Personally, I would rather be in a relationship in which both parties share responsibilities and "power" equally. then again, i'm a socialist and think damn near everything should be equal.
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Personally, I would rather be in a relationship in which both parties share responsibilities and "power" equally. then again, i'm a socialist and think damn near everything should be equal.
[SIZE="3"]Way down deep I'm a man. Shush, keep that kind of quiet around here. I like being a man and I lead in dance, and in the dance of life. I don't really dominate, I lead. I'm subject to correction and am enjoy learning from women on how to lead better. Someone has to lead. I will step up to that responsibility. I work for a woman who lets me lead. She's very smart and knows how to get the best from me. If a woman wants to lead, I'll let her. I'm sure not going to fight her for the lead, but following does not come naturally or easy for me.
Now a little role playing is quite another thing. I'd love for a female dominant to tie me up en femme and force me to submit to her. I'd also like to do the reverse and be that dominant. I love to play and am game for just about anything. I'll be driving on the way home though.[/SIZE]
Hmmm I don't personally think it is so cut and dried as CD = Submissive. I think there are times I like to play a bit submissive and then there are others where I want to be the one to call the shots. :hugs:
Hi Darla,Quote:
Originally Posted by darla_g
I agree, nothing is cut and dry. I merely suggested that many CD's also enjoy the submissive roll with a GG. Of course there are some that are either gay or bi that enjoy being submissive to a male or even another TG.
At another site expressly for those of us into D/s or other BDSM activities or lifestyles, it just seems that so many submissive males there are also crossdressers. Also in reading many posts here on various topics, many CD's mention they are either submissive or would like to be.
Again for some, it is just a roll play thing they'd love to try with a partner. For others it's merely a bedroom game with their SO. But in every other way they are either equal or even dominate int e day to day relationship with their partner.
The activities, interest, and depth of submission is as wide as the spectrum of a rainbow. No two are just alike. And the personal reasons some of us are into it would vary as much.
There are also many men that do not consider themselves to be crossdressers, but are submissive's that would obey a Dominant's order to dress in a feminine manner. They wold never dress in feminine clothes without being ordered to or expected to by the dominant woman in their life. Some men get off on the humiliation of it. But to a CD, their is no humiliation in dressing for the dominant.
Just my observations and opinion of course.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BRANDYJ
Thanks for the reply. I'm probably a different degree of crossdresser than you. I've only been completely made up with wig and make-up, etc. once in my life. I get what your saying about "forced feminization" being an oxymoron in relation to this forum. On the contrary, I've read many posts of others, on this site, expressing their interest in being commanded on what female articles their SO wants them to wear. With that being said, to each their own. Got more feedback?
Aaaargh - we are all different. There will be some doms and some subs amongst us. But lets just play the games and have fun.
Me? I'm definately a sub. And proud of it. Because I call the shots!
Hugs
I am submissive by nature, my wife is also submissive by nature, I am way more into BDSM than she is and she will treat me as a submissive during play time if I ask for it. she prefers me to take the reins so to speak when she is in that mood. She is not into BDSM Dom/sub behavior as much but as far as personality traits, I was submissive prior to discovering I was a crossdresser.
Hmm, I was a crossdresser long before I discovered I was a submissive. InterestingQuote:
Originally Posted by Melissa in hose
[SIZE="3"]I have to agree that when I am dressed up I am submissive and my wife is more dominate, though when she wants me to be more dominate she has her ways. It is about reading my partner. I had a girlfriend once that no matter what I did she was in charge, in a way it was nice and sexy but after awhile no matter what I did or tried to do she would shoot me down or belittle me infront of folks and make me feel real bad. No at that time she didn't know I would then secretly dress up. We only were together for just under a year. She put me on the spot once infront of her friends and I said "no". I haven't spoken to her since.
If you are going to try some Sub / Dom experience you should first speak about it with your partner. Use a "safe word" so that if either of you don't like what is going on there is an easy out. And most importantly communicate with your partner. Whether it is about her / him asking you to clean the house or cook supper to whatever yall do in the bedroom. Don't take anything for granted and don't ever get angry if she / he isn't into Sub / Dom ideas.
