I wish to be female in every way , but keep my old fella !!!
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I wish to be female in every way , but keep my old fella !!!
No, but at one point I did believe I had legitimate gender dysphoria. Those were some dark times. Internet self-diagnosis is a scary thing, ugh.
I Did think about for awhile but wouldn't because of the hassle and the cost + i love being able to choose from guy mode and girl mode
I hate being a guy. I am not the most attractive (understatement). It would be nice to become a woman and choose how I look (how hot or normal looking).
I have never had any depression or anything. I just want to be a woman. I can't explain it.
I never thought as myself as a full time woman. however I would kill for a size c set of breast!
I wish I was a woman. A beautiful woman like you see on the street or in a magazine. I want to have that body. The soft skin, the delicate features. The pleasant demeanor of a dignified society girl. The free spirit of a tanned, blonde surfer girl. The experience of estrogen-filled teens becoming women. Where clothes, makeup, and other feminine trappings are natural to me, to my body, to my psyche. To look at the sun on a warm summer day as drops of sweat glisten on my svelte figure as I glide casually along the boardwalk. A dream of dreams. But it will never happen. I can never be that girl. Even with SRS and FFS I will never be her. Do I want to "become" a woman? No. But I wish I born one. Alas, I'll never be an astronaut either. But I can dream. Is this folly? Is this an exercise in futility? Probably. But these thoughts exist. I don't know why. I don't think I ever will.
I am TS but for various reasons, some good, some excuses. I won't be transitioning soon. I didn't choose to be this way. I just am. Despite being TS I more often contribute here in the CD section than in the TS forum. In part it's because I feel a bit of a fake. I say I'm TS but for all anyone knows. I'm just fantasising about transitioning.
In any case in practical terms I'm a CD. It's necessary for me in order to cope with my gender dysphoria which is a constant companion. That I think is the measure of whether or not you are TS. It's like chronic pain, you can ignore sometimes but it's there all the time and it can wear you out. Dressing as a woman is like an analgesic, albeit temporary. I am experimenting with permanent under dressing and it helps a bit.
I wish it would go away sometimes but if a Doctor told me he had a miracle pill which would make the dysphoria go away. Would I take it?
The answer is no. Because for better or worse that is the real me. Beside pill or no pill I have no idea how to behave like a man and that wouldn't change!
Simple answer to the original question is "no." So far, reading a LOT of threads in here, I feel like I'm in a very small minority here. The ONLY reason I CD is to pretend I'm a girl for a short couple hours for the sole purpose of sex (wife w/strap, not m4m). Now, for that reason, I have fantasized about completely becoming female, but it would have to be completely temporary. I AM A DUDE. In 99% of my life and like my life that way. Its just that one enjoyment I have that I prefer to play it from the other side, or at least pretend to.
Wishing you are a transsexual is wishing you are a woman..
it's a fantasy...saying you wish you were ts may feel like an attainable way to be a woman..
it's possible that you are using fantasy and repression to avoid dealing with being transsexual ...because if you are really transsexual, your life is going to involve some major suck..
its more about not being a man than anything, and the physical part of it will destroy any fantastical notions you probably have about your appearance...
50%+ chance you will never look like a woman and 100% chance you will never look like the fantasy woman you have in your mind when you think you want to be one..
in any case, its totally ok to wish you are a woman and express it here...
You're not, and even if we are, then most of us don't even bother to sign up here.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sc0rp10N
I would have when I was 18 if I had known that this wasn't some kind of phase I was going though. But at 66 with wife and kids and grandkids they all know as dad or papa. I'm happy to go back and fro between a man and a woman.
if the technology was there 50 years ago and I knew more, I would definitely be Geri Danielle as I sit here and type.
I was on HRT and grew great boobs and my skin got softer. but as I aged, i had double knee replacement, back surgery and a pacemaker, I can't even go out anymore, which really ticks me off.
so through therapy I did find out that I'm bi and that works for me. I found a friend and we have a great time together.
kisses,
geri
Thought about SRS as a teen. That thought went away quickly because I want to keep my "pillar and stones" (yes, GoT quote).
I love dressing up as a woman and being feminine, but I am still a guy inside, making me a CD.
