What is a person that doesn't CD, isn't about to TS, but wishes to be female?

I am seeking here of course, looking for answers, and wondering what are my options?, what is really required? and how far does a person need to go?

Yes I want to dress correctly, but is it weird to not go that route?

I am not likely going to see transition in my life, so I will be stuck in a male body (yippee, insert lack of enthusiasm now).

That leaves me in what I consider a crappy spot. I don't get to LOOK female, I don't get to be anatomically female, I just get to FEEL female. Bubble baths feel nice, and smelling pretty helps..... but no one is going to treat me like anything other than a guy.

As I see it, that's just being doomed to getting ignored.

Every time I post, I hear this voice in my head asking, 'so why am I here again?'.
You're not a CDer, you ain't a transexual waiting on an operation, so what is you expect anyone to do about ya?

I am told I am TG, yet if I don't wear the clothes, I feel like some how I am just someone doing their best to make their life complicated for no gain. My friends are never going to use feminine gender language in speaking to me if I don't appear to be any different (other than my behaviour which I don't think is very significantly different from Leslie's). I mean I get, 'you listen to girl music' from some of my friends, and they think I am 'confused' for playing female characters in my role games.

Only you can determine what will make you truly happy Lesley. That is the biggest challenge most of us face or have faced. Am I gonna mope around or go for the gusto? I decided that for myself, the answer was the latter.:)

All I can say is find a route in life that makes you happy, play with it for a while and see how it goes.
If it is not enough, and you are not happy, then make adjustments.

Take that path thats going to make you feel satisfied and see what happens next.

Unfulfilled.

On two fronts. This is what you describe, a lack of fulfillment.

There are many of us out there who all things being equal would transition in a heartbeat, yet out of respect for the lives we have carved out, we choose not to go down that road. It's been called a "middle path" and while it can be a very difficult place to be, there are so many opportunities for fulfillment.

You see, I am on this path. I know a bit of what I'm talking about.

On the guy side, yeah, there is criticism that I am holding on to "male privilege" but in reality, I am holding on to many things that are dear to my heart. Things which I do not wish to implode with transition if I am able to be strong enough to stave off such fate.

On the girl side, I have found a wonderful existence full of friends and experiences that exists in a form of counter-balance with the guy side. Is this ideal? No. Is it 100% fulfillment? Not a chance. But as much as a pain as it is to maintain life on such a middle path, the rewards are there to be had. Different rewards but rewards nonetheless.

So with respect to your situation, if you eschew transition, then best to embrace your guy side enough to find fulfillment. On the female side, if bubble baths are enough to grant you some semblance of fulfillment, then terrific. Bath soap is much less expensive than a wardrobe. But if you want more, my advice is to seek out what will bring you fulfillment by finding balance and separation if necessary. It is possible, yet it's far from easy.



ps - A dear friend of mine who is no longer with us once conveyed a thought to me while in the throes of a transition which she was questioning that she wished she had what I had. This told me that when embarking upon transition, she thought it was her only option. A sad mistake because I believe that if she were able to explore the middle path, there is no doubt in my mind that she would be here today.

personally I think its strange. like wanting to be an airline pilot. yet never having flow or left the ground.....

Lesley;
No one is making you dress as a male or a female, It is your choicest as to what you decide,
how you dress in the morning.
If you like bubble baths, and smell nice, go for it. That alone does not make you fem, or
male. It just makes you, you.
If you do not want to wear female clothing, thats your prerogative, and if you do, there is
no harm in doing so.
Just because you want certain things in life, does not put you in a transversal state.
My self, I do not want to change sex at this stage in life; However, I do like to wear nice
things around the house. So what If I do, thee is no law that says that because I wear a
dress at home, I must go and see a surgeon.
Like you with the bubble bath; That is a great Idea. I would do it but we have such hard water,
the bubbles just do not come out.
So if you do not want to "LABEL" your self, nobody is making you. Just stay at being who you are,
and enjoy your life.
I hope you are understanding where I am coming from.
BTW, Your ideas, and comments are always welcome here. I/We value your opinion.
Rader

Thanks guys and a special thanks to you Kate for being there in a lot of my threads :) I feel like you are keeping an eye on me. Feels a bit reassuring.

