Are we gifted or cursed?

For so many years I have pondered this. There are so many reasons I can think of that favor both, but when I strip away at it, I find that the issues I always considered to be cursed were primarily society driven.

What I find cursed about this (and please forgive the word "curse" as it is just an exaggeration for how I view it) was the aspect of how it started. Childhood "incidents", hearing on several occasions "is that a boy or girl"...do you know what things like this do to a child? It's not right! I know of a girl that were molested for years by a close relative on a consistent basis and started when she was 6. I can't fathom what that would do to someone. The insecurities that come from these incidents build and, over time, manifest themselves and shape who we are. For others, it may be what family members did ie: sisters dressing up brothers etc etc. I never had a sister. I wish I did. But I don't regret my childhood nor what ever happened that led to who I am because I love myself for being the person I am and I always have. Btw, I don't necessarily mean that it was only childhood events that led me to be like this cause I was born with too many feminine traits as it is....physical traits are equal to in personality, in that, as feminine as I look on the outside I can tell you that I got something bouncing around in my body that keeps drifting me from side to side. maybe a messed up equilibrium? thought about it but my senses and coordination are on point like a finger. where the hell did I just go with this? ugh my wrists hurt.

I know how destructive this can be but as long as you don't let it destroy your life, what ever it may be is a gift and should be embraced as such. In a world of some 7 billion people, you're gonna have a few of those that are able to cross over. (tag line??lol)

I guess I'm just trying to see if anyone else feels like this. It's something I've always wondered and would help me a lot. Bon Nui XOXOXO

Basically Hon. If we can get past what other people(and society) may think, we are pretty much 95% there being our own person.:)

It's really all in how we ourselves perceive it. I feel gifted in a world that for the most part, curses me. So I say, go ahead, curse away, it matters not to me. I know who I am, I accept who I am, and I love who I am, and I do not judge others and I like that quality in me. Do I wish I was simply one gender 24/7? I did at one time before I acccepted who I am and realized I cannot change that. True self acceptance clears up sooooo many issues.

I feel so happy about who I am now that I have accepted myself. Growing up, before the internet, I always felt alone and weird knowing that feeling a desire to dress as a girl was against normal societal norms. After discovering the internet and discovering so many others like myself certainly helped.

Now, after years of chatting with others on line, and coming to the realization that there is nothing wrong with me as an individual, that I am simply different, I am a happy person. I feel blessed because God has allowed me to have a closer glimpse of knowing what it is to be a woman, more so then most men.

The key to a happy life is accepting yourself for who you are and being happy with that person.

If you ask my society and culture, they would say I'm cursed. Cursed to try and be something I'm not, cursed to be "less of a man", cursed to ridicule, cursed to never be able to find cute shoes for my big honkin' feet... :sad:

If you ask me though, I'd say I'm extremely gifted. I believe that my particular gift makes it so that I can see myself and others beyond labels and society. I see myself for the true person I am, not the "man", "woman" or "crossdresser" I am. I do my best not to judge others and being judged harshly yourself helps cure that. So even through the hard times and the unfortunate times, I am grateful for this gift I have.

Some great answers here.:) It is what you let it be. Meaning you can spend your life questioning what's wrong with me? You can let it drag you down and stress you out or you can go with the flow and enjoy being different. I see it as a gift now. It makes me happy so screw what society thinks. I'd be bored without my gift.:)

It's nice that things are changing. The kids that are like us are told by therapists to enjoy themselves, they are not hurting anybody. The only time they need intervention is if they can't accept what is going on. So I think that says it all.

I would liken this to being "smarter than the average bear". The "normal" male or female "bear' just accepts things for what they are. It doesn't question them.
The "different" bear questions things as says "why not". I would just put us in the group which questions "why not", why do I have to do what every other bear is doing? Why can't I be different? Personally, I consider it a blessing to be different. We were given a real brain, why shouldn't we use it?

I feel blessed to be gifted with this curse! Call it what you may! The narrow minded are the ones that are cursed! I say live and let live!:) Hugs!

This is easy:

The male part of you is the curse.

The female is a gift.

S

I like most here have a strong feminine side. [The word feminine is even deceptive, but it is what we all use to describe our feelings.]. I have a lot of traits that are normally associated with females. I am very laid back and considerate. Can talk about my feelings. I never mind and even enjoyed helping out with what is considered traditional female job. [Cooking, cleaning, laundry]. As a father I was always loving and spent as much time with the kids when they were young as I could. I also never worried about having to be one of the guys. Over the years my wife let me know that a lot of these traits are the things she loved about me. Her sisters always called me a good man and told her how lucky she was to have someone that has the same interested as her and loved doing things with her. None of their husbands were like that.

When I came out to her as a CD. She was horrified and shocked. She couldn't see how the man she loved could be so ........ Not man-ly.
I explained to her that she always loves me because of who I was and this is who I am. The things that drive me to dress are the things she loved about me and set me different than other men.

