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Hi Girls,
I have a couple of similar but distinct questions:
Does anyone know if there are one or more other personality traits possessed by GGs that correlates closely with a fondness for heterosexual crossdressers?
If you go into, say, "plenty of fish" what strategy would you use to find such GGs?
TIA,
Kelly
I can't help you with this, but I'm anxiously awaiting to read the replies to your question! Knowing what GGs like in CDs is kind of like knowing that special spot where the fish are biting - LOL
I think if you do a little searching you'll find lots of threads on this subject. But let me save you some time:
Personally, I think you stand a better chance in real life than online -- in other words, focus on serendipity, not strategy. Just sayin.
- They're not quite as rare as hens' teeth, but almost. And when you do find one online she's probably an emo who weighs 300 pounds and lives in Moosebutt, Alaska. :D
- Far away, the consensus advice is to get her interested in you as a guy first, then introduce her to Kelly and see what happens.
there are not enough fish at pof.
I have found that most of the dating sites are full of con artists just watching you and setting you coming.
Annette
At ANY website, simply write more than a 3 line profile and be honest about what you want and are looking for and put any personality "quirks" at the bottom. Less than 10 Percent at any site will read beyond 2 or 3 lines. People who READ ENTIRE profiles are the serious ones.
Having said that, even W/O any quirks, finding "compatible" women at any FREE site is like trying to catch a fly with chopsticks. The "free" part IS the catch.
what sherri said works. I know as I married one :) Going on 11 years now ;)
Just read Sherri's reply and basically agree. Liked the 'serendipity, not strategy' bit. I think this is more of a question for GGs who are supportive of there partners to truly answer. The rest of us are guessing.
My tuppence worth would be that the GG in question would be liberal minded in the first place, rather than one with a hardened moral stance. This is not absolute of course, more a generalisation from my male perspective.
My wife never batted an eyelid when one of our sons came out as gay many years back, so perhaps the generalisation bears out for me. But our ethos is that we stand by our kids.
Reb
I met my fiance on Eharmony and she has no problems with my CDing at all. I highly recommend though staying away from PoF. I looked into PoF and match.com before joining Eharmony. Thing is with PoF/Match anyone can make a free profile so you have no idea who is real, who is going to respond, who actually is serious, etc etc. Plus the chance of running into a con is higher. Eharmony cost a lot of money but when your talking to someone at least you know they put down a lot of money just to be able to talk to you (you have to pay to even look at pictures). I recommend it.
My angle on CDing and Eharmony. I have seen CD profiles on dating sites before and the problem that glares at me is they talk about it at too much. 75% (or higher_ of their profile is made up about them being a cross dresser, explaining they aren't gay, explaining this/that everything else. Keep it simple about what you do, throw it out there and let it sit. Go into a lot of other details about yourself outside your a cross dresser.
I am not sure I would go with the "get her interested in the part and then show her your fem side part". Mostly because I see so many who decide dating is better than not dating and they fear being honest will kill the relationship...then they get married...then they don't tell. At least be honest early before you get a whole huge investment in the relationship so that you and she can decide.
My experience? One site, zero women two men who wanted nothing more than sex (and they were probably married already)
Go to a bar where there are lots of gg's prowling. They will approach you. Some out of curiousity, some because they are genuinely attracted. Some gg's are just looking for sex, and will never call you again, so beware.
Attend your local Unitarian Church as your girl self. Go regularly,meet,talk and mix with people. They are accepting of diversity or they wouldn't be there.Before you know it,someone will want to get to know you a whole lot better.
I posted an ad on craigslist and after about two years and many false replys, I found one right in my own community, (she lives about three miles from me). On our very first meeting, we hit it off and now we do everything as girlfriends. It took some brass b***s to post the ad along with my picture, but the payoff was a very good GG friend who has no problem with my dressing.
That is a danger I am willing to face;)Quote:
Originally Posted by tgirlceleste
That is an excellent idea!Quote:
Originally Posted by Rogina B
I can post 5 or 6 pics and one can be of me enfemme and discuss my many other interests. That is very good advice!Quote:
Originally Posted by CD_blue
Let us know how it goes.
Some years ago I posted on Hot Or Not and got lots of hits from girls that were interested in the fact I was a TG/CDer.
I was much bigger then too, seems lots of girls are into chubby guys that CD. Who knew?
I kept my profile simple and to the point.Dated several nice women that were in my area so I would call it a win.
I second the Unitarian church suggestion.
I also go against the grain of "get her interested and then tell her" I think that you have a better chance of a lasting relationship if you look in the pool of women who you already know are (or are likely) accepting. You could find 20 women and begin to build a relationship and end up right back where you started with each one once you come out. Or you can find women who are ok with the CD and see which one of them you could build something with.
