Is it just me? please read with caution

Is it just me ??? Am I the only one on this board that has a negitive attitude about crossdressing?? I'd first like to say that if you are happy about dressing and expressing yourself or trying to pass yourself as a female, knock yourself out... I am only communicating through a piece of plastic going out somewhere in never never land... Why would I care?? Not like I would ever met or judge anyone in person anyways to impact anyones life.

This is a place where people can gain support for Crossdressing , I've learned that as I went along, this place meaning MTF forum...I thought I was mis lead after I joined this site but started to get the picture as I progressed,yes I am a little slow..

Facts about me or people like me who will not accept Crossdressing but can't always control the urges.

1. We stay in the closet , do not wish to be seen most of the time by anyone.

2. We perfer not to go by a female name and wish not to be adressed as a she.

3. We feel quilt , shamed and depressed after we dress.

4. We do not wear bras,forms,makeup or shave in areas that females are known to shave..

5. Dressing is sometimes or most times a sexual fetish.

6. Have nothing in common with most in this MTF forum, because we do not want to be females or act out being females.

I am sure there are many more facts I am just wondering why there isn't a support forum for the closet CDers we need support but of a different nature. I am Just curious for those who lurk, IS IT JUST ME???

THIS THREAD IS FOR THOSE WHO I HAVE DIRECTED IT TO, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE SO THOSE WHO THIS ISN'T DIRECTED TO PLEASE DON'T GET YOUR KNICKERS IN A TWIST.

C.W.

You are just another variation of those who belong here. Welcome to the varying world of crossdressers. Just enjoy who you are.:hugs:

Dear Curse Within,

Your thread certainly was not directed at me, as I love being a MTF CD. But I think it deserves an answer anyway.

I have read your posts on other threads, and there seems to be an ongoing flow of negativity in your thoughts. What is going on in your life that brings on such a tremendous amount of negative thinking? Not my business, I know, I just want you to think about your attitude. If you dislike dressing so much, why do you do it? Being a CD is not something you were born with! We dress because we like to! At least most of do. Some, a few, do it for sexual reasons or because they really want to become a woman. But IMHO the greater number of us do it simply because we like to. And don't tell you cannot stop. Yes you can, if you really want to! I did stop cold turkey some years ago. Purged everything and did not dress for several years. So why am I dressing now, you ask? Because my wife missed Stephanie, that's why! She literally begged me to start dressing again, even to the point of spending her own money to buy me new clothes.

Many CD's stay in the closet, for any number of reasons. And many do not adopt feminine names or make themselves look like females. But they are still happy with what the things they do! Since my wife passed away I never wear my wig, and rarely use makeup. But I still dress and go out in public! I just don't care how others see me, except for my two grown children.

So what is your reason for being so negative? Whatever it is, I still like and respect you as a person!! I just feel sorry for you!

By that I mean that most CD'ers begin where your at, dressing up but feeling guilty, being ashamed, doing it for sexual thrills but in time that changes to being or wanting to be a woman. Most of the time Cd'ers are in a sort of denial about being TS and it takes years, sometimes decades before their thoughts and feelings are sorted out.

In my case I was a crossdresser for well over 40 years and was ashamed of myself, but couldn't stop. The last several years I've come to understand that I'm TS and would prefer to be a woman. So my thoughts have shifted now to how far I want to transition, just wearing the clothes and presenting as a woman or going further by doing Hormone therapy or SRS. That's where I'm at right now..:battingeyelashes:

Yeah... I'd say it's just you.... but I've had those felings many eons ago but once I accepted that doing what I was driven to do was not bad or wrong and wan't going away ever, I accepted it and moved on without questioning why!! And life got better and crossdressing became fun!!!

The reason I think it seems to you that there is no support out there for closet CDs is because those not in the closet are “out there” in more ways than a dress. I suspect that they are extroverts, and are more likely to participate in a forum like this.

Those of us in the closet are either introverts ( I plead guilty) or very fearful of the results of not being in the closet, or both(yup, guilty again). We tend not to be very expressive.

I have read several threads, and thought I would respond. But I did not. Enough had already been said, and anything I had to add would have been repetitive. Others in the “out there” category would have posted, and not given it a second thought.

As for not having anything in common with “most in this MTF forum,” ya wear women’s clothes, don't ya?

Read the forums. If it fits, accept it. If it does not fit, reject it. Clothes or ideas.

Hugs
BekiJ

Sissy,

Really...No need to feel sorry for me we all sometimes die of our own swords..For replying ,you do deserve an answer, I'll give it my best shot even though I sometimes I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words.

As early as I can remember these natural feelings, to desire to wear female clothing , have been with me... Being young and not Knowing the way of soceity acceptance I would wonder into my younger sisters room and start wearing here clothing without caring who seen me..After a few times and being treated the way I was by my mother and stepfather could have lead to the start of my rejections towards Crossdressing, it wasn't pretty.

