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I'd really like to get out in public and feel what it is like. So I thought I'd ask other girls what it is like taking that very first but very big step. My thought would be to get out in the city of Las Vegas. Any tips? Where would any of you recommend? And when you did go out did you go alone or did you go with someone else? I'm sort of thinking that getting out with someone and not alone might make a person feel safer and less vulnerable.
Initial thoughts!
I think I am definitely going to go out with a friend if I ever truly go out. Driving while dressed is fun and liberating, and doesn't need someone to go with. :)
Hi Karli. I can't give you any advice on Vegas - but a number of members have been there, so perhaps they'll soon respond. I can tell you that my first steps out were not all that big. I tried the usual things, underdressing, then wearing a bra and forms under a jacket, then added a little makeup and wore heels with a mix of male and female. But I didn't really feel that it was doing it for me.
Then one day, I had my lawn sprinkler going in my front yard. I was fully dressed and made up, but without a wig. For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to change back to drab just to move a sprinkler. So, I summonned up my resolve and stepped out the front door. As it happened, no one seems to have seen me, but just breaking that barrier was a huge step for me. The next day, I came out to my hair dresser, bought a new wig and had my en femme meal at a restaurant. I think its often like that - once you've broken the barrier, you no longer feel confined.
Las Vegas is Halloween all the time.
Nobody cares. You can even have a friendly chat with the prostitutes as they hand out their literature.
Nothing isconsidered offensive unless it is drunkenness and fighting.
A theme park for adults.
For me the first time out was probably one of the most frightening and exhilarating things I have ever done. Like the first time on a rollercoaster. You are sure you are going to die or at least have something awful happen, and at the same time have the most fun you ever had. It gets a little easier everytime I do it.
Going out with a friend or your SO is ideal. Really takes the heat off. My first time was alone and in a crowed shipping mall. Just wondered about. I was too busy looking for finger pointing and laughing that never happened. My best advice is to walk like you belong there. Don't look over your shoulder. Men are blind and will not notice. Women will if they choose to look at you. No one really cares.
If you go out in Vegas, the strip and Fremont Street are totally safe and you will not set off alarms.
You are going to be nervous, just manage it, don't try conquer it. Dress venue appropriate.
have fun
Just remember what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. ;) The first time I went out in plain view in public, I was on my way to a Renaissance TG Org meeting. :)
My first time out dressed was just a solo trip to Target for some cosmetics. Since nobody seemed to notice or care, it built up my confidence to where I was soon going out all the time. Within a couple of weeks, I was going EVERYWHERE as a woman and now live en femme pretty much full-time. The first time out is the hardest, and I think it can make or break your confidence depending on your experience.
My first time out I went driving alone at night. You'd be surprised by the number of people on the roads at night. I was in full makeup, blond wig and white dress. A carload of young guys were alongside me. I did not get any reaction, positive or negative, which was just fine with me. The next time, while stopped at a red light, a police officer in a patrol car pulled alongside me. He glanced over. I was dressed en femme with full makeup. No recognition again. If I go for a drive now, I do make an effort to get out and walk around. I make stops at the post office to mail a letter or drop off library books or stroll through a safe residential neighborhood. The only recommendation I do have for walking in the evening is to check the noise factor of any heels. I'm not too paranoid, but, high heels do make a racket on concrete. Given my stature, etc, I do not pass at all, and, I avoid contact with humans. I dress for stress relief. I would not want my boat tipped over by bias guys.
My first time out dressed was to a CD group dinner. I dressed, drove 60 miles to a different city that I didn't know well, and then sat in my car a block from the restaurant and went "oh, my gosh, I'm going to do this!"
The first person who saw me dressed was the parking valet. He said "good evening ma'am" and handed me the ticket. The second person who saw me was the matre d' and, since there was a large CD group expected, he took me directly to our table. After that it was a wonderful evening.
Since then I've been out often in both TG and mainstream situations. I've gone to museums, fairs, renfairs, movies, plays, concerts, dinners, shopping, etc. I've sat in a restaurant surrounded by children and teenagers. I've been "made" but oddly it doesn't bother me all that much. I figure it gives someone a bit of amusement and an interesting story to tell.
It's funny how the things we fear turn out to be nothing. I honestly fear having my lipstick bleed more than I fear being made by a stranger! :)
Hello Karli and Happy New Year to you! If you have an SO or a female friend to go out with that would be ideal. I don't know exactly where you are (Southern USA is pretty vast) but there are some places in the South that are fairly friendly like my hometown of New Orleans. Even major cities in Texas, Florida and several other states have some welcoming areas.
If you want to travel, I can highly recommend both Las Vegas as well as most any of the major cities in California. I have spent many long weekends en femme in Las Vegas, San Francisco, Los Angeles and San Diego with no problems or issues. I would rank them as San Francisco first, Las Vegas second and Los Angeles third.