I'm absolutely cool with the CD thing, but I won't be with someone who is not honest and up front with me. I'm not the only one.
see Toshiro Mifune in ,I think ,Seven Samurai catch a fly with chopsticks. It's a great scene.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels
Kelly, it seems you are looking for some "magic pill" approach to finding someone. If anything, this site tells you that many, many women can accept this part of a man. There is no magic. When you find the woman you want to spend time with, tell them. You may get rejection and you may get acceptance. Don't waste your time being alone while you seek the magic pill. Just start with mutual attraction. The rest just happens
you have to use the codes they use. women for transsexual,women for transgender
w4t
t4w
w4w
I'll let you know if and when I find one. I'm not looking all that hard, and I won't be settling for less than my dream girl.
I think that you need to substitute "T" for CD in your thinking...Some of us are upfront and honest about meeting and interacting with others as our female identities are very important to us..Just my opinion.Quote:
Originally Posted by ErinSassyPants
When I used to find girls that liked me for what I am, I would treasure them.
Sorry, but they are as rare as a winning lottery ticket. And as such, it's not a matter of strategy, but mostly dumb luck.
I would say there is some strategy involved as well as winning the mega millions jackpot 450 million dollar lump sum (after federal and state taxes) lottery ticket. In my case which I happened to win and have been lucky to not go broke/divorced within a few years ie. (accepting and supportive wife). Dumb luck meaning I did not fall prey to cold feet just before our wedding!:whew!:
... but it's true. An educated, independent woman with liberal social leanings is far more likely to accept you than one who lacks these traits. I think you'll also find that women who are attracted to more macho types will have a problem, so show your feminine side even in drab and you'll also improve your odds. The "rarer than hen's teeth" meme is nonsense. Before marrying I dated quite a few women, literally none of whom had a problem with my underdressing, and several who were quite supportive of my feminine wardrobe. Support for going out in public or transitioning is more complicated, of course.Quote:
Originally Posted by reb.femme
I guess that's true. I only mention CD for me because as I'm straight I would not be interested in someone who is a woman even if they had male parts. But I think my advice is true in any case.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rogina B
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly Smith
I have dated several women who sought me out because I was a cross-dresser/transgender. There ARE some traits that I have noticed. First, many of these women were either more gender neutral themselves, or a bit "bossy", what some men would call "bitchy". They wanted to be respected and accepted for who they were inside and outside, including wanting to be equals to other men. Most were also rebels as well.Quote:
I have a couple of similar but distinct questions:
Does anyone know if there are one or more other personality traits possessed by GGs that correlates closely with a fondness for heterosexual crossdressers?
After that, it was really a wide spectrum, everything from a tom-boy who loved to dress ultra sexy with me to a woman with a soft gentle voice who was psychic.
When I finally decided I was "On the Market" as transgendered, I was 34 years old. I had a counselor and a sponsor giving me guidance. They suggested that, after coming up with a "safe and sane sex ideal" - what I wanted in a relationship that wasn't selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, or hurting others, I needed to write it down and share it with at least 12 other people. In my case, this was a 12 step inventory done using the AA "Big Book" method, and even though I had 10 years clean and sober, this was the first time I had really gone this deeply into these transgender aspects and shared them with a sponsor. I was already getting divorced (because we had both lied to each other when we first moved in together 8 years earlier, me not telling her about being a cross-dresser, and her not telling me she couldn't accept it).Quote:
If you go into, say, "plenty of fish" what strategy would you use to find such GGs?
At that time, I was so worried about getting hurt that I couldn't even speak it verbally. I literally showed these 10 women and 2 men the inventory and waited for their reaction. It turned out that 2 of the people I shared with knew women who really LIKED transgenders. One of the women introduced me to a friend of hers who was transsexual and living as a woman full time. She had shut herself off sexually to become more comfortable with his female sexuality and her roommate was looking to get laid and wanted a someone - like me. We hit it off and what started as a one-night-stand lasted 2 years, including living together and me becoming part of her family. She also had other girl-friends and brought those she trusted home with her, offering to share me with her friends. One of those women even moved in with us. Not your "traditional" family, but it worked for us.
Eventually, she met an old friend, an Alpha Male who didn't want to share. He proposed, making an offer that was too good to pass up, and our relationship ended. Over time, I had 2 other lovers, one lasting over 15 years together in a long distance relationship. We'd see each other on week-ends and holidays, which were always fun and romantic, then she would go to her place in the mountains, while I went back to work, flying wherever I needed to be.
Probably the easiest way of all, however, was when I put my profile on some online web sites. I included pictures of both Rex and Debbie, and in my profile I put something like:
I'm a combination of Robin Williams, Jim Carey, Bill Gates, and Sean Connery, with a touch of Madonna. I'm as weird as Robin, as crazy as Jim, as nerdy as Bill, and an old geezer like Sean, and I have Madonna's fashion sense.