Being Dominate can be fun as is being Submissive. I prefer being Submissive...
:daydreaming:[/SIZE]
Sissy_Michelle, A Dominant GG that would belittle you and put you down, especially in front of others is not being a Dominant, it's being dominating. I am only interested in those relationships that are in fact very loving and caring D/s relationships between a CD or man and the woman he loves. In fact any partner that would humiliate their mate that way is not what I'd calla good partner at all, even without acknowledging any Dom/sub roles.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sissy_Michelle
A good D/s relationship is no different then any other when it comes to trust, honesty and communication. The only difference is that roles are defined and lines are drawn as to who is in charge and when (if not 24/7) There is no right or wrong way. Each couple will be different with different rules and again, like any other relationship, some boundaries will likely be agreed upon.
Like many others have pointed out in this thread, there seem to be many different definitions of submission. As for me, I often think of it more as having more comfort with being responsive rather than taking the initiative in relationships, particularly with women. I prefer being pursued rather than pursuing, which in some case may makes me believe I am somewhat narcissistic and does not make it easy in intimate relationships with women.
In my fantasy life, I enjoy being submissive to the point of being "forced" to do certain things sexually or non-sexually by a woman, and has been part of my fantasy life since adolescence. However, in reality when I have felt pressured by a women to have sex or do non-sexual activities, I rarely find it exciting or enjoyable and frequently find it shaming and invalidating.
The stereotypically feminine clothing that I enjoy wearing to me represents the sexual power that women in our culture are "allowed" to express and had to use historically when they had little other avenues to be powerful. IMHO, men in our culture, outside of the gay community are not "permitted" to express their sexuality in clothing and behavior, at least outside of the bedroom. That I think is a big reason why I express that side of myself in feminine clothing. I seem to be more comfortable expressing power that way rather than overtly by being dominant or in control.
Odd that your fantasy does not match the reality of those times a woman 'pressured' you to do something. But that might be the key. You felt pressured as apposed to being ordered to do something she demanded you to do.
I have never felt pressured to do anything that my Domme has ordered me to do. it was my pleasure, privilege and desire to do all she asks of me. The clothes have little to do with my desire to serve her wants and needs.
I see no shame or invalidating by my doing as she wishes me to do.
[SIZE="3"]I am quite submissive to GG's when dressed, and love femdom play. A cute GG that smokes can do ANYTHING she wants with/to me! But I'm VERY dominant to men, boi's and some tgurls when I'm dressed. But I agree the line between dominant and @$$hole gets crossed a lot, especially with genetic males. I work very hard at avoiding such people. [/SIZE]
I flip flop. I'm a quiet guy. I'm not really the take charge type. I like when my wife takes charge, which is good cuz thats how she is. I like to be more submissive. Maybe I'm just lazy? I like it but in a loving way. Now when I'm dressed she says I'm very aggressive and she really likes that. Psychology is an interesting thing...
In a recent RuPaul segment they did drag makeovers for tomboy GGs. In one exchange the GG says she always dressed as a boy when she was child because she felt the need to feel powerful. RuPaul says he dresses as a woman in order to feel powerful.
Yes, psychology is an interesting thing.
For me, I'm not sure the correct word would be submissive. But like girls, I prefer to be re-active to being the initiator of activities, and that includes romantic stuff as well as sex. I'd much prefer she lead and I follow.
You know, I had a thought. Seems to me that in some relationships where the CD is pressuring his wife or SO into accepting or allowing more dressing or whatever his desires are is the opposite of being submissive. In fact, it could be said he is dominating the relationship by continually pushing for more acceptance or expanding the agreed upon boundaries. So with that said, I suspect those personalities would not be good candidates for being submissive. No wonder their wives are frustrated! If those same CD's would give more of themselves in any way the wife wishes, I bet they'd get a lot more acceptance.