This sums up my experience quite well. I identify as gender fluid, some days I wish I was a woman, but other days I'm proud to be a man. I dress to express my current position on the spectrum. Some days I'm more male than female. Other days I'm more female than male. However, I'm always 100% me...transitioning would do me no good.Quote:
Originally Posted by gendermutt
And yet, here it is again; the presumption that how one transsexual feels, must mean that all transsexuals feel the exact same way, at the exact same point in life. How long is it going to take, before people here realize that we are all just a little (or a lot) different? This is not like having a heart attack, or appendicitis, where there are specific things that must be done within a certain period of time to insure the patient survives. There are plenty of non op transsexuals out there who have lived their entire lives dealing successfully with the knowledge that they weren't going to ever become the sex and gender that they wanted to be. Yes, it's difficult to accept our situation in life, but it's not impossible to live with. I'm sure there are more than a few people here who deal with this situation every day.Quote:
Originally Posted by I Am Paula
I could never go all the way. I've been deeply suppressing my feminine side for years but the masculine in me is also legitimate. Going full TS would simply be reversing the situation. I'd end up suppressing guy mode and would probably get the same dysphoria. If I end up doing anything trans it would probably be a lighter form of HRT to try and balance me out and stay sane.
Right, but if they've lived their entire lives that way, then they were always TS, correct? :)Quote:
Originally Posted by sometimes_miss
I agree that CDers don't "become" TS. If you believe this, then it implies that the nature of gender identity can change, which then makes it possible to have a reversal the other way through something like aversion therapy?
Same with homosexuals ... they don't "become" gay. They're born that way and there is no amount of aversion therapy that can change this.
I would argue that gender identity CAN change and I'll give an example. I can count a couple of situations from my own personal experience. For instance, I'll be talking to people who don't know about Adyson. To them I've always been Adam. They will refer to me as "he" and they will think of me as male. Somedays, I'll have a distinct unconscious response to that. "No, I'm a SHE." Other days, if you refer to me as "she" I'll get the same response, "No, I am a HE". Just the other day, I was in a group of crossdressers and transsexuals. One of them referred to me as "he" and she covered her mouth in horror at her "mistake" . That day, I had a mixed identity, I was going for equal parts male and female, and was dressed as such. She made all these efforts to apologize to me, saying how she should have asked for my pronoun, despite my assurance that I didn't care, she was welcome to call me whichever pronoun she preferred. And at the time, I could care less what she called me.
For me, and individuals like me, the term genderfluid remains the same, but what that term means changes from day to day, hour to hour. My gender identity at least is very fluid, and changes all the time.
Anyway, I think that gender identity is incredibly difficult to pin down because its so intimately linked with our sense of self.
TS is just about the last thing I wanted to be but alas here I am. I just got tired of suppressing the need to be who I am whatever that is. All I really know for sure is I need to have a female body, I need the world to react to me as a female, I need to be in relationships as a female, especially intimate relationships. Transition isn't perfect but it's allowed me to keep my sanity and living authentically has removed a lot of BS from my life.
That's what I am looking for, authenticity. We all might be much happier that way, pursuing whatever it is we each need to be fulfilled.Quote:
Originally Posted by Aprilrain
When I came here it was to be a better crossdresser hoping I could get to a point where I could cope. But I sucked at being a cross dresser, I could not get the fun part. Cross dressing just made me miserable and depressed because I could not really be who I wanted to be. I did not want to transition though, I did not want to think I was transsexual, but I could not keep living the way I was either. It was all messed up!
transitioning you can get to a place where you are true to yourself, and feel at peace with yourself, if you are a transsexual. But the journey to get there can be painfully brutal. When I read the title of this thread I think why in world would anyone wish to be that? The experience of actually transitioning can be very bitter.
Apparently you are gender non-conforming (outside the gender binary). I argue that you always have been and this will not change, no matter how much you fluctuate given that fluctuation is normal for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Saikotsu
Above, I was referring to the idea that someone who is solidly male-identified does not become solidly female-identified.
I'm quite similar being bigender and I generally agree with you that I've always been that way, I just didn't want to think about it or acknowledge it. I only recently made this discovery about my identity but that doesn't mean that at 27 I suddenly "decided" to be this way. Rather, I spent months on research and honest self-reflection trying to stop suppressing myself and figure it all out. Bigender was the first term I came across that really seemed to fit and looking all the way back to my childhood it fits in perfectly with the narrative of my life.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
We can deny what we are, we can tell ourselves lies, we can refuse to think about it and we can even be mistaken for years at a time but in the end we are what we are. Although I would contend that there are some rare exceptions out there.
My experiences were largely the same, though I didn't make a conscious effort to not think about stuff, I simply didn't take the time to explore my identity until later.
I'd rather avoid a discussion of terms, but I will say that while gender non-conforming does fit, its not a term I would use to describe myself, because I very much feel that I am a part of the gender binary. While I may fluctuate between male and female, I always have a solid grasp on where I fall within those two terms. If for example, I somedays felt that I was a third or fourth gender entirely, I would be more willing to describe myself as being outside the binary, or gender non conforming.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
However, I get what you're saying. I did not simply decide one day that I was going to become gender fluid. It was always there, but I simply wasn't ready to accept it until I was in college.