Best wishes to you for the New Year.
My first time out was while I was travelling in the DC area. I went alone to a Kohls and did what I could to blend in. Having someone friendly along would have been great, but it was OK by myself. The nerves were definitely there, and since I didn't have to talk to anyone it took some of the pressure off. It really did get easier the more I did it, but that first step is a big one. I'd say the best place for you to do it is wherever you'd feel most comfortable. Every big city has some friendly places and most stores really just want your money. If that means Vegas for you, make it Vegas. Whatever you do just put a smile on your face and have fun.
Good luck!
-Bree
I haven't experienced Vegas either way, but I would urge you to keep safety in mind wherever you go. Cities can be tricky places for ladies alone, especially if you'll be walking outside at night. If at all possible, please try to have some company while you're out in such a place. Keep your eyes open, but enjoy.
Miriam
Karli.... a member for over 5 years and only 27 posts... girl you really do take it slow. Which is fine as each of us are just a little different from the next. I would take baby steps and go from there.
I prefer being a daywalker as there are too many things that can go 'bump' in the dark. But the nightwalkers find it easier to hide in the shadows... so it's really up to you. First find an area that you feel comfortable and know. Then go from there.
Hope this helps.....
Renne.....
Karli Vegas is a great place to start out. You can go out day or night dressed. Bring a friend if you like for moral support. Casual is best during the day and at night venue appropriate unless you want extra attention. Just be warned, you'll have a blast there!
I am going to echo the thoughts about going to Vegas. It is suppose to be about fun and there is an abundance of it there. But for your first time, I would keep that thought. It is hard to keep your mind from racing that first time out (and the second, and the third....). So think about something you would really like to do instead of just some place to call the first. Then if you are doing something you enjoy, it becomes easier to relax and then you enjoy it twice as much.
Contact Amy at Just You/Glamour Boutique if you want to do Vegas but are afraid of being out alone. She charges but does groups quite often. Lovely Gal. If you want better makeup, she also does that very well.
Edy
The biggest road block to going out is you! Once you get past your own fears and just take the step, its easy and exciting, beyond exciting. My first week dressing fully, I went out in 3 different cities. I started by going to gay bars that had drag shows and had no problems. Since then I have gone shopping en femme, to resturaunts, to casinos and never had a problem. You will get a snicker or two here and there, maybe a stare, but unless your in your home town, nobody really knows you. It is easier to go with someone the first time. I recomend using the meeting thread on here to find girls in your area or wherever your planning to go to and setting up a meeting at a public location. Good luck and enjoy.
Thank you for the feedback. It's a big step so that's why I was wanting to know what it was like for others. I find the thought of even walking from say a parking lot to a bar a bit intimidating which is why I was wondering if having someone with you might make it easier. Also if you are in a bar I feel it might be a bit scary to be alone. Those who have done this, is this about right that first time? I'm sure if you have experience it is routine. But what about a first time out. How do you take that step?
When you are out there think like a woman. Walk tall and straight. Don't creep about looking guilty. If someone calls out "Hey look at that bloke in a skirt!" Ignore it you are a woman. A woman would not look round. Think where a woman would and would not go alone. In UK you don't see many women going into a pub on their own.
Love Maria
Karli, I would not recommend going to a bar, alone. Here's why: think like a guy. What do you do when you see any woman enter a bar? You look. Scrutiny will be higher. Drunk men will look even longer. If you are in a gay bar, you may get hit on. If you are up for a drink or dinner, go to a small bistro. It won't be a pick up place. I highly recommend going to a shopping mall for your first outing alone. It is easier to blend there, if you care about that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Karli
Good luck
Spot on! (Except for "pub" and "bloke") :heehee:Quote:
Originally Posted by Maria S
Thanks for the encouragement. I was wondering if you thought a girl out having dinner alone might seem unusual or off. That's a bit why I thought a bar that is accepting might be the way to get out that first time.
Hey Karli,
If you have a friend to go with, I would recommend you go out with them. I also recommend going out like most women 9appropriate as to age and activity) and not dressed in a way that gets too much attention. I found darkness can be your friend, but be careful where you go, especially if you go out alone. As your comfort level and confidence builds, take it where you want to. If you go to bars, especially alone, expect to get attention. And unless you are blessed with great feminine features, you will probably not have a great experience in a bar alone, unless it is CD friendly.
This is the truth! My first time out (not counting support group) should have been a disaster. I got spotted before I got to the store, my walk was terrible, my makeup wasn't too good. But, you know what? No one bothered me. When things don't go perfectly and you still come out alright, it gives you alot of courage.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceri Anne
One thing... When you get to where you're going, check your look and get out of the car right away. (S)he who hesitates is lost! We want to read all about your outing as soon as we can. Remember, we are all with you!