How many times have we read where a CD finally tells his wife, she accepts at first and then soon becomes overwhelmed with her mate's always pushing the envelope. You know...where that newly discovered acceptance puts them in the pink cloud and they can't seem to get enough. And by doing so, turns the wife against what she at first accepted. Maybe not quite being a submissive to his wife, but if he paid more attention to her wants, needs, desires and was more helpful around the house, she would be more in tune with giving back to him what he needs.
I cherish my SO, I want to please her in every way I can. I freely admit to being submissive to her and she freely will admit to being a Domina. It's who we are to each other. So we both win in our chosen roles in each other's lives.
Whenever I fantacize about BDSM play, I am always the Dominatrix, with both men and women submitting to me. I am in charge of the bondage and discipline, though always remembering that the sub must have power too; if they don't get what they need, they don't come back. So it's a delicate balance in the relationship of mutual trust, respect and consent. But I do love holding the cat of nine tails.
Maybe it's some subconscious thing, like I want my feminine side to dominate my masculine, or at least get more expression, but that's how it works for me.
DameErrant, interesting that you feel it could be your subconscious may see your fem side as a Dominatrix over both men and women. In trying to relate to that, I have to think of what kind of a woman I strive to emulate in my dressing. In my case, I see my fem side as that of a Lady, perhaps subservient to other women. After all I do like the role of being my Lady's maid when she wants me to be. But I never see myself subservient to a man or even to another CD. Even a CD/TG that I find very attractive. I see myself as anything but submissive other then to a woman that I admire, adore, love or lust after. There is no way I'd ever submit to another man or even a CD/TG. go figure.
So many different takes on who we are and what makes us tick.
Thanks for your post on the topic. I enjoy others views on BDSM or mainly D/s as much as I do reading, learning and sharing opinions, experiences and the psychology of being TG.
Like cross dressing itself, the world of BDSM ranges from a 24/7 lifestyle, like it is for me, to just an every now and then fun thing to do. For some it's just play or fantasy and for others it's a way of life.
I wouldn't want to be a submissive. However, I wouldn't mind being a partner of sorts with a dominatrix.
For example, there was this lady on the web named Lady Samantha. I don't know if any of you have heard of her. She had a site called ladysamantha.co.uk. Very attractive tall blond woman, about 5'11. I like the outfits that she wears. She wears boots, lingerie, and leather.
I wouldn't want to be one of her subjects. However, I wouldn't mind being a partner of hers that wears boots and lingerie around her mansion and helps her. Not with spanking and torturing submissives, but other things.
Heck, no. I would prefer being on more equal footing with whatever woman I finally get involved with. Sure doing something being dominant or submissive might be fun in the bedroom every once in awhile, like once every year or something. But my being submissive is just not going to happen. I don't take orders from other people very well, which is probably why I have gotten laid off from so many jobs over the last 20 years since I graduated high school.
There is a connection for me but it's not really clear cut. My earliest erotic fantasies, well before puberty, involved me being kidnapped and molested by adult women. Then, when I was 8, I actually was molested by some older girls. I rather liked it at the time, but it probably messed me up in the long run. I always wonder if I brought it on somehow since it kind of fit into my fantasy life. I also crossdressed since I was 4 or 5 but there was nothing sexual about it. I just wanted to be a girl.
I didn't have sexual fantasies involving crossdressing until I reached puberty. About that time I stumbled upon a stash of porn novels. One of the books was about a bunch of horny teenage boys who weren't having any luck getting girls to have sex with them. As a substitute, they devised some competitions among themselves where the loser had to dress up as a girl and let the other boys have their way with "her." For whatever reason, I was totally turned on by the thought of being the "girl" in those stories. I also thought I was probably gay, but I eventually got over that. One of the other books that made a big impression on me was about a Dominatrix and her male sex slaves. I often fantasized about being one of her slaves but there was no crossdressing or feminization in that book that I can remember.
The common theme in all my sexual fantasies, including the gentle, loving romantic ones, was that I was the bottom. In real life, it caused me big problems in relationships because, despite protestations and propaganda to the contrary, most GGs want to be the bottom, too – at least in the bedroom. I find that true even though I'm not particularly attracted to feminine women. We always seem to end up competing for the bottom spot because I approach sex more like the average GG than like the average male. I tried taking the male role all my life but never enjoyed it much and wasn't very good at it.
