Confused...

Good to hear some of this is helping, DM! I think it's good to ask questions. I know I have been asking myself a lot of these questions for decades, and I still don't have all the answers (not even sure I have any of them. LOL). That's something for all of us, CDs and SOs/loved ones of CDs, to keep in mind - many of us CDs have had years and even decades of very personal struggle and soul-searching with this stuff. Many of you have not, or maybe at most only ever thought of it in passing and/or from a distance. Seems to me it can help if we can share the burden, as it were (although I feel it's more of a gift than a burden in some ways).

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Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels

And therein lays the key to the matter the VISUAL...

I'll bet that there are few if any blind CDers.

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I recently sat next to a lovely blind CDer at a group dinner so that number is not zero.

"real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance" - Confucious
To be honest DM, the more answers I have, about anything, the more questions I end up posing. That is not to say that the questions and answers are not worth seeking, just that life is a journey of experience and seeking of knowledge. If we knew everything then what would be the point?
DM, yes you are enough and more for your husband. Personally I don't think he is trying to recreate the "perfect woman" he could never have in himself. If this was an issue it would make more sense for him to ask you to undergo plastic surgery to create the perfectly "desirable" woman. If your husband does find the act of dressing and thought of himself as a female arousing then look up autogynephilia on these boards and the internet, it is not uncommon (I suspect very common in CD's) though the degree to which it is experienced is quite variable.

The comment by your husband that the clothes are FUN I would agree is true, at least for me. BUT you need to define a little more closely what is meant by fun. It is not fun in terms of a guy in drag at a bucks party, where it is all a big joke. It is fun in terms of going out, being validated and even admired and having a good time, not in a sexual manner but in the way that you DM may admire a good friend and the dress they wore to a party last month or whenever. The fun requires acceptance, and that requires the CD to be generally at least passably feminine.

One last thing DM. Some things just are. Whilst experience may have some mild impact on gender identity there is a mountain of evidence now that gender identity is in all likelihood established at or before birth (though I don't quite buy the genetics argument, and I know a fair bit about genetics and breeding in a variety of animal species). I do agree with Jen and a few others, I suspect the answers you seek do not exist. The questions are still worth asking, often though more for the things that you find are NOT true (e.g. that all CD's MUST want to transition and be women).

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Originally Posted by DoorMat

This has been some very interesting reading!



Confusing thing, this CD!

I have also pondered the animal theory before too. Most other species have very pretty males! Why are human women the ones wearing all this adornment? It's interesting to think that maybe we picked up the slack from when men stopped looking pretty?

Lots to ponder. And yes, some of us wives DO ponder this stuff...A LOT. Believe it or not, but on my other board that I frequent, the wives aren't all bitching and crying about their CDH's, nor are they blindly accepting. (though there are one or two who bitch and cry, lol). MOST are trying to figure out the logic, science and reason behind their partners dressing. Yes, that's right. We women discuss endlessly about what on earth our H's are doing, we share reasons, research, stories, we tear our hair out at WHY a rational man would do this, and we do this over and over again until our heads hurt. We women can be really quite focused when something is bothering us, just so you know. :)

So thanks again to everyone who is helping me through this. My head clears a little more everyday, even if I'm still as confused as when I started! Perhaps I'm slowly accepting there are as many answers to my questions as there are crossdressers and it's just one of life's little mysteries.

Okay, maybe I haven't accepted that yet, but I'm working on it!

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S##T , maybe I really am a woman trapped in a mans body because I keep questioning these things about myself too and most of the time it drives me (almost)crazy. I am joking about the being trapped part but not about trying to understand or accept this being part of what makes me me. Good luck in figuring it out DM and if you do , please ,please let me know.

I really do appreciate you trying to understand and wish you and your H all the best.

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Originally Posted by DoorMat

... we share reasons, research, stories, we tear our hair out at WHY a rational man would do this, .....

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You're not going to have any hair left! What might explain one story will not fit the next. Stay positive and keep laughing at it.

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Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels

POWER. One possible contributing factor for your SO [or any guy] to CD [even if it might or might not be comepletely unconscious] Power by the simple virtue of being female [at least once a female gets into her teens] and is far better able to "manipulate" males into "helping" her out in some fashion than a male would be able to "manipulate" any females.

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Wow! What a nonsense argument. I want the 20seconds of my life back from reading this. So your thesis is that I have no control over myself as a man. Women manipulate me? And your proof is that you can name more female super models than male? Astounding. Only the weak are manipulated and they come in both sexes.

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Originally Posted by Soriya

...I have been told countless times by women that I am handsome, have a great body, have all the intangibles physically what most women like and coupled with my personality was referred to often as 'a diamond in the ruff' among men. Huge clue: I didn't believe them! I have posted pictures of Soriya before and have gotten a lot of great comments but, I believed them!

I had already figured out I wasn't TS from learning all about my TS friends journey so it became clear that all the happiness I felt from CD'ing was the happiness that was missing as my true self. Because all the bullying I went through in my life I 'learned' to hate myself. Soriya physically represented what I had lost through my life as a boy.

Long story short, the objective for me was to merge the two personalities back together and 2+ years later, I am still working on it. I used to answer the question of 'Do I love myself' with a 'No' and as time went on would eventually say 'Not yet, but I don't hate myself anymore' but I was wrong, I was looking at it the wrong way.

The fact I took on the task to figure this all out is an act of loving myself. If I didn't love myself, I would have given up. :)

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Soriya,

I can relate to almost everything you posted here. Although I was not picked on much and never hated myself. But, I like myself so much better en femme. It feels more like who I'm supposed to be. At the same time, I get fulfillment from being a man for my family (father, grandpa, brother, son, uncle...). I cannot give that up.That's part of who I am.

Living and Loving in God's Grace,
Anne