I def think getting out at night in a way feels safer. I know night is when danger can happen but it also hides a lot too don't you think? People might notice less?
Few things/questions on my mind:
1) I'm a little fearful about walking across a parking lot or garage...or at least I think I might be. I would think it sounds intimidating. So for those who have gone out, what was that like the first time? I've heard people mention downtown LV. But seems you would have to park and walk to go anywhere or get to a bar like Drink and Drag, etc.
2) if you are out what is the general reaction from other women?
3) If you are out and are approached by a man how do you handle that? Is it scary? (Seems it isn't be) Have you ever been hit on and how did you react?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Karli
1) Well, my first time was a daylight outing.I went to a place that I didn't think it would be crowded (it wasn't) but it wasn't isolated either. For me, the walk across the parking lot was scary, you have to expect that. You were probably scared the first time you drove. But you didn't let it stop you.
2) Usually, I don't notice any reaction. I just don't pay attention to them. There are a few times when I've noticed them. They keep on going wherever they are going. One woman gave me the once over this weekend, but she didn't say anything. As far as cashiers in a store, they don't act like there is anything out of the ordinary. A couple of times there has been a reaction, but they recover quickly.
3) Never been aproached by a man (thankfully). If a guy hits on you, it probably means you blend in pretty well. So it might be a good thing.
Remember, they are more afraid of you, then you are of them.
You know, I think getting out dressed as a female is kind of like an innocent man breaking out of a prison. He's trying to gain his freedom while the cops are trying to pull him back to his cell. The difference is that you are the one trying to force yourself back into submission.
This is your escape and we are all rooting for you. Go Get 'Em!
First 2 times out for me was to a gay bar with my wife but now she doesn't care to go out with me.
So now I go out solo and I feel like a different person, anything goes....When I put on my dress I feel like a locomotive that has just been feuled up. I have been going out at night and it doesn't bother me walking across a parking lot or anything but I want to change that up in a month. I'm going to hit the street during the day!
this is also something i want to do this year.
I too plan to make 2013 'The Year'.
Nothing major, but I think I want to get out to a CD/TV club in south England called Pink Punters.
Seems to cater well to the CD crowd and many of my friends tell me it's great. So when it's less chilly here, Samantha's getting outdoors in a dress! :D
Good luck to all who plan to get out this year too
I would definitely suggest finding a companion to go out with the first time.I had to be kinda dragged out my first time,I was way to scared to just go out on my own.I was fortunate in meeting a fellow girl who lived just a few hours away whom I invited for a visit.We hit it off right away but did not go out that night.For our next visit I traveled to her area where she knew a cdtg friendly establishment..it was to be my first night out.
I was absolutely petrified,my heart racing a million miles an hour as we went into the bar.....it really felt like skydiving with a compromised chute.She put her arm around me as we went in and said.."are you ok..we can go back to the room if your not ok".At that point,all the apprehension left me and her affection sent a warm glow all over me.The evening out was wonderful,but that that genuine moment of someone caring for me will last forever.
I'd certainly like to find someone to go out with that first time because I do think it could make things easier. Is a gay bar a good place to start since I imagine it would be TG safe. Is that true? What are other people's experience?
Karli, this just happened to me last week and I shared it already but I'll reiterate here. I was out, in daytime, and a guy approached and complimented on my legs (I was in denim skirt). I did what I think any any woman would do: I turned and walked away without saying anything. Don't worry about it, it is so unlikely, like planning for a car crash.Quote:
Originally Posted by Karli
THE most important thing is to walk with confidence. Don't think "I'm out dressed." You're just walking. Walk like you belong. That will make you feel more comfortable. It really is not that big of a deal. 99.999% of people will just walk past without a second thought. Don't worry about the .001%
Las Vegas is the best place to start be yourself and go with a group of girls it will be more fun and you will feel more relaxed.
The best thing to do it make small steps...maybe just go for a drive or a short trip somewhere close to home. This gives you time to perfect and reflect on your image. Then once you feel confidend enough do larger outings. The main thing that pushed me outside was the nagging feeling that I just had to do something other than being scared the rest of my life. I took the plunge and just kept getting better at it and I learned a lot. Now I feel great and CDing is actually a lot smaller part of my life emotionally.
[SIZE="3"]I was fortunate enough to have met a CD girlfriend right here on Crossdressers.com. This lovely lady came over to visit one evening and the following Friday she came over and out we went to an LGBT club in a city about 40 minutes south. What an amazing experience, and what fun having someone to share it with. I'm still pretty partial to going out with friends. I can, but I rarely go out alone.[/SIZE]
Hi Hon
My first outing as Annette was in a group I was lucky there were about 11 of us .
