Girlfriend or boyfriend?

I believe I am incapable of being in love with a man, however, I prefer to have sex with a man. I do not have any of the romantic or emotional ties to men like I have had with women. I do not kiss men or like to be cuddled by a man, but enjoy the sex. So I can only be in love with a woman but prefer sex with me as the woman with a man. Although, I also enjoy sex with women, just not as much. Right now I don't have anyone but I know if I get a girlfriend, I'll never be satisfied because I will be missing out on sex with a man and if I get a guy friend to have sex with, I'll be missing out on having a deep meaningful relationship. Anyone else ever feel like this?

lol there are many guys who want no strings attached sex. you have that hot mom look!!!

Not me, but there plenty of alternatives out there.

Well yes. I think that I have always had a bit of bisexual curiosity but since I have dressed, I fantasize more about being with a man as a woman than I do being with women in my guy mode. I think part of it is my sexuality has changed as I have aged. I don't fantasize much about being with a man in guy mode. Sexuality seems more complicated as I have aged.

You need to find a girl who is ok with crossdressing (hopefully likes it) and also likes threesomes/guy on guy stuff. They are out there. I speak from experience. Do some searches for cuckold and hotwife. Those two are very similar but some key differences. If a woman is into that stuff though she usually enjoys guy on guy stuff. Then there is swinging as well. Also you can check out sites like fetlife for like minded people in your area. The fetish/kink scene tend to be the easiest to be en femme in as they tend to be a "to each their own" group but still accepting.

Point is, I'm similar to you. I love male anatomy. I don't think I could be in a romantic relationship with a guy on a personal level though. I could play the part of a woman in a relationship for a bit, but not long term. Sounds like you're in a similar position. So if that's the case, then that's what I'd do. Find a girl who accepts it and is turned on by it ideally.

To a point yes. I havent yet had sex with a man. But I do enjoy sexual interaction of other cd's. I have no real attraction to regular males. I could never see myself in a same sex relationship but the sassy stuff is fun. But on the other hand I do like females also. The love and relationship part is something I could only find with a female. So now the real question is how to satisfy both needs or wants if you want to put it that way. Are there any females out there that would allow such behavior? Any gg's want to comment that would be great.

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Originally Posted by aalynn88

Anyone else ever feel like this?

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every day ,. lol

I wouldn't particularly like to have sex with a man, but when my wife and i do an occasional reverse sex role (with an apparatus), i thoroughly enjoy it! To me that is the best of both worlds.. i am lucky to have a wife that i can pleasure as a man and to be pleasured by my "husband". it took a while to find her, but well worth the wait..

I guess I'm quite naive.

I always thot sex, love, and attraction were all related? Apparently not, for some?

It's not quite as bad as it may sound Hon. If you get in touch with all of your feelings, you may be able to equally love both men and women. While sex tends to be the icing on the cake, it's the person we mostly fall in love with, is it not?:)

Is it possible that social conditioning and repression is the reason that you can't imagine yourself with a man in a relationship?
I'm in a similar sort of boat, but I recognize that repression is one hell of a thing and that in time my true feelings will emerge.

Hell, I've had daydreams of getting married to a guy since opening up a little bit.
One step at a time eh?

I've felt sort of the same sometimes. I find myself going through phases of fantasizing about being with men but I love my girlfriend and I find that the connection we have is greater than just sex. Also now I'm being more open with her about my femme side that just means we have even more fun things to explore together and that's the most fun part.

LL x

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Originally Posted by aalynn88

Although, I also enjoy sex with women, just not as much. Right now I don't have anyone but I know if I get a girlfriend, I'll never be satisfied because I will be missing out on sex with a man and if I get a guy friend to have sex with, I'll be missing out on having a deep meaningful relationship. Anyone else ever feel like this?

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I don't, but I've read an awful lot about those who do. See below.

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

I always thot sex, love, and attraction were all related? Apparently not, for some?

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Totally agree with you. People who are genuinely bi, are into a person on all levels. If a sexual component is missing from the girlfriend, but it is found with a guy albeit without all the other connections, then there is a issue. The issue is, eventually the girlfriend will sense it, she will feel as if her boyfriend is not as into her physically as she would like or as she feels toward him, she will be heartbroken, the relationship will suffer, and everyone will be unhappy.