Then as I hit my teenage years I hid my dressing which wasn't often and were very short bouts because of how risky is was to have been caught. After that I met my wife and told her about my urges to dress a little more than a year into our relationship, she particapated a few times then made it clear to me that she did not want any part of it, she made the boundries clear, so came another 20 years of rejection and being deeper into the closet.. She knew I still did it ,not often , not like most in here and not that in depth.. But it was smeared in my face, been called the root of our marriage problems and the end of our marriage even tho I never dressed in front of her after she laid the boundries down.

So I was raised to reject it, soceity doesn't accept it..It was called the reason for ending my marriage.. Why do I do it if I hate it so much?? I wish I could answer, why do any of us do it? If I knew why, I sure wouldn't be in here talking about it...

Thanks for you concern I hope I answered you.

C.W.

I think there are many forms of crossdressing. This forum seems to welcome all of them. My opinion if you like to wear any type of womens apperal, in or out of the closet, and for what ever reason, you are a crossdresser.
I'm a crossdreser, I love it and if your one then we have something in common. I don't care whos in or out of the closet, who goes out in public full dress, or who just occasionally wears panties for sexual gratification. We share a common interest and at times would like to talk with others about this common interest. I see that as what this forum is about.

Hey, curse, you are definately not alone.

I suspect, as you indicated, that most closeteers are not active participants. The term "lurker" sounds like it has a negative connotation, so I will not use it, even though I just did, but I can easily understand the reluctance of people in the closet to open the door just to peek. It is our nature to be totally paranoid about anybody finding out about us...otherwise we wouldn't be in the closet to begin with.

I, myself, made a decision to come out of the closet communicatively in this forum. Whatever internal pressures, guilt, etc that is bottled up inside become less intense when letting out steam. It is a bit therapeutic for me.

One way in which I think I've been helped is in losing the negative attitude that you refer to concerning cd'ing. But I can understand that through the pressures of society, this may not be an honorable past-time. I am willing to let people have their own opinions about this without proselytizing.

There are as many levels of cd'ing as there are cd's. As you describe yourself, it appears that you like to wear female attire of some kind for some purposes that are important to you. IMHO, that is the classic definition of CDing.

The ones in this forum who you think you have nothing in common with because they do want to be addressed by their female name, they do wear bras, forms, makeup, and shave themselves, and they do want to be or act female...these people may consider themselves CD'ers like yourself, but they are on another level which borders on or includes TG/TS'ism.
Whether they want to admit it to themselves or not, once the makeup goes on, it has little to do with how the clothes feel.

The big issue is really "In" or "Out." Those who are Out or trying to get Out need a different kind of support than those who are In, trying to stay In, or maybe thinking of coming Out. There shouldn't be a conflict between the Ins and the Outs, but often there is. There shouldn't be characterizations of those in the closet based on their personal relationships and opinions by others who have chosen to put it all on the line.

Curse, you have my support for whatever it is you want (as long as it's legal and it doesn't hurt anyone), and I hope that there are a multitude of passive readers that are nodding their heads in agreement.

However, by their very nature, we will never know.

Jacqui

I must say as I have so many times ..You all are very supportive problem is not the kind I need.. I doubt I will ever find that sort of support, I know it is hard to understand where I am coming from with this thread...

To me Crossdressing is like a drug addiction I am not a junkie but I think I have to do it... To most in here Crossdressing is better than money and they can't have enough until they are the prettiest girl ...See the difference?? I really thank you all for your support but my kind of support is why I hate it so much not why I love it so much.. I will never change I will never leave the closet even if accepted in soceity.. I am more male by far than female but sometimes that bit*h gets in my way.

Thanks all

C.W.

Curse;

You asked, so hear is my :2c:. Yes you seem very negative, most , NOT all of the time. You seem to have a very low self esteem level. I understand this because I've been there. I would highly reccomend some reading material.

My Husband Betty
The Feeling Good Handbook by David D. Burns
Depression for Dummies by Laura L.Smith
Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life by Steven Hays
Living Beauty by Bobbie Brown
Glamour's Big book of Do's and Dont's by Glamour Magazine
Peanuts by Charles Shultz

and if (don't be offended, because I don't know) you are addicted to something like internet porn, then a 12 step book like.

Every Mans Battle

I would be glad to talk to you about any of these books.

Kelly

P.S. I am CONVINCED rerun became a crossdresser in Peanuts.
I think that is you read these 25 times it will change your outlook on life.


Kelly

Thanks Kelly and no I have no desires torwards porn at all...Odd huh never really found it entertaining to look at inked images to get my gote and seeing other doing it while I am not only makes me jealous ..I do get depressed because I dress only , no it's not daily or even weekly but it happens .. The part is after dressing it just doesn't feel right and I have felt that way for years. My level of dressing or desires have not change and are not growing after 37 years of dressing maybe longer I think I have peaked... I have no desires into furthering it..