Socially unacceptable - YES
Not Man-ly - YES
But definitely a GIFT. Even though she doesn't approve I think my wife can see the gift too.

Yes Natacsha, it is a gift and one we should embrace, but that is easier said then done.

well said. The curse is primarily societal, a recent thread by someone who is partly native american reminded us that in many native american cultures, a transgendered person is regarded as a seer of sorts- sort of like a medicine (mystique) man- one privy to knowledge not typical to the mono-gendered.

We are still over influenced by mores form the old european churches- they had soem good advice in terms of not sleeping with your sister, keeping your meat stored away from milk when you had no refrigeration- but there was a lot of silly stuff thrown in as well. I still like the parts that basically say a holy man must come and cleanse the house after a women has had her monthly visitor... (this is the stuff my wife and her brother used to look up when they were supposed to be doing other stuff in sunday school... and there poor mom was teaching the class...)...

So not to get down on the churches, but a lot, if not the majority, of our society for better or worse, is still influenced by old, outdated, and mostly inadequate outlooks.

I still like recounting the time a co-worker of mine who is a 'sort of' devout follower (he is a decent guy in reality, but more from lacking the will to do anything mean to anyone than from his spiritual guidance) was telling me something he had heard on the radio- trans/cis gender related- he insisted that the bible siad there was male and female, and nothing in between and otherwise. I asked him what about the 100,000 or so people born every year with both sex organs, or neither. What category did he think they fell into? Seems he either had never heard of this, or had pushed it out of his conscious. Evidently, I said whoever is making us either male or female seems to either not be able to make up their mind, does not care, or does not think it's all that important after all. Reality is the real touchstone, what your creator is really saying, rather than some questionably translated ancients texts, regardless of how well meaning they are. I almost felt sorry for the guy- it really shook him up. Goes to show you have to be a little careful taking what you hear on a radio talk show as being 'the gospel truth'...

BTW- as far as boy or girl goes- i read in a few places that one decides the gender of someone they see almost immediately- so if you can manage to give that initial impression- you are 80% or so the way home! Just a random related thought... :-)

-Kristi

This is one reason I never watch TV Kristi, just listen to it. Without the wowie wow video, you question what is said and all the propaganda they want to convey to the masses. The genuine thinking person is a rare commodity in this day and age.:)

I don't see it as either one. Is it a gift or a curse to be male? Is it a gift or a curse to be female? That's for the individual to decide.

For me, it's neither a gift nor a curse to be TG. It's simply what I am. I will say this, though: the more time goes by, the more I like being TG. As you love yourself, you love what you are. If I could change myself and be a "normal" person, I wouldn't do it. I'm happy to be what I am. I just wish I had the freedom to always be what I am.

Annabelle

They may curse us, but we are gifted. Which is more important? That's right!!! screw them.

Barbara

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Originally Posted by natacsha

Are we gifted or cursed? For so many years I have pondered this. There are so many reasons I can think of that favor both, but when I strip away at it, I find that the issues I always considered to be cursed were primarily society driven.

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[SIZE="2"]If you feel that crossdressing is a curse, then you have been brainwashed into thinking so – when all around you is dark, you will be dark as well, unless you strive to find a light somewhere. Society wants you to feel insecure with any unsanctioned activity, if only to align you with THEM, and scurry off towards the next societal or political train wreck. I’ll sit this one out, along with the next one, because I feel we are blessed (another way of saying gifted) as MtF crossdressers...

The strength of our convictions will pull us through, as well they should, for group thinking hates the individual and seeks to root out and destroy all abnormalities. You, the anomaly, are the enemy, because you threaten procreation, state-sponsored “values,” and correctness – the latter is, at best, a spurious idea that depends on life having some sort of meaning. In my way of thinking, there is plenty of room for the individual, and each and every day you are alive you should BE, according to your own desires and personal precepts. Not doing so curses you to an existence that is not on your own terms. Since you are gifted, you should act accordingly...
:battingeyelashes: [/SIZE]

I am cursed with being gifted , problem is I don`t know what i am gifted in yet :devil:

I look at it as a tremdenous blessing/gift and curse. I will use the comparison of I feel like my gender "gift" is a lot like winning a mega jackpot in the lottery. Yes it brings you lots of happines (mainly friends here on this forum), but it can cause lot's of stress, confusion, pain, and despair. Ranging from losing most of your friends, feeling very isolated at times, hiding in a closet (when in the supermarket do you want people to know you are a millionare? Probably not .) On most day's you kind of wish you could just go back to simpler times ie. having no money, and or not trying to sort through life with 2 competing genders (the denial route).

