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You can't control what people do in their own homes, so there can't be a rule about who you show this to. Also since this forum is accessible to non-members, I am sure that people under 18 read some of this stuff. And although some adult things are discussed here, it is really more PG-13 :)Quote:
Originally Posted by darla_g
Matia - you bring a very good point, so where do we draw the line?
ok don't get into a spitting contest here. If you have an issue with a member, take it to PM. This subject can get heated and if it degrades to a flaming contest, it is done. Get it? got it? good.
It all comes down to be a decent human being. Yes the clothing is superficial, but if it's the clothing that helps youQuote:
Originally Posted by Jennialy
become who you are, then it goes deeper. I am trying to be a nice person and treat others as good as I can both as a
Man or a woman, the only difference is what I am wearing and maybe the manner of movement and speech, in some ways,
I can be nicer as a woman than I am as a man, surely that is not something I should be banned to do ?
I am not talking about walking around my kids in female underwear or doing anything sex related that they would see
For a long time I didn't know what I am really, and I felt I need to be defensive, that the way I was born is wrong somehow,
and I lacked vocabulary to describe or argue what I am or why I do what I do. Was I gay? no, did I want to become woman 100% ?
No not really, I managed to learn that gender is much more dynamic thing than how it is usually perceived. I am bigendered, I
am still one person, that reflects itself as a man and a woman. Obviously there is only one body, so as a man i'm content, when my
gender shifts into a female one, the body/gender doesn't match, so crossdressing is the way to correct it.
Mostly people find it difficult to understand, because they are raised in some ways, like to have everything sorted in boxes and dislike
something they don't understand. Bigenderism may happen in different ways, in my case, I don't like to be somewhere in between,
I like to be either a man or a woman, but there are more fluid people who happen to be in between, who like to wear female and male clothes
at the same time, who do not want to be put in a gender box so that others feel more comfortable. Should people like this also be banned
to dress how they feel in front of their kids ? no.
so back to the original sentence.. Just be a decent nice human being imo.
Agreeable points. On the flip side, wouldn't you want to protect your kiddies from any pasteurization that would ensue if they spoke of it to their friends?
Transitioning and being gay aren't really things you can closet. Whereas coding you can. When they are older and not guided so much by their peers I can see me telling them, I just don't think I could now.
Not to mention my wife said no. That alone trumps most personal feelings :-)
This is something that is a common argument, but is it true ? It really depends on the view what crossdressing is for you. I believe that it's not the very same thing for every person, for someone it may be a minor thing and a hobby, for other it may be his life or identity. If you show crossdressing in a "fetish" light, that it's something that only belongs into bedroom and that it's something you can hide, ok then I agree with you it may be ceased for private moments. If you see it as a gender related thing, go deeper, it becomes the same argument as when people try to "make" their kids heterosexual.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennialy
I did not choose to be born as a bigender crossdresser, the very same way gay or lesbian did not decide to be gay or lesbian. This is a question of identity, asking bigender person to only be one gender for the sake of "peace in family" is the same thing you may ask gay people. Mechanics are different yes, the core is the same. Either way you have to sacrifice some of your identity. The gay emancipation managed to shift the public view on the subject and now it's not "cool" to ask gay people to change. Often I see that TG issues fall far behind the gay issues and need to catch up. The issue is so much more complicated because most CDs are (or see themselves) as "normal men with a hobby" I'm not saying this is not the case for some, but it's not the case for everyone.
Just to clarify, as I was already abused in private mail to cease discussing here because I don't have children yet. I am not telling anyone how they should behave, I am voicing my oppinion, granted it may be naive and it will be much more difficult when I will be in the situation. Do not take my views offensively or personally, thing is, I definitely want to have kids one day, and I want to have as good relationship with them as I can , the same with my wife, and I want to live in a happy and openminded family. That is a reason why I tell my gf about Matia very early into our relationship, that's why we discuss these things, and that's why I feel I should not be muted in discussion. If you take it as an offense, I apologise because none was meant.