That's the way the marriage to my current wife started out. Things were starting to go a little sour in the bedroom department after a couple of years, especially since her libido is much greater than mine. I finally got honest with her and told her what I liked instead of just hinting around. I wanted to serve her without regard to my so-called needs. In fact it is what I find most satisfying. That's very difficult for most GGs -- at least the ones I've been involved with. They want to please their man and they take offense if he isn't interested. For her part, my wife was able to find her inner dominatrix and give me the domination I craved. In fact, I think she enjoys it a little too much sometimes. LOL. The main thing was that I got freed from having to be the “male” in the bedroom.
Ours is not like some cartoon, porn story femdom relationship. She isn't a leather clad, stiletto heeled, heavily made up, whip wielding Domme. Her Dominatrix outfit is flannel pjs and if she ever feels the need to wear makeup, she has to borrow it from me. She tells me that if one of us has to wear trashy underwear, it's not going to be her. The reason I started crossdressing again after about 15 years where I hardly ever dressed – and even then never all the way – was that she ordered me one day to put on a pair of her panties as part of an emasculation game. That triggered my desire to dress again. Now, she likes it when I get all sissied up but probably thinks she created a monster sometimes. So, what is the connection between crossdressing and submission? I don't know. Submissive is something I am, crossdressing is something I do. But, I'm submissive whether I'm crossdressed or not.
BTW, I'm hardly submissive in any other area of my life. I'm not really dominant either. I guess you could call me a lone wolf -- but a sweet and gentle one.:love:
Oh! Me! Me me me me! Where? Who? LOL... Seriously though...I tend to be yielding and too willing to please (in general, not just sexually). It's just the way I've always been towards GG's but...I'm trying to change now actually. I mean...I'm down for anything sexually (with a GG or qualified truly transgendered M2F TG, though not ever with a male of any stripe, whether a CD'er or not). Kinky fun in the bedroom is one thing, but to be totally submissive to ANY one on a general daily basis isn't a good idea. First off, it's not healthy. Secondly, you're gonna get used and left in the end. No one respects anyone who gives and gives ad infinitum. Whether man, woman or somewhere in between, it's intrinsically weak & demeaning, severely so.Quote:
Originally Posted by BRANDYJ
Lil Sissy Stevie, Thanks for sharing your story with us. It's interesting to know how others came to be the way they are concerning their dominance or submissiveness. Just like the way we came to be crossdressers. Many are similar but with a twist and others found their way to CD later in life etc.
But you made me think. Maybe the connection is that when we were growing up, it was always Daddy as the head of household. The housewife more or less submitted to her husband. So maybe our wanting to be submissive to a GG is a subconscious desire to be like the way it was when we were growing up. Many men think of women as being submissive, so it's natural that when we crossdress, we may see ourselves as submissive like the women around us when we were kids.
I am submissive to no one but the lady I love. Other then that, I am not a bit submissive to anyone including at work. I admit, I am not one to take orders well from a supervisor or manager. I have butted heads with several. Almost got me fired a time or two. But then again, I have owned my own business and I have been a manager in other businesses. So my tolerance for poor managers is low. lol
Annaliese, I'm sorry, I have to disagree wiht you. If it is my desire to always be submissive to the lady I love, then there is nothing wrong with it. I don't think you understand exactly what a loving D/s relationship is all about. Notice I said "loving"Quote:
Originally Posted by Annaliese2010
I also disagree with you saying no one respects anyone who gives and gives. My Lady has the highest respect for me I could possibly have from a women. She does not use and abuse me. She loves me and realizes the gift of submission I freely give to her.
No it is not intrinsically weak and demeaning for me at all. If it was, I'd have nothing to do with it. In fact, it is my belief that it takes a strong man to give of himself so selflessly to a woman he loves.
How simple can this be...She gives me exactly what I want and I give her exactly what she wants. We are happy and will continue to be happy the way things are.