Aalyn, if you are merely attracted to having sex with men but are not attracted to the man himself (as a person), then you need to ask yourself if the root of the attraction is the fact that it excites you to feel like you are a woman when you are having sex with a man, more than if you were having sex with your girlfriend. If this is the case, then your real attraction and sexual arousal is to thoughts of yourself as a woman ... and you possibly feel more womanly when in the company of a man than you do in the company of your girlfriend. So in effect, the man and his penis would be an aid, a prop if you will, to your seeking the ultimate sexual experience of feeling like a woman sexually.

I've read an idea floating around that an attraction to the self as a woman might be a fifth form of sexual attraction/preference. The other 4 are hetero, gay, bi, or asexual.

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Originally Posted by whowhatwhen

Is it possible that social conditioning and repression is the reason that you can't imagine yourself with a man in a relationship?

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I could see this during the 1970s or before when homosexuality was still considered a mental disorder, but surely this no longer exists? Gays are out and proud now, they're getting married, we have top elected officials saying that they are gay, their sons are gay ... I think there is enough awareness of gays and gay rights in our society to overcome any social conditioning, especially when a person is an independent adult.

There is enough information today that if a man feels attracted to men, even if he is living in an ultra conservative environment, he will still KNOW that he is attracted even if he doesn't act out on it. And when he is off on his own, he may not want to publicly acknowledge a relationship with a man, but it still would be a relationship like any other replete with emotional and physical connections.

I consider myself bisexual and I have had and increasing attraction towards men but I want to eventually marry a woman and start a family and I would go all out with either sex that I have relationship when and if we get there. Overall I do find women more attractive than men though.

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Originally Posted by ReineD

I could see this during the 1970s or before when homosexuality was still considered a mental disorder, but surely this no longer exists? Gays are out and proud now, they're getting married, we have top elected officials saying that they are gay, their sons are gay ... I think there is enough awareness of gays and gay rights in our society to overcome any social conditioning, especially when a person is an independent adult.

There is enough information today that if a man feels attracted to men, even if he is living in an ultra conservative environment, he will still KNOW that he is attracted even if he doesn't act out on it. And when he is off on his own, he may not want to publicly acknowledge a relationship with a man, but it still would be a relationship like any other replete with emotional and physical connections.

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There is still the very real threat of losing your family, friends, and being discriminated against.
It may not be the 70s, but the fact that same-sex marriage is even being debated is proof enough that things still have a long way to go.

I can just go by my experience where opening up a bit allowed such feelings to emerge.

Of course the other possibility being that she's just more of a bottom, which is certainly possible and would fit the whole men being used as a tool thing.
I'm no GG so I can't say for sure if there are any women out there interested in being a top most/all of the time.

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Originally Posted by whowhatwhen

There is still the very real threat of losing your family, friends, and being discriminated against.

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Absolutely. There must be some gay people who do not want to come out for those very reasons or who may keep a gay relationship from their parents or people at work. But, this is a far cry from an oppression so strong that a gay man would not be able to admit to himself a yearning to be in an emotional and romantic relationship with a man.

Also, consider this: the male sexual partner in sexual experience motivated by a femme fantasy would presumably be gay (straight men do not have sex with people who have penises), and this is quite a paradox for a hetero CDer who wants to feel like, and be seen as a woman. He can only be with a gay man if he convinces himself that the man is straight. And so any emotional or romantic relationship closer than just the sexual experience would burst the bubble.

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Originally Posted by whowhatwhen

Of course the other possibility being that she's just more of a bottom, which is certainly possible and would fit the whole men being used as a tool thing.
I'm no GG so I can't say for sure if there are any women out there interested in being a top most/all of the time.

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I suspect that for some CDs who have a strong desire or need to feel like a woman sexually, if he is not able to successfully fantasize that he is a woman when he is with a GG, there is no GG who will fit the bill even if she is the top most of the time. The ability to fully immerse oneself into a fantasy regardless of actual circumstances varies among individuals. Hence the desire for a man's penis while at the same time knowing there is no emotional or romantic future with the man.

That is hard to wrap my head around. So many "straight" men are attracted to gurls like us...what does that make them?

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Reine said: Also, consider this: the male sexual partner in sexual experience motivated by a femme fantasy would presumably be gay (straight men do not have sex with people who have penises), and this is quite a paradox for a hetero CDer who wants to feel like, and be seen as a woman.

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I consider myself straight in that I (unfortunately) occupy a male body and I'm not attracted to male features in sex partners (though I've only had sex partners in fantasy), but someone having a small number of male features wouldn't prevent me from having sex with someone who seems basically female or feminine (though other things so far prevent me from having sex with anyone at all).

