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Originally Posted by
Amy R Lynn
Well.... it's been a week since I told my GF about Amy. She went camping with some friends over the weekend and had some time to think about it. She told me tonight that its a deal breaker. Its not something that she would be comfortable with. Its not that she isn't accepting, but she just isn't attracted to that. With that being a part of who I am, there is a part that she isn't attracted to. She said that she still would like to be friends with me, and not being friends would be a tragedy. She even said that she would like to go out as friends while I'm dressed sometime. So.... at least I still have a friend.
The good part is that, if she has discussed it with her friends, you may have a network of women friends who may be fixing you up with a woman who is bisexual, someone who will LOVE that you are transgendered, and will celebrate BOTH your man and your woman, or may even want to support you in transition if that's where you ultimately want to go. This is something you might want to think about for yourself. Do you want to only cross-dress around the house, be able to pass in public, only go clubbing, or be able to live full time as a woman? If you are completely honest with yourself now, you won't have to get wrapped up in the complications of denial and deception later on. A good approach is to write down, using pen and paper, your ideal week or at least an ideal week-end. Include your time at work, getting ready to go out to something basic like dinner and shopping, and going to a club or social event. The reason you want to do it with a pen and paper is that you have to focus more intently for a longer time, when you are done, you can see how you feel emotionally as you write different sections.
You might also consider making some public appearances, and listening for feedback from other women, including beauty tips and make-up advice, as well as coaching on posture, voice, vocabulary, and if possible, just listen to how women talk to each other, and what they talk about. Some women will want nothing to do with you, others will want to get to know you as a friend, especially if you acknowledge and compliment them, making them feel good about themselves. You also want to observe the less glamorous and less beautiful women, because they have mastered strategies that help them compete with women who are naturally beautiful and/or focus on beauty and depend primarily on looks to get what they want.
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While I'm glad that I have gotten that part out of the way early. I'm still really feeling down and critical of myself. I knew that this was one of the possible outcomes. better now than later. Its just so damned depressing having something like this be the straw that broke the camels back. She said she likes everything else about me. That didn't make this any easier....
Actually, it was probably an unavoidable outcome, since you had not shared Amy with others prior to sharing with your GF. Very often transgenders who are still keeping their feminine side secret will attempt to protect their secret by acting more masculine and by trying to avoid being viewed as feminine. Often this is because we grew up with violence as children, and were assumed to be gay in high school and college, and subjected to "don't ask, don't tell" in the workplace.
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Every guy in the world would be ok if his girl put on a pair of jeans, a flannel shirt, ball cap, and no makeup. She could look manly as she wanted to. We would be ok with that. In a lot of cases that would even be considered sexy, but a dude in a dress is just a freak. Its such a double standard. Wish it wasn't so.... Preaching to the choir. I know.
This is a good thing to point out when people ask why you have to look like a woman. I remember growing up at a time when the girls were required to wear dresses or skirts to school, and girls wearing pants was actually forbidden. The length of the skirts was also regulated, with limits on how short and long a skirt could be. In the winter, they had to wear thick wooly tights, and in the summer, working women were not required to wear sheer hosiery. In school, the girls could wear hose or socks, but were not allowed to go without one or the other.
Women's liberation has given women far more freedom and far more options at every level than those available to men. In many ways, this is the one thing that remains in limiting women's rights, and improving pay parity. Women have lots of different options, but men still have fewer options. It's not only in how we are required to dress, but there are also social pressures to be the primary provider of resources, the primary income earner, and to be the protector. Boys and young men are still encouraged to be more violent, to be more directly competitive and to think in "I must win, you must lose" terms, and to always think in terms of ranking and status. Some of this is natural behavior instinctive to male mammals. On the other hand, as we become more civilized and live in more densely populated cities, there is a shift from the focus on strength, violence, and physical competition to intellect, cooperation, teaming for success, and empowerment and enablement. Even within the military, the needs of the battle has shifted from ordering hordes of men to march into nests of machine guns - into certain death, to intelligence, observation, target identification, and then making very precise and accurate strikes, often using remotely piloted drones.
Even the skills of infantry has shifted from running into the field where everyone is out to kill you and everyone you see is a target, to distinguishing hostile versus neutral or friendly targets, high tech targets, and functioning as a team focused on hurting or killing as few people as possible, and only those who are actual and immediate threats.
Perhaps the growth of the TG community and the increase in number of out transgenders and transsexuals is a natural "evolution" of humanity and of men, having more males who are less violent - which society associates with femininity. Some of the medical and biological research has shown that as population densities increase, or natural stress levels are increased - there is a decrease in aggression and more aggressive males are often rejected. In studies of rats, they found that as densities increased the more aggressive males were driven away or even killed by groups threatened by the would-be "Alpha" males.
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I'm a little upset about this, but glad that it wasn't after we were married (no offense to anyone who is married and trying to come out!) Or a year down the road. She did tell me that she was glad I told her so early on. I'm not sure where to go with this.... Don't worry I'm not thinking of doing anything dumb. I'm not that upset or emotional, but still a little upset about it all. :drink::drink::drink:
Many of us turn to booze, or drugs, to numb the pain. In my own case, I would even drink myself into black-outs and during the black-outs my feminine personality would come out. Sometimes she was a ****, other times a b**ch with a nasty mouth and way too much attitude. Some of the memories didn't come back until I learned to meditate and I had embraced my feminine. Today, that feminine side has a name - Debbie. Debbie has been part of my life for 50 years, and while sober, I could "keep her under control", but when drunk, stoned, and high on other prescription and recreational drugs, Debbie would take control - and fight like hell to make sure that I could not just stuff her back into the closet. When she went into b**ch mode, it was often crazy and potentially self-destructive - as if Debbie was saying "If you won't let me out, I'll have somebody kill you".
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I know there are women out there that can accept me. I just wonder if I'll ever find one before I'm old and decrepit. Maybe I'm suppossed to be alone...
There are women out there who will not only just accept you, but would be THRILLED to be able to have someone they can share their own fantasies of feminizing a man with. Many women get very frustrated with men who are too masculine or have their masculinity threatened any time she even starts to take control. If you are willing to be more feminine and let her take more control, she might actually be more than happy to let you be her girl-friend, and may even ask you to take on feminine roles in terms of housework, finances, and even in the bedroom. If you are willing to go along for the ride, you may find yourself in a wonderfully happy relationship.
One thing to consider is that you may want to be open to a wide variety of women, rather than only the most feminine and "beautiful". Often, women who are "tom-boys" or are bisexual are more open to a femme boyfriend and lover. She may also be more inclined to dress "situation appropriate", but with a focus on comfort. She might wear flats, even casual wear to work and social events, then get hot and creative and sexy in the bedroom. At the same time, if she wants to take you out in femme mode, she might want to swap gender roles - with her being the boy, the protector, and the one in control.
To a typical "man's man" who has no transgender leanings - this would be a huge threat and even repulsive. To a transgender, someone who has learned to appreciate the pleasures of being sensitive, vulnerable, and being seduced - a woman who can take control, or can take turns being in control can be incredibly exciting.