It's only demeaning when it is forced upon someone. Like the way some men control a woman. Yes, even some CD's. And sadly, some women are so beaten into submission (not necessarily literally) with hurtful words, threats and insults from those men, that they become to weak to leave it.
Well, not in my case. My father was locked up somewhere most of my childhood before he disappeared for good. My mother worked to support us and my sisters and I were raised mostly by our physically abusive grandmother. There were no men in my life at all except for peripheral characters. I choose not to psychoanalyze it any more because no matter what happened in the past, you could spin it to explain the present - just like we have two totally different stories right here with the same outcome. The real question is "do I like my life the way it is?" and the answer is: Yes! Absolutely!:DQuote:
Originally Posted by BRANDYJ
An interesting thread that raises all sorts of questions. Unsurprisingly I suppose a lot of those questions would seem to come back to assumptions about gender and gender roles.
I would guess that the answer to the question posed would have to be, for some yes, for others no. I wonder if there is a generational element for some, especially those who grew up in an era when there was a cultural expectation that women would be submissive and obedient.
For myself it seems the other way round, my masculine side was never particularly dominant or confrontational, though stubborn and doggedly determined, however my feminine side is outgoing, extroverted, quite argumentative, and easily exasperated.
I could see myself playing a dominatrix role in a relationship, but not asubmisive role.
I would hazzard a guess that CD's TG's TS's are no more likely to be dominant or submissive than other groups in society, but that when they are it plays a role in why or more likely how they dress. :)
I'm pretty submissive...
See, now this to me is the ideal and a very, very cool 21st century mindset.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo_Larens
Your point is well taken. But I'm guessing your the exception i.e. to find what I assume to be long term happiness & balance in such a skewed relationship. You do realize though that you put yourself at a serious disadvantage. How do you know she's not goin out on you? Or more to the point perhaps, would you care? I mean where does one draw the line?Quote:
Originally Posted by BRANDYJ
Are you SURE about that? Just wondering...Quote:
I also disagree with you saying no one respects anyone who gives and gives. My Lady has the highest respect for me I could possibly have from a women. She does not use and abuse me. She loves me and realizes the gift of submission I freely give to her.
I used to think that, experience has taught me otherwise.Quote:
No it is not intrinsically weak and demeaning for me at all. If it was, I'd have nothing to do with it. In fact, it is my belief that it takes a strong man to give of himself so selflessly to a woman he loves.
Hope so. IMO there is nothing sure or 'good' in this world. And there's nothing safe in this world.Quote:
How simple can this be...She gives me exactly what I want and I give her exactly what she wants. We are happy and will continue to be happy the way things are.
Or the way some women control abuse and beat to a pulp some men. Ouch! That's why I became transgendered in fact. Got fcin tired of it. Decided if I can't win em, might as well join em! What's the big deal. I take great delight knowing how I'm hotter than the GG's who've fcd me over. And I say this with true humbleness & humility. Lol...Quote:
It's only demeaning when it is forced upon someone. Like the way some men control a woman. Yes, even some CD's. And sadly, some women are so beaten into submission (not necessarily literally) with hurtful words, threats and insults from those men, that they become to weak to leave it.
Well, I always secretly wished my girl friends would ask me to put on a pair of tight panties or something tight and stretchy that only females can wear and be like "You need a good spanking" or something along the lines of BDSM, with me tied up.....
:o
All though I was always to shy to talk about such things to my past girl friends, fearing judgement. Ideally, she'd want me to do the same thing to her, but want to do it to me just as often.....
So yes, I think along the the lines of the first poster there is a connection.
But im not a submissive person, I've always taken charge in the bedroom, but its a turn on to not always have to.
Edit:
Oh and wanted to add, I've never had girl friend who came up with that specific fantasy above on her own unfortunately...
So you were abused, cheated on and used and that's why you became transgendered????????? Never heard a worse reason in my life. It sounds liek you were really hurt by a woman somewhere along the path if life. I feel sorry for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Annaliese2010
I can't say that I agree with the premise that CDs are looking for submissiveness especially that found in a D/S relationship. I think the answer is more about CDs having the heavy male burden of responsibility removed from their shoulders leaving them free to explore the whimsical fun aspects of femininity.