I included about a half dozen pictures of Debbie, including pictures of me with other women (not former lovers), so that they could get a sense of what I looked like, proportions, and how well I could pass, or stop traffic in NYC on a Friday Night.
Lots of women came to look at the profile, around 1,000. About a dozen were genuinely interested but had logistic issues (location, living situations, and so on), but there were 6 who were really serious and wanted to meet in person. Of those, one was hoping I would be more dominant, another was hoping I would be more submissive. One had the cutest little pug dogs - but I was allergic to them. Another had an autistic 30 year old son who lived with her and wouldn't be accepting even though she was. Another lived with her mother and needed to take care of her, so mom would have been part of the package. Lee lived with her parents, but they didn't need her, and her parents even went to Florida for the winters. She had a daughter who was just about to graduate from college.
Before contacting me, she showed her daughter my profile and her daughter said "Well mom, at least you won't have to worry about threatening his fragile male ego, give it a shot". Lee shot off an e-mail saying "Dude, your wearing a dress, what's that about", and I sent back a longer response explaining how I was transgendered and had been since I was about 4. I told her that I had been deceptive about it in my first marriage and wanted to be up front about it in all future relationships, that it was an important part of who I was. I also sent her my phone number and asked her to call me that night. She called, we had telephone conversations for about 2 weeks (I was working out of town), which gave us lots of time to find out about each other, about family, friends, spirituality, and so on.
When we finally met, she was dressed very nicely, a bit thinner than I had expected (she had sent picture of her in size 24, so I was prepared for the worst), and when I met her, I could see she had applied make-up, so I kissed her on the neck, behind the ear. She practically melted right there. By the time we finished dinner, she made it very clear that she wanted to go to my place, so we went. We've been together for 9 years and married for 7 years this month.
The thing about writing a profile for a web site is that you don't need to please every woman who sees your profile. What you want is the 3-6 people who see your profile and think "That's what I WANT!". Keep in mind that a woman who is looking for a TG or CD boyfriend is probably having as much trouble locating you as you are having locating her. If you are LOOKING for a trangender male, that can be even harder than BEING one.
Quote:
TIA,
Kelly
In this case Erin may be correct. She may want a CD even though the "T" encompasses that. She is just narrowing it down.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rogina B
Then I am one lucky person. I have had two women so far. They aren't as rare as you believe. What is rare is a woman who sticks by you after you hide it for years . (I had one of those). But when you are honest early and let the woman decide if she likes YOU, you will see there are many out there who are willing to be supportive, IF you just let them make the decision themselvesQuote:
Originally Posted by Jana
Hi,
Here's my take on it. I think women may mostly be interested in checking off a few important criteria before they will consider any man. Is the guy stable - mentally and economically? Is he serious about a relationship based on important things and not just sex? Is he trustworthy and dependable? Things in this realm I believe to be the top of the list. Beyond that is open territory and how a woman receives what you are presenting about yourself. Granted, for us crossdresssers, there will be instantaneous deal breakers with some women because of their personal belief systems regarding gender expression. But say we pass "Go" on that front, I then think it gets down to how much emphasis we place on crossdressing in the profile and its role in our lives.
I've never written a profile for a dating website, but if it did, I may write it something like this:
***45 y/o divorced, financially stable, mature, straight male looking for a fun-loving and caring female companion. I enjoy the outdoors, playing games, spending quality time together and am easy going. I love movies and socializing. I'm a healthy mix of introvert and extrovert, content and happy under most circumstances and have a large comfort zone. I enjoy trying new things with the right person. I am strongly driven by integrity, honesty and truth in all my relationships in life and would love to meet someone like-minded. I also like to occasionally gender-bend in terms of clothing, but nothing else. All in all, a regular guy with a few fun twists. Send me a message and we can talk more.***
I'm putting myself out there honestly without drawing much attention to the fact that I crossdress, which should be obvious enough though. I would think that would filter out those obviously wanting to do nothing with crossdressing, but leave the door open in a light hearted and positive way for those who don't care and at least put me on even ground with non-crossdressers and have them focus on the other things I have shared. This was all of the cuff, but that's the general idea.
Cheers,
Kalista
In my limited experience, HR personnel are accepting of gender oddities such as ours... An online friend whom I've hiked with for over a year (we knew on our second encounter that we were not a pair - she's religious, I'm cd), get along well in all other respects. She tells me that men post en-femme pictures on dating websites. I guess this is a good way to pre-de-select women who are turned off by our activities.