I just posted this thread not to whine,not for anyone to feel sorry for me but to see if others who may visit here and never speak up, feel the same as I? That all please this isn't meant to judge or offend anyone and I hope it isn't taken that way.. If anything maybe more of the memebers can understand me better.

C.W.

The way I see it, if you're going to keep doing something you feel guilty about, you should do one of two things:

1 -- Stop doing whatever it is, or

2 -- Stop feeling guilty about it.

Otherwise, you're just driving yourself barking mad.

Personally, I've opted for #2. I know it sounds trite, as if we could suddenly switch off that guilt thing. It's not easy. Some things take a long time. I could spout off a lot of mindless psychobabble, but I hate psychobabble. You'll find a way.

Your right Miss....If only I can find that on off switch...I guess I must have combined acceptance when I lost denial...I have no choice but to accept crossdressing and never denied the fact I do it ,I know your not saying that don't get me wrong I am not quoteing you at all.. I am just trying to explain sometimes when you accept something that you have little control over because I know only I put those clothes on, nobody forces me to do it. But I know the price I pay if I don't in time ,we have all been there, that doesn't turn off the individuales quilt..

Are most of us accepting crossdressing or learning to live with it?? Million dollar question in which I am sure would be a divided answer...It has no place in my life, but it sure seems to find a way in..

Thanks Miss for the post..

C.W.

CW you seem to put blame for your stuation on your upbringing.Lord knows I came from a big homophobic family.Boys didn't dress in womens clothes ever.
Maybe its time to cut the ties and leave that negativity behind you.
Let the real you out (at your own speed)and see if that helps.
Negative thoughts bring on negative energy and that affects everything and everyone around you.Once you learn to harness the positive energy things get much better.
I don't say this lightly I lived in a very violent world for a long time pissed at the world for causing me so much pain and hardship.
I was deep in the gang life, drugs, beating the dog snot out of people for no reason.In the Army it was my job to kill everything in my path and feel no remorse. So yes I have come a long way out of a very dark hole of a life.
It took a while to grasp the concept that I and I alone had the power to change every thing around me and rid myself of the negative energy surrounding me .All done with positive energy and the help of a very wise very old American Indian friend to which I am eternally grateful.Thank you Bright Moon my friend.
Remember only you have the power to change your world.
Emk I'm done here typing is hard work!

FWIW being a two tiered person is in some parts of the world is considered to be a very special thing.
Accept who you are and improve from the inside.

Thanks Traci , A very thoughtful reply. I have on several times thought that was the reason for my rejection to( the familiy) fully accepting, but it's not ..Until a few months ago I really didn't know why I rejected it, then it hit me as I was reading some post in here..I just couldn't relate to a lot of them , how girly some post are. I'm looking at the whole MTF section, it has everything and anything positive to promoteing crossdressing but nothing negetive for those who choose not to have the so called gift but are stuck with it..

So as I said I like rejecting it I want to be 100 percent male..Hell I try to reduce my chest ( man boobs) by working out . If I could take a pill to keep that bit*h away I would then and only then it would be a choice .But as of today I have not found one so rejection is my only option..

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Originally Posted by curse within

3. We feel quilt , shamed and depressed after we dress.

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Which is why this site is exactly what you need. Anyone who feels guilt over a harmless behavior needs to overcome this internalized feeling by spending time with those who have already tred that path. Stay here and mingle for 1-2 years and slowly your thoughts will be re-orientated to a more accepting position which will then provide you with the confidence and motivation needed to complete the journey yourself.

Everyone changes over time. You can help shape your own changes by choosing the right companionship. Unless of course you enjoy being miserable!

BTW the fact that you are a member here actually says a lot about you. You are searching for understanding, acceptance and friendship. You are just not ready to admit that to yourself. If you really were the person you listed in your 6 points then you would never have joined this site. Think about it.

terribly interesting thread.

on the one hand i relate quite a bit while on the other not one whit.

where i relate is this: the idea of shame and guilt. had that for many years and to some extent still do (say for example the idea of being outed publicly and bringing embarrassment to my wife and kids). i also relate to the relentlessness of the desire to dress and the wishing it just wasn't there to complicate my life and steal time from other pursuits.

where i don't relate is not working through those issues to find some modicum of peace and serenity. at the end of the day - and i REALLY mean the END of YOUR LAST DAY - what darn difference will all of this angst, frustration, and self-flagellation make? will your headstone say "He Beat Himself About the Head Over What He Saw as His Shortcomings"?

acceptance doesn't mean approval. you and i can accept what and who we are without saying "and hey, isn't that a great thing!" (though today i oftentimes feel blessed by it)

the themes that seem to resonate in your words - shame, self-loathing, and disgust - these i am familiar with (things were a whole lot different when i wore my mother's panties for the first time at age 7 in 1958) - but what of the idea that to your own self be true? what of being genuine and authentic people rather than a poor reflection of what we think the larger world wants from us?

frankly, and i say this with affection, i think most of your issues are the result of an overactive mind operating on too little information using a yardstick made of some tyrants idea of morality.