Ok I admit I went off topic here, everyone who addressed their concerns rationally and not maliciously has a point to be made. I am definately a follower of things change when you have kids. I think everyone here who does have kids can say they felt and did things differently then after the kids. (Not talking about cding) my wif rand I would never ride on the same motorcycle, you trade in your supra twin turbo for a SUV, the partying slows down or stops...etc... It's not like you intend it to happen, it just does. Will that change how you feel about this subject, maybe, maybe not.
We are off topic here, so returning to OP, age 4 with the exception of trauma are our earliest recollection. at age 8, is around when they forget pre 4.
I stopped cding in front of my eldest when she was about 4 not due to the above, but because she felt my bra band on my back and lifted my shirt before I could react.
My youngest, as I said, my wife said don't do it. She's 2
This is an opinion shared by myself and my wife, I have an 8 yr old stepson (J) and a 3 yr old daughter, they've never been sat down and told daddy wears dresses or anything like that, but they have seen me doing, and wearing, less than masculine things around the house. Only this evening I was painting my toenails in the living room next to my daughter, she asked me what I was doing, I told her that she has her nails painted and looked pretty and I wanted mine done too, she said that I looked pretty and carried on watching peppa pig. We were speaking to my son after dinner about his thoughts on if I ever wore girls clothes and he wasn't fussed, we asked him what he would say to his school friends if they said for example "haha your dad wears dresses?!?!", he said his reply would be "and??.......", he has shown plenty in the past that he is open minded and very none judgemental about other people, and that's a great person to let out to the world when he comes to leave.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ayame
I think that a huge part of letting your kids into this side of your life would be accepting that they might tell people, and to not react badly if they do. A few months back we were looking around matalan in the underwear section, we were with J and weren't hiding that we were looking for both of us, we picked out some stuff and left, a few weeks later we were looking around another shop, this time with his 9 yr old girl cousin, without thinking I tried on a womens cardigan, she kinda giggled at me and asked what I was doing, J said, very matter of factly, "oh thats nothing he wears womens pants!", me and my SO both looked at each other with an amused "omg wtf" look on our faces, fully expecting his cousin to go home and tell the world, but never said anything to our boy except that what he had said wasn't bad, and that he wasn't in trouble or anything like that.
We think that one of the most important, if not THE most important lesson we want to pass onto them in life, is that they and anyone else in the world can be whoever they want to be, that other peoples opinions shouldn't matter in the slightest to them, and that they should never be prejudice against others for who they are. I want them to grow up knowing that the worlds a big place, everyone in it is different when it comes to sexuality/gender/beliefs/colour, and they should never judge people on those things.
Was agreeing with you...Quote:
Originally Posted by Darla
Until here :(Quote:
You do a huge disservice to your kids if you're known as the dad who wears a dress
I think you do a huge disservice to your kids by letting them grow up to think that they have to hide who they are from anyone, and worse, to hide from their own family of all people. I'll be teaching them to be themselves, and I'll practice what I preach.
I obv understand that some people must stay hidden, and things might be different for them, my attitude is that I'm not going to tell the world and sit the whole family down for a "Hey, meet my other side" moment, but if they find out they find out and I'll deal with that when the time comes, the only people I need are the 3 other people under my roof and if they're happy with it and accepting then that's all I need.
Being and creating an open and honest accepting household lays an important foundation toward the understanding of gender as I see it and live it.The acceptance of Rogina in our household has been successful,but I have a daughter that has been a part of it for over 5 years now.If everything that happens at home is properly handled,then it never becomes "the big family news" that kids have a need to share.I find it rewarding when I can have honest discussions of how I felt when I was my daughter's age[11] with her.We watched "Eighteen minutes and eighteen seconds,fifty shades of gay" together today and my daughter has healthy grasp of gender diversity.I credit that to the foundation that I have laid down for her. Every household is different,do it your way,but don't comment when you haven't tried to walk the walk.