I tried to join a couple of mainstream dating sites, and my personal description included one carefully worded sentence about my gender bending and my search for a woman interested in same. Both sites refused my application. On another mainstream site I omitted the gender bender mention and was accepted, but my attempt to upload a G-rated femme photo was rejected. Just sayin.
I guess if some of the major dating sites have those rules in place that actually prevent us from being ourselves in order to use them, the deck is stacked against us. That's too bad too. Hopefully that will change over time.Quote:
Originally Posted by sherri
Cheers,
Kalista
The relationship im in (6+ years) and the one i was in before that all came about through on-line dating.
IMHO picking the correct sites is key. There's several out there and getting the right one is half the battle (i tried a few and funnily both of my relationships that worked out came from the same one) diffrent sites attract people with a differing mind set finding the mind set nearest yours is hardest but really helps your chances. Then there's the selling your self, just like an on-line auction sale details, a crap photo and crap description gets you no where. Gotta big it up a bit, gotta be interesting gotta offer something more than the usual male attempts. POF whilst not a success for me sure has some good hints and tips about profiles it sure increased my hit rate when i put some of it into practise. Can't help on the specifics your trying to get, but i do think on-line dating is a damn good way of someone shy getting out there and trying to meet people. It's also very good if you typical interests don't involve encountering large amounts of new faces on a regular basis.
Hi,
I joined a few forums to see if there were any women who were interested in haveing a friend i do know quite a few, though the thing is they are looking for men who are real men never any talk about dresser's or trans. though that does not apply to myself ,
yet i have had 5 men ask me if i was interested in a friendship come relastionship. heading into marrage, i politly declined & said they needed a woman who could give them what they needed, or were looking for in a normal woman.
I was surprised that any men would ask me . i mean come on not this kid,
Now the other side is there are women looking for other women for friendship & to have a companion,
Most of my friends are women that stands to reason.
Of cause you know my stance be up front & honest, i think two men would have taken it further,
Can i sugest what i say, join a few different groups with interests that you may have in common with others namely women & mixed groups danceing or sports, there you get a partner try that,
Im involved with over a 1000 people with in our membership of different groups yea i know i can do it, if you dont put your self out there then dont expect others to just knock on your door,
Sorry im not much help , im not a guy & never looked for a partner, that may sound strange comeing from me yet its true,
...noeleena...
there is a few website were very good looking women are looking for TG's.
I meet them all the time.
I use w4t and w4w.
Oh, they are out there. No strategy really, just luck. Find one, hang onto her. I had one, said my body looked female The main thing, react positively when it happens, I doubt you'll get two bites at the cherry. As for personality traits, probably a fondness for male type jobs. Strategy - go for the weirdoes, the girl that's sitting on her own. She has some problem, maybe one you like.
The only gf I ever had that totally accepted my crossdressing was bisexual and a hair stylist. She also seemed to have a thing for gay men, and the gay lifestyle which didn't quite work with me.
DebbieL, loved your story. You really made finding a partner a mission and finally got results.
Ok, my two bits. There are more women that accept...enjoy might be a bigger stretch...than some would lead you to believe. I've been married to two women who were and are accepting.
Under it all, besides having open minds attitudes, there needs to be a strong mutual connection...not just passion or romance, but a real desire to be together. That only comes with time and effort.
The simple and correct answer to your header question is....You don't.
You find a woman that you as a MAN is attracted to and she is attracted to you, the MAN.
Date her, get to know her, let her get to know you and see if there is reason to continue seeing each other as a MAN and a WOMAN. You can feel her out about her openness, her sense of acceptance of others and diverse lifestyles. You will get to know her moral stand etc. Once a bond is made, you then tell her about you being a CD. Making it the main issue is a big lonely mistake.
I have had 2 past wives that once told early on in the relationship grew to not only accept it, but participated and even had some fun with it. The only woman that knew from day one was my last 7 year long relationship. We met on a website for those into BDSM and D/s. A site where we are accepted and many dominant women tolerate or even like a CD.
I'm on several dating sites right now. I am once again looking for a life partner. But I will not post anything about my being a CD. That's for them to find out later once a bond and trust in one another is established.
What? I think you'll find that some DO, I know a few GG's here who actively joined to find a CD partner and some GG's started actual relationships on this forum, 2 of them are actually on staff.... Di and Sher...Quote:
Originally Posted by BRANDYJ
I know you are correct Tamara. I was referring to sites that are specifically for dating and meeting a partner.
To bad we are not a dating site with a section just for GG's that want to find us. Would make life easier. LOL
It doesn't seem like this would be a target rich environment, aren't most of the GGs here already in relationships or having just left one because the CD was not something they are comfortable with?
But in any case that turned out for the best, It's wonderful that you will have another chance to make things work with your wife. Good luck to both of you.