If we GG's could say anything/ The good and the Bad

I'm so hurt that you didn't tell me that you were a member of this forum..that you hid from me you referrals to yourself with a female name or as a girl..that you talk openly about being comfortable as a woman in actions and looks with strangers but never told me..your wife...I love you for who you are, including your female side, but I cannot make love to woman..I need you to make love to me as a man...and I feel such sorrow that you have been hiding this referral to yourself as a woman from me. So hurt that I am wasting my day off sobbing in front of the computer. I am so mad at you for putting me through this when you could have been forthcoming from the start and we could have explored this together. The fact that you won't apologize makes it so much worse. I am afraid I can't believe you when you say you don't want to take it further. I'm afraid you are not going to be the man I need in the future. If only you had asked me, instead of hiding, what my feelings were you would know there's enough room in my heart and in our bed for you to be the man that I need in my life and the woman within..but now I am afraid I can't trust you.

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Originally Posted by Leigh58

Even if I am finally able to accept you as a CDer, I still need you to be a man when you come to bed with me. To expect me to set aside my feelings during intimacy so you can wear your frilly little things is beyond selfish.:sad:

I think I can get used to the idea of sharing some "girl" stuff with you, just not in our bedroom.

I love you.

The last few days have been good (despite me being under the weather). I love that FINALLY we are able to talk to each other about this part of you. Why did it take us SO LONG?

I do love you!:koc:

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I too need a man to make love to me. I am a woman with needs, and I need you to be a man. If you take care of me by being the man that I need, I could care less about you CDing, and will even embrace it sometimes in the bedroom. But you have been neglecting me, and for that reason your CDing is frustrating. Take care of your wife too, otherwise, why are you married? I wonder if you are only married to me because I will accept you and you don't have to try to hard to make me happy. I wonder if you are willing to do the work it takes to make this marriage work, or if it would be easier for you to just keep on taking the easy way out and half-assing it as a husband and as a CD. **** or get off the pot! What is it you want???? Stop hiding from me - wake up and face it!

After reading a lot of these posts, all I can say is there are some AMAZING women (GG) on here. I hope all the CD er's read these, and realize how lucky they are for having a woman in their life who is at least trying to find some acceptance. Make an effort to show your SO how much you love her, and how special, and beautiful she is to you...and give her the time she need's with her "man". Most of all, respect her boundries. Communicate, compromise, and RESPECT.

I love you. When you told me, it made me take a step back, but I found it exhilarating experiencing something new. I did a lot of research and asked a lot of questions so I would have a broad perspective in understanding what you need. I told you the boundaries I was comfortable with and you accepted. I had a night so you could see yourself dressed as a full girl, including shoes, wig, nails, and let you borrow all kinds of dresses for the night. Whenever I clean out my closet I give you the clothes, because I know how much you will like it. Then you completely pushed and broke the boundaries. It hurt that you couldn't remember my boundaries, so it should be ok. I'm afraid you will disregard me in the future. Stop saying you won't dress anymore b/c we both know it will never work for you or our relationship. I would never ask you to either. All I want is for you to respect my boundaries or tell me you don't want to.

Thank you for this thread. I wish all cd'ers would read this, listen and really let "sink in" the feelings expressed.

So many of our SO's don't mind our femme side as long as we give them the loving, gentle, masculine side of our being they were attracted to from the begining.

Been on this Forum six months now and this is the first I have visited this thread,Am so glad I did,It is so revealing to see the hopes and fears that GGs have whether they back their other half or dont.Some of the posts here have left me laughing out loud and even more,hit a nerve and leave me with tears in my eyes

It makes me feel so lucky to have the understanding and support of my wife,but It has also gave me a little food for thought,Am I doing enough to show my appreciation for her,do I take her feelings into account.Its good to look into yourself to make sure your showing your Love for her in the right way,and never taking her for Granted

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Originally Posted by Di

Fab/ GG anonymous 17

Is there really sex in a transgender relationship ? I was told by my partner no sex was part of being married to a transgender partner.Why? And is this true? And why is this true?

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Totally untrue. May be specific only to your partner. Seek help in counseling with someone (a professional) who is totally Transgender familiar.

I frankly find it amazing and annoying when I still see the significant others of fellow people with variant life styles, say "Why didn't you tell me?" or "I feel so betrayed" or so on.