I know many men do not feel they have a natural inclination to be a dominant, authoritative, decision-making partner. It is a role we are forced to play but does not feel comfortable. I think as young boys this male role can seem especially daunting and this is what kick-starts the idea of being a girl. Put on a skirt and I will not be picked on, will not have to fight, will not have to prove my worth, will not have to test my courage, will not have to lead, will not have to make decisions etc.
This is not submissiveness rather it is about not wanting to be the leader and feeling free to choose and wanting the same freedom for others. I am an independent person who hates taking orders but at the same time feels I have no right to order anyone else just because I am male.
I would concur that when the CDing is focused on sexual fantasies then the perceived submissiveness of the female role is indeed acted out and this may in turn lead to exploration of BDSM activites. So there is a link to the secondary sexual fetish behavior but not to the origins of why we became CDers in the first place.
i love beining the submissive one, as gina grew in a lot of ways our roles reversed, it still seems i still do all the hard guy jobs around the house to . but when we first met and datet i truly was the alpha dog out door construcion worker type, slow over time gina grew and we became true partners in life and in love
submissive, not in the same universe
Im a laid back kind of person, I lead my friends when its necessary. Or bite instead of barking at people.
I don't think I am predominately sub or Dom, I think it is fun to trade off :)
I don't admire weak. But I also dislike people pushing their prowess upon others.
So this is an area of slight conflict for me.
Hi Pythos, So in your view a submissive is weak? I don't agree. As for someone pushing their prowess on another, I assume you mean in a way that the submissive has not agreed to respond to. Yes, there are some very cruel people, both male and female that abuse and use a submissive in a very unhealthy way for the submissive. I am not tolerant of that either. I especially do not like most male Doms that I have run into and the way they treat a GG female submissive. To many males are into the lifestyle for the wrong reasons and unfortunately their are some GG females with low self esteem that tolerate it. Yes, it happens with GG Dommes too, but far less.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pythos
My Dominant is not only a Dominant, but we are in love with each other. She pushes nothing on me. I submit to her freely and willingly and love making her life easier and hopefully better. Her love care and sincere concern for me makes my life better. It works for us and we are very happy in the interaction we share between us. I feel like the luckiest CD and man in the world. She is a dream come true for me.
My SO does enjoy being submissive, but we are both pretty flexible in our roles.Quote:
Originally Posted by BRANDYJ
It's obvious that submission is prevalent in the CD community; however, I feel it's just a pretty common fantasy in general. I think a lot of men find a female in a powerful role sexually appealing...not just CDs.
But, in response to your original post. Sex is sex is sex. Sure, it's fun to role play and have a good time. But, do I want someone submissive 24/7? No. Do I want to boss someone around and make them my b*tch every chance I get? No. That's stupid. I generally like to date people with spines and someone that I actually respect.
I think that anyone who wants to be forced into submission and doing tasks for a dominant individual 24/7 is seriously emotionally disturbed and needs counseling.
Besides, it's much more fun to make a really proud man submissive than one that is just a lost little puppy from the get go. ;)
Hi Shananigans,Quote:
Originally Posted by Shananigans
I agree with the first part of what you said. Up to the statement of "that's stupid" Having read many of your posts, I have come to like and respect you.
However, maybe I'm taking your statement to personal, or the wrong way.
At least wanting to set the record straight. First, it's your not wanting to boss somebody around 24/7 and make them your bitch.
See, this is your take, your understanding or view of what a D/s relationship is about. Believe me, it's not; Especially a loving D/s relationship.
Then you say anyone wanting to be "forced into submission" is seriously emotionally disturbed. My original post is not about being forced into anything. How can someone be forced into something they want?
I'm far from being forced into anything by anyone. I freely submit to the lady I love. I freely like doing things for her. I am not forced. I do not like the idea of anyone being forced to do anything they do not want to do. That includes any act of sex. And BTW, D/s is not all about sex anymore then being a Cd is all about sex. Sure, it can be a part of both... and I agree that it is high on most subs, and dominants list as it is for being on the minds of many Cds.