Pogo might have got it right; I have met the enemy and he is us.

warmest regards and best wishes.

I see now CW you feel the CD thing as something you wish had not been given.Maybe it was given to you for a reason whos to say.
I understand about the urge to dress and trying to supress that urge.
Maybe a gender therapist could help you find the root cause of your dysphoira
and help you to stop.Worth a try.
I have a clear path in life and it feels pretty good.
I do hope you can sort it all out good luck with it.
Pogo what a great comic strip.

You are definitely not alone. For the most part I feel the same way you do but try not to take such a negative tone-for example, calling it the "Curse within". Although I often wish I never had the urge to dress to begin with, I do believe it has made me much more open minded and empathetic to other people's struggles.

I too have looked at the urge at times as an addiction and have attended sex addicts anonymous meetings where I found acceptance, even though most attendees' sexual addictions are different. It might be a problem if it interferes in your daily life, or is more important than the relationships (or marriage) in your life. Only you can make that determination.

I've also shared about myself at some men's groups. You can find them in your area by looking on the web for men's support groups. One of many organizations worth looking into is the Mankind Project with chapters in most cities.

I would love to have a face to face support group where those of us who cross dress could just share about our feelings-the goal would not be to learn how to dress more passably. There are plenty of groups out there for that already. Attendees would be encouraged but not required to come "in drab" and those who wish to quit or reduce their frequency would be supported as well as those who are happy in their current circumstances. I think there is a real shortage of places where men can just be open and supportive of one another without shame.

I'm happy to share more about this anytime. Although this is my first post, I very much appreciate the support of this group.

"Curse" you might want to check out this blog, which has been posted on this group in another thread a few months ago: http://ybatv.blogspot.com/

Hang in there.

Everyone deserves support and i think it would be a sad thing if it was said that the only one`s who need support are the ones who have come out of the closet, that would be stupid as there are many reasons to stay in it as there are also reason`s to come out of it .
If someone wants to stay in the closet they should not feel bad or made to feel bad as i have heard it said many times " i can`t understand why they are in there" that in my opinion is sending out a negative attitude and in a lot of case`s it makes people feel like they should not be here and joining in as they have valued points and experience`s to share.

Self loathing was my MO for many years! I didn't understand myself, hated what I did, was afraid and wished for "normalcy"! Sex was a part of my urges early on and that only added to my self revulsion. The secret was killing me!
It wasn't until I was discovered and finally had the nads to admit to what I was, did things begin to change. Now with accepting myself and an accepting wife I have come to terms with my own trangenderedness and the self hate is gone. I am happy and feel I am belessed to be this way!

:hugs:Kelsy

It must be you. I can not relate to any of your facts that you listed....Sorry.

Crossdressing is like a two-edged sword my friend that can cut both ways. The real trick is to use it to our advantage to learn about ourselves. The skill is acquired by not letting the sword cut us on the backswing. If we are afraid to be cut, however, we will never learn that skill.:)

I can understand where you are coming from Curse. Some of the guilt you feel may be associated with the troubles that crossdressing has brought you. A while back I used to feel guilty about my crossdressing habits. But now I accept it and embrace it. I once purged my clothing approximately 13 years ago, and I am still kicking myself over it. Back then I did not have a complete understanding of crossdressing. Since then I have been able to find out alot about crossdressing by reading books, participating in this forum and checking out other crossdressing related websites. IMHO you are being way too hard on yourself. Try not to beat yourself up over the fact that you like to wear womens clothing. Be positive about it. If you enjoy it then do so. And dont compare yourself with other people. Telling yourself that what you are doing is wrong is doing no good whatsoever.

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I must say as I have so many times ..You all are very supportive problem is not the kind I need.. I doubt I will ever find that sort of support, I know it is hard to understand where I am coming from with this thread...

To me Crossdressing is like a drug addiction I am not a junkie but I think I have to do it... To most in here Crossdressing is better than money and they can't have enough until they are the prettiest girl ...See the difference?? I really thank you all for your support but my kind of support is why I hate it so much not why I love it so much.. I will never change I will never leave the closet even if accepted in soceity.. I am more male by far than female but sometimes that bit*h gets in my way.