I just don't understand why this is so hard to accept.

We live in a world where cding IS STILL a reason that the courts can use to screw over the divorce in a divorce proceeding. In some circles CDing is still considered a mental flaw on par with schizophrenia.

OF COURSE WE HIDE!!!. I hide my true self from my first love, Aviation, and from my mother. Why. Because both are way stuck in the 50s, when "men were men, and women were straight"

When I meet my SO, I want to be in my style, not what society expects. But what do I do if I meet that someone while on the job? I will have little choice but to hide, cause if she blurts out what I do, I stand to lose both her AND my career.

That is a BS proposition.

We are persecuted or ostracized for doing something that hurts not one person, or takes the food out of someone's mouth, or deprive air for someone's lungs.

Ladies, please don't be mad at your lover because he hid. WE have experienced betrayal by people who should have loved us unconditionally, so being leery of letting out this secret I think is completely understandable.

Pythos, I don't like to respond directly in this thread since it is about people's opinions, but in your case I would like to point out that everyone understands keeping the CDing private in the workforce or in casual dating relationships.

Just not in a marriage or in an equally intimate and committed relationship ... for years and years. In any romantic relationship, discretion about certain things is respected. For example, it is not PC for exes to advertize intimate details about their sex lives once the relationship is over. Good relationships are based on trust and to not divulge something as important as gender ID variance seriously puts into question a partner's willingness to commit emotionally to someone else.

Di you deserve a standing ovation for this work and I for one and greatful for iy and think it was due. I agree with so many of the GG's and my heart goes out to them. I have often been appauled at some of the remarks and comments made.
Mrs.M and I have the relationship we do because I was honest from our first date,from the respect we have for eachother and because we keep nothing from one another even if we fear it may come across hurtfully,we know it was not the intent. If I were to truly boast of her I would be here until next year typing just to begin. MrsM is a real and true treasure, a one of a kind woman and should I live a thousand years I would not be able to begin to worthy of her ( she does not like when I say that but it is how I feel).
Finally to all the GG's and SO's ,you are wonderful and weather or not you are given that respect you so deserve never forget there are those of us who stand in awe of you as women and SO's for who you are and not just your gender.Thank you again Di for this insightful thread and to all the contributions by the gg's and So's.

Can I simply ditto what Victoria said to save some space for more of the wonderful loving caring GG's that cared enough to join this site?

I sincerely hope your SO or husband gives you the respect and love you so richly deserve.
I am blessed to have an SO that loves me, cares about me and understands me. I love her more and more each day. I fully appreciate her. I hope your mates fully appreciate you too.

I don't know if its appropriate for CDers to comment. But the GG's comments are very enlighting. They have helped me to better understand what my wife is feeling. Or more importantly how my CDing has affected her and our relationship. Thanks for taking the time and thoughtfullness to comment. I think we CDers need to hear them. Sometimes we're too close to the situations to fully appreciate what our wifes/SO's are saying.:2c:

This thread really helps me realize more fully the effect that CDing can have on a relationship. The self denial does and will eventually have to be dealt with and we need to do it together. Key is to listen to other concerns and limitations.

Belated thanks, first of all, to Di for creating this wonderful, constructive, valuable forum, and thank you as well to Reine and the many other GG/FABs who have poured their hearts and souls out here.
Wow. [Deep breath] I've put off reading this forum for a very long time, and just now have read it straight through, start to finish. As others have said, the posts here are heartfelt, painful, loving, beautiful, awe-ful, breathtaking in the depth of love they reflect, shaming, and so much more. To all the non-CDs who have posted with so much love and honest about how our activity/interest/predeliction affects you or makes you feel, above all thank you. I for one tend pretty frequently to focus on what is important to me, and blithely to forget all about how my needs and wants and interests affect the one person in the world whom I love above all others and all else (including, I like to believe, myself). Your comments have allowed me a small window into what my own Beloved may be experiencing and feeling, and have led me to rethink how I can love her and treat her better and (I hope) more selflessly. My inclination is to write some perky resolution now, about how I'm going to do better, be a better husband, etc., etc.; but I think the more honest thing for the moment, at least, is to let all your thoughts, feelings and insights settle in to my consciousness and to absorb them more fully, rather than make rash or shallow promises I may prove unable to keep. FWIW, I do promise you all, and my own Dear One most of all, to take all you've written utterly seriously and to try my best to absorb the wisdom you've made available to the likes of me and to turn it to a positive outcome with my own beloved SO.

