Not being told of cding early on...

the other day I was browsing through a new VS catalog remarking how I wish that I had the body for a sleek sweaterdress or two and told my wife that I have always loved their warm, cozy look and feel but can't{think SHREK!]wear them as they accent my big shoulders. My wife replied,"I wish you had told me about all of you back when I met you". So,I thought about all the recent threads..At what age did you start? where? SO acceptance,Telling when dating,family and friend's acceptance,and most importantly, patterns to the on and off of dressing[different ages,on and off,etc] In my case,I met my wife while commercial fishing in South America.I couldn't be out while doing that[think Discovery channel shows],so I got by with underdressing enough to stay on tilt.I wanted to be fully dressed, but couldn't, so it didn't show strongly during the dating between fishing trips.My wife only got to accept that I wore girly underwear. When I returned to the States and could dress again,it went on the front burner.Because it could and it had to as I am of the age where I want to do as I want..time goes by too quickly to do otherwise. CDing is something that doesn't alway have to be"in their faces".I have worked in dresser's boutiques in the Boston area and there are so many closeted or secretive cding want to's out there,it is astounding. My question to those with SO's approving or not,was your dressing on the "back burner" when your romance was on the front burner? I suspect that for many of us,it was. Is that one of the reasons that you forgot to tell them of you feminine side?

The reason I never told my wife is that the desire disappeared just before meeting her. I thought it was over and being married would serve as a permanent cure.

No more problem = why tell her something which wouldn't come back.

OOPS!

When my wife and I got married I had never told anyone of my desires. And, I felt (honestly) that being married would "fix" me. Obviously, I was wrong about that. And, now that she knows (and hates) who I really am, I regret not being honest. However, I doubt that I would have done things differently knowing what I knew then. I didn't understand this part of me then and couldn't imagine anyone liking (or loving) me as I was. I'm sorry now and, truly, envy the girls whose wives or girlfriends are supportive. Good for them.

[SIZE="2"]Over my many years and many relationships I always stopped dressing in the beginning but it always came back. When I got married my wife knew I was a CD and she put up with it for awhile. She soon grew tired of it and told me it would be CDing or her. I chose her and stopped for a short while but it came back. I think every time it came back to me it came back stronger. Now I only dress when she isn't around though I do sneak on some panties when we are together. I do know now I can never stop for a long period of time and I really enjoy the dress up times I have.
Susan
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Cheryl I sure do agree with what you said. I have felt that way too. It made me want to cry. My wife loves me and would never leave me because of my female self, but there are times when I don't understand why anyone would love me. Maybe that's because sometime I don't like me either.

When things look like they are going from casual to a more serious level I "fess" up concerning my crossdressing. It is easier to have them run sooner than later, has led to at least one good relationship. She likes to go out shopping with Charlotte.

I've been cd'ing for a long time, years before any relationship. I have told each of my SO's early. At first they thought it was just a faze I was going through. When the faze never ended the conditions at home got worse, and later ended in divorce. I hope I'm as lucky as some of you with my next

Jealous

My wife and have over the 28 years we've been married had several discussions about my crossdressing, to the point that she is getting used to seeing me in womens clothing.

I told my SO in the first year and a half of our marriage. She asked me why I hadn't told her while dating and I simply replied 1: I didn't want her to think of me as a freak and 2: What I done was not as important as a relationship w/someone. She just said that she would not have looked at me as a freak since she use to hang out w/goth's and had been one herself since the guys sometimes wore dresses. At first I did push it to hard wanting her to see me dressed but it made her push me away, so I backed off and let time do it's work. She is still not 100% accepting but she does accept it to a degree, but to answer this Thread I put my CD'ing on the back burner for the love of my life.

I told my wife about 15 yers into our marriage. She tried to accept it. We bought some clothes together and I tried to spend some time with her while I wsa dressed from the neck down but she just couldn't/can't get her head around it. I have tried to go out to dinner withy one of the local clubs, but after getting her ok, her attitude was not right for the situation and the closer the day got to go out, the worse it became. I dress now when I am at home by self for a while.

The short answer to your question is yes; I have placed my dressing on the back burner for her and I will continue to do so.