This post (and so many others here) is going to be the inspiration behind Tink's next thought of the week :)Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandaM
I mean, wow, womanhood sure sounds nice coming from a male perspective. I actually happen to look a lot like the surfer girl you described, yet I can't remember a time when I got excited about my own body walking a boardwalk, or cared one whit that my skin glistened. I'd be upset I was sweating! lol.
I think the answer to this original question lies in some of the responses here. There's a definite disconnect between what real life is like as a female and what you all imagine it's like. I think the woman inside many here is a man's version. That alone should help you all answer the OP's question??
I've thought about this thread for some time. I can only agree with those who say that no-one 'wishes' to be transsexual, or transgender, or gender dysphoric.
I have read many articles by people who have had gender reassignment surgery at various ages and can see some people know from a very early age they were born with the wrong body, as well as people who have known there's something wrong but not been able to understand what the problem is. Either way it's not a wish, or an "I'd rather".
Me, I'm a plain vanilla crossdresser, happy to the guy who loves to frock up. My heart goes out to those who know something is deeply wrong and are either doing something about it or just struggling.
Christen x
Exactly! There are males who are strictly at the male end of the spectrum who would never wish to abandon their maleness (even if they crossdress), females who are strictly at the other end of the spectrum and who would never wish to abandon their femaleness, and gender fluid people like you who fluctuate.Quote:
Originally Posted by Saikotsu
The point earlier was that solidly identified males, even if they crossdress, do not magically turn into male-bodied individuals who solidly identify as females (transsexuals). Transsexuals are born this way even if they go through a period of denial. And most TSs that I know, once they finally accept themselves, have said that they fundamentally always knew they were TS.
Hi Sharon,
never wish to be a full transexual, I think is a different thing is a change of sex. I feel good to crossdress when i can and I feel, is a special part of me.
I feel a man but love to be the "femme" Camilla whem I can and feel, is wonderful to play my feminine role, wear female dresses and shoes and I think is wonderful to share my passions and thoughts here in this forum.
There are a lot of nice and supportive people here, always ready to listen and help you, people that understand and share my special femme world.
Yes, I am a crossdresser...and I feel good this way, part time a man and part Camilla. Try to discover into you who you are...the answer is there...:)
Hugs
I know God has had a reason for me to wait this long (almost 37) to start crossdressing. And He must know why it will be close to 39 or 45 when I get the earliest chance to start my transition to become a woman. However, I have wanted the latter part for years and years.
I don't know if there is a disconnect in my post. You said "excited", I didn't mean that, I meant "envy". Even genetic women wish they were more beautiful like women on TV, etc. Some people wish they were taller, or better looking, or richer. Maybe it's just because I can't have it. Kinda like an allergic kid who can't have a puppy. He desires it more. Or possibly, sexual desire became attached oddly to the woman's essence and not just her body, and that makes a crossdresser. We've had this discussion here before. If an erotically-driven crossdresser can detach the sexual component from crossdressing, does the desire to be a woman remain? If so, what remains might be a transsexual. I think this might be possible. I knew a transsexual. She told me she used to always masturbate to women's catalogs pre-surgery, but now she just looks at the clothes as any woman would. Like I said before. I don't know why I have these feelings. Wish I did!Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinkerbell-GG
I absolutely do NOT want to transition. I simply want to dress like a girl occasionally.
If i lost my whole testes by cancer or accidant, I will consider SRS.
It's not so much that gender identity changes - I don't for a minute believe that it does. However, what does change is the severity of your gender dysphoria. At some point, the misery you feel living as a man exceeds your ability to suppress those feelings and you have to transition. Likewise, I think the pressures that encourage one to resist transition have an influence - and these can certainly lessen, although they are still quite severe.
If your gender dysphoria is pretty mild - you'll just be a crossdresser. If it's severe, you'll transition. I suspect a lot of it has to do with how much of your identity really is female. I think it's also possible that there are actually three related parts of your brain that can be affected somehow:
- sexual orientation
- gender identity
- gender expression
A feminine gay man would have a feminized sexual orientation, and gender expression to a lesser extent. A CD would a fairly normal male sexual orientation, a small amount of feminine gender identity, and some (possibly a lot) of feminine gender expression. A transsexual may have all three affected, or only a couple, but the gender identity will be pretty solidly female. (You find TSs who aren't very feminine and never CDed. At the other extreme, you have little kids who can't even stand dressing as their assigned at birth sex.) So it seems to me that it's likely a function of three variables.
And I'll just reiterate that being transsexual is something I wouldn't wish on a terrorist. To be true to yourself and comfortable in your own skin, you give up your humanity in the eyes of much of the world's population. You'll face discrimination, violence, and the emotional upheavals before and during transition can be nightmarish. (You just haven't lived until you've had nightmares about your genitals nearly every night.) You'll also likely lose a lot, sometimes everything, in the process. Me? I'm 51 years old. I've worked my whole life and accomplished a lot. I had homes, cars, a family, and at this point, 10 months into my transition, I pretty much have next to nothing to show for all of that. Having "next to nothing" makes me one of the lucky ones! Lots of us end up with "nothing."