For example, there's a video (at xvideos under "2 hermaphrodites") that shows two women who have penises as well as vaginas and they're having sex. It calls them hermaphrodites, but they look like attractive women who simply have penises. If I were having sex with either of them, the penis would likely be a slight annoyance, but it wouldn't be a deterrent. I wouldn't want her penis in my rectum, though I suppose I could adapt to accepting that if I were pressured enough and if it seemed harmless etc. On the other hand I think I'd be extremely reluctant to put my penis in someone else's rectum, no matter how much pressure was put on me, regardless if they were female or male. It just seems ridiculously gross and there are lots of gross things that I would not do sexually. (Actually, human and animal bodies have a number of gross features that I'd like to see genetically engineered away, or something like that. To me, the male body is especially gross or unattractive, unless it's feminized sufficiently.)

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He can only be with a gay man if he convinces himself that the man is straight. And so any emotional or romantic relationship closer than just the sexual experience would burst the bubble.

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I think a lot of people may be a bit more flexible than that. For example, if I were on a deserted island with a cross-dresser, I think I'd soon adapt to accepting her as female, despite some male features, and I'd probably be happy for her to regard me as female as well and I'd do whatever I could to seem female. I still would be very reluctant to have anal or oral sex, but there are other places I'd be less reluctant to ejaculate on her and vice versa.

I feel that everything we know is consciousness and that physical existence is within consciousness (and not vice versa), so everything is somewhat illusionary anyway, so I don't think it matters much if we have fantasies about each other and role play each other's fantasies somewhat. (By the way, I think the most important aspect of consciousness is caring = love.)

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Originally Posted by trishwannabcd

That is hard to wrap my head around. So many "straight" men are attracted to gurls like us...what does that make them?

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Straight men, by definition, are not attracted to people who have penises. There are lots of 'admirers' who are attracted to CDs & TSs and who love their femininity. I've been to bars and clubs where admirers and CDs/TSs meet. But these admirers are not interested in GGs. They specifically seek people who do have penises, albeit who present as women. So by definition, admirers are not straight.

An admirer hit on me once when I was in a LGBT bar, with my SO and a group of CDers. He must have thought that I was an highly passable CD, because when he discovered that I was a GG he was no longer interested. lol

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Originally Posted by LelaK

I think a lot of people may be a bit more flexible than that. For example, if I were on a deserted island with a cross-dresser ...

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Yes, I imagine the rules might change if we were stranded on a deserted island with no other choice than one person, and we wanted to have sex badly. :p

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Reine: Yes, I imagine the rules might change if we were stranded on a deserted island with no other choice than one person, and we wanted to have sex badly.

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But deserted islands can occur almost anywhere and with anyone.

I dont know if I could ever love a man. When dressed I am turned on by the thought of being with a man, but if push came to shove I dont think I could love a man enough. But since I have never been in that position I cant truely answer this question.

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Originally Posted by ReineD

Aalyn, if you are merely attracted to having sex with men but are not attracted to the man himself (as a person), then you need to ask yourself if the root of the attraction is the fact that it excites you to feel like you are a woman when you are having sex with a man, more than if you were having sex with your girlfriend. If this is the case, then your real attraction and sexual arousal is to thoughts of yourself as a woman ... and you possibly feel more womanly when in the company of a man than you do in the company of your girlfriend. So in effect, the man and his penis would be an aid, a prop if you will, to your seeking the ultimate sexual experience of feeling like a woman sexually.

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This describes me well. I guess thats why I have so many mirrors in my room. LOL. I like to watch myself being the woman during these sexual encounters with men. I only like guys sexually for one reason, the penis. Other than that, I'm not attracted to the male physique at all and I also feel completely incapable of any romantic feelings for a guy. I guess it seems strange but I love looking like a woman but I definately do not feel like one on the inside. Thats why I can not kiss or cuddle with a guy before or after sex. If you are basically a straight guy, you don't want another guy kissing or cuddling you. Thats why I'm a bit confused as to a label for my sexual orientation. I don't mind being called or though of as gay because technically I am, seeing as I have sex with men but when I tell someone who asks me, "are you gay" and I say yes, I don't feel that I am giving them an accurate description of myself because I do not have the same attraction to men as most gay guys.