There are many reasons to keep cross dressing a secret , some real and some born out of fear , the type of person you are or who your wife/so is , your neighbourhood , town, workmates , friends and family all play a part in how comfortable you are with it and how safe you feel it is to come out with the truth of not only what you are but how far you would like to go with it .
Saying that i agree in that if you are a serious cross dresser and it is something that you need to do then you should share at least your desires with your wife/so but the knowing when to do this is the hard part as time can pass so quick and then you are into the "you should have told me yeas ago situation ), then you are in a situation where the trust and mist trust has almost been reversed on each partner.

If we GG's could say anything/ The good and the Bad by Fab Anonymous 18



I get scared of the unknown that may come. I get scared when you go in your cave and don't communicate with me sometimes, you don't let me in emotionally, not as much as before but still at times, I get scared when we/I don't feel that heart to heart connection with you cause I don't want you to die on me all of a sudden and that's the way it was right before! I need that above all else! I need you to love and trust me fully without reservation, to show me in action, not just think it! I want you to trust me enough that you can tell me all your feelings good and bad.

I love you more than I have ever loved another human being except for maybe my mother! lol You have opened up a side of me that I never knew was there emotionally and sexually, you have helped me to love deeper, to trust more, I have more fun and laugh with you more than I ever have before, I love your smile and your chuckles, I love who you are as a person, you inspire me, you are a very strong person, I have learned so much about myself through our relationship. I love you sweethert!

I'd say it's a crying shame that lots of you guys look better dressed than many of us genetic females and it's just NOT fair! lol

I arrived here yesterday,and so far I 'm astounded at how many of us "part time girls" there are,(I hope my description does'nt offend anyone,its an affectionate term I coined to make myself feel better about me!). Whispers on the Wind,I hope there are more ladys like yourself here,you're just what I/we need! Comments like that make us ALL smile and feel free to be ourselves.Thank you.

I love you. As a boy, as a girl. I love all of you.

I don't want you to hide your girl side from me or bring her out only for special occasions. I want you to let me love her too. I want to know her more and do things with her and pamper her. I want to go shopping and have pedicures together. I want to buy her flowers, take her on a date, to dinner in an expensive restaurant, and dancing on the town. I want to show her off. I want to treat her like a woman, carry things, and open doors. And when the night is over and you put her away, I want to snuggle with your boy self, in your t-shirt and flannel pj's, and tell you how much I care about both of you.

You... all parts of you... are everything to me.

Ived enjoyed reading this thread. it makes me feel that im not alone in alot of feelings and fears that I may have right now but havnt expressed yet. Its nice to get things out that maybe your SO hasnt noticed and hopefully they read something that was your words or someone else words and take a look at themselves and think "am I that way too?" or "I wonder if my wife/SO feels that way too" and then hopefully put forth or change some things that might need fixin

Fab Anonymous 19



You hid a part of you for all these years from me. I was hurt, scared, angry and numb when I found out on my own. We are married we gave our lives to one another. I thought you knew you could come to me with anything.

I have fears daily that you will want more and I wont be able to handle more. Im scared I will lose the "man" i fell in love with years ago to someone that now feels like a stranger in our home, a mistress in our relationship. Ive given up so much over the years to be your wife i feel so selfish inside now praying that ill wake up one morning and everything will be back to normal and I will have you back fully as my man.

I miss your hairy legs and chest. you didnt know this but laying next to you feeling that always was a comfort. It was a turn on for me and now its gone and I must wait for summer to have it back.

Im scared baby, scared that now you know that i know it will progress more and faster. I love you the man I married.. im not ready to love her yet, and if i figure out that I cant love her.. will you still love me?

You spend a lot of time on the computer when I wish you were with me sitting next to me. We dont have to talk but just hold one another. To be in your arms is to be in heaven. it makes me feel safe. I just want to feel like a priority to you again. Ive lost that feeling.

I love you. You are my hero and my rock. never have you let us go without. From the moment we became a family you were there to provide for us. You are my strength at times. I do like to find my inner strength but I need you there too.

I love you forever and a day!