I told my late wife before we married and we enjoyed well over 40 years of happiness together. She was totally supportive from the "git go," to the point of suggesting that we wear matching white silk lingerie to our wedding! We did!:D We were husband and wife, lovers, best friends, and best girl friends all together! We even went out together as two girls frequently! The one thing that kept us going as well as we did is that I never ler her forget that no matter what I was wearing, I was always her MAN underneath! I never has any desire to be a woman, just to dress like one! If any CD out there feels the same, and has a wife or girlfriend who doesn't know of the CD activities,. explain yourself as I did. That you are, first and foremost, a MAN! Just one who like to wear pretty feminine clothing! Worked for me and it can work for you!

I've never been married but I had a GG SO since I was in Junior High in 1969 and I told her about my CD'ing fairly early on. I've had two other fairly steady girlfreinds and I told 'em both. they were all accepting but my really close girlfreind who I'd known since Junior High became like a mentor to me and I would go stay at her apartment and stay dressed for days. She died in 2005 but if you were to ask me you should always tell them before the relationship gets too serious because it just could be really frustrating to be shacked up or married to someone who either doesn't know or knows but doesn't exactly aprove.

Great to hear other girl's stories...The one thing that I wanted to add in was that in telling your soon to be SO,we all run the risk of "dire consequences" possibly very damaging.The NC girl that was embarrassed by the exfiance in front of her friends is MILD compared to other more real impacts[jobs,business,family,etc]. So,I think a certain comfort level has to be reached as well before showing all and I don't feel that is entrapment,like some SO's of girls here do.What about the comfort aspect?

I thought when I met my ex that the feelings would go away, and they did for a while; but when they came back it was a vengance so I had to tell her. She was at first supportive but then went off the idea. Having been introduced to the scene and being out dressed I was thirsting for more so did it away from her. We eventually split up but that was because we grew apart, not because of my cding.

Quite simply, I was afraid to tell her about my crossdressing because I was afraid she'd run away and I'd never see her again. Over the course of the last 16 years, my fears proved correct. She knows I crossdress, but had she known it when we first met, she would have left. And even though she still disapproves, at least we are still together in a loving relationship.

My wife was and is still my best freind and wife for over 10 years. I have always cross dressed. She has known from the start. Rita is very supportive of me. We bought a new house and my job is the only concern she has. I lost my freinds next door when I came out of the closet and went full time. My employer has been very good so far. I started working with the hr before I went full time and most of my customers. They had time to give me back some concerns and feed back and I'm glad I did it that way. It hasn't been all roses but not neaqr as bad as I thought it would be.

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Originally Posted by TGMarla

Quite simply, I was afraid to tell her about my crossdressing because I was afraid she'd run away and I'd never see her again. Over the course of the last 16 years, my fears proved correct. She knows I crossdress, but had she known it when we first met, she would have left. And even though she still disapproves, at least we are still together in a loving relationship.

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So you feel good about having trapped her in a "loving" relationship with you? Because of your lie (of omission), she missed the chance to marry someone she could be compatible with.

Sorry, but it's unbelievable to me that you don't regret not telling her the truth.

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Originally Posted by FluffyPersian

So you feel good about having trapped her in a "loving" relationship with you? Because of your lie (of omission), she missed the chance to marry someone she could be compatible with.Sorry, but it's unbelievable to me that you don't regret not telling her the truth.

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FP - you say you are a "Sympathetic GG" but you don't sound sympathetic. Omission is not entrapment and it doesn't sound like there is "incompatibility" in that marriage.

How about a woman who loves chocolate but goes on a diet until she hooks a man and then gains 50 lbs after the wedding? Or she dyes her hair, or pads her bra? Is that also entrapment? No relationship is perfect and we all have to make choices about what we reveal about ourselves to each person in our lives and when we reveal it, and timing is extremely important.

Please try to remember:
"You can't judge a (fill in the blank here) until you've stood in (fill in..) shoes"

TGMARLA,

Ok, So you've had 16 years. But your wife would have run had she known?
What would your wife say if we asked her? Was it worth it?
Will you make it to 20 years? Is She truely happy? Are you ?
That's the ONE and ONLY thing we all want for them if we truly Love our spouse... That goes both ways !

Sheidelmeidel, That is a crock! What in the world does colored hair and occational weight gain have to do with CDing ? Both of those are temporary and subject to change. You're talking apples and oranges here. And when you disagree with a GG remember, she sees it thru GG eyes.

springtime GG

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Originally Posted by springtime

Sheidelmeidel, That is a crock! What in the world does colored hair and occational weight gain have to do with CDing ? Both of those are temporary and subject to change.

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[SIZE="2"]Chocolate [/SIZE]is a [SIZE="2"]very[/SIZE] serious addiction! Every girl knows that, TG or GG! :lol2:

I think this whole CD disclosure thing is a crock.