Lesley you can be treeted like a girl, you just have to get with the right guy and thank you for the vids.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Davena Doll

Lesley you can be treeted like a girl, you just have to get with the right guy and thank you for the vids.

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Sorry if this is a little off topic, but what do guys have to do with making Lesley feel feminine?

Well.... "she said no one is going to treat me like anything other than a guy." I disagree.

Oh Karren don't be too hard.

I wanted to be an astronaut as a kid, after watching Fireball XL5. Then a submariner after watching Stingray (hmmm I'm starting see a pattern here, Gerry Anderson has a lot to answer for).
Obviously didn't quite manage the astronaut bit, but did a lot of scuba diving over the years.

Lesley, just chill out a bit. Put away the soul searching for a while (suspend belief if you will) and enjoy yourself.
Forget the questions, just do what comes and feels right for the moment and enjoy yourself and see how things go.

If you enjoy bubble baths, have lots. Like to dress a bit, do it. If this becomes a part time thing for you and you are happy with it, enjoy that.

More than enough time to worry about any further stuff.


I spent decades in various states of angst, crappy way to spend time.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LisaMallon

Oh Karren don't be too hard.

I wanted to be an astronaut as a kid, after watching Fireball XL5. Then a submariner after watching Stingray (hmmm I'm starting see a pattern here, Gerry Anderson has a lot to answer for).
Obviously didn't quite manage the astronaut bit, but did a lot of scuba diving over the years.

Lesley, just chill out a bit. Put away the soul searching for a while (suspend belief if you will) and enjoy yourself.
Forget the questions, just do what comes and feels right for the moment and enjoy yourself and see how things go.

If you enjoy bubble baths, have lots. Like to dress a bit, do it. If this becomes a part time thing for you and you are happy with it, enjoy that.

More than enough time to worry about any further stuff.


I spent decades in various states of angst, crappy way to spend time.

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Fireball XL5 and SUPERCAR!!!!!!

Lesley, no one here or anywhere else has an answer for who you want to be. You have one option and one option only. Be yourself, do what you want to do, express yourself how you want to express yourself, and if the world that surrounds you doesn't like who you are, too bad for it. IT needs to deal with the reality of who you are, not you, you already know who you are. Stop spending so much time worrying about what others around feel/think. What happens in your life is directly dependant on how you decide to present yourself, set your goals, and strive to achieve them. Don't wait for someone else to plan out your life; only you can do that because in the end, the decisions you make will dictate who you become anyway. What others think is irrelevant. BTW, so you know, anyone that expresses more than one gender is transgender, period. No big deal at best.

You might be right, I might be just trying 'too hard'.

Two quotes: Yogi Berra "when you come to a fork in the road, take it." Do not know the other source, but "Above all else to thine own self be true."

So, you're a non-transitioning TS girl? As said above, know you're not the only one. But, also know that if you fully hide it to the world, you'll never have any balance. Trust me, that's my life. Now I know all women have different interests and likes, making a woman be just as much of a woman if she's a jock marine with a buzz cut as the most prissy girl out there, but there is a pattern.

I've always (as far as I can remember) gotten along better with women (especially as roommates), liked the majority of things they did, essentially thought the way they did, "got" things immediately, all in a non-sexual way... but we have to hide it, since even the dumbest person out there gets that something odd is going on, on a subconscious level.

Of course, it's pretty obvious, I have to not talk about how I find Lena Dunham's stuff on HBO some of the best things out there recently, or how I just love the clothes a female friend of mine is wearing, or how I think Carly Rae Jepsen's music is fun and cute, or how I like Nicki Minaj or Taylor Shift; how I wanted to see 'Hunger Games' a few weeks back, how I *genuinely* loved SATC, you get the point.

But, even if you do THAT, it's not enough. I can't keep my damn body language looking masculine all the time, and people do notice that, making even the "weird" flag I fly not enough to excuse it, and people take it as I'm simply gay and in denial.

It's a mess...

In the end, hiding a huge (if not the majority) of your life from the world keeps you really imbalanced, socially withdrawn (since you can't just fill in that part of you with something else, it's just not there if it's behind the curtain) and probably not mentally healthy. And, as society gets more and more accepting (or at least not caring) of those who do transition, the odds go higher and higher I'll eventually do it, myself (I never thought I'd say it).