You use the term "making someone your b*tch" In the first place, I'm no one's bitch and never will be. But of course that could be a role play thing some get into. I understand that.
I further hope you did not mean that anyone that likes to be submissive to someone 24/7 is in serious need of counseling and is emotionally disturbs. That would be about as insulting and wrong as saying that most CDs need counseling and are emotionally disturbs.
As far as making a proud man a submissive then a whipped puppy, I'd have to agree with you there... And so would my Lady. I am very proud of who I am and no problem in being who and what I am....a honorable man, a crossdresser, a lover, and one that happens to enjoy my Lady being the dominant one in our everyday life.
I certainly hope you were not making a judgment of me personally and that I either misinterpreted your post or you did not word your thoughts correctly.
Brandy,
You seem to ignore something.
Society.
The only submissives I have met have had extremely low self esteem, are usually women that have been raised in a manner that makes their self worth very low unless they have "a man"
When I think submissive I don't think the terms you are saying, I am thinking of a person that essentially gives up their "rights" and go into abject misery, just so they can "serve" their partner.
I am curently mixed up with a girl that falls into that latter category. She is very submissive, and is often upset with how she is unhappy, but at least her lover is happy.
That sounds like a crummy relationship to me.
But when you talk to me you are talking to someone that finds men attracted to women that are bound up and helpless, to have a couple of screws loose.
Oh I know of the whole "trust" thing, but to me this is just taking it a bit far.
What doesn't help me is many of the styles of the bdsm community I like :)
The term "submissive" strikes me in the same manner as the work "sissy", though to a lesser extent.
Ah hell, why can't people just love one another without one domineering the other? LOL
On a side note, I accidentally came across a video on you tube with the word Scissors grip or something in the title.
Essentially a body stockinged female wraps her legs around some normal clothed dude, and proceeds to squeeze her legs and crush his neck. His head turns beat red, and he does not look like he is enjoying himself. But this is love? This makes absolutely no sense to me. Heck to me, this is disturbing. Then I saw the several other videos that were much the same, and with different people.
Not sure what you mean in my ignoring society. But let's just say I disagree since I am very aware of what society norms, expectations and limits society puts on all of us.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pythos
I have also met submissive GG's that seem to fit your description. The sad part is that they are not only submissive to some guy, but also abused, used and not highly thought of by the so called Dom they serve. It's sad.
Sorry you are mixed up in a relationship with a women like you describe. How sad. I'd say her lover is the one with a bigger problem since he uses her to get what he wants. Frankly, I am very suspicious of any so called dominant men and their motives. It sure as heck is not love for the majority of them.
Like you, I don't like the word sissy either. If anyone were to call me that, I'd deck them for sure. As for the word submissive, it is just to describe my desire to serve the lady I love in any manner she wishes. But I think I get it in what you mean. As for domineering...to me it is not the same thing as dominating someone. My Lady is not domineering, yet she is dominant in a very fair, loving way. We are equal in all respects other then who wears the pants so to speak. We both get out of the relationship what we both want. Now that's equal. lol
I just realized I left out.
I absolutely like the idea of mutual love between me and my future girlfriend.
I want her to do stuff not because she feels she must but because it is what she wishes.
I am all about empowering people, I really dislike hearing people saying "their purpose is to serve others, at the expense of themselves" There are only some few times this is a good thing in my eyes and one of those is when a heroic action is involved.
Hey, Brandy, I didn't mean to offend...let me set what I am saying straight. As I have said, I enjoy the D/S roles. However, these roles stay in the bedroom. We do not take them beyond the bedroom. (Although it could be argued that I am a very domineering and aggressive person outside of the bedroom when it comes to other things like work). I personally think that living in that submissive relationship to a person 24/7 IS dumb. Again, it's my opinion. (And, opinion are like a**holes, I know, and everyone's got one). But, I don't know how you go about your daily life or what your relationship is. I agree that what happens in the bedroom isn't "forced" submission. Whoever is in that role wants it.Quote:
Originally Posted by BRANDYJ
What I am talking about is having that roleplaying go on 24/7 in your everyday life. For my SO and I it is very much roleplaying. Emphasis on the "playing" and that's why it is fun and exciting.