Just because I choose to wear clothing that sits on the women's side of the shopping aisle and not the mens side is none of anyone's business.
I have my reasons and they are my personal preferences for self-expression.

My wife knows I wear women's underwear, tops, jeans, shoes, socks, sweatshirts - because she's there when I buy them!
I've never said to her "hey I'm a crossdresser" and she doesn't give me jip about my choices.

I buy them because they fit me, I like them, and it's my money and my choice. No-one will stop me except me, when and if, I change my mind.

I make no apology for this stand. Individual expression is the cornerstone of democracy and I'll fight to the end to defend it.

I don't have to say "I'm a CD" to go about my business as a loving husband, father, person, business person, friend etc etc. I make my choices and that's that. My wife does not class me as a "CD" and I have never claimed to be one.

The point I am making is that wearing clothes of any sort does not need to be an issue of "disclosure" for a couple. Surely, if you're a mature individual you can express yourself any way you feel is right for you.

Life is to short to wear misfitting clothing!

I made the mistake of not telling one of my girlfriends and when she found out our relationship was over because I more or less lied to her. I have had longer relationships by being honest, although I've never found one that was fully accepting except for maybe my last one who helped me decide to come out before her kids pressured her to leave me.
I still can't picture myself with a guy, but you never know...
:hugs:

I didn't know I was CD / TG until 5 years ago, after about 9 years together with my spouse. Yes, I did some experimenting as a teen, but I experimented with other things as a teen as well, and what I did was more "opportunistic" than "driven to". Some of the other experiments I did as a teen were of much more interest and importance to me at the time. When I was a teen, I also had thoughts like, "Some day I'd like to visit Greenland, or maybe Iceland, or Hey, I know, a dinosaur dig!"... and those things are still on my mental to-do list, trotted out from time to time, but lots of kids are "into" dinosaurs and relatively few of them seriously consider paleontology... so it was with my early dressing, not something I forgot completely, but not something that I would have dreamed would ever become part of my identity.

There were clues over the years that I didn't pay attention to, things I did without knowing why... I make no claim of "virgin-birth", no claim that "Ala-kazam, you're now a cross-dresser" -- but I didn't know it about myself until years into the relationship.

Nahhh I just forgot.... and it never came up in a conversation..... :D

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you promised Santa that if he would only grant your request you would clean your room forever, take out the trash and do your homework on time the rest of your life? How did that work out?

Scene 2: You see a woman who is exactly what your dreams have been. She is stunning, smart, rich, a great cook, fine lover and perfect in every way. So you made the Santa promise. I will Never ever ever wear, look at, touch women's clothes or look at VS catalogs ever again if I can marry her. You know how that worked out.

Scene 3: same woman, same thoughts except now you tell her. She tells you she can't live with that. You are crushed for a week until...zing the same dream in a different body comes along. You tell her upfront and honest. She says that's Ok with her. You live happily (hopefully) ever after and woman in scene 2 finds another guy who fits her mold. You don't break anyone's heart after several years of living in a tense relationship AND you didn't promise Santa anything more than you would try and be a good boy the rest of the year.

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Originally Posted by Lorileah

Scene 2: You see a woman who is exactly what your dreams have been. She is stunning, smart, rich, a great cook, fine lover and perfect in every way. So you made the Santa promise. I will Never ever ever wear, look at, touch women's clothes or look at VS catalogs ever again if I can marry her. You know how that worked out.

Scene 3: same woman, same thoughts except now you tell her. She tells you she can't live with that. You are crushed for a week until...zing the same dream in a different body comes along. You tell her upfront and honest. She says that's Ok with her. You live happily (hopefully) ever after and woman in scene 2 finds another guy who fits her mold. You don't break anyone's heart after several years of living in a tense relationship AND you didn't promise Santa anything more than you would try and be a good boy the rest of the year.

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What happened to scene 1?

I'm in the same boat here as Sandra-Leigh, except I didn't know till about a fortnight ago! As I was a very "wild child" during my youth, I did all kinds of everything, to which I'd confessed all to my wife during our courtship, wearing a pair of panties now and then would honestly be deemed insignificant in comparision. Bizzarely for my self, and for someone who though he was in touch with his feminity, I'm probably more shocked by this discovery than anyone and only wish someone had told me sooner!
So, whilst I'm sure my wife would have preferred to have had prior knowledge, she isn't the only one!