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That is exactly how I used to feel. For me, when I started to really hate being trans was just after I first admited to myself that that's probably what I am. And for years, I struggled with an internal conflict that just eventually grew tiring. Maybe it was because of my size and very male appearance, or the image I had projected myself as over the years, but I determined that my male side would win out in the end. Just every once in awhile I would get urges, and that I would begin a transition. And then my "normal self" would kick in, and I would go back to the denial.
And after I finally gave in, with the struggle now seeming pointless, I started to feel less depressed about it. And it seems to me that even just alittle indulgence can make a difference.

I would say you just need to find what your level acceptance is. Some people live just fine with just acknowledging the fact to themselves. They have no dessire to transition, or do any crossdressing, but they don't deny it. Others are satisfied dressing up some to fully dressed only at home, while some are dressed at home and out. And some people will have full transition to be able to live with themselves. And there are still many different levels inbetween.
Spend some time soul searching. And don't be ashamed. It's no more abnormal than homosexuality, and has been documented in cultures throughout history, in which some cultures crossdressers and transsexuals were held in high regards.
Alot of men who are not even crossdressers try on a pair of bra and panties, tuck their dick, and fantasize.

Well, ya know what, curse? You can stop dressing and it's as easy as giving yourself over to one of those church related anti-trans groups for "reprogramming". How's a little aversion therapy sound to make you even more disgusted with yourself than you already are?

Come on, kiddo, stop with the self-loathing. Have you ever really hurt anyone else besides yourself? Broken any laws by wearing a dress? Think you've condemned yourself to everlasting hell-fire for masturbating while wearing panties? Get over it!

See a shrink if you need to to. (Think you're too much of a man to do that? If so, then you're not. You're a coward.)

Sorry, it's harsh! But, hunny, you're beating yourself up over something that means squat in the big scheme of things.

Do something nice for someone else...anybody else! Get your mind off yourself, ffs!

Curse,

When I first joined this forum I too was looking for a cure, looking for a way to stop this thing that I did, that was causing so much upheaval in my life. That was back in 2004.

It is now 2009 and I embrace this part of myself. It has cost me a lot (a 25 year relationship for example), however, it has brought me closer to myself and has given me a great sense of peace and contentment that I have not known for a long time. It has also allowed me to confront the issues in my life more directly. I still suffer from the losses and from the pains that I created in my life through so many years of denial but at least now I acknowledge this important part of who I am and can move forward to build a life that is more authentic.

Huggs
Melissa

Hi CW. Thank you for being so truthful in your posts. We have to remember that our unique situations are welcomed by some of us and loathed by others. But we are still in the same boat. Some of us enjoy the ride while others only get sea sick.
Crossdressing has caused me much anguish and grief in my 59 years. But I have made my peace with it and am much happier now.
I'm sorry that you were treated poorly by members of your family. I had a son that was a bed wetter until the age of ten. We dealt with the problem in a kind and considerate way; trying every possible solution. Finally we took him to a chiropractor for an adjustment. He never wet the bed again. I wonder how it would have affected him if we had berated him for his "bad behavior."
Now we all know that cross dressing can't be "cured" by a twist of the bones. It's more complicated than that. I've come to think of it as a gift for me. But I didn't always think this way. Good luck on your journey to figure out what this condition means for you. Leanne

Honey, We are all on a journey. No, I don't go out dressed NEAR as much as I like. Yes, as some point in my adolescent this became a sexual fetish, and remained so through my 20s. But now, I am finally beginning to accept that the fem part of me is ME! I am becoming more and more of the male part of me, even when dressed in that personna. Where will it lead? Who knows. All I know is that I am committed to the journey now. I FINALLY accept this part of me and see her as an equal to him. A sort of internal women's lib!

Stay on the journey and stay true to who you are!

XO to you all for being there,
Jenn

I am happy to see there are some who can relate. Please once again don't get me wrong on this thread..Everyone who has replied as well as this whole Forum are very supportive and I will say that til I am blue to my face..

I have seen this time after time though it is on going, maybe too supportive ? The type of support I am looking for not only for myself but curious if OTHERS ARE LOOKING FOR THE SAME. Is not the pros of Crossdressing we all know those but the cons of crossdressing those of us who feel cursed.

I know most here have been through the "journey" trust me I have been there ..Being a genetic male and the reason for this Thread is I want to stay true to my sex not become or accept the burden that is a daily ,weekly battle.

Now I know a lot of you have been through it and feel it is a phase I am going through ,you tell me it is a normal to feel the way I do in rejecting the desires. It is hard to explain maybe I am the freak I don't know all I can say is that after the deed of the on going nagging pestering urge of that female wanting to burst out of me succeeds , I hate myself for giving in I have always felt that way and I see no end in site.

I have seen a therapist wasn't any help

Thank you

CW

Crossdressing covers a very wide spectrum of people - we all have different needs and different satisfaction levels - what I like and what you like may differ, but we are still all crossdressers
JoAnne Wheeler

You say that you hate yourself for giving in, so why do you think it is so wrong for you to enjoy something that is doing no harm to anyone else.