I really wish I didn't have this circumstance to deal with. Good luck...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lesley_Roberta

I am seeking here of course, looking for answers, and wondering what are my options?, what is really required? and how far does a person need to go?

Yes I want to dress correctly, but is it weird to not go that route?

I am not likely going to see transition in my life, so I will be stuck in a male body (yippee, insert lack of enthusiasm now).

That leaves me in what I consider a crappy spot. I don't get to LOOK female, I don't get to be anatomically female, I just get to FEEL female. Bubble baths feel nice, and smelling pretty helps..... but no one is going to treat me like anything other than a guy.

As I see it, that's just being doomed to getting ignored.

Every time I post, I hear this voice in my head asking, 'so why am I here again?'.
You're not a CDer, you ain't a transexual waiting on an operation, so what is you expect anyone to do about ya?

I am told I am TG, yet if I don't wear the clothes, I feel like some how I am just someone doing their best to make their life complicated for no gain. My friends are never going to use feminine gender language in speaking to me if I don't appear to be any different (other than my behaviour which I don't think is very significantly different from Leslie's). I mean I get, 'you listen to girl music' from some of my friends, and they think I am 'confused' for playing female characters in my role games.

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There are many shades of crossdressing and we all have the dilemma of how to handle what goes on in our minds and bodies. I only dress in private, some underdress, but these don't sound like options for you. You appear to be a TS that doesn't like having a male body, but not wanting to transition, you don't know what to do. Does the small town you live in have something to do with your frustration?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Davena Doll

Well.... "she said no one is going to treat me like anything other than a guy." I disagree.

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No, I mean, what do you mean by "get with the right guy?" What does "the right guy" have to do with it, and what do you mean by "get with"?

Lesley, is the not getting referred to by female pronouns the ONLY thing that is bothering you with this, or is there more to it? I can see that being an annoying thing, but not a lifewrecker if everything else is totally good - but I'm not in your situation so I don't know.

What do you see as being treated like a girl rather than like a guy?

Going to try a multi reponse here.

@Sophie_C yeah part of my problem is I don't want to be written off as homosexual. No guys, I am NOT looking at your ass or your junk.

@Dee3 no the town is not the problem to my knowledge. It IS a small town though, but I don't currently consider it a barrier.

@Babeba the referring to me as he him his is really just them making it plain they are either not listening, not caring, not seeing all of the above or combinations of. It's not fundementally vital, but it is irritating. My sister for instance would object to me using he him his in referring to her 'hey stupid, I'm not a guy'. But she doesn't need to care, at the end of the day she's obviously not a he him his.

"What do you see as being treated like a girl rather than like a guy?"

Well one friend has said to me while visiting with another friend 'ok let me have your man card' in response to my actions being in direct violation of the guy rules. He rough houses with me, I mean head locks will NOT impress most girls, nor any other forms of physical rough housing common between most guys. References to my music being chic music... well duh. Confusion when I want to play a female character in my role games. It just screams out loudly they are not seeing Lesley, they are seeing Leslie acting weird.

I am so tempted to go to a role game in a skirt even if nothing more than just that article to slap them up side the head with it. Wake up boys, Leslie isn't even here right now.
Not all of my friends are on Facebook, so some of them have not had access to my rants I suppose.

I have been wondering if I should email the lot of them, tell them I am what I am, and if I don't show up in a skirt any time soon, it is because I am dealing with weight loss prerequisites I have demanded of myself to be met before the skirt goes on. And not the reason I am not in a skirt today.

Lesley, What is in our head is what actually makes us male or female (or a combination), what our apparent plumbing is is what makes us a man or woman physically. Sometimes the two don't match but that anomaly is more often then not. Curiously I think of others as who they are as people, not what they are physically. If I think of you as Lesley, that is who you are. How you present is totally your choice but I take others on their word as far as self identification.