Oh I am so sorry that I don't meet your standards for being a proper crossdresser.Quote:
Originally Posted by rogina garter
My kids are older now and I still don't announce to them when I am having sex and I don't bother telling them I am planning on dressing either because neither of things have a single thing to do with them, so the example is more than valid. Some things are just not necessary to share with your children. Children are not just very small adults that you must share every detail of your life with and have no business on this web site in any section.
Chelseababy - that's absolutely your right as a parent and mine as well. You have what CDing means to you and so do I. I'm not saying it would be a huge disservice to everyone, but in my instance I feel it would. You can take exception to my viewpoint, but lets face it, you have kids to raise and so do I. That's where our energies are to be expended, and in my are and culture I'll raise thm to be open and caring and aware of all the gender variants out there. I just won't expose them to things that in my opinion they're not ready for. When they're ready I'll let them know, hopefully at a point where it gives them perspective in their own struggles.Quote:
Originally Posted by chelseababy
While I wore tights aroung the kids when they were 8, it was only after school exposed (taught) them about sex, condoms, "experimenting" etc and they were Ok with having gays etc in their classes.
I live in a very tolorent society and yesterday there was a big GAY parade with all sorts of trans, that the kids went to see (and the defence force marching in one section to promote their acceptance).
My kids were 10, 12 & 13 years old when they first saw me fully dressed - and while they said I looked good, could I also fix their Ipods and chat about an incident at school.
Each child is different (my 18 year old still doesn't know as she think men should be rough), and each society is different (while school boys are allowed to cross dress, no parents are allowed to or the kids will get harrassed at school for having a crazy parent)
My blog page has a photo of me relaxing with Miss 15 doing Ipady stuff
My daughter happened to see my avatar and was just reading over my shoulder as I don't think any of this is at all damaging. Anyway,a week ago I had a "help out "session with a 27 yr old woman that works with a GG friend. Her dad had just come down to visit and came out to her and her husband as a "T". She[and her huband] was trying to understand it all better so she had questions for me.The father is a member here and on their own,they got on this site and explored a bit. However,what is important is that at 27,she wishes that her Dad had come out about being "T" many years before rather than hiding this big part of himself from her.So,waiting to reveal the" complete you",doesn't necessarily go better with age.And what was the damage caused by so many years of hiding? This person is now ending marriage number four,and the "T" is exploding as a result of a lifetime of having it bottled up for the sake of what?Quote:
Originally Posted by darla_g
I really think it's all been said here but don't think dressing in front of your children at anytime is a good idea. I love to dress and know from experience how hard it is to stop so if you're dressing in front of them till they are 9 to 15 months old there is a good chance you're not going to stop. If you're out that may not make a difference but when they are old enough and their friends find out, and they will, it could be very embarassing to them which is not fair to them. We are still not accepted readily in society so my opinion is to keep your dressing private from the kids. That said once they are old enough and out of the house you may confide in them if you wish and most likely they will keep it to themselves regardless of what they think of there dad's love of being a girl. Just my opinion.
what is not fair, is kids finding out from anyone else but you, the same goes with the rest of the family. one of reasons why we are not accepted, is that we have trouble to accept ourselvesQuote:
Originally Posted by Lacyfem
I was very struck by this statement. I was at the newstand today and on a People magazine, i believe it was there was a picture of John Travolta (the cover below is the picture but not the exact cover I am referring to) with the caption saying this was the "Gay" photo of him and that it wasn't for a role.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lacyfem
This is the view that society has of crossdressers. That is why the first question from a female SO of a CD is "are you gay?" Attitudes towards homosexuality are certainly changing in society in terms of acceptance and hopefully this can only mean that things will improve for CDs too.
I did, once, when my daughter was just over 1 year old and still in the playpen. I could immediately see her confusion seeing her father in a skirt and blouse.