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Originally Posted by Emily01

terribly interesting thread.

on the one hand i relate quite a bit while on the other not one whit.

where i relate is this: the idea of shame and guilt. had that for many years and to some extent still do (say for example the idea of being outed publicly and bringing embarrassment to my wife and kids). i also relate to the relentlessness of the desire to dress and the wishing it just wasn't there to complicate my life and steal time from other pursuits.

where i don't relate is not working through those issues to find some modicum of peace and serenity. at the end of the day - and i REALLY mean the END of YOUR LAST DAY - what darn difference will all of this angst, frustration, and self-flagellation make? will your headstone say "He Beat Himself About the Head Over What He Saw as His Shortcomings"?

acceptance doesn't mean approval. you and i can accept what and who we are without saying "and hey, isn't that a great thing!" (though today i oftentimes feel blessed by it)

the themes that seem to resonate in your words - shame, self-loathing, and disgust - these i am familiar with (things were a whole lot different when i wore my mother's panties for the first time at age 7 in 1958) - but what of the idea that to your own self be true? what of being genuine and authentic people rather than a poor reflection of what we think the larger world wants from us?

frankly, and i say this with affection, i think most of your issues are the result of an overactive mind operating on too little information using a yardstick made of some tyrants idea of morality.

Pogo might have got it right; I have met the enemy and he is us.

warmest regards and best wishes.

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This basically sums up my own thoughts. Quite bluntly, you just HAVE to accept it. Since you already said you can't stop your self, there is no gain from all the self loathing. I feel for you as it took me quite a few years to come to this realization, but after awhile, you just realize there is nothing to gain from beating yourself up over it. If you don't find an inner peace with yourself and acceptance for the things you cannot change than you will never find happiness.

If this site did have the negative aspects to it, that you seem to want, I wouldn't be a member here. While there are plenty of "real" issues in the threads here, if you focus on the negativity of it, and simply vent about your own frustrations of CD'ing then you really aren't being productive to improve yourself. I hope I don't sound harsh, as its not meant to be. Simply giving my two cents on the topic. :2c:

*edit* just a thought, but it seems a lot like what you want is similar to the way people with chronic depression inflict harm on themselves. The way some cut themselves, and scratch themselves. It seems like you are looking for the same feeling from verbally attacking what you percieve as the source of your issues.

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Originally Posted by deja true

Well, ya know what, curse? You can stop dressing and it's as easy as giving yourself over to one of those church related anti-trans groups for "reprogramming". How's a little aversion therapy sound to make you even more disgusted with yourself than you already are?

Come on, kiddo, stop with the self-loathing. Have you ever really hurt anyone else besides yourself? Broken any laws by wearing a dress? Think you've condemned yourself to everlasting hell-fire for masturbating while wearing panties? Get over it!

See a shrink if you need to to. (Think you're too much of a man to do that? If so, then you're not. You're a coward.)

Sorry, it's harsh! But, hunny, you're beating yourself up over something that means squat in the big scheme of things.

Do something nice for someone else...anybody else! Get your mind off yourself, ffs!

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I've felt the guilt that CW is talking about. I'm also in the closet. I feel the addiction part too. I've gone long periods of time without putting on one article of fem clothing. For myself and CW I think this is obsessive compulsion. Anything can set it off. A TV commercial, walking near the women's dept., seeing panties on the floor, etc.

Why the guilt? Could it be upbringing? Guilt is kind of related to fear. Afraid what people will think, fear of going to hell, fear of what you're doing to yourself, your mind and soul. Are these fears rational or not? It's part being OCD according to the description of transvestism in the old school psyche books. If there's no compulsion to crossdress why do it?

Compulsive liars felt guilt when they told their first lies, but after a while the guilt was gone yet the lies got worse. I feel less guilt about CDing than I used to but still fear what family members and friends would think. We all control our own conscience where guilt and shame reside. It just feels so good to put on something silky and looking in the mirror, how can I stop for the rest of my life?

I also have felt the guilt and shame. I have purged a couple of times, as a matter of fact, I am just coming back from a mental purge (I did not trash the clothes this time)

I get nervous, even get sick to my stomach after I dress sometimes. It is a feeling that is slowly going away with time, but I still get it. Why I get that feeling, I don't think I will ever know, and at this point, I really don't care to know why I get it. I like to dress and look like a woman, I don't know why, I just do. I don't want to get the sex change, I just want to dress every now and then. I have no desire to transition to a female, but I would like to look as close to being one as possible.

I am very in the closet, I would like to go out eventually with others complety dressed up, but for now, I am comfortable in the closet.

CW, just take a deep breath, there are others that feel like you. If you want to quit, you can do it as well. I have compared my dressing to smoking, but without the dangers of it. It just takes willpower to quit.

