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Okay, so I have a gel manicure (matte navy blue, my new thing) shiny navy blue toenails (same color but the pedicurist they told me the matte doesn’t last without gel), a waxed chest and stomach, shaved legs... and I’m about to get both ears pierced. Call me crazy, but someone’s gonna start asking questions. Any ideas or have I committed myself to being honest when the time comes?
Many of your "tells" will amout to little if anything. You live in S. Calif. Waxed or shaved bodies are very common and few id any will even notice. I have been totally hair free for years now and nothing has ever been said by any one. My ears have been pierced for several years and I wear ear rings 95% of the time. I have been asked about that, but I simply said it was something I wanted to do and everyone accepted. I have had members of my golf club ask me about how to get that done. MY toe nails are painted almost all the time and again nothing said because few notice. I have had a small number ask me about my total presentatrion and I tell them the truth and my entire family knows I am a dresser. You are not crazy, so enjoy the path.
If you want to be little hints are always a good thing bet if asked the best thing is do not jhedge or dodge the question admit whatever it is if one dodges around then behind ones back gossiping can ensue with whoever trying to find out what is being hidden. Honesty is the best bet as I found out when I got busted over a year ago but if you are in the right area the easier life is with the more people that know you dress.
Give me a PM I can tell you how life evolved in my hamlet and how easy life for me is now.
Dumb question, but who is going to see anything beyond your nails?
I would say that your 'tells' are going to vary according to where you live. In the city earrings are meaningless, unless they are big hoops, in the country where I live, only a little bit. In the city painted finger nails a little bit, in the country where I live very very much. If you were a competitive bike racer, or a swimmer, no one would think twice about shaved legs. It's all a matter of location.
All I can say, if your tells go overboard you will just have to learn to live with it.
Get those stories and reasons ready. :-)
Strength building!
Public display may cure you!
Pierced ears are nothing, unless you wear overtly feminine earrings, like big hoops, or dangling ones. Doubtful anyone would notice the toes, unless you also wear sandals or flip flops a lot or go barefoot. Most people won’t even notice the shaved/waxed body. Manicured, polished nails in a feminine style may make people wonder if you are gay, but doubtful they will imagine you like to cross dress.
When I first started shaving my arms and chest and legs, I thought sure all my friends would notice. None said a word. They did not even comment when I shaved off the beard I had worn for the entire time they had known me. My own daughter did not notice I had shaved my legs, even while we were both in the swimming pool and my smooth legs were in plain sight - and she already knew and accepted that I was cross dressing.
My sister came to visit our new home after we moved back to her state, and she did notice my manicured nails right away, even though I had toned it down to a glossy French cut style. She also noticed my pierced ears and shaved arms. But she did not put it together that I was cross dressing until she found my girl side’s Facebook page. Only then did she realize I had also been wearing women’s jeans around her!
Even if people wonder about those ‘tells’ they are unlikely to ask about them.
I surf regularly, so friends at the beach.Quote:
Originally Posted by kimdl93
Katrina, there are quite a few posts about getting ears pierced. Maybe you can find some.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KatrinaK
Outside of your fingernails, I doubt anyone will notice. I have had a smooth body for decades and no one ever mentioned it. I did once have long (unpolished) fingernails, which did garner some disapproval.
I've worried about this too. I got caught with painted toenails by my family last summer when I went to visit and forgot I was wearing sandals, said it was just my wife having fun and everyone thought it was funny. Shaved everything this summer and have been shaving legs regularly. No one said a word.
Katrina "With all your "tells" is your wife worried you may desire to transition?" That's what my wife is concerned about as my "tells" increase too..., Nikki
Sarah, how could you possibly put on sandals and not notice you polished toe nails? ;-)
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Kat, got 'em pierced yet?
Hi Katrina :hugs:, I Pierced my ears three years ago at 72 and a few people would ask me about them
and I would just look them in the eye and ask,
"Is this going to be a problem for you" And that just took the wind out of their sails. >Orchid ..o:daydreaming:o..
It all depends on where you are and where you go. I live near NYC, and have spent plenty of time in Manhattan, where for years, you could walk down an avenue wearing pretty much anything and get completely ignored. I give you Rollerina as an example. Attachment 295781
Besides, one 'tell' is actually all it takes. If they notice that and don't ask any questions, you're good to go.
So Nikki, I don’t think my wife is particularly worried about that. I don’t plan on transitioning because I find myself squarely in bigender territory. I enjoy my boy time as much as my girl time. My wife has told me that if I was to transition, she would stay married to me, so there’s that too. The more comfortable I am with myself, the more receptive she seems to be to me. She would much rather that I was completely out than to have to keep secrets because of my insecurities.
So in summary, my wife is more turned off by the insecurities that surround my dressing and gender expression than my dressing and gender expression itself.
Lexi, I live in Southern California so I’m good on that front.
I also have many tells shaved body, longer then avg. nails, I'm sure many fiends and family see these things but no one has asked questions. If asked about shaving I'm going to just say I like it.
Seems the nails are a particularly big give away. That did it for me. It seems now when I come out to anyone (that's left) they tell me how long they've known for. It's a good laugh for both of us. If I come out to you, I am pretty sure you're on my side so it all works out. Plucked eyebrows did it for my family. Not definitely but it led to questions which eventually revealed the truth.
The thing I’ve noticed about my “tells” is that they have had one of the biggest impacts of keeping the dysphoria at bay. Between the nails (which often get paired with some of Katrina’s rings cause I just don’t care anymore) and rubbing my shaved legs together (like a cricket, my wife says), it’s reduced she overwhelming need to dress as often, which has made when I do fully present more special. Owning my own fluidity has been one of the best decisions I’ve made.
I go well beyond most of the things mentioned in your OP and the replies, and live in a small redneckish town in a very conservative state and other than some double takes and long looks I have only been outright 'spoken' to, a couple of times.
I say spoken to, because the fact is most people have not asked me why this or that, they tend to just blurt out what they are seeing.
Yeah, people who know you may ask 'why' questions, but the best response (and I don't necessarily hold to the 'tell the truth every time' edict) is usually just a very firm 'because I want to', and if they persist, then get firmer...…...'not your business' or 'others opinions of me is none of my business'.
I've gotten some of these comments...….your brows are plucked and shaped, you have no hair on your arms or legs, and once or twice it's been a 'do you' question. The thing is, most people seem to instantly think they have to respond in some way to explain it, and why? People are allowed the freedom to look how they want to look. I've given a few idiots the blank stare in return.
When someone asks a person any question or makes any comment about the way another looks, it is instantly passing judgement, even before any response is given or received, it is coming from some supposed belief that all people of this or that sex/gender 'must' look only one way.
It's a cycle we all should be diligent in breaking.
Don't get me wrong I understand how scary it is in the beginning; been there done that, but on this side of it now, I see that it is all very much in our heads. I spent the entire summer in ladies sandals, fully done gel polish nails (mostly less obtrusive colors...no pinks, reds, or purples), toe rings, ankle bracelet and it was a non-event.
Own it Katrina, you'll be fine, the being honest thing is up to you really, maybe reserve that for the peeps you know well and can trust to respect you. The people on this site who are the militant types will disagree, but I just don't get that random people or anyone who we just know casually have any right or deserve explanations about what we look like.
Cass
Katrina
I have all the things you describe and no-one has ever asked me about any of them. It would be none of their business after all. Cass is right, people have no right to an explanation. If I was questioned as to why about something, my answer would be a simple 'I like it'.
Daisy
Katrina,
I must admit it's great to reach the stage where TELLS don't matter anymore .
If you are totally out then there's no explanation needed , I appreciate it's hard for some to reach that stage so you have to worry about those little signs and think of ways to cover your tracks . As it turns out most of these problems are ours and no one elses , people miss the obvious sometimes because of their own problems and that's the point we sometimes miss .
I feel we question ourselves sometimes , the thoughts surface of why are we doing this , so we need to justify the TELLS to ourselves on occasions .
Thank you Cassandra Lynn. I could not agree more. We are all individuals and just as some choose to follow the expectations of the masses, some decide to break from that for all kinds of personal reasons. Boundaries are useful for some things, but in some circumstances those boundaries can lead to discrimination and disrespect. Good response Cassandra.
Katrina,
You are not crazy IMO, you simply allowing yourself to be true to yourself. I love your approach.
Best wishes!
Ladies, thank you all for the support. It’s funny, I was just having a similar conversation with my gender therapist, who I LOVE but am not allowed to take home and keep her. LOL
I’m on a one-way ride to being fully out, but it’s a process. It’s going faster than I originally had planned, large in part because of both my wife’s encouragement (ie when she said enough is enough, get dressed and we’re going dancing in West Hollywood) and my wife’s insistence that I get over any insecurities about my presentation on a day to day basis.
I’m at the point where new people I meet can know whatever they want to, because it’s easy and people are generally accepting I find. Where I struggle is with old friends and family who know me intimately enough to dig. I’ve had some bad experiences with my brother, who seems to find transphobic things to say more often than the average person. My mother as well... for now, my plan is to slowly share with “safe” friends, building confidence as I go.
And Cassandra, I DEFINITELY need some toe rings now that you’ve said that!
I have some tell tale signs that people may or may not notice, both ears pierced, shaped eyebrows, a woman's watch, thin rings, virtually hairless arms. So far no one has commented, though I've certainly seen people looking on more than one occasion. Even when my wife asks about such things I just say I have them because I like them, and she doesn't press the issue.
Yeah, t totally get ya......that is the main deal.Quote:
Originally Posted by KatrinaK
And least people think i'm that 'out', I have held back from explaining it all to my older brothers. They'd be ok with it for the most part, but it also just isn't a big deal. I'm sure they all have formed their own conclusions just from the way I present. Because of other circumstances I just don't have any old friends to deal with.
Your right, the majority of people really are generally accepting.
I loooove my toe rings and the feeling of that anklet dangling around on my ankle is really nice.
I'm so bummed tho, one of my fave toe rings has finally worn out and had to be tossed; since they have to be bendable to get on and off they do tend to finally just wear out, I was putting it on the other day, and it just came apart.
It was a wide band with an antique brass looking finish, filigreed...……………..the perfect blend of feminine and masculine.
I have prolly 10 toe rings, one is a simple band, and looks like a men's wedding ring, a couple of lady friends have asked about it as I wear it on the left foot.
Cass
Never thought this thread would result in more tells, but this girl is going to get some toe rings!
This is a really great thread for me. I spent years working so hard to present the most bland and unremarkable male image possible that I made Ned Flanders look like a hippy.
I came out to my family (siblings) recently and now that they are ok I have dialed it down, but I am still finding it *really* difficult to do anything that I can't hide if need be (like get my ears pierced, which I have always wanted to do).
Go ahead and get them pierced, what's stopping you? A lot of men have their ears pierced and it is fine.
Oh just do it already. Lots of men have pierced ears and you can take the earings out after a while you know. I'ts not exactly like having breast implants now is it? It's your life, live it. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Eemz
Ha ha yes I definitely see the irony here, that's why I shared this :) I'm sitting at my desk at work right now in a pale blue soft fabric shirt, a white watch and a bracelet of small hearts, girl jeans, and red & gold shoes. But earrings? Oh no that'd be *way* too obvious. LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by DaisyLawrence
Now your getting it. Down to the piercing studio. :)
I got both ears pierced this summer and wore studs for several weeks while I was on vacation. When I returned to work, I went to tattoo studio where I got them pierced and she put in clear retainers. I wear them to work every day and no one has said anything negative. Only a couple have noticed.
My newest "tell"...I've clipped my arm hair significantly...not much left! yay! and I'm so much enjoying my short sleeve and sleeveless dresses!
Yay! I was very self conscious when I shaved my arms for the first time (actually Veet). It was for a specific event, but nobody batted an eyelid so I've kept them that way.Quote:
Originally Posted by nikkiwindsor
I'm with you Eemz...no one (including my wife) has batted an eye!
Done! Thanks for the push Daisy LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by DaisyLawrence
Eemz, I'm excited for you. Bet you can't wait for them to heal so you can get those danglies in. :)
First, under my arms, then my legs, now . . . . ? It is becoming simply natural at this point. And I do adore the smooth sensations on my legs! Oh my!
Roxanne, A little Girl at a Time.
My Friend has had both her ears pierced,her reason if anyone should ask is,that she couldn't afford a Ferrari,or a Harley so this was her mid-life crisis decisionQuote:
Originally Posted by KatrinaK
Sophie
Regarding ear piercing, I got both mine pierced three months ago - 60th birthday present to myself. My wife and mother-in-law thought it was a great idea. Only one person has directly commented; a woman at a winery who told me she liked it and wished more men would wear earrings. Before then, I thought people would think less of me or that I was strange. I was completely wrong. I'll know more when I see the more socially conservative members of my family.
FYI, I know several men who paint their toenails and fingernails.
My nails are growing longer...I had to clip them back a bit for a visit to my parents. And the broken nail is starting to grow back too! I've applied a couple coats of clear nail polish hoping that may prevent breakage. And I'm carefully filing them as they grow. They're getting to the point that they're difficult to hide from the muggles. I'll have to keep them a modest length that doesn't get attention. Why is it that I have to please society and not rock their little suffocating world? Let me do my thing, let me be me, and don't judge me!! Why is that too much to ask?
How I wish I had some pretty "tells". Maybe he would admire me, then!
"Roxanne, In a Girls's World"