Heck, even my wife's two German Shepherd's were confused by the sight and cautiously walked from the room.
I can personally remember experiences back to when I was just over two and still in diapers. I doubt my daughter remembers my "show".
I think that TG and CD are apples and oranges...and an unfair comparison. In a transition - you were A and now you are becoming B...pretty confusing...but also black and white. Being Homosexual is the same thing- you either ARE or you AREN'T. CD is something onto it's own and that has been discussed fairly often here. When you CD you are crossing gender lines, to whatever extent you do it, and then you return. Growing up...I...me personally was confused by my own urges. I reading the posts here I realize that I was not alone. I feel that confusing a young child only helps YOU not have to worry about it. YOU want to be honest, YOU want your kids to respect YOU for who YOU are, YOU realized you were bigender through YOUR studying.Quote:
Originally Posted by Matia
Again, I'm not saying to never share, I just personally believe one should wait until a child is capable of doing all the things that you described on their own.
TG and CD are hardly apples and oranges, if by TG you mean TS (transsexual) than ok, but Crossdressing is a subgroup of transgender people. Being a TG is nothing of choice it's who you are. I doubt that clothes would confuse a child, but pretending to be somebody else does. Children living in an open minded enviroment will be much more tolerant than creating artificial world we dislike , and support the prejudice people have about crossdressers by submiting to what is forced to us by "standard" family model. So daddy wears dresses every now and then, it's not a big deal. Ofc it's YOU YOU YOU, because well yes it's me, and I want MY kids to know ME not some artifical ME that I would have to explain to them when they are old enough. I think it would be much bigger shock for them to grasp than if they knew about it from the begining. I don't want to explain them my lying , I rather be honest.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sophia Frances
A 15 month old will have zero memories of this. You need to stop when you don't want to be outed by your kids. That would be about 4.
Well, for my 2 cents... as I have a very strong opinion.... children come first and always have. As has been said by another poster, when my three girls were younger I was still not really coming to terms with it all, so didn't see myself as 'CD', rather just me with a strange desire to wear women's underwear at times. Growing up in a society where that was severely frowned on could have potentially done untold damage. OK I accept that some of us here have had positive experiences but that does not make you right in ALL situations... only your own.
My daughter was bullied severely in school... not physically but the psycho stuff girls do. She self harmed, still has scars on her wrists, was diagnosed with severe chronic depression. We took her out of school, moved town, and she rebuilt her life. She is now a loving mother, has a Psychology degree and is training to be a counsellor.
If she had gone through that because of me, I could not have lived with myself.
So I am in the no camp... not because I am in any denial crap about who I am, but because I respect the rights of others, especially children, who are trying to figure the world and dealing with building good social relationships. I would rather not risk scarring them than to take a gamble based on prejudice and misinformation.
But some good discussion here and always good to hear others' success stories! For me though, the risk is too high a price to pay for the right to wear a dress whenever I want to.
For some of us that are more than CD,having children that are in the loop is essential to having a smooth running household. It is 2013,and kids are exposed to a whole lot these days.Far better to have parents that aren't afraid to talk about all things than a household where the parents are uptight.I brought my daughter into it all when she was five and I am sure glad I did.If I was to decide to go full time,then my daughter would see it as no big thing to her.I needed to lay that foundation properly. If you are just a CDer,than you can take it elsewhere or do it later.But eventually it will come out[as shown with many posts] and perhaps not having kids in the loop was a whole lot more shocking for them. Every household is different,but this is 2013,and Miley Cyrus is kissing girls!Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaz
Even though I don't have any children, I suspect that it may be easier if you have a girl child rather than a boy because boy children are constantly bombarded by society's image of a man being masculine whereas girls are permitted a lot more latitude.
For sure! I was so happy that we had a girl as I knew that I didn't want the pressure of being a role model for a boy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jamie001
I must admit when my kids were pre- toddler, I dressed around them but they never saw me dressed.