing as a male character on Halloween (say, a pirate) dishonors my masculine self.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
I could understand not wanting to go out on Halloween "as a woman", but why not as a character, male or female?
It's Halloween - it's about costumes and characters this one day of the year.
I don't see the harm. Many, many years ago i got an invite to a Halloween party. I decided i wanted to go as a woman. I hadn't dressed prior to that time since i was a young teenager. My wife didn't think anything of it except that I was really, really into it.
We went to the party (yes there were people from work there). No one said i was gay, no one gave me a hard time, it was just fun.
Afterwards i announced to my wife that i wanted to dress again. At the point i got the inevitable GG questions that we all get : are you gay, do you want to become a woman, etc? and that was sort of my start with dressing somewhat regularly.
But my point is if you want to give it try Halloween is perfect! It may not be a salvation, not sure what she means by that. But i say if you want just go for it!
Men dressing as women on Halloween is not really a problem, regardless of if it's a campy outfit (ballerina) or "trying to pass and blend". Yeah sure some might think "Bill sure seems to pull it off well and know what he is doing" and MAYBE suspicious but ain't no one gonna make a big deal of it except maybe the NOSIEST pricks in the family or office who should be avoided anyways. Even then no one is gonna dwell on it.
Though it doesn't happen much on the CD forums, it is pretty sad that some CD have their own version of discrediting.
What next? Saying the GG's will out themselves as GG's if they dress like women and pass too well?
Or what about men who dress like men? Will they get accused of getting turned on by dressing in men's clothes?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sherlyn
This statement by Sheryln needs to be repeated again, WAY TO GO GIRL!!!
:cheer::cheer:
I love dressing up year around when I get the opportunity . When I was young about 11 I could not think of a costume to wear on halloween and really did not plan to go out and my mom wanted to dress me up as a girl. I wanted to so bad but was afraid what everyone else would think (there were a lot of bullies in my neighborhood). I have always regretted that, I would have loved to see how I would have looked fully dressed with make up at that age, I probably would have not gone out but missed the opportunuity, My mom always wanted a daughter It would have been fun. So today much older and wiser? I dress up in costumes near Halloween, french maid,witch, saloon girl for me. I usually go to a tgirl friendly party and have a ball! No bullies. Have been to a bar LGBT friendly) on Halloween as a frenchmaid had so much fun. I get what others have to say pros and cons to each her own, but for me Halloween is fun. I have not dressed up when I am home greeting tricker treaters, I love watching the smiles on their faces having FUN!
"What next? Saying the GG's will out themselves as GG's if they dress like women and pass too well?
Or what about men who dress like men? Will they get accused of getting turned on by dressing in men's clothes?"
A quote from Nicole that puts a different spread on things.
Food for thought there.
This thread makes interesting reading when you read what Reine has to say and Erin and Sherlyn's replies.
More food for thought.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sherlyn
My SO just feels differently than you both do. Maybe being gender non-conforming (outside the gender binary) has something to do with it. My SO identifies as dualgender. So to her, her feminine presentation is not a costume, is all. This realization only came about 3 years after she began to go out in the mainstream and interacted with people while dressed. So she sort of feels as if she is betraying her feminine self when she treats the whole thing like a costume.Quote:
Originally Posted by NicoleScott
It's natural that not everyone is at the same place along the spectrum. :)
Sometimes I worry about u, Reine. Do u 2 ever really let go? Just blow it all out and really have fun?
I must disagree with u on this point. When vanilla men dress up as women it's to parody WOMEN. They aren't even thinking about CD's!Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD