For all you panty wearing men

Bet this got your attention:
First I am in no way criticizing anyone for the manner in which they enjoy dressing.

I've seen in several threads lately post from married cd's who say their wives allow them to wear panties and or bras and nighties to sleep in. Every time I read such a response I can't help but wonder why?

I can understand the allure of wanting to know what that would feel like if you have never done it. Same as with underdressing while out or at work.

For those of you who do sleep in lingerie or underdress fully after doing this a few times does it not seem like your rubbing it in your wives face all the time? What are you gaining from it and at what cost to your relationship?

I myself when needing to express myself en-femme I do it totally or not at all. I know if my wife was not accepting of my total transformation but allowed me to wear panties I might (and only might) have a better understanding of this. If that were the case I would also know even when she allowed it she would not be wanting me to be in panties but just tolerating me in them. Just that knowledge alone would make it a rare occurrence rather than the norm.

I truly believe my wife has come to know and accept Kendra in part because I do not merge Ken with Kendra by allowing her to see her husband Ken in panties or a nightgown. She only sees me presenting fully male or fully female.

A thread awhile back asked if you allow your wife to watch you dress and most felt really uncomfortable if their wives saw them in partial stages of transforming so I ask again of those of you who do get into bed at night as a man wearing panties or a nightgown why night after night after night?

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Originally Posted by kendra_gurl

[snip]
...I do not merge Ken with Kendra by allowing her to see her husband Ken in panties or a nightgown. She only sees me presenting fully male or fully female.
[snip]

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How does this conflict affect your well being? Do you worry about it and does it create anxiety?

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Originally Posted by kendra_gurl

I truly believe my wife has come to know and accept Kendra in part because I do not merge Ken with Kendra by allowing her to see her husband Ken in panties or a nightgown. She only sees me presenting fully male or fully female.

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This really varies a lot from person to person, so it may well be true for you and your wife, but for many women, things like wigs, makeup, full transformation are HUGE emotional blocks to overcome. Many simply can't see their spouse presenting as fully female. A partial transformation perhaps allows them to say "there he is - look, it's just clothes."

I do wear panties every day. My wife knows and does not care. Most nights I wear my nightie to bed because after a day of being a male in the world it helps me relax. I do dress in front of her when she happens to be around. She goes out with me occasionally. I don't want to hide anymore and I am glad I don't have to. It may be different for me as I have accepted I am further along the spectrum of just a crossdresser. I don't wear panties to turn me on I wear them because at least I can know I have that article to fit who I am on the inside.
Suzanne

There was a time when I was newly married that my wife did not protest my wearing nightgowns. It was a time of sexual adventure. It was a part of bedroom sex. She and I would spend the day in mid town Manhattan buying lingerie for her in Macy's, Gimbel's, E J Korvette and other stores along 34th Street and Fifth Avenue. Together we purchased several long nylon gowns for moi; black and pink. She also gave me one of her red shorties that she did not like-not soft enough-I agreed. She also bought moi some stockings and a garter belt. After awhile it got old and she asked me not to wear the gowns as frequently as I was and when our son was born to not wear them at all. I packed them away. Part of my relationship is to listen to my wife. She felt uncomfortable so I stopped.

I would really want to know what defines the wife "allows" her husband to wear a bra, panty and nightie to bed? Some may be resigned to the endless pressure of the guy. Some may be really subservient to the guy-not equal.

Like you I do not mingle the man and the woman. I too dress totally en femme or not at all. Of course I have ample time for my transformation. Be it cross dressing or something else I see not purpose in a marriage to subjecting my wife to something she does not want to do.

I tried sleeping in a long nightgown, bra and panty when my wife was away on a trip. Like my wife would complain things tend to get tangled up and twisted. I may spend he entire day en femme, but, I sleep in nice comfortable PJ pants and a well worn soft tee shirt.

At first I think my wife just tolerated it but now she actually encourages it. She says it's nice to snuggle up to me when my body is clean shaven and I'm wearing satin pajamas. It's not a sexual thing, it's a feeling of wearing what my mental self should be wearing. It gives me a sense of calm having my body and my clothes match who I feel like on the inside and I think my wife enjoys me better as a person when I'm Dana.

Kendra,


Firstly brilliant question..


I believed, that as long as I just act as me (Lord knows why that is satisfactory in the first place) and don't try to draw attention, or alter my routine or get overly dramatic, then I would be fine. But my thoughts were wrong. As of this weekend, when I found out a nightie we bought together was too small. I said I will just wait for me to lose some weight. I asked, why doesn't this bother you? I was told that the only time there would be a problem would be if my [her] needs were not taken care of for extended periods (several days). To her, the garment does not make a person as neither does the clothes. What makes the person is actions and time together. She even stated that the nightie she bought me was no problem, at all and when I asked, she agreed to buy matching ones, as it would be perfect.


I am NOT bragging here.. just trying to piece this together. So possibly I / she is are/am an anomaly, however, I communicate all the time and possibly over communicate feelings and thoughts and opinions as does she.


Vanny

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Originally Posted by kendra_gurl

I myself when needing to express myself en-femme I do it totally or not at all. I know if my wife was not accepting of my total transformation but allowed me to wear panties I might (and only might) have a better understanding of this. If that were the case I would also know even when she allowed it she would not be wanting me to be in panties but just tolerating me in them. Just that knowledge alone would make it a rare occurrence rather than the norm.

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Kendra, I think you're looking at it as a sort of progression: starts off with panties and progresses to full dress, and if a wife is not happy with full dress then she surely would not be happy with underthings? I'm sure it is a progression for some and for sure there are wives who are unhappy with all of it. But, there are also lots of people here who, for a variety of reasons, ARE happy with just underdressing. Maybe they don't have a body type that would look presentable in feminine clothing. Maybe they don't feel they can pass. Maybe the fetish stage is long over with and they just like the undies for comfort. We all know how varied are the members of this forum.

My SO is like you and I fully support him/her. But this is because I know this is what my SO needs. Had it been just underthings and nighties all along, I would have supported that too. My SO as a human being is a lot more than any need to present or dress in a certain way. :)

I think the biggest difficulty in relationships is when the clothes/presentation take precedence over everything else. But if there is balance and agreement, and it is reached in any given relationship, then IMO everything is OK. Not to sound trite, but we do get used to what we get used to.

I think its a matter of spectrum. The same way we all don't end up getting surgery and hormones. For some of us its just wearing different clothes and for some of us its a need to be a woman. And for a lot of us its somewhere in between. If a SO is accepting of this part of someone's life why would it be rubbing it in her face? Why would it be detrimental to the relationship? Now, if the SO is not accepting and the person is forcing boundaries, I can see your point, but that's a whole other issue.

Because I always have, since I was sixteen.

Dolphin not at all a conflict I know I am a male just creating the illusion of being a female

Paula that is my point. If its the most a wife can accept or tolerate and he knows it then why force it on her that way? so many claim to wear them every day

Suzanne I can see that for anyone who is as far along as you say you are. wishing you a terrific journey

Stephanie we are from the same mindset with respect for the wife's feelings. It was fun for awhile then she got uncomfortable so you stopped I respect that. as for "allowing" I guess I mean she does not throw a hissy fit or says no freaking way.

Dana you are very fortunate I can understand it every night is its something she really enjoys too

Vanny do you wear the nighty every night and if so what do you get from the experience over wearing it just once a week?

Reine nice to hear from you again (hugs) I agree 100% I'm just asking those who do mainly underdress with the knowledge their wives don't fully approve Why do it as often as you do some even daily?

Julie exatly if she is not supportive the wearing a nighty to bed more than once a week seems to be forcing boundries

Beverley darling but your just special :)

Darling,


I don't do anything everyday.... it is part of the lack of my charm and reason I am tolerable..(wink). I have not worn to bed anything nightly.. I am not there yet. I am going slowly into this. I have the best of every world with the most amazing woman God ever put on this earth. I will move forward and will provide feedback as I do advance my lifestyle, but I am in no rush to wear it every night at the moment. I want to be her when I want... and although that may change, for now, I am ok. She did specifically tell me she could care less and would like the feeling of satin on her skin as well.


I am cautious... because I want this scenario to last. hope that makes sense..


Vanny

Some of us dont need to do it totally or not at all. And why should we? My wife, while she is always a GG, does not always wear makeup or even a bra.

Quite frankly I think it's easier for her if I can feel feminine wearing panties or sleeping in a nighty instead of needing to be decked out like a contestant on RuPaul's Drag Race.

After all I think that's what most wives really fear the most.

Hi Kendra. I take the view that gender expression is about as varied as the individual so I'm a bit puzzled that you would assume that that we all fit in one stereotype of another. I'm, frankly, neither Ken nor Kendra. I am what I am. My wife not only accepts that but encourages it. She doesn't think that she's having her nose rubbed in some kind of unacceptable mtf transition because she knows very well that I am neither interested in passing as a woman nor interested in transitioning. She knows that what I'm doing is rejecting the social norms for my gender identification as some masculine male but she also knows I'm not interested in becoming some feminine female. She accepts me as gender fluid or genderqueer and always has, and we've been married a long, long time. She's a bit more butch than I am and I'm a bit more femme. I suspect that the majority of cross dressers are more like me than you might think. They want to honor their feminine qualities but dressing a bit but don't want to reject their masculinity. If they have real and communicative relationships with their SOs, instead of flailing around trying to ram each other into socially prescribed roles, their SOs probably support them. But I don't know. Maybe you're right and every man who wears women's clothes wants to be, completely, a woman. I don't, but more and more on this discussion board I'm beginning to think I am some kind of anomaly.

Since coming out to my wife, and yes underdressing is part of our agreement . As La Cage Aux Folles was not happening here, her words when we had the TALK ,, Some spouse aren't ready for that level of transformation. I know right now mine isn't, but we are slowly working in that direction.

I wish it was so easy to seperate guy mode from girl dressing mode. But for those of us who have let the genie out of the bottle. You quickly realize that your a lot more than a CD. There are so many like that here on this forum.And most spouses either sense it or quickly see it. So yes there is a cost to the relationship , and you realize it . Do you feel good about it , NO you don't. We are not rubbing it in there faces, but just wearing them. Completes us , you quickly realize that there's a lot of girl in you. The clothes are secondary though. There is no separation of guy/girl for us. We let the feminine merge and reshape , to what we have always felt deep down.
I guess night after night after night as well as I can figure, is my gender issues percolating to the surface. I wish it was so simple as taking of my bra and hanging it up too air out , and shutting the closet door. But it's not,,,,

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Originally Posted by devida

Hi Kendra. I take the view that gender expression is about as varied as the individual so I'm a bit puzzled that you would assume that that we all fit in one stereotype of another. .

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Not at all what I am saying devida. I'm just posing a question to those (like the ones who post constantly on the panty threads) who are married with a not so supporting wife why they continue to wear panties around their wives.

Robertacd I suppose that fear could be one reason and I am not suggesting for anyone to dress fully or not at all. That is just my choice.

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Originally Posted by Aretha

. There is no separation of guy/girl for us. We let the feminine merge and reshape , to what we have always felt deep down.

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Good explanation for everyone who really does consider themselves more than a CD.

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Originally Posted by kendra_gurl

First I am in no way criticizing anyone for the manner in which they enjoy dressing.



For those of you who do sleep in lingerie or underdress fully after doing this a few times does it not seem like your rubbing it in your wives face all the time?

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um...yes you are. That is exactly what you did.

Let's keep this cordial (although I don't see how that ill happen)

I'm one of those who does wear panties everyday and bras most of those days too. The truth is I don't care about fully dressing, ben there and done that. I don't have a problem with those who do. I also don't see why you can't see that some guys don't want to try and pass. I enjoy being myself rather than how others think I should be and my wife and friends are happy with that.

Kendra
These threads are so much more enjoyable than 'what color panties are you wearing' or 'which runway model do you relate to most'.
I admit I wear panties but Its not an everyday thing, just if the mood takes me. My wife doesn't mind if I wear them or not. The same with tights/stockings ladies jeans and boots etc etc etc.
I DO NOT wear a nightie to bed as this is a NO NO, plus they aren't comfortable.
I don't dress fully on a regular basis as I don't really get much out of it. In fact I find it rather silly and if I do dress fully I get bored very quickly.
As we all know, everybody is different and we all have different degrees of dressing and compliance with our SO's.

One thing I would like an answer to Kendra - I have asked this on other threads but been ignored -
If your SO decided she wanted to wear a strap on penis (Breast form equivalent) and fake mustache (wig) and a Tuxedo around the house would you be agreeable and accepting?

Ellie

kendra, i'm with you in terms of presenting either fully male or fully female. i never blend the two. me in knickers without all the other stuff is just a horrible thought and i certainly wouldn't wish that on my poor SO.
-BUT-
i'm a 'live and let live' kinda girl and i guess every couple has their own arrangements and if the SO is comfortable with the panty wearing then that's cool. but if its making her uncomfortable or downright miserable then clearly something is going wrong but i don't stand in judgement of anyone.

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Originally Posted by Ellie52

Kendra

One thing I would like an answer to Kendra - I have asked this on other threads but been ignored -
If your SO decided she wanted to wear a strap on penis (Breast form equivalent) and fake mustache (wig) and a Tuxedo around the house would you be agreeable and accepting?

Ellie

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nope. and i don't expect my SO to be excepting of me either. that's why i keep it to myself.

the strap-on thing could have potential, though. don't get me started...:heehee:

I wear panties and bras everyday day of the week and my wife has seen me getting dressed many times. I've asked her how was her comfort level when she sees me getting dress because if it made her uncomfortable, then I would stop. Her response was to not change a thing because she is trying to understand me and understand the fact that I wear these items of choice because it is apart of me. I don't rub it in her face, I don't feel like I'm betraying her and she's even told me that certain bras look good on me and I love her even more for that. We both look it at it this way, we both have our faults and good points and some of those weird yet interesting points and that drives us closer together because of it. I'm transgender and she is bisexual, she likes dressing like a tomboy and I like the more feminine wear (but when she does get dressed up, she looks like a beauty queen in my eyes and heart), and we both have grown to have things in common, like watching horror movies, which before she met me, she didn't like to watch them. :D

For me, I wear panties and camisoles because that is all I want to do. I have no desire to dress beyond underdressing. That is my personal preference and my wife is fine with it. I do not believe CDing is an all or nothing experience.

I present as a female fully dressed in public also on a regular basis, I still do work as a male, but always wear panties for the simple fact I don't have any men undies anymore!

Well I'm just all over the board on this one, I dress fully most of the times I dress, but I wear panties almost daily no matter how I'm dressed. Oh I also wear nightgowns to bed most nights, but will revert back to PJ's on occasion just for a change.
As far as rubbing any ones face in anything, I don't tell her what kind of underwear she is allowed to wear, and she certainly has no business in what's in my pants as far as cloth choices or fabric choices I might make.
My wife has known for almost 40 years just what I am, I hide nothing, she also knows, I'm not going to change, this is who I am, and for some strange reason that I've never understood, she loves me just as I am, and is my strongest supporter in everything I do, and she buys most of Tina's underwear, and gives them to me as gifts, so I have to wear them, I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.

I did dress in front of my GF one time prior to going to the club to dance. She said she knew it was me up until the point I put the wig on. She felt at that point I became an entirely different person. Strange how it works sometimes. :)

With my ex-wife, any time I dressed I made sure she had a great sexual experience. This made it much more appealing to let me play too.

I know. Even if I had a strong desire to CD, which I don't, I simply couldn't do it if I were married, which I'm not, and knew it was upsetting to my wife. I just couldn't do it because knowing how it affects her would not only negate any pleasure I might otherwise enjoy but also make me feel self-conscious and embarrassed. But that's just me. I recognize there are others who experience an actual Need to CD so hopefully they have tolerant GG wives.

As a GG I'd like to say sometimes its fun just to wear sexy undies over sweats or something. And I like trying to guess what kind of undies my CD bf is wearing at the time. Its like a surprise. I try to guess. But when he wears them to bed I don't have a problem. Maybe cause I like the way his butt looks hehe (sorry if to much info just trying to give my reasoning) I think the fact he does look good in them is why I'm ok with it. I've dated a few wrestlers, so shaved men wearing little trunks/undies isn't to far off for me.
Plus its like wearing makeup, sometimes I just put on eye liner and other times I go all out with it. Just how you feel that day I'm guessing.
~

Kendra honey,
If I could even come close to looking as good as you, I would probably dress all the way. Unfortunately, that is not the hand I was dealt. My chances of passing are on the low side of slim and none. :)

As to your question, I have worn panties every day for a long time. When I was married, that was the limit my ex would tolerate and I did not wear thm to bed.

I wear them very day now because, quite simply, they are much more comfortable than my boxers ever were. More importantly, I feel right when I wear panties. I also will frequently add other items of under dressing as weather and situation permit. Even though I know I will never pass, I would wear a bra and forms with a nice skirt every day if I could - life will not allow so I under dress.

I also sleep in either a satin shortie or a full length pejnior with my bra and forms pretty much every night. I find them very comfortable and I sleep much better. Go figure. I is not uncommon for me to have to hunt for a form in the morning but as I said, I sleep better when I have them on.

I guess we each have our own place on the spectrum and I have found a balance where I am.

:hugs:

Shelby

Ps. I haven't totally given up hope. I made an appointment at the new MAC store in town to see what a professional can do with this mess. :battingeyelashes:

Fortunately, I have a very accepting wife. When we had "the talk" my beautiful bride took her time, educated herself and then decided she wanted to get to know stephanie. We recently moved and while unpacking our clothes, she found the few pair of male underwear that I still had and asked me if I still wanted to keep the ugly things or could she throw them out. I asked her if she were sure she wanted to do that at which time she promptly tossed them in the trash bin. Later that evening I had to ask her about that incident and her response was simply, you get to be a little girly, even when no one else knows but us and I like that. I do wear nighties to bed sometimes, other times I have some really cute betty boop pj's that she bought me and other times, well...we'll leave those times out. It works for us and for me, keeping her happy is all that really matters. If any of my behavior bothered her, she would tell me (she's really not shy about telling me things she finds uncomfortable) but if she were to say it bothered her, I certainly would not do it.

I wear panties everyday and it has been years since I have worn men's underwear. My wife I think has gotten used to it. As for dressing at night, I would say I wear a nightie 5 out of 7 nights a week. Not because I don't want to wear it the other nights, but just because I tend to be a night owl and when I finally hit the sack I may only have a few hours of sleep until I have to get up. With this my wife I think has gotten used to it. I have a pair of breast forms that I only use at night, almost always wear some kind of bra and I just seem to rest better those nights.

I don't think I am rubbing my wife's nose in it, because I am just being who I am. I have accepted myself, Trisha is more present. I love my wife, but I need to be me.

Kendra I don't see why you even want to know what other people do/wear in their bedrooms.

No, I don't feel as though I'm "rubbing it in her face" when I wear my nightgown to bed...after all, she is the one who suggested it to me.

That's a tough one. So much depends on how your SO feeling about all of this. I underdress daily. I do it because it feels right. It feels so right that it is no longer underdressing. I've slowly faded away from being two people and am merging into one. I also wear a chemise or something soft/silky every night because I like it and my SO loves it. She usually picks it out long before I hit the bed. But she accepts me totally.

this is me for sure,..the short answer is we both enjoy it so much,..i like being Ginafaye..and for her i'm sure she likes the role reversal...thingie..and with kids in and out of our home the nitetime is where we can explore my girly side the most

When I lived alone, I would usually wear nothing to bed, since moving in with my GF, she prefers to wear panties and t-shirt, and, I think, prefers me to wear underwear as well. She wouldn't object to me nude, but she has a preference. Panties? Well, what would be the point of keeping male underwear around just to wear to bed? Sometimes when it's a little colder, I'll add pantyhose or stay ups as well. I'm on the lookout for a nightshirt, or suitable nightie as an alternative.

While in your later posts, you clarified that you were talking about cases where the SO was not fully accepting, but that wasn’t in the OP. Because of that, your somewhat fierce tone came off as very aggressive, and seemed to be saying "This is my attitude and yours doesn't count"

I think its pretty simple. Its a comfort level thing. In my situation my gf is accepting and prefers that i am me, one whole person, not two separate people. Whether that means i wear panties to bed every night or always have my toenails done or what. She likes it better that way. If there was some sort of conflict and she wasent accepting i wouldnt do it. Or i would work with her to find a boundary that works for both of us.

I think a person can be accepting of some parts and not accepting of others. My gf didnt mind most things when i came out to her. The one issue she had was me having my toes done. She felt like that encroached on her feminism so i spent a long time without my toes done out of respect for her. Eventually things changed, but if it didnt i would still be biting the bullet and not painting my toes.

We don't over think it. We share the same robes, night shirts, etc and enjoy being with each other. I don't know that I can explain why it has never bothered either of us.

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Originally Posted by Stephanie47

Like you I do not mingle the man and the woman. I too dress totally en femme or not at all.

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I found this interesting, as I had not thought about it before. Unlike GG's, for whom putting on a piece of men's attire is quite a normal behavior, for me, if I'm dressed as a girl then putting on something particularly male such as coat, shirt, whatever, completely destroys the image of me to myself as female. Even my shoes; I have penny loafers, which I wore with the school girl uniform clothes, yet would never wear with my standard male stuff, as it was to me in the category of 'female clothes', even though when much younger I had worn the same style of shoe when dressed as a guy; but now, it was only as a girl would I wear them. Interesting. maybe the thought of wearing something 'male' infects the image.

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

Kendra I don't see why you even want to know what other people do/wear in their bedrooms.

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Really!! as long as you have been a member here and the number of post you have made that is your take on what my question is about?

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Originally Posted by UNDERDRESSER

While in your later posts, you clarified that you were talking about cases where the SO was not fully accepting, but that wasn’t in the OP. Because of that, your somewhat fierce tone came off as very aggressive, and seemed to be saying "This is my attitude and yours doesn't count"

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I do apologize if my OP was received that way as that was not my intentions. I think it is wonderful if you have not only a supporting spouse but one that enjoys your crossdressing.

When I started this thread there seemed to be several threads where those with UNSUPPORTING wives just couldn't understand why their wives couldn't deal with it or had finally said enough and kicked them out.

I didn't marry until I found a woman with whom I could be honest about my femme side, so I suppose the question doesn't apply? We're divorced now, but she was fine with whatever level of dressing I felt like in the moment. Often I did and still do "underdress" (first time I've seen that term :) ) because my CDing is very sensual for me, and I often don't feel like taking the time to go All out, yet want to enjoy my girly side, or perhaps more accurately, Feminine Aspect. I keep my legs waxed or shaved, and have been keeping my toes painted lately, though in a color that I wear openly in guy mode. OK, getting off topic.

Suffice to say, I choose not to be in a relationship in which I would be pushing anything on anyone. My current gf has yet to see me all dolled up except in pics, but likes knowing I'm wearing panties under my guy mode clothes, just for us.

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Originally Posted by kendra_gurl

For those of you who do sleep in lingerie or underdress fully after doing this a few times does it not seem like your rubbing it in your wives face all the time? What are you gaining from it and at what cost to your relationship?

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I am her husband and I am what I am. She understands that it makes me feel better about myself to wear panties and nightgowns. After years of wearing them, it is just a normal thing that I do and I don't feel that I'm "rubbing her nose in it"

I wear panties at home to bed and they are more comfortable. I also have a few nighties that I wear also but when you have grandchildren around you
have to be careful and make sure doors are secure. Nighties are also part of
my night attire and my wife likes both items worn by me to bed.

We, as crossdressers, have a spectrum of desires. It ranges from minimalism, just panties or hose for example, all the way to complete outfits with makeup, jewelry, etc. and everything in between. On the other side, our partners also have a spectrum of reactions. It ranges from full acceptance to zero tolerance and everywhere in between. As you can tell, there are some bad combinations here and regardless of what you do or say, the situation won't change. We should never put people in a bad situation as that usually brings about a bad response.

Too many types of girls out there to have the "either or" choice of two options.
I wear panties everyday because: I like how they make me feel feminine.
I wish I could dress more fully as a girl, but wife does not like it.
So I do what I can.
Candy