OMG!!! You are all so different and yet pretty much the same and your answers are all so interesting and great!!!!! I love hearing that being accepting of who you are allows you to see life more clearly and opens up a new realm of existence. It just feels too right to be wrong. I would love to quote everyone one by one and I probably will later when I have more time. But WoOoOoW!!! It truly feels good to hear that most of you still know how to love yourself for who you are. I love the brilliant minds of sooo many people here who have such wonderful insight and the words to express their true feelings!! This makes me soo happy!! XOXOXO

For me it has been the experience of being rejected by the human tribe and than studying them to see how I could earn my way back in but the more I learned about this tribe the less I wanted to become a part of it again.

The rejection was incredibly painful leaving me feeling utterly worthless and terrifying because of always feeling like an outsider so I was always alone even when I was with people who professed to love me, love was impossible because people were like aliens to me and I was not related to them nor could I understand them.

I did not choose to be different, the choice was forced on me but having survived it I now feel blessed
because I have an understanding that would not have been possible otherwise and this awareness allows me to live beyond the limits imposed on those who are not TG.

Being TG is like walking through fire and coming out the otherside reborn but it is easy to be consumed by this fire and it is only dumb luck that I have made it this far and I do not only feel like I have walked through fire I also feel like I have been put through a meat grinder so it has been a curse that has born fruit but it is still the most difficult thing I have ever had to contend with.

I just wish that people would stop labeling others for the things they do and be able to just accept people for who they really are!
I'm so tired of hiding who I really can be!

I feel gifted. I am so much more in touch with myself and with others than many I know.
I especially feel so because of my feminine side as I feel it gives me a unique perspective on how women feel and some of the things that they experience, allowing me to better understand them and in particular my wife.

If it wasn't for the this I would not have met all my good friends on here an anytime you make good friends it cant be a bad thing . Curse ? No way ,,,Gift ,,Oh yea ,, Anyway who else can tell ya what both sides are doing an thinking ,,Its like being a DOUBLE AGENT !! Secrete Agent Man--Woman--- Bond---Jane Bond ,,,LOL,,,, :tongueout

We come to feel, in the beginning, that it's a curse: social discrimination and pressures, guilt, shame.... But as we progress, and hand it over
to the Higher Power (aka the Goddess), we can accept a beautiful gift of being ourselves...
it takes time working out of curse mode........ and then the beauty begins!

Cursed when not able to CD...gifted when I can CD... Amanda

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Originally Posted by KellyJameson

For me it has been the experience of being rejected by the human tribe and than studying them to see how I could earn my way back in but the more I learned about this tribe the less I wanted to become a part of it again.

The rejection was incredibly painful leaving me feeling utterly worthless and terrifying because of always feeling like an outsider so I was always alone even when I was with people who professed to love me, love was impossible because people were like aliens to me and I was not related to them nor could I understand them.

I did not choose to be different, the choice was forced on me but having survived it I now feel blessed
because I have an understanding that would not have been possible otherwise and this awareness allows me to live beyond the limits imposed on those who are not TG.

Being TG is like walking through fire and coming out the otherside reborn.

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Ok. you really need to stop it. do you have my house bugged? are you my long lost twin broster? I'm just gonna stop typing and just point the finger at you when a post comes up because you seem to reflect similarly to me. No one I know uses phrases that you do, except me. so kudos for giving me nothing to say!! lol

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Originally Posted by allwrappedupinit

I just wish that people would stop labeling others for the things they do and be able to just accept people for who they really are!
I'm so tired of hiding who I really can be!

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I wish that was the case too.

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Originally Posted by Cheryl T

I feel gifted. I am so much more in touch with myself and with others than many I know.
I especially feel so because of my feminine side as I feel it gives me a unique perspective on how women feel and some of the things that they experience, allowing me to better understand them and in particular my wife.

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I can relate to this completely...understanding them to better to improve the relationship. I used to think I wasn't supposed to know some of the things I did about girls.

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Originally Posted by STACY B

If it wasn't for the this I would not have met all my good friends on here an anytime you make good friends it cant be a bad thing . Curse ? No way ,,,Gift ,,Oh yea ,, Anyway who else can tell ya what both sides are doing an thinking ,,Its like being a DOUBLE AGENT !! Secrete Agent Man--Woman--- Bond---Jane Bond ,,,LOL,,,, :tongueout

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Stacy you are toooo funny!!!

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Originally Posted by Debutante

We come to feel, in the beginning, that it's a curse: social discrimination and pressures, guilt, shame.... But as we progress, and hand it over
to the Higher Power (aka the Goddess), we can accept a beautiful gift of being ourselves...
it takes time working out of curse mode........ and then the beauty begins!

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It does take time to get out of curse mode but I'm happy its over. I feel like I can breathe easier...literally.