To get past the nonsense heaped upon us by society we sometimes have to re-invent ourselves and re-shape our own paradigm into something that is really viable and works for us.We don't ask anyone else for permission to do this, we just do it. A life of pleasing others is nice maybe but it can be frustrating if we, ourselves, are not satisfied with what we see and how we feel. It takes the role playing to a whole other level and is actually self co-creation. Not for the faint of heart, believe me but doable if we have the focus.:)

Hi Lesley! Seems like you are more wrapped up on the terminology and what others think rather than yourself. If you could close your eyes and just feel, no words, labels, etc. etc. what would you feel? act accordingly. Seems shallow but sometimes the simplest explanation tends to be the right one. Achems Razor, i think?? Good luck sweetheart!! XOXOXO

Hi Lesley

Could you describe a little bit about how it "Feels" to be female. This is a personal experience that I think is different for each person including GG's but I have found that as I went deeper into understanding my own personal experience of this "feeling" I than also was able to understand my motives/reasons for what I wanted because I was able to understand there source.

Think about the difference between acting female and being female as your guide.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

personally I think its strange. like wanting to be an airline pilot. yet never having flow or left the ground.....

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Not so strange if you lived in a world in which half of the people were airline pilots who continuously showed you how wonderful flight could be, and one in which 80% of the media coverage presented idealized airline pilots and their activities.

The analogy I use of being in our "spectrum" is that of being allergic to chocolate, yet having half of the people around you continuously eating chocolate, holding it out for everyone to see, comparing their various types of chocolate, and telling you of how wonderfully it tastes without realizing that you cannot partake. Oh, and you can't tell anyone about your allergy or desire because that would be considered perverse.

How we would react to our chocolate allergy varies. some, like Lesley, get by with smelling the aroma and yearning for more. Others get more intimate with our chocolate but avoid permanent changes. Still others undergo drastic medical procedures to allow themselves to partake freely.

None of these paths are smooth. Such is the life we live.

"Hi Lesley

Could you describe a little bit about how it "Feels" to be female."

Hmm ok I suppose the wargame thread question might not be the hardest thing I have attempted hehe.

We all group up with ideals and some of them horribly cliched to death. I think an ideal female was my mom. Sacrificed a career option to be a mom. Hates swearing, prefers an orderly well maintained home. Dinner was regular, and it was always well cooked. We were well clothed and kept in line.
Will rip your head off if you even think of hurting her babies. But even a single glass of wine can reveal that mom was not dead in bed :)

I have noticed that agreesive behaviour bothers me more lately, and I hate my foul language even more now. I've always been someone that needs order in their life. I like a lot of the things that mom likes. I have a lot of dad's skills and talents, but I have mom's values. Dad gave me the skills and talents genetically, but mom actually MADE me what I am otherwise.

I likely didn't succeed in answering the question I suppose.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lesley_Roberta

I am seeking here of course, looking for answers, and wondering what are my options?, what is really required? and how far does a person need to go?
Yes I want to dress correctly, but is it weird to not go that route?
I am not likely going to see transition in my life, so I will be stuck in a male body (yippee, insert lack of enthusiasm now).
That leaves me in what I consider a crappy spot. I don't get to LOOK female, I don't get to be anatomically female, I just get to FEEL female. Bubble baths feel nice, and smelling pretty helps..... but no one is going to treat me like anything other than a guy.
As I see it, that's just being doomed to getting ignored.
Every time I post, I hear this voice in my head asking, 'so why am I here again?'.
You're not a CDer, you ain't a transexual waiting on an operation, so what is you expect anyone to do about ya?
I am told I am TG, yet if I don't wear the clothes, I feel like some how I am just someone doing their best to make their life complicated for no gain. My friends are never going to use feminine gender language in speaking to me if I don't appear to be any different (other than my behaviour which I don't think is very significantly different from Leslie's). I mean I get, 'you listen to girl music' from some of my friends, and they think I am 'confused' for playing female characters in my role games.

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Could your post be any more confusing?
No, I kinda doubt that it could be.
Someone "told you" that you're TG and you don't even CD? Who is this rocket scientist?
You're talking about role playing games. Maybe you're just a confused young person?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by KellyJameson

Hi Lesley

Could you describe a little bit about how it "Feels" to be female.

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It's totally impossible for anyone who's NOT female to accurately describe how it "Feels" to be female.