As far as having sex with a woman, I just really enjoy looking at the breast and vagina because I wish I had breast and vagina so incredibly bad!!!! If you recall, not too long ago, I posted on the TS forum about wanting SRS but not wanting the effects of female hormones. Boy oh boy, some of those gals sure gave me a hard time about that!! Anyway, I just wanted to find out why I woudn't be a good candidate for it.

Also, with a female, I get the emotional romantic component to a relationship. Giving candy and flowers on Valentines day and that sort of thing. Plus kissing and cuddling is really nice with a female.

I sometimes feel a bit cursed. When I had a girlfriend, more of a friend with benefits type girlfriend, she saw other people and so did I but she didn't know the other people I was seeing were men. Anyhow, during that time I felt like I needed to make a decision, is it going to be a man or a woman that I want to have a relationship with? I told myself you can't have the best of both worlds. To this day, I don't think I can. Yes, a girlfreind that would be willing to use toys on me would be nice but it would never replace the feeling of a real penis or making a man ejaculate.

Right now, Im leaning more towards having a boyfriend that a girlfriend and I imagine thats because the sex is more appealing to me than the romance. But then again, Im already missing getting to see breast and vagina. AAaarg!

maybe you've just had bad experiences with women? Maybe try it out and see if it wasn't just the individual who gave you the decision. unless you have tried many

[Moderator Hat On]
Folks, I had to remove several posts due to too much information, disrespect, etc. Let's be more thoughtful before we post. The GM forum might be a better place to discuss the more explicit topics.

I know that for me I don't find men attractive. I think by definition that makes me straight. However, I am attracted to the idea of being attractive TO a man. I want them to think I'm sexy! I would never consider being with a man, even if I wasn't happily married, but I think that the idea of being treated like a woman sexually, makes me curious about it. i think that hypothetically i could be sexual with a beautiful cd or ts but does that make me more of a lesbian?? Hmmm...so maybe in theory I am a gay female with extra equipment ;)

sex with a man is great and very different than with a woman. I'm happily married to a gg but I love it either way.

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Originally Posted by aalynn88

I believe I am incapable of being in love with a man, however, I prefer to have sex with a man. I do not have any of the romantic or emotional ties to men like I have had with women. I do not kiss men or like to be cuddled by a man, but enjoy the sex. ... Anyone else ever feel like this?

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This is super common. I do NOT endorse it, but there is a huge scene of men who have sex with men, but are otherwise straight identified, and many of these sexual encounters are anonymous (see: senator Larry Craig, bathrooms/adult video/glory holes/Craigslist). Many/most of these guys are similar to you in that they want the male genitals, but not so much the person attached to them. I'm not too different: I primarily emotionally bond to women, but have been with men and very much enjoy it, but don't tend to form relationships there.

For me, my femme side doesn't much come into it. I like who I like regardless whether I'm presenting as male or female. Sure, you can play the femme role more when you're with a guy. But it's good in my male persona also.

Suffice it to say that should you get a girlfriend I'd recommend that you look for a consensual, safe open relationship, where you can have your satisfying intimate relationship with a woman but also have the ability to meet your other sexual needs.

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Originally Posted by aalynn88

I only like guys sexually for one reason, the penis.

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I can definitely understand this. I don't particularly like kissing guys but I do love the effect of me dressing as a woman has on a man's penis and I do love 'playing' with his penis in all the ways you can imagine. For me, it is the biggest sexual thrill imaginable! When I'm dressed as a woman, nothing beats having sex with a man. I just love being able to use at least a little bit of the feminine sexual power which woman have.

I guess I might be a little different. I am sexually attracted only to men. I love to be with girlfriends, but only as friends. Hard to have a deep conversation with guys. Need girlfriends for that. And most guys don't want to go with me to hit the sales!!

I do not think of men for sex but have thought about CD'S

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Originally Posted by Purple8229

You'll figure it out in time...the operative word is 'time'...:)

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I think this is a key point. It took a while to get to this point in our lives; 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years or more depending upon the person. Trying to develop some understanding of things does not occur overnight. In this instant society of ours, we sometimes have that expectation, but it's not how defining ones life works. As it looks now, there's a few possibilities.

Experience is a good teacher and weathervane. If, in the not too distant future, you look back and realize that you did This and That, but very little of the Other, patterns of behavior begin to form. Then, did you seek these these situations out, or were they just opportunities that presented themselves?

Sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality

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Originally Posted by aalynn88

This describes me well. I guess thats why I have so many mirrors in my room. LOL. I like to watch myself being the woman during these sexual encounters with men. I only like guys sexually for one reason, the penis. Other than that, I'm not attracted to the male physique at all and I also feel completely incapable of any romantic feelings for a guy. I guess it seems strange but I love looking like a woman but I definately do not feel like one on the inside. Thats why I can not kiss or cuddle with a guy before or after sex. If you are basically a straight guy, you don't want another guy kissing or cuddling you. Thats why I'm a bit confused as to a label for my sexual orientation. I don't mind being called or though of as gay because technically I am, seeing as I have sex with men but when I tell someone who asks me, "are you gay" and I say yes, I don't feel that I am giving them an accurate description of myself because I do not have the same attraction to men as most gay guys.

As far as having sex with a woman, I just really enjoy looking at the breast and vagina because I wish I had breast and vagina so incredibly bad!!!! If you recall, not too long ago, I posted on the TS forum about wanting SRS but not wanting the effects of female hormones. Boy oh boy, some of those gals sure gave me a hard time about that!! Anyway, I just wanted to find out why I woudn't be a good candidate for it.

Also, with a female, I get the emotional romantic component to a relationship. Giving candy and flowers on Valentines day and that sort of thing. Plus kissing and cuddling is really nice with a female.

I sometimes feel a bit cursed. When I had a girlfriend, more of a friend with benefits type girlfriend, she saw other people and so did I but she didn't know the other people I was seeing were men. Anyhow, during that time I felt like I needed to make a decision, is it going to be a man or a woman that I want to have a relationship with? I told myself you can't have the best of both worlds. To this day, I don't think I can. Yes, a girlfreind that would be willing to use toys on me would be nice but it would never replace the feeling of a real penis or making a man ejaculate.

Right now, Im leaning more towards having a boyfriend that a girlfriend and I imagine thats because the sex is more appealing to me than the romance. But then again, Im already missing getting to see breast and vagina. AAaarg!

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Well you certainly have a problem---maybe you should try dating pretty CDs/TGs --that way you would have the best of both worlds--having a lover with a working male part but with the looks and appearence of a lady

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Originally Posted by Ame Anderson

Sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality

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There is only one way to find out!
I'm talking about mansex.

Anyone "worried" or wondering about where or how they fit in or what they like, needs to rent/watch "The Crying Game".

Viewing it might somewhat alleviate any "guilt" component that many seem to have.

trish i certainly know what you mean when you say..."my sexuality has changed as I have aged"

i know exactly i dream more of sex with a man and me bing the woman than i do having sex with a woman and me as the man...i really do want to be the woman....

well said sweety

I was uncertain about having a romantic interest in men when I started to explore the concept of having sex with them. I've never been attracted to rough sex with women, and have tried to date only men who are interested in a girlfriend experience with me. I've had a certain number of one-time only meetups, but they've always involved kissing, caressing, and conversation. I've also had sporadic "friends with benefits" relationships (which seem to have a finite life span by definition), and two relationships where I had affectionate and deeply caring feelings for the man. But, that's the same sort of pattern which I have had with women as a man, so I'm not sure there's any conclusions to be drawn.

aalynn88. Don't worry about a label. You know what you like and don't like. If nobody is getting hurt do what you like. Now, if you're talking about having a relationship with a woman and fooling around with guys, then that woman will have to be on board (or participating). If she's not on board you will have to choose between the two genders or just stick with casual relationships. If you insist on a label, it seems pretty clear that bisexual would apply.

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Originally Posted by Girl

I just love being able to use at least a little bit of the feminine sexual power which woman have.

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Yes, it can be intoxiacting. The thing that we always have to remember about Power is that it can be used for Good or for Evil...

When we attempt to present as women, we are, by definition, attempting to be attractive. Let's face it: none of us sets out to be a completely unattractive woman! Then there is the added kicker that we are biologically men and have a very good idea what men like in looking at a woman. How many threads have we read that discuss being attracted to our feminine selves?

What this all generates is a very complicated situation trying to balance gender choices and sexual preferences. It's a wonder we don't have many more threads like this one trying to sort it all out (we've had some, just not the avalanche of them I had expected).

My suggestion is to try to figure out which facets of being with a man is exciting to you. You might need a professional to help you sort this out. It might be possible to transfer these facets to an understanding GG spouse!

Best of luck....we all need it!

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Originally Posted by aalynn88

... Anyone else ever feel like this?

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No. Just GG girls and M2F transgendered girls. Don't like males at all.