To Start with Please excues me if I'm intruding on your forum. I am a GG but just wanted to say I think your right. I think that the MTF should have their own private forum and also the closet dressers. This site is called crossdresser yet they are the only ones not to have their own private forum with invitation only such as the GG have or is this site called GG's . Sorry I just feel that if GG's can have a private forum with invitation only why don't the rest of the groups. Are GG's the only one's allowed privacy in what they feel and think. I am amber 07's fiancee and wish that she would come back to the site. Thank you for letting me speak...chrerrywine

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Originally Posted by MelodyS.

If you want to quit, you can do it as well. I have compared my dressing to smoking, but without the dangers of it. It just takes willpower to quit.

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Is that possible?? I have been dressing for 45 years and tried many many times to let go of this "addiction" and have never been able to shake it!

For me, it would be like trying to eradicate half of my personality, half of my brain, I would not be complete with out it. If there is a way to quit I would like to hear it.
perhaps that is all it is-- an addiction!!

Kelsy

Wow, deja! As a good friend of mine was fond of saying, "If poking them with the 'Rapier of Truth' doesn't work, then hit them upside the head with 'Baseball Bat of Reality'" :heehee:

When I was very young (pre-adolescent) I had a fondness for women's clothing but was shamed by my parents so I felt guilty about it.

In my adolescent years, I got sexual gratification from wearing women's clothes but felt guilt afterwards as well as lonely and, well, kind of disgusted with myself and had thoughts like: "Why am I such a loser that I can't get my own girlfriend? Why do I have to pretend I'm a girl?"

After I got marred with my first wife, I felt guilty and disgusted still because I had a great sex life with someone yet I was carrying on like I did when I was a teenager.

So I quit for over 10 years.

The urges hit me again VERY strongly this past year but I guess that I've reached a point in my life where I'm more accepting of myself and others. Oddly enough, one thing that has changed, though, is that I don't really get sexually aroused when I dress now. It isn't about that kind of thrill for me anymore. Now, it's more about a completeness - a whole me - that I have. One side benefit is that I don't have to be dressed in women's clothing to feel that (although knowing I have smooth legs and arms is a nice reminder). I'm much more balanced now in the ways I deal with stress, friends, family, work, and life in general. My anger issues and feelings of guilt have subsided to the point that I don't feel like a danger to myself and those around me. Life is now pretty good!

For me, time, age, and experience have served me well. Perhaps a little more time is what you need to allow yourself. I think it's great that you're asking these questions; it shows that you care about yourself and others around you. That's a very mature and courageous thing you're doing. Keep at it. Take all the time you need. And be open to all points of view and decide for yourself who you are and what you want and need to be. Just try not to beat yourself up too much over this.

Dee3 has an interesting point about OCD. I suffered with OCD and clinical Depression for a few years before I finally reached a breaking point and landed in my doctor's office as a complete mess. If you're exhibiting any of the tell-tell symptoms of Depression or OCD, you might want to talk to your doctor about it and see if an SSRI (like Prozac) will help. It might or it might not. You won't know until you try. The nice thing about SSRI's is that there are really no bad side-effects to taking it whether you have Depression or not.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kelsy

Is that possible?? I have been dressing for 45 years and tried many many times to let go of this "addiction" and have never been able to shake it!

For me, it would be like trying to eradicate half of my personality, half of my brain, I would not be complete with out it. If there is a way to quit I would like to hear it.
perhaps that is all it is-- an addiction!!

Kelsy

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I guess it depends on what kind of crossdresser you are. Not all addictions are a bad thing, I happen to really like dressing. It has been a long time for me to admit that, but I do. But, I also see my dressing as an addiction, as I realize that I want to do it more and more and get more. Chocolate is another addiction I have and no way am i quiting that! :)

I have not found a way to quit, but I did stop for almost a full year. I came back because I missed it and decided that there is nothing wrong with me wanting to look like a woman every now and then.

Hello,

Like some others who posted on this thread I too felt exactly like you do now. Again I'd been doing the dressing in sexy bits since I was a kid. Even when I told my wife it was still no more than that. I was 49 then and had just retired from work.
I think it was after that point when things really took off. Within a year I was into al sorts of clothing and even had some of my own. The further it went the further I wanted it to go.
The marriage failed a few years later not just because of me/Samantha but it was a contributory factor.
I don't know how you feel having read some of the replies which are similar to this, maybe it appears that we are predicting impending doom for you.
As for me I found my way over the rainbow and guess what the song is right there is a land that I dreamed of and now I'm very happy being who I want to be.

Like many here and have stated I went thro a long period of guilt and being ashamed...... and like most I have learnt to accept myself and my crossdressing.

Yes there are still times when I wish I could just dip into my head and take out this part of me, but this feeling to is getting less and less.