However, I must point out that you say that you freely love doing things for the lady you love...maybe your idea of D/S is different from what we do. It's not like I'm saying, "Baby, can you please take out the trash for me?" And, he does it and that is making him submissive. No, that's just being courteous and in a relationship. That's not submission.
And, I still stand by my grounds that if you are groveling to a person and submitting to their every whim 24/7 that it IS disturbing. I just personally don't find that to be a healthy relationship. I also think it's unfair of you to lump every CD into that category of being totally submissive. I'm sorry, but this just isn't true. I see a trend with a lot of CDs wanting it in the bedroom, but I don't see many saying that they want to live their lives in total submission.
Again, I am making a lot of assumptions here. I don't know personally what you do in your everyday life for your SO. Personality wise, sure, I would say I am the "domineering" one in my relationship. But, by THAT domineering and bedroom domineering...completely different story. And, I don't encourage Ryan to tap into his submissive behaviors in our everyday relationship. Even though I may be the more dominant one naturally, I put him on my level as my equal. I do stuff for him and he does stuff for me...not because I'm dominant or he's submissive...just because we love each other. And, if THAT'S what you are talking about, I think that's perfectly normal. If not...then I am confused. I don't want to offend you and I don't judge you, but I am for expressing my viewpoints. If I have misinterpreted what you are saying, please let me know. Either in PM or on here. :hugs:
Shananigans, first let me apologize for taking so long to respond to your last post. I think I understand what you are trying to say and that you were not making a personal attack on me. No harm done. See, your view of what a submissive and a Dominant is, is very different then mine when I think read or hear those terms. Your mind processes it as something fun and fun only in the bedroom. I get this thought process you have from this one line you wrote: And, I still stand by my grounds that if you are groveling to a person and submitting to their every whim 24/7 that it IS disturbing. And in the way you think about it and expressed it, I would agree with you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shananigans
So when someone says they are submissive 24/7 to someone, you have those images of the things some might do ONLY in the bedroom. You don't see the loving side of what it is to some of us in a 24/7 relationship. But I can see why you feel that way. Not all D/s relationships are good or even healthy. Especially when it is the male that is the dominant. So many take advantage of someone's low self esteem and low opinion of themselves. They feel they have to submit to keep that so called Dom. Many are abused and used my some low-life jerk of a man that calls himself a Dom simply to get a woman to do anything he says. Now that's sick. I'm sure there are some GG Dommes that do the same thing to a male that has a low level of self respect and self esteem. But it's more rare...I hope.
The images and what we think when we read or hear certain words can set of a very negative thought process for us. Kind of like the images and thoughts I have when I hear or read the term sissy, or sissy maid. I hate those terms and have very negative thoughts about what anyone that calls themselves a sissy is really like. So I think I see where you are coming from. Again, no harm done. I still respect and like you. :):D
I'm usually more calm and relaxed when dressed, Its weird as soon as I put on my lingerie its like a switch is turned on.
Submission in the bedroom is fun & exciting, regardless of whether it's with a male, female, or TG person. Other than that, no- I'm a modern woman. :)
similar to my relationship/lifeQuote:
Originally Posted by Sarah Charles
All Nonsense ! ... here is your riding crop Madame... ;o)
Now that's funny, I don't care who ya are.:eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by kellyanne
I just want to tell those that are interested, that my SO, the one I love and serve, that she has joined this site and is just waiting for the Administrators to approve her. I am glad she has honored me by wanting to be a part of our site.
I hope some of you will give her a warm welcome when she makes her introduction message. She will also join FAB once she makes the necessary 10 posts and receives an invitation.
I think at some point we all like to be submissive , we are creatures of habit and change . Even Straight Men < the considered norm > likes to be submissive at some point as well as the Woman being Dominant at some point . I think it comes down to whoever has the Strongest Physical urge wants to be the more Dominent .