A CDer I met on line was doing a girls night out and invited me I accepted . It was thrilling to be out as me.
That first step out the apartment door however was a tough one.I learndt one thing instantly with that first step:
1 No Sirens
2 No spotlights
3 No voice on loudspeaker yelling Achtung!! TRANNY!! TRANNY!!
4 No Guard dogs
5 No Guards to lock me up
It was my front door not Colditz that I was going out of and the fear left not to return thankfuly that was in 2005 right after I joined this site.
With the passage of time and the wonderful folk here I am now out and about full time. Fulltime might not be Karri's path or goal,we each have our own level of comfort .Just remember the first step is the hardest and our own fear is our worst enemy.
Hugs Annette:D:bighug::D
Always consider being as safe as possible. Remote, dark areas are usually not safe for man or woman. Use your natural instincts. If you are not comfortable, don't venture there.Quote:
Originally Posted by Karli
I have had mixed results from women. Comes with the game. Most don't really care one way or the other unless you are hitting on their SO.
The first time a man focused on me, I couldn't help going into panic mode as I was very young and hadn't thought that one out. After I watched girls deal with it, I would be polite but direct. If I was interested or not. Only on a few occasions did I experience someone being a jerk. Discretion being the better part of valor, I made a tactical retreat and sought entertainment elsewhere.
How did you handle it? I guess that is why I wanted to think it out myself so I won't panic either. How have the experiences been with men who give you attention good or bad?Quote:
Originally Posted by GinaD
One thing you might not have thought about.
If you are concerned about running into guys, going out at night is the right way to do it. When you pull into a parking lot, you can see who is in the place.Try a convenience store. You will see who is working the counter(unless they have gone in back). If it's a guy, you can keep on going. I have done this kind of thing.
When I was still trying to dig up the courage, I did this alot. Subway restaurants are good for this,too. Since they don't have a typical fastfood kitchen, the person you would be running into is usually visible through their windows.
Just something to think about.
You'll get to meet and party with 75 to 100 T girls from all over the US.:drink:
It's in April. Here's the link: http://www.geekbabe.com/dlv/
What people don't realize is, the saying, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas", applies to EVERYONE not just T girls!:straightface:
I got hit on at the far end of a casino parking building late at nite at the last DLV. And, I mean ME! Not Sherry!:eek:
A very big, young guy. He was insistant and polite. I was lucky but it scared the crap out of me!
If it happened to me, ANYONE could get hit on there!:brolleyes:
The first time out is the scariest. It does get easier with time. All good advice given here. The biggest thing is to dress appropriately for the venue you're going to. I used to wear heels and a skirt no matter where I was going. Now however, I've come to like the more casual look, i.e. skinny jeans and knee boots. That's what the women here wear mostly and I blend in better too and that's the secret--to blend in, not stand out in a crowd. I'm 6'6" in my bare feet but I love 3-4" heels so I'm almost 7' in height when dressed. It DOES bring some looks and the OCCASIONAL snicker or wolf-whistle but I haven't been accosted yet. I did get hit on once by one of the security guards at the mall. I was reading a book and he asked if I was seeing any one. In my best femme voice (practice this until you get a fairly good one--the voice is important) I told him no. He then asked if I'd like to join him for a cup of coffee (now I'm on cloud 9) and again, in my best femme voice politely refused his offer, that I just wanted to sit there and read my book. He said ok and walked away, and that was that. By the way, it really DID happen--this isn't a fantasy. Take all of the advice given here and have a good time. Keep us all informed. Remember one thing, we were all new to this at one time and we've all survived to tell about it. You go girl !!!
Joni
You have gotten some good advice so far. I also echo the benefit short term and long term of finding a friend to go with, another CD, a GG, a guy friend who knows your secret. My first time out was with two ladies I met on this site, one, Cissy (WindyCissy) is a good friend of mine and we always get together when she is in town for business. Yes, I was more anxious than nervous or afraid. I just wanted to have a great time out that first time, and it worked.
I have been to gay bars here near San Francisco and in Michigan. I have never been hit on, or if I have been, I didn't realize it! Gays in general have no interest in CD's. They want men and boys without women's clothes. Getting hit on is also a non-event if you handle it right. Now, I am assuming that this might happen in a public place versus a dark alley. So, to me safety would not be an issue. Just learn how to say, "Thanks and I am not interested." It works every time.
I also like the idea of building up to a big evening out. It took me a long time to go out during the day when at night you do not need perfection in makeup nor outfit. Dress down rather than up with comfortable shoes. Why tempt a disaster when walking and tripping and the subsequent embarrassment.
Good luck and enjoy.