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Originally Posted by AmandaQ

Cursed when not able to CD...gifted when I can CD... Amanda

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Gosh Amanda that should've been the topic of the post....are we cursed to not be able to dress?? good point

The curse is how it complicates my life. I struggle with being accepted by both males and females. There has been a silver lining in that I better understand women and myself. As much as I wish it would go away, my feminine side helps to balance me out. In the long run, life without Jennifer would be boring.

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Originally Posted by Cheryl T

I feel gifted. I am so much more in touch with myself and with others than many I know.
I especially feel so because of my feminine side as I feel it gives me a unique perspective on how women feel and some of the things that they experience, allowing me to better understand them and in particular my wife.

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I fall into this catagory, definately a gift. BUT, it took me a long time to come to this conclusion and my wife would likely disagree completely.

Over the years and from time to time, I might answer this question differently. There were times that being a CD might have caused me to be distracted from other more important things. I don't remember ever missing work because of it, but have stopped me from accepting a social function that I otherwise might have been better off to attend. Basically, I am very happy with who I am and think that my duel gender status has helped form many of my traits, emotions, outlook and deeper feelings toward many things...including women in general. So I say it's not a curse, but a gift today.

I'd say curse. I don't want to be like this. It's a waste of time and money to try so hard to look like a pale imitation of what real women look like, and if it weren't for this, I'd probably have some other, more respectable hobby. That being said, having a more feminine personality does have its benefits. I tend to be really good at listening to people, and understanding them. I'm one of the few guys I know who never really had a problem understanding women. (Not that it always helps!) I don't have that typical male urge to get into pissing contests with other guys, and I think that actually makes me look more mature to women. And of course, I don't mind in the slightest if my masculinity is challenged. Oh, you say I have women's hips? Sweet! I should get a new skirt to show them off!

I used to think it was a curse now im 99.9 % ok with what i do ,got tired of the guilt and purging .I truly think in a way we are all gifted no matter how hard this can be :)

If you asked me when I was younger, I would have said it was a curse, as it's made my life more difficult than perhaps it would have been if I did not have this 'gender confusion' as my therapist called it. But in the grand scheme of things? There are lots worse things to deal with, and I think we should always look on the bright side of things. After all, I have a good steady job, so I'm not likely to ever be unemployed. I live in a safe place, where random violence isn't going to get me killed (as opposed, say, to Iraq or Afganistan). I'm (relatively) healthy. I have my own home and own two cars. I'm pretty good at my online games. I grew big enough so that I'm not usually a target even when I go into bad areas of the city.
So, a curse? I'd call it an inconvenience. After all, there are millions of lesbians that would give their eye teeth to have access to all the pretty straight women that I do! Eventually, I'll find one that I like, and who likes me too. I'm a patient man. And, I guess, optimistic.

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Originally Posted by Jenniferpl

The curse is how it complicates my life. I struggle with being accepted by both males and females. There has been a silver lining in that I better understand women and myself. As much as I wish it would go away, my feminine side helps to balance me out. In the long run, life without Jennifer would be boring.

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That's a perfect summary! I would venture out to say that for me, I am accepted by individuals, both male and female. I don't fit in well with groups of people and that can be pretty debilitating at times. :sad:

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Originally Posted by Vir Nova

I'd say curse. I don't want to be like this. It's a waste of time and money to try so hard to look like a pale imitation of what real women look like, and if it weren't for this, I'd probably have some other, more respectable hobby. That being said, having a more feminine personality does have its benefits. I tend to be really good at listening to people, and understanding them. I'm one of the few guys I know who never really had a problem understanding women. (Not that it always helps!) I don't have that typical male urge to get into pissing contests with other guys, and I think that actually makes me look more mature to women. And of course, I don't mind in the slightest if my masculinity is challenged. Oh, you say I have women's hips? Sweet! I should get a new skirt to show them off!

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Hi Vir! So...curse is your final answer? or would it take a new skirt to undo the curse? lol :D

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Originally Posted by sometimes_miss

If you asked me when I was younger, I would have said it was a curse, as it's made my life more difficult than perhaps it would have been if I did not have this 'gender confusion' as my therapist called it. But in the grand scheme of things? There are lots worse things to deal with, and I think we should always look on the bright side of things. After all, I have a good steady job, so I'm not likely to ever be unemployed. I live in a safe place, where random violence isn't going to get me killed (as opposed, say, to Iraq or Afganistan). I'm (relatively) healthy. I have my own home and own two cars. I'm pretty good at my online games. I grew big enough so that I'm not usually a target even when I go into bad areas of the city.
So, a curse? I'd call it an inconvenience. After all, there are millions of lesbians that would give their eye teeth to have access to all the pretty straight women that I do! Eventually, I'll find one that I like, and who likes me too. I'm a patient man. And, I guess, optimistic.

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I share both your optimism and patience. Both are hard to balance but I think they are interrelated and that does make it easier. you make an interesting point by the reversal reference of lesbians not having the access you do. :battingeyelashes:xoxox