"You spend a lot of time on the computer when I wish you were with me sitting next to me. We dont have to talk but just hold one another. To be in your arms is to be in heaven. it makes me feel safe. I just want to feel like a priority to you again. Ive lost that feeling."

Then here is an idea. Throw out these narrow definitions of "man" you have. Look at your LOVE as a human being, that loves you, but is also scared. I can slightly understand your feelings, but get a little educated too. Most CDs don't want to go all the way, or lose their wives.

HE HID BECAUSE OF SOCIETY!!! Why is this so hard to understand? Can you honestly answer this question:

What if he had been completely open to you about his cding? Would you have married "your man"?

Or would you have ditched him like he was a piece of rancid meat and run into the arms of a "real man", who is likely hiding worse things?

I honestly have never heard a man say "I married a woman". Why is it I see women saying such limiting things as "I married a man". If a woman wanted to marry me because I was a man, then I would have questions about what it is she likes about me. Does she like me? Or the image of manly that is crammed down our throats?

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Originally Posted by Pythos

I honestly have never heard a man say "I married a woman". Why is it I see women saying such limiting things as "I married a man".

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Pythos, this isn't really the thread to begin a debate since it is about GGs expressing their feelings, but since CDs have commented in it to express their appreciation of the thread, and your thoughts are also welcome, I just want to say one thing that perhaps you haven't thought of, in order to equalize your statement:

You say that you've never heard a man say he married a woman. Don't you think you'd hear him say this, if his wife was to begin taping her chest, packing, gluing on facial hair, and perhaps thinking about top surgery or taking hormones so that she could look more permanently like a male?

Out of respect to the thread, if you want to debate my point, we can finish the discussion via PM. :)

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Originally Posted by Di

Fab Anonymous 19



You hid a part of you for all these years from me. I was hurt, scared, angry and numb when I found out on my own. We are married we gave our lives to one another. I thought you knew you could come to me with anything.

I have fears daily that you will want more and I wont be able to handle more. Im scared I will lose the "man" i fell in love with years ago to someone that now feels like a stranger in our home, a mistress in our relationship. Ive given up so much over the years to be your wife i feel so selfish inside now praying that ill wake up one morning and everything will be back to normal and I will have you back fully as my man.

I miss your hairy legs and chest. you didnt know this but laying next to you feeling that always was a comfort. It was a turn on for me and now its gone and I must wait for summer to have it back.

Im scared baby, scared that now you know that i know it will progress more and faster. I love you the man I married.. im not ready to love her yet, and if i figure out that I cant love her.. will you still love me?

You spend a lot of time on the computer when I wish you were with me sitting next to me. We dont have to talk but just hold one another. To be in your arms is to be in heaven. it makes me feel safe. I just want to feel like a priority to you again. Ive lost that feeling.
I love you. You are my hero and my rock. never have you let us go without. From the moment we became a family you were there to provide for us. You are my strength at times. I do like to find my inner strength but I need you there too.

I love you forever and a day!

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FAB 19,
i hope he reads this before it's too late. my heart truly goes out to you

All i have left is just memories of a love i had but lost. killing our love one day at a time till there's nothing left I'll never love again, if only he knew how good he's got it.

I would say apart from hello all, Coco channel once said to truly be a lady one must first truly love being a women, if you love being the women inside you you can be more of a lady than many many women trying to be men.

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Originally Posted by ReineD

You say that you've never heard a man say he married a woman. Don't you think you'd hear him say this, if his wife was to begin taping her chest, packing, gluing on facial hair, and perhaps thinking about top surgery or taking hormones so that she could look more permanently like a male?

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Thats a good way to put it Reine..if the roles were switched the men in that womans life would be confused as well. I think this topic is great and yes communication is the key to any successful marriage or relationship but sometimes there are feelings inside you cant express right away cause one may feel uncomfortable at the time or doesn't have the skills they feel they need to communicate the right way with their partner. So while they learn typing or writing down in a book helps let out feelings that have been crammed up on the inside.


Sometimes when feelings are written down they have more of a impact on a persons head/heart. You can write and read over what you wrote and try to express yourself more clear and calm then if you were talking face to face and you might be nervous and get everything out. Cause with speaking you can say something and not be able to take it back..like with paper/computer you can erase it.

But a couple should never loose the face to face communication.