Assuming you don't commit suicide first.
You don't want this.
I ****ing hate being told that the only reason i don't want to fully transition is because "i don't have the guts" or whatever. i don't want to transition because i don't want to lose my male genitals, or my reproductive function. I do want to have kids some day after all. Now that said i don't mind doing things to feminize myself in other ways that are not permanent or maybe less permanent.
@KaylaRoxx - who would tell you that you don't have the guts, and that's why you don't transition? I think you aren't in enough pain and discomfort over your gender to transition - which makes you quite lucky.
I'm not saying that i have no problems at all with my identity. but it's just not bad enough that i feel the need to lose my normal male functions. I've had people tell me that, amongst other things on thing on other sites that i used to go on before i joined here.
I don't blame you. Or, when they say that you must be in denial, or that you will increasingly be uncomfortable with being a man as you age. :pQuote:
Originally Posted by KaylaRoxx
I think a lot of members here feel like you do.
@Kayla - if you aren't uncomfortable enough, transition isn't for you. As for being gutless, we're all scared as hell when we start out. Unless your fear makes you live with unmanageable misery, I don't see it as a problem. No one but you can judge such a thing anyway.
I'd probably want to be a man had I been born a genetic girl. I'm not unhappy being a man, I'm just also happy dressing feminine sometimes. I think the proper term for someone like me is androgyne, though I have yet to see any gender specialists or therapists. So, no, I don't think I wish to be a full transexual. I have considered mild DIY HRT to get a body somewhere in the middle, though.
that is a fascinating statement. Sort of "If I am no longer a whole man, I would become a woman"? I wonder did you mean you ARE a TS just have no plans to have surgery. Or, do you see the gonads as imperative to being male?Quote:
Originally Posted by missmars
(sorry, this may just be a failure to communicate because of language. I am respectful that you can speak English. I cannot speak any Korean)
Whoa! Who said that? We are all on our own journey. Personally I never felt the need to procreate. Has nothing to do with my GID. I just never wanted children. We all have our reasons to have or not have surgery. If you go back 4 years and read what I posted then I said I would never even consider it, too old, don't want to spend the money...I always knew I was TS, I just didn't think I would be a surgical TS. Things change. But let them change on your terms, not the people hereQuote:
Originally Posted by KaylaRoxx
The best reason to not transition is because you are a man..
The whole question is just a way to fantasize (which is fine with me)..
Do furries want to be full squirrels?
Actually I do not know. I have taken SAGE test and got scor 655, indicating that I am a fit case for being considered TS. But I do n't like to have sex with a genetic male. However, I like only the female role during lovemaking. I have no plans for SRS.
id never heard of this sage test thing so i looked it up and tried it myself... i really dont get how the scoring for it works. it gave me a 625 or something like that, and basically told me that i'm more masculine than even i myself think i am sometimes. i think it gave me masculine on everything but appearance, which was androgynous. not quite sure how to feel about that actually.
Transition has nothing to do with "guts". Pain and misery are great motivators!Quote:
Originally Posted by KaylaRoxx
You can always bank sperm if you absolutely must have biological children, also there is adoption.
In my experience most men do not want to lose their male sexual abilities, they seem to be rather attached.
Isn't non permanent feminization a fancy way of saying crossdressing?
I am happy being a man, no desire or need to be anything else for me.
I just happen to like to dress in the finer clothes.
Everyone is different. For me I have no interest in srs, but I absolutely do in hrt. Why haven't I gone through with it? I don't think it has to do with lacking "guts", that's kind of insulting, but at the same time it is a huge deal and there definitely is some fear there of how things would turn out. My main reason for not going through with it is practicality I guess. i'm married and have a son and my actions and decisions have direct and very significant impacts on my family. I definitely struggle with how much of my self to comprimise. My wife is supportive but if I transitioned I know we would separate. She is straight and wants to be married to a functional male, for which I don't blame her. It's an issue that's constantly on my mind.
I think I am not TS. I want children I always love woman. I have masculine brain. I will never inhibit my fertility. I never consider and will never consider SRS unless I lose testises. Losing testis means I am no longer a fertile man and I have no source of masculine hormone.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorileah
I enjoy being a plain guy. Never felt I was a woman trapped in my body, and dressing up is lot of work that I don't do it all that often.
Carrie,
You almost look like a genetic woman in your avatar!
Wow, thanks, swear I'm not though. Have plenty of worse photos I could show, but why?