You are the only person who can start dealing with your CDing, others can only support and help you. And if your limit is in the closet then, be happy stay and there.

Find you own level and be happy there and stop hating yourself for being a CDer.

read with caution-
The people on this forum are all like snowflakes(goes with the weather out there!) all unique & different. Some in the closet, some with one foot out, some with one toe out & many all the way out. Talk about a diverse group!! I think we should celebrate all our differences & be encouraging to everyone here.

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Is not the pros of Crossdressing we all know those but the cons of crossdressing those of us who feel cursed.

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The thing is, it really isn't a curse. While it isn't neccessarily a gift, it enables us, probably better than any other life path, to know ourselves very well.
I am sure many gays feel just as cursed at first, but we have come along way in science and medicine. We know now that being gay, a crossdresser, or trans is just as normal as a girl being born with XY chromosomes, or the many other chromosome variants in men and women.

It's also been interesting on this forum to see the point of view of CDs that aren't in the closet. Some of us don't have a reason to step out, but have reasons to stay private. I think I'd love the freedom of going out in public en femme if I were passable. I've been more daring about shopping, but still do most of it out of town.

Funny you brought this up now, cursed within...

I can relate with many of the feelings you described, No i am no longer ashamed of guilty of crossdressing, but I can see how you feel disjointed from alot of the people on this board. It seems like a vast majority are very "intense" about their need to express there feminine being.

I came to this site, after i came out to my girlfriend to read and get advice about other cders in my situation. I also came here to relate with other individuals, and participate in a community that I was a part of. Previous to my coming out, I hardly ventured on sites like this, much less joined and participated.

However, the more I navigated the site, the more I saw people who almost seemed addicted, or driven very strongly to the point of obsession about being feminine. This initially frightened me, as I for one have never wanted to be at the levels some of these guys are....ex..Going out, tucking, forms. I myself am comfortable and more then satisfied with dressing makeup and wig. The reason I was scared, is because people always talk on this board like there is a natural progression to want to become totally femme and one day venture out and regularly present as female.

At first I thought that meant that I to would naturally progress to wanting this in my life, ultimately having a destination somewhere completely south of where i wanted to be in life when I'm older. While I also realized that i will in fact be in a spot i cant see in my future anyway, I knew that the life choice of being a cder in any capacity other then what I'm currently in, was ludicrous to think about, especially considering I initially based this off others experiences.

I think this site, can be a double edged sword indeed. While it can help one to see that others are going through similar experiences, it can also open you up to a lot of questions about yourself. Questions that you may not be ready to answer, or face at all.

All this being said, i can certainly relate to you, as i have no desire to do anymore cding then i do. I am content keeping to to myself and my girlfriend, and only doing it in my spare alone time. I think this is a level that you must get to, and some point, or like others have said, you will drive yourself mad. Accept your level of comfort with cding, and filter out anything you are not comfortable with on this site....

On a side note, that may not be related but was definitely triggered by this post, I have been trying to delete my account on this board. I understand that its probably not possible to do so, as I have read the faq and emailed the moderators, but i thought i would share with you why, and i think you will see how this relates to the post...

I realize that with my career path and life, that I want to be more careful with what i have available to others online. While i love the people on this site, there are conversations that I don't want to be associated with, which i will be because I am a member of this site. I love the people on here and appreciate te support, but this is something that i feel has my best interest in responsible cding. I also am very disillusioned with the staff on this board being very rude and stiff when it came to some emails i sent them, almost belittling me and not being very helpful at all. I know this part is quite random, but i felt i had to vent on this, and let others know about my experiences with some of the moderators on this board. I mean no disrespect, and I hope i have been helpful and informative in my post to cursed within.

I have no problems with any of the people on this site, you are all great and offer a lot of help!

-B.

The problem is, CW, the type of support you want.

Many can relate to not wanting this urge we have to crossdress. A few would take the magic pill to stop if it were available. I would, as long as it did not change my personality. And I've always accepted it. Never felt guilt. But I'd still take the pill.

But there is no pill, and there is no stopping the urge. Sure some may have stopped dressing, but the urge is usually still there.

So there's really not any good advise one can offer to help you stop the urges.

They are innate. Something you were born with. Which is why most support suggests accepting it. It's not a fight you can win.

Fighting it has been known to lead to depression, alcohol and/or drug abuse, suicide.

So which is better, accepting who you are, as a whole, or the above problems?

Hello Curse Within!
Yes, all you say is true for you. Some of it is true for me and many others on this site. Given the chance, I would quit (it sure would be easier). However, even given your negative feelings for how the majority of the people here feel, they do give you something. This forum lets you know that many other men on this earth have the same fetish, and compunction to dress in ladies clothes and can no more control it then you can. That means